I give up trying to defeat my addictions

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Miguel2 said:
I tried to block pornography a lot of times and I always find a way, you know …
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Miguel2 said:
I feel like having a fist fight alone against him.
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I second what Dolphin suggested above 👍

Filters like Covenant Eyes and programs like Candeo also offer the opportunity for person-to-person accountability. Trying to go it alone is often one reason why people are unable to break free from their addictions and sinful habits. When you tried blocking porn, did you have anyone to hold you accountable? Someone who would be notified that you removed the filter so they could reach out to you and help talk you down from the temptation?

This is why programs like AA and Sexaholics Anonymous are so successful, because of the human interaction and sponsorship. People helping people. Often the hardest part is reaching out to someone in the first place. This only gives validity to the Scriptural truth that sin thrives in darkness. Bring it out into the light. Confiding in someone, as unpleasant as that sounds for anyone who is ashamed or not comfortable socially, can be a great help in moving forward. One day at a time. And as the Desert Fathers teach, as often as you fall, so often must you continue to get up and keep on trying.

I’m praying for you, and kindly pray for me.
 
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HI OP:

I hope you are feeling better. Here is a resource I found online. You may want to try this one or others. Again, along with therapy. I understand your frustration and you are not alone. This site is called Porn Addiction Anonymous. It looks like a support group. Again, be patient with yourself and never give up the fight. In my opinion God is about growth, so, so long as you are trying God will be there for you.

https://www.pornaddictsanonymous.org/
 
I’m with you. I’ve struggled with these exact sins in the past and what helped with overcoming it was starting new hobbies and/or focusing on other current hobbies more. Also, I’ve found that sticking to a daily schedule (not even necessarily a prayer or spiritual schedule) helps to have a more structured day where you have more control over your actions. Also, most importantly, recognizing that God is the one in charge and that your trust must be in him is key to overcoming these sins. Finally, another tactic I found that worked was focusing on not doing these specific sins one day at a time. Wake up in the morning and pray that God allows you the strength necessary to resist these temptations for the next 24 hours. Do this every day. Try not to look to the future and say to yourself that “I’m going to beat this” and “I’m never doing it again”. Focus on the present. Try not to be prideful by thinking that it’s YOU that’s wholly resisting these sins. You must recognize that defeating these addictions is impossible without God.
 
Two options are obvious: find a way to live without being alone with your electronic devices — nearly impossible nowadays without entering a religious community or becoming a hermit; but those are two radical possibilities you may consider if you see no other way out. Or at least find devout friends who can keep you accountable. Use accountability software so that every time you fall to this sin, you know that a few other people who care about you know exactly when and what you were looking at. Be committed to chastity.
 
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It’s hard not think on this sin, when I basically need to confess It every single week. And sometimes I am too late to confess, so I can’t participate in the Eucharistic.
 
Many dioceses have programs for people struggling with these addictions. Please call your chancery and ask if they have such a group.

They typically resemble 12-Step programs, and, are very helpful. Confidential, supportive, walking with others who are dealing with the same addictions, helpful counsel, and so on.

I will offer a Rosary that you seek out a group to help you. Don’t give up, and don’t procrastinate - make a call now.

Deacon Christopher
 
I tried accountability partners before. Don’t want to do this again.
 
As you know, a fight with addiction likely won’t end tomorrow. It requires a lot of time, strength, and perseverance. More importantly, we cannot do it on our own. Some practical advice, find an accountability partner. Programs like CovenantEyes are relatively cheap are are renowned for being helpful. They also alert someone when a user tries to access filtered content. I would highly recommend it, if not as a necessity. Also, find a spiritual director. He could help provide other practical measures more centered around you as an individual that someone on an online forum cannot provide. He also will be able to provide spiritual counsel that will help you grow closer to God despite your struggles.

Defeating your struggle should be your top priority. You can’t keep trying, you have to do. Find somebody to help you. If you’re struggling this much, it may be best to completely get rid of your devices. If it is a smartphone and you absolutely NEED a phone, get a phone without internet access. If it’s a personal computer, delete your data and sell it. The point is, you need to do something now, even when you aren’t struggling.

Lastly, it is important to remember that God still loves you. He really loves you. Real love. Not the fake love that prnography presents. Real self-giving love. If you doubt that, look at the cross and at the Eucharist. That’s love. It’s about reducing oneself and elevating others, not the other way around. If you really want to find JOY in life, you have to put Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself third. The more you watch prn, the more alone, isolated, and depressed you’ll feel. We’re made for real intimacy. Take a deep breath, look at a crucifix, and cry to God. Tell Him how you feel. God loves you and IS listening. I promise. Be assured of my prayers.
 
