I give up trying to defeat my addictions

[TwoNames]

Well, this is the last from me. I copy pasted a practical example that is easy to put to words of how you can rely on God and a real technique to do it.
Relying on God does not mean that you won’t feel awfully tempted - especially in the begining (read again the copy pasted articles I sent). But that you will win. And in the beginning it may be that temptation will be there every day, but you will have clarity between the individual temptations and you will see that God is keeping you afloat. But then the virtue starts to develope and temptations are still there, but are nothing compared to what they are now.

Plus that “it takes many tries to succeed” saying is something you should ignore - it’s totally discouraging. It takes infinite tries, if you try to do it on your own. But you should rely on God and so, you don’t have to ever commit this sin again.

God bless.

 

[kikiki32]

Miguel, don’t worry too much. Just fight (=confess, do your best and forget until next time).

If you’re in a state of mortal sin, then confess. This is very important, since it restores our relationship with God. If you’re not in a state of grace it is very difficult to have hope. I can acknowledge that from my personal experience.

You know that you will fail. And that’s ok, as long as you’re trying to avoid it and confessing again. Did you manage to fight for 3 days? Confess and aim for 4 the next time. Did you fail at the 2nd one? Confess and try again. Fall, and stand up. Fall and stand up…

Also, think a bit. This sin hijacks pleasure circuits in our brain, so it’s very easy to slip. When did you start with it? How old are you now? How many years does that mean? Think that you may need to fight at least the same amount of years to fully recover.

Desperation and lack of hope are common consequences of the sins of the flesh. Don’t pay them much attention, and do your best on this fight.

 

[Vico]

Well, at some point, I become unable to control the urges (which never go away). I can’t focus on anything and I am tormented by sexual thoughts until I finally masturbate. The urges are so frequently/constant, that my limited will power will eventually fail. It’s like your legs failling because you don’t stop running.

So the sexual thoughts do actually go away for awhile after fulfillment then? Are they replaced with another feeling or thoughts?

Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and loneliness may be the stress that promotes seeking some compensation in pleasure. However, one cannot treat these problems with pleasure; it will not eliminate the source.

A true mortal sin is a lack of charity, ask if that is what this is?

 

[TheLittleLady]

I know plenty of non hermits who live without 24 7 access to the www.

Remember St Paul taught us “if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. Better to enter heaven disabled than to go to hell with both hands”. This was hyperbole to tell us that going to heroic extremes is sometimes necessary.

Please, seek counseling. As rational people, our urges don’t control us. When we are unable to control our urge for food or alcohol, when someone steals because they can’t control the urge, when they gamble away everything, it is time to seek professional help.

 

[christofirst]

Well then, have you ever tried attending a 12-step meeting? The 12-steppers have a whole catalogue of slogans which show that you are not alone in feeling defeated and wanting to give up, such as: Be as enthusiastic about your recovery as you were about your addiction. Before you say, “I can’t,” say, “I’ll try.” Failure is success on the installment plan, if I learn from it. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Seven days without a meeting makes one weak. The way to ask for help is to say, “I need help.”

Okay, those slogans are trite and pithy, but there is wisdom there nonetheless. I know it might not be possible to find a meeting right now during the pandemic, but the important thing is to not give up hope. Keep an open mind, and keep looking for the time and opportunity when you are more open to recovery and reconciliation.

You can never have enough links , so here is one for Dominican Fr. Emmerich Vogt’s 12 Step Review.

https://12stepreview.org

 

[GodIsPerfection]

My fall always starts with an intrusive thought related to porn. Then that initial thought becomes urges and more thoughts. The urges never go away and at some point, I can’t handle It anymore and finally fall. Even if I say “no” a few times, I end up falling because It is impossible to keep fighting with constant urges that NEVER go away, even if I pray.

It’s like constant running. At some point, your legs can’t take It anymore.

This behavior does not sound like classic mental illness, amenable to medication.

Your description of “an intrusive thought” (originating externally) provoking “urges and thoughts” better fits the model of demonic attack as the origin of the problem.

Apparently, these attacks are too strong for you to confront on your own. You need the spiritual assistance of the Church (priest or exorcist).

The three levels of demonic attack (in order of increasing severity) are: 1.) demonic attachment; 2.) demonic infestation; 3.) demonic possession. In demonic possession, the entity begins to assume control over facets of the host personality and behavior. In such cases, the individual may lose free-will self control over their behavior.

“The urges never go away and at some point, I can’t handle It anymore and finally fall. Even if I say “no” a few times, I end up falling because It is impossible to keep fighting with constant urges that NEVER go away, even if I pray.”

This may be a case of possession.

Still, there is hope. Discuss this problem in detail with your priest. Each Archdiocese is supposed to have the services of an exorcist available. Exorcism can be a process where you meet with the exorcist periodically for several months.

