I have a crush on a seminarian

[Joyousguard]

On the internet, those “cutesy smileys” you fault the op for using are internet attempts at facial expressions. Kendy’s “facial expressions” primarily point to embarassment , blushing and sadness .
I didn’t read anywhere that the op got annoyed. But I find it annoying when people on the internet word their opinions in harsh, judgemental ways. Especially on a *public *Catholic forum, we should remember that non-Catholics often judge Catholics by our charity–or lack of charity. If we can take the time to voice our opinions–even if we disagree with someone and what they are doing–we should take a little extra time to make sure we voice our opinions charitably.

And I think you owe an apology to smiley users everywhere.

Gardens is correct. This is not a very easy situation for Kendy and this must be approach with complete love and generosity. I think we all can emphasize with Kendy because we have all been there at one point or another and those who do not remember might have forgoten about the pain and sadness. lets not be too quick to judge exactly what the original poster is feelin, thinking or hoping because it is obviously not an easy topic to talk about considering how touchy a subject this can be in a very traditional catholic forum.

Let’s face it, priests or seminarians are mostly great guys, is it really a suprise that this happens?

Many people don’t see it the way most do on this thread. I think a bit more understanding and leadway should be given kendy in her pursuits as long as her intent remains for the happiness of the person she cares for. If this man is truly called to the priesthood then I’m certain God almost always gets His man. Have a bit more faith. Perhaps Kendy was sent by God as well. You never know.

Some of us have a great deal of experiece in such matters.

 

[JimG]

Counting college and theology, it normally takes eight years to become a priest. Surely a seminarian in 1st college or 3rd college or even in 1st theology is not necessarily prohibited from having dinner with a girl?

 

[VictoriaR29]

I think the point is that the young lady in question should not want to be causing him confusion, or be an occasion of any kind of sinful thoughts, etc. Also, it is very different that he did not initiate the dinner invitation. I was a member on another Catholic website, and I was truly shocked at how many men who listed themselves as “discerning a vocation” would email me for dates, etc. I most certainly did not accept, and I most certainly would never make an invitiation to such a man.

 

[Joyousguard]

I think the point is that the young lady in question should not want to be causing him confusion, or be an occasion of any kind of sinful thoughts, etc. Also, it is very different that he did not initiate the dinner invitation. I was a member on another Catholic website, and I was truly shocked at how many men who listed themselves as “discerning a vocation” would email me for dates, etc. I most certainly did not accept, and I most certainly would never make an invitiation to such a man.

If dinner or caring for someone are an occasions for sinful thoughts, I think we all may be in trouble. Her actions themselves are not sinful, but are also dependent upon how she goes about it and what her desired outcome is.

Lastly, “discerning a vocation” is a very broad term and may have nothing or everything to do with a persons decisioning making process to enter the seminary. Marriage is a vocation as well a personwho could be single celibate and a layity. Simply because they are “discerning a vocation” does not mean they are not allowed to ask others out to dinner. Part of discerning what one’s vocation in life will be is experiencing other possibilities.

I’m not exactly sure it would be a good idea for a man to enter the seminary if he has never been on a date or had a girlfriend. Despite what a great vocation and life a calling to the priesthood may be, it is still very lonely. I would hate to see men giving up on the idea of marriage and a relationship without at least having expereinced it. Then they can truly decide what is right for them nad if it is ordination then they will have no regrets at having chosen such a path.

Dating is part of the discernemnt process. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Perhaps some mens discernment process was the work of the Lord to bring them searching answers on these Catholic forums and to some of the lovely young Catholic single women on them. I’ve heard of more unlikely scenarios to meet the man of your dreams. At least you know how you’ll raise the kids:thumbsup:

 

[mas1966]

I lot of you are discounting the seminarian.

Do you really think he needs your protection? Clearly is 18-24 years old, and probably mature enough to make his own decisions. If he accepts the invitation he probably has an interest, and maybe he needs to explore a little before he makes a lifelong commitment to the priesthood.

 

[Joyousguard]

I lot of you are discounting the seminarian.

Do you really think he needs your protection? Clearly is 18-24 years old, and probably mature enough to make his own decisions. If he accepts the invitation he probably has an interest, and maybe he needs to explore a little before he makes a lifelong commitment to the priesthood.

Well, to play the devil’s advocate even though I agree with you. Perhaps he accepted the inviation as a friend rather than something more. It is difficult to make a determination on this situation given the so few details.