Well. Consider a 12-Step support group as Dcn. Christopher suggests.

You might also want to consider a psychotherapist, but make sure he/she is Catholic.
 
Yeah, you should follow your advice of don’t trying to psychoanalyze me.

No, I don’t have a tragic childhood or some BS like this that make me watch pornography or masturbating. Some people, believe or not, watch pornography/masturbates because this a pleasent habit of years (in my case, since 7 years old), and the brain will not give up on this easy dopamine.

Yes, I am not worst than St. Paul and maybe I am not worst than you, and? How is this knowledge supposed to help me? As if It would make me stop my habits for once and for all.

I believe that I had good intentions with my prayers and no, I will not become an atheist, I am sure of that. Thanks for you concern.
 
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Dear OP.
Someone was writing this to his friend, who seems to be in the same situation as yourself. I stumbled upon this correspondence and I think it may help you. God bless. It iwll be in two or thre parts (Posts)
PART 1

THIS IS GOING TO BE RATHER LONG - I just felt like I needed to write you this.

When it comes to habitual sins - there surely is a difference in God’s eyes between freely jumping in the pit or falling while fighting. If you want God to fight in your place, you must keep on asking him to help you, during the battle. Keep your rosary next to you and hold if firmly and repeat “Jesus help me”. This can take even entire night, but you will be served by angels in the morning and the worst part of the battle I think it is whispering of the devil, and that is usually when you suffer temptations the most, he whispers that “even if you don’t fall today, he will come back tomorrow”, etc. Disregard, do nothing but continue asking God for help. I don’t really like to give advice on fighting off temptations, but I can tell you that the only strength I have regarding this is: 1. Jesus, and 2. knowing that I have no strength whatsoever, because God did and does all the fighting for me. This DOES NOT MEAN THAT THERE ARE NO TEMPTATIONS. In fact, in the last year I experienced the worst temptations I have ever had and thoughts and ideas so bad that they seem to come from the devil himself.

Note that all fighting plans WILL fail. Because the problem with temptation is that even though you have great fighting plans, you don’t really want to fight - if you honestly think about it. May your only act be, that regardless of everything, you will not stop holding your rosary and asking Jesus to help you - you will see His help and you will be humbled by it, because you will honestly see that only he can keep us pure.

Do not be afraid of some real war going on when you give Jesus free way to fight the temptations for you. Expect real battle and you will feel much discomfort and the devil will try to make you despair - seriously - I repeat - for me the worst part was this thought “even if you don’t fall today, he will come back tomorrow”.

The difference between before, and now, when it comes to fighting temptations.
 
PART 2
BEFORE: when temptations came, I started to panic as crazy and I can imagine myself kicking in all directions because I was thrown in the cold water and I don’t know how to swim. Jesus comes to my aid, and tries to keep me afloat, but I keep on kicking him away, because I am in total panic.

NOW: temptations come, I start to panic, because I was just thrown in the cold water and I don’t know how to swim. I start asking Jesus for help. (It helps me to lay down and hold my rosary and just repeat “Jesus help me”) - I can’t do anything else (less action on my part, the better), I don’t kick and Jesus comes and keeps me afloat, while SLOWLY walking towards the shore to get me out of the cold water. The water did not suddenly become warm or anything… it is still FREEZING COLD, the feelings are the same, but it’s Jesus, He actually takes me out - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. But I know I will be okay, even while still in the FREEZING COLD water.

At first, I felt that it is wrong to write you this, because I have to fight against pride (which was my downfall in the past and is the root of many of my problems). But as you can see, it’s not that I do anything, it’s all Jesus, He is the one we should look to - always, not just in temptations. This calling out to Jesus was actually told me by some priest to whom I sometimes went to confess my sins. He told me, in temptations “keep on calling to Jesus”… and I didn’t have enough faith to believe him… I was thinking in terms like “yeah I tried that, sounds nice, but I must do something else, because this obviously is not enough”. And “something else”, I sure did. I gave away my pc, I gave away my smartphone (internet connection was my greatest fear)… I did not have the internet, or computer… just books… Such a mistake! Things just got worse. Really really worse my friend. It is so much pain to even think about how much worse it got - I actually started committing worse sins. When my mental suffering was what now seem as at it’s peak and temptations got even worse, I had nothing else left but to actually do it and call on Jesus… and keep on calling out to Him regardless of everything… all night sometimes… in bed… I fell asleep for a while, woke up again, sometimes temptations came back right away… continued to call Jesus for help. Was whispered “it will only get worse, after each day” by the devil (and sometimes it was worse the next day), but still continued to call to Jesus. Jesus does things perfectly and he will heal your wounds - even those you are not yet seeing. I remember how much fear I had when I bought my current smartphone. It was crazy. But God wants us to be free, even with smartphones and internet and all that.