Alternatively, you could contact Father Chad Ripperger at 970 - 370 - 7933 or info@dolorans.org for possible information about an exorcist in your Diocese. These are general NON-CONFIDENTIAL points of contact, so you may want to be circumspect in discussing details of your problem by email or with the secretary who answers the phone.

I wish you well +

P.S.: Viewing pornography is watching other people commit spiritual suicide.

 

[Dsivanish]

To add to what Repentant Catholic said, sometimes addiction ( to anything: drugs, food, porn, working) stems from an mental or psychological issue. Seeing a doctor or a therapist can be a way to allow yourself to experiencing the miracle of healing.
I work as a counselor in opioid treatment, if that’s of any use to you.

 

[Mountie]

I just humiliated myself to them.

Sounds like your words, not theirs. The devil wants us to keep secrets so we can’t share our struggles with others. The devil makes us doubt ourselves so we stop seeking help from others, for fear of judgment or embarrassment. CovenantEyes is a program that sends your searches to someone else, which makes us accountable for what we use the internet for. For addicts to p*rngraphy, this program is certainly worth a try, perhaps necessary if you are desperate for help.

It’s like constant running. At some point, your legs can’t take It anymore.

Then let Jesus pick you up and carry you. You’ve said that spiritual exercise didn’t help. I’ll change your statements around to say that spiritual exercises alone probably won’t help. You can’t expect to be prn-free tomorrow. You can’t expect to be prn free next week. You probably shouldn’t expect to be completely p*rn free next year. Addictions can take months and even years to break. Your brain is hardwired a certain way now that requires physical changing, which occurs naturally over time. Spiritual exercises should be accompanied by practical plans. A spiritual director can help guide you there. Also, I recommend checking out Fight the New Drug and Matt Fradd. Both of those sources have incredible information and plans that might help you. At the very least, they are both worth a quick glance.

In a state of sanctifying grace I can really do one week, but eventually I throw away all God’s graces.

I do want to note that addictions lessen culpability. For example, you may not be committing a mortal sin simply by engaging in acts where you essentially cannot control your actions. Even though you look at immodest images, etc, you may still be in a state of grace. This topic is something to bring up to a spiritual advisor or a regular confessor who can help you.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

You can’t expect to be p rn-free tomorrow. You can’t expect to be p rn free next week. You probably shouldn’t expect to be completely p*rn free next year. Addictions can take months and even years to break.

Also, to the OP: I’m assuming you’re a very young man. Just know that as you get older, these issues become easier to handle. I’m in my 30s and while I’m by no means perfect on issues of sexual ethics, it’s not the constant battle it was when I was 17.

 

[Miguel2]

They are replaced by shame and repentance.

No, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem or loneliness are not the catalyst. The catalyst is always a intrusive thought related to porn.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

This might sound extreme (and I emphasize that the following is NOT to be taken as medical advice), but just so you know there are medications out there that reduce libido. Also, look up “chemical castration” (it’s completely reversible by the way). I have heard that for some people that can be a temporary solution until they find the deeper reasons for their addiction. Just sayin.

Dude. No. Just no.

 

[edward_george1]

This is medical advice, and it’s unethical at that. Flagged.

 

[Vico]

They are replaced by shame and repentance.

No, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem or loneliness are not the catalyst. The catalyst is always a intrusive thought related to porn.

Intrusive thoughts occur to everyone triggered by circumstances or idle mind and are merely temptations. These sins begin with at least partly consenting to (venial) dwell on them. If the will is opposed to them, then mortal sin can be avoided, since mortal sin must be full consent.

Notice what was written in the Baltimore Catechism No. 3 about thoughts.

Q. 1318. Are impure thoughts and desires always sins?
A. Impure thoughts and desires are always sins, unless they displease us and we try to banish them.

Q. 1324. In what does the sixth commandment differ from the ninth, and the seventh differ from the tenth?
A. The sixth commandment differs from the ninth in this, that the sixth refers chiefly to external acts of impurity, while the ninth refers more to sins of thought against purity. The seventh commandment refers chiefly to external acts of dishonesty, while the tenth refers more to thoughts against honesty.

 

[Miguel2]

I know It’s not a sin to have intrusive thoughts. The problem is that those intrusive thoughts led me to sin. In the end, how am I supposed to fight against thoughts that simply pops up in my mind? This is one the reasons I think this a lost war for me. I don’t even need a trigger to pop up this kind of intrusive thought.

 

[njlisa]

The beauty of our faith is God loves us and stands ready
to forgive us.

Romans 5:8: “But God proves his love for us in that while
we were still sinners Christ died for us.”

Prayer doesn’t have to be complicated. St. Thérèse of Lisieux,
a doctor of the church and the greatest saint of modern times,
struggled with prayer. She suffered long periods of spiritual
dryness and doubt. She endured an agonizing death of
tuberculosis. Yet her last words were, “My God, I love you.”