That having been said, I do agree. He is old enough to make his own decisions and make his own choices. Perhaps kendy is the person to help him with that regardless of whether or not it is to reaffirm his conviction and vocation or perhaps determine that a married life is what he is called to. Either way I believe a bit more leadway should be allowed.

 

[Cristiano]

To be honest what amazes me is the fact that a 27 year old women acts like a 17 year old adolescent. If you read the posts you can see that she only publicizes her intention of going out with a seminarian and taking him away from the “other one”. This is usually the symptom of a narcissistic behavior easily associated with adolescents. Looking at her posts I have not seen on her side any intent to understand the situation and to do the right thing. I did read only a lot of “yes, but…”

I lot of you are discounting the seminarian.

Do you really think he needs your protection? Clearly is 18-24 years old, and probably mature enough to make his own decisions. If he accepts the invitation he probably has an interest, and maybe he needs to explore a little before he makes a lifelong commitment to the priesthood.

I hope that he is older than that. Young men are often attracted by older women, and usually that is not based on the interest of a long term relationship.

 

[mas1966]

I was gussing at his age.

I suppose he could be 17-90 years old.

Either way, if he is mature enough to discern a calling to the priesthood, we should assume he is mature enough to discern a possible calling to marriage.

Should we only have priests who have blinders on and entered the priesthood without seeing other possibilities?

 

[Cristiano]

I was gussing at his age.

I suppose he could be 17-90 years old.

Either way, if he is mature enough to discern a calling to the priesthood, we should assume he is mature enough to discern a possible calling to marriage.

Should we only have priests who have blinders on and entered the priesthood without seeing other possibilities?

Well, it’s too late cause it’s today, and what am I going tell him. I realized that my motives are less than pure so I am cancelling.

NO, NO!!! We are just going to have a causual public dinner and talk. And if I feel more rotten by the end of it, then I won’t invite him to anything. But if he invites me to something, I wouldn’t be able to say “no.”

This to me does not sound like discerning marriage but something else.

 

[mas1966]

But she is not discerning a vocation. He is.

 

[thechrismyster]

My goodness, some of the posts here are harsh. One big difference is a married man has taken vows, but this seminarian hasn’t. Another difference: she isn’t having an affair with him; she’s having dinner.

The seminary is a place of *discernment *to prepare men for the priesthood. God doesn’t call every man in seminary to be an ordained priest. Even if this particular man does become a priest, priests need to know to deal with women–including women who may have crushes on them.

If this seminarian gets ordained, I would definately agree that he’s off-limits and she should keep her distance if she still feels romatic feelings. But while in the seminary and accepting dinner invitations from a woman, this relates much closer to a man with a girlfriend who hasn’t yet made up his mind.

I second the earlier suggestion to keep the relationship platonic. If he’s called to the priesthood and they maintain a good friendship, he might bring some other nice, devout, Catholic man Kendy’s way.

Have a nice time at dinner Kendy, and I said a prayer for both of you.

thank you for saving me 5 minutes by typing the same thoughts i had.
hes a seminarian, he’s not a priest, hes not married, he’s available for dating if he chooses.

people are reading way too deep into this thread.

 

[Joyousguard]

This to me does not sound like discerning marriage but something else.

Not everyone is a Chaucer when we put feelings and emotions into writing.

The situation although a bit vague calls for loving guidance on those she has asked for advice. This is not an easy topic to deal with on one’s own let alone put it into some sort of tangible vocabulary for others to render a verdict on, which indeed some have.

I think most people would not like to admit that we have all become like 17 year olds when dealing with the opposite sex at one point or another. She clearly has some confusion and uncertainty and was seeking help, yet she has been admonished on this thread. Since words carry much more weight on an anonymous forum I would have though that more people would have chosen them more carefully. It has become obvious that Kendy has not reposted in here and it does not take a Jesuit scholar to discern why.

People don’t always post on these threads because they are bored or simply want to poll a whole bunch of people to see which decision they should make. She came into this forum and asked for help, which is no easy task in itself and asked for support with a very difficult period in her life and decision and yet some met her with all the genrosity of an inquisition. If you feel a person may be wrong, It is not necessary to hit them with a 2 X 4 to prove your point. Now where has she gone for help?

 

[TMC]

…

It has become obvious that Kendy has not reposted in here and it does not take a Jesuit scholar to discern why.