Also call on to Our Lady. I normally say Jesus Help me, Mary Help me, and repeat… I really like our Lady. She is like I said my greatest ally. Having Our Lady next to you when asking Jesus for anything… is a big plus!
 
PART 3

A few times now, I told you how I call on Jesus. But this doesn’t matter to the point that you have to repeat the same words or anything - that’s exactly it… our plans big or small WILL FAIL, good! and when they do, turn to Jesus or you will FALL. Keep on asking Jesus (however you like, the simpler the better) to help you, and you will prevail - because of Him, not because of you. And you will know that it was not you who won, but He and in knowing that, you will find peace, because you will no longer rely on yourself, who like me, has failed many many times in the past.

To be honest, I am not good at discerning spirits and I do not know what spirit drove me to write all this - I only hope it’s not pride, though it probably is not completely free of it and this is scary to me. I too committed some really bad sins of impurity in my past my friend, so hopefully telling you that, will undo any false pride that might have mingled with the rest of it. But on the other hand I am convinced that my #1 motive is to share with you something that would have spared me so much suffering since my conversion. I used to think that saying “I will never fall in this sin again” is a statement of pride and self reliance (which is deadly and fails always). But being afraid to say it, is truly a sign of self reliance and pride. In fact, we must hold this statement firmly “I will never fall in this sin again” and the only way we can say this with honesty is if we know someone who can not loose any battle and will be always be willing to fight for us. So - that’s definitely not us - but Jesus - and we do have Jesus.
 
I fully understand your pain brother, I’ve been there.
Short and simple list of what has worked for me:
  1. Get covenant eyes on all your devices. Best investment I ever made. No exaggeration.
  2. Regular prayer life especially Mass, reception of the Eucharist, Adoration and Rosary
  3. Regular confession. I find 2 weeks is the sweet spot. 1 week is too often and tends to complacency, more than 2 weeks can be too long and venial sins build up.
  4. Keep busy - Exercise, hobbies, socialising with fellow Catholics. Don’t turn to technology when bored.
And last and most importantly, sit down and talk to God and get to a place with him where you actually want, deeply and totally want to be chaste and to be free.

I’m not preaching bro, it’s what worked for me. God bless you.
 
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My experience was useless, basically. I just humiliated myself to them.
 
Miguel2 said:
My experience was useless, basically. I just humiliated myself to them.
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It sounds like humiliation is something you want to avoid.

It seems to me that there are two options to avoid that humiliation:
  1. Withdrawing from the accountability arrangement;
  2. Ceasing the behaviour you don’t want your accountability partners to observe.
Why have you chosen option 1 instead of option 2?

I don’t mean this with judgement. It is not for me to judge you. At the same time, I’m just trying to figure out exactly what the issue was with the accountability partners.

Did they speak to you in a way you found rude? Did they fail to offer you counsel or encouragement when you fell? Could different accountability partners have been better? Or do you feel they performed their role admirably but you found yourself ‘not caring’ that you could be seen in the moment of temptation, and sinning anyway?

I mean, it seems that you ‘care’ at least a little. Because you’re clearly not numb to the pain of being seen in your sin (which is good; if we were numb, that’d be a bad sign). You want to avoid humiliation and right now you think the way to do that is to avoid the accountability partners.

But why not avoid humiliation by returning to accountability partners and ceasing to sin? Or at least continuing to try and continuing to work with the other people who are trying to help you. Let your problem be not only yours, but all of ours.
 
Yeah, I found myself not caring if they would see me sinning or not. Then, when I finally did It, I repented imeddiately and hated the felling of my accountability partners knowing that the same thing happened again.

It’s a useless humiliation who contributes to me having a instable mental health.
 
In a state of sanctifying grace I can really do one week, but eventually I throw away all God’s graces. I can’t maintain my chastity in a long term.
 
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