In her memoir, “Story of a Soul,” Thérèse wrote:

For me, prayer is an aspiration of the heart, it is a simple
glance directed to heaven, it is a cry of gratitude and love
in the midst of trial as well as joy; finally, it is something
great, supernatural, which expands my soul and unites
me to Jesus."

I think you’d greatly benefit from reading “Story of a Soul”
and learn her Little Way. She writes that the essence of living
a spiritual life is to do the next right thing, no matter how small,
with great love.

I love St. Thérèse because she is real. She’s not floating on a cloud.
She’s very accessible. And her insights have redefined my notion
of spirituality.

I highly recommend the John Clarke translation.

 

[MNathaniel]

In the end, how am I supposed to fight against thoughts that simply pops up in my mind?

The best advice I ever heard is to turn the thought around, instead of running from it.

E.g. if a specific woman pops up in your mind (whether a memory of a woman from a pornographic film or image, or a coworker who is suddenly intrusively pictured in your mind in a sexualized way), don’t push the thought of the woman away – just change your thought about that woman. Keep thinking about her, but pray for her. Pray for her that she’s having a good day today; pray for her that her relationship with her parents is good; pray for her that she’s in good physical health; pray a prayer of thanks to God for the goodness of her beauty; pray to God to keep her safe from all illness, abuse, and harm.

In my experience, when I respond to intrusive thoughts that tempt me to think wrongly about a person, by praying for the person instead, after the initial sacrifice involved in choosing to let the satisfaction-promised-by-temptation die, and making the jump to prayer with my mental energies, the enemy soon flees and stops proposing these intrusive thoughts to me.

If every time the enemy prompts us to think about someone, we pray for them, he’s going to eventually stop prompting us to think about people. And in the meantime you’ve cooperated with God in doing good for people through praying for them.

Agere Contra. Act against. Don’t just run from your thoughts: change them and think the opposite way.

Edit: If the intrusive thought is about a completely imaginary woman, just adjust to praying to God for the health and well-being of all women. If the intrusive thought is about a cartoon depiction of a woman, pray to God for the repentance, health and well-being of the artists. There’s always someone relevant to pray for when an intrusive thought arises.

 

[Miguel2]

I am discussing and collecting information. In the end of It, I will see if I discovered something useful and will decide what to do next.

 

[njlisa]

Father Casey Cole, OFM, discusses the social justice aspects of pornography.

I hope you find it helpful.

 

[Vico]

I know It’s not a sin to have intrusive thoughts. The problem is that those intrusive thoughts led me to sin. In the end, how am I supposed to fight against thoughts that simply pops up in my mind? This is one the reasons I think this a lost war for me. I don’t even need a trigger to pop up this kind of intrusive thought.

When the thoughts occur “try to banish them”, that is, resist them by thinking of something else immediately. That is what is means to not consent, not to dwell. You are not alone with this challenge, since very many have to deal with these temptations. If thoughts persist, then is means that the temptation persists, however if you resist these, then there is no voluntary act of consent and no sin. Forgiveness for sin is conditional upon the sorrow for and resolution to avoid the near and voluntary occasions of sin.

 

[ReaderT]

Miguel, here is a true story that may help, about a monk who dealt with his addiction (alcoholism), which may be helpful:

“Once on Mount Athos there was a monk who lived in Karyes. He drank and got drunk just about every day and was a cause of scandal to the pilgrims. At some point he died, and this relieved some of the faithful who went on to inform Father Paisios that they were delighted that this issue was finally resolved.

Father Paisios answered them that he knew about the death of the monk, immediately after seeing the whole battalion of angels who came to gather his soul and escort him directly to Heaven. The pilgrims were amazed and some protested and attempted to clarify to the Elder of whom they had been speaking, figuring that the Elder did not realize.

Elder Paisios explained to them: “This specific monk was born in Asia Minor, shortly just before the destruction by the Turks when they rounded up all the Greek boys. In order to keep him close by, the parents would take him with them to their field work, and so he wouldn’t cry, they just place raki (a liquor) into his milk in order for him to sleep. Thus he grew up as an alcoholic. Then he became a monk, found an elder and mentioned to him that he was an alcoholic. The elder told him to do prostrations and prayers just about every evening and beg the Panagia to assist him to decrease by 1 the glasses he drank.

Just after a year he managed with struggle and repentance to make the 20 glasses he drank into 19 glasses. The struggle continued throughout the years and he reached two or three glasses, with which he would nevertheless get drunk.

The world for years saw an alcoholic monk who scandalized the pilgrims, but God saw a fighter who fought an extended struggle to decrease his passion.

Without having figured out why everyone does what he does, what reason do we have to judge his work?