People don’t always post on these threads because they are bored or simply want to poll a whole bunch of people to see which decision they should make. She came into this forum and asked for help, which is no easy task in itself and asked for support with a very difficult period in her life and decision and yet some met her with all the genrosity of an inquisition. If you feel a person may be wrong, It is not necessary to hit them with a 2 X 4 to prove your point. Now where has she gone for help?

I completely agree (except for your choice of font, ow). It’s easy to forget that the posters here are real people. Its also easy to be judgmental through a keyboard.

 

[TeresaElizabeth]

But she is not discerning a vocation. He is.

Actually, I think that any unmarried person should consider themself to be in a kind of discernment process. Vocation doesn’t just mean religious vocation. If Kendy really holds to a desire for the Lord’s will, He will faithfully lead her–even through dinner engagements with seminarians. But I think that openness and prayer are the key; willfullness and ignoring our Lord always get me into trouble.

 

[He_Man]

Not everyone is a Chaucer when we put feelings and emotions into writing.

The situation although a bit vague calls for loving guidance on those she has asked for advice. This is not an easy topic to deal with on one’s own let alone put it into some sort of tangible vocabulary for others to render a verdict on, which indeed some have.

I think most people would not like to admit that we have all become like 17 year olds when dealing with the opposite sex at one point or another. She clearly has some confusion and uncertainty and was seeking help, yet she has been admonished on this thread. Since words carry much more weight on an anonymous forum I would have though that more people would have chosen them more carefully. It has become obvious that Kendy has not reposted in here and it does not take a Jesuit scholar to discern why.

People don’t always post on these threads because they are bored or simply want to poll a whole bunch of people to see which decision they should make. She came into this forum and asked for help, which is no easy task in itself and asked for support with a very difficult period in her life and decision and yet some met her with all the genrosity of an inquisition. If you feel a person may be wrong, It is not necessary to hit them with a 2 X 4 to prove your point. Now where has she gone for help?

She got honest replies that were meant to help her and the other person. Just because you didn’t like them doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. She is an adult, and ultimately can do what she wants.

But I’d suggest not asking anonymous people their opinions if one doesn’t want to HEAR THEIR OPINIONS. It would be disingenuous to simply affirm everything we read on here. I doubt anyone here has negative motives towards the OP; we don’t even know her.

What does one expect, cheers of “go for it!” every time an issue of conscience comes up?

 

[He_Man]

I completely agree (except for your choice of font, ow). It’s easy to forget that the posters here are real people. Its also easy to be judgmental through a keyboard.

Judgemental, or offering advice? Again, I suggest avoiding public message boards. No body said “you’re going to hell if you pursue this!” Some people think it is fine; others don’t find it prudent. Again I don’t know what you expect from us, other than resounding affirmation of everything, apparently.

I read thread after thread of people that are apparently very judgemental, according to this definition.

Let me say though, if the OP had her feelings hurt, I am sorry if anything I said did that. That wasn’t the intent, and please understand given the scandal, shortage of Priests, and general lukewarm theology we see a lot, this sort of thing is a sensitive issue for many of us. But no offense was intended, and good luck with whatever you do.

 

[MR_Cioran]

Kendy.

If he is interested in you as well, it would ridiculous to look elsewhere, because of moral dilemmas.

 

[KathleenElsie]

Well, maybe not an engaged man, but how about one who had had a few dates with another woman?

It’s so not fair. :crying:

Do you think it would be fair to throw yourself at someone that was in a commited dating situation? This man needs to be allowed to make his own decision without you making things harder for him.
I’ll pray that you will remember he is looking into a personal call from GOD.

 

[Cristiano]

Kendy.

If he is interested in you as well, it would ridiculous to look elsewhere, because of moral dilemmas.

The invasion of the trolls has begun.

 

[thechrismyster]

Do you think it would be fair to throw yourself at someone that was in a commited dating situation?

an oxymoron. there is no such thing as a ‘committed’ dating situation. you’re either engaged or not. and even an engagement isn’t a vow, it’s the PROMISE of a contract to be entered into. it ain’t ‘committed’ until the vows have been said.

If you’re engaged, and you want out. that isn’t wrong. you might hurt some feelings, but such is life. you can’t live it for other people at the expense of your own peace of mind.

if you’re dating, have fun, see a lot of people *** - marriage is a mighty long time and if someone doesn’t have a broad range of dating experience to draw from, they’re putting themselves behind the 8 ball to begin with.

*** MY OPINION, i must interject, i know! i’ll save 99% of CA forum folks the time from replying to this simply to tell me that.