I have a crush on a seminarian

[whatevergirl]

kendy–come back…where are you? Did you sort things out? I hope you come back to share, when you can.

 

[Joyousguard]

“At times a single word is sufficient to cool a person who is burning with anger; and, on the other hand, a single word may be capable of desolating a soul, and infusing into it a bitterness which may be most hurtful.” - St. Vincent de Paul

“When you have to make arrangements, settle quarrels, or win others to your views, take care to be as mild as possible. You will accomplish more, and conquer more readily, by yeilding and humbling yourself, than by harshness and disputation. Who does not know that more flies are caught with an ounce of honey than with a hundred barrels of vinegar?” - St. Francis de Sales

 

[Roman20]

Ok, I know, it’s terrible. But I had a crush on him before I knew he was interested in the priesthood. Although his prayerful manner should have been a tip off. Do you know how hard it is to find a faithful catholic man. It’s not fair. .

Anyway, he’s barely into. He’s only joined the community this summer. So, he has to do two more years before he even joins the seminary. No vows yet or anything.

I know they think they are doing these guys a favour by telling them not to marry but all that does is lead to countless cases of sexual abuse

Suppression is not the way

Follow your heart!

 

[Joyousguard]

I know they think they are doing these guys a favour by telling them not to marry but all that does is lead to countless cases of sexual abuse

Suppression is not the way

Follow your heart!

Even though i agree with you upon this, it does become a bit of a complicated matter.

Incidently, the amount of abuses reported per number of priests is around .01% and on the same average as those protestant denominations that allow priests to marry. I’d love to see the news media come out and say this but Catholic bashing apparently sells more papers.

 

[JimG]

I know they think they are doing these guys a favour by telling them not to marry but all that does is lead to countless cases of sexual abuse

Suppression is not the way

Follow your heart!

As I understand it, most of the cases of sexual abuse was homosexual in nature. Marriage wouldn’t have helped.

 

[He_Man]

Yes, you are correct.

And since the incidents happen at equal or greater rates among married Protestants, and married secularists, the marriage argument doesn’t hold H20…

 

[Joyousguard]

Yes, you are correct.

And since the incidents happen at equal or greater rates among married Protestants, and married secularists, the marriage argument doesn’t hold H20…

As much as I would like to respond to this post, I think this thread is best served getting back on topic (my fault too) because Kendy is more important right now. Her situation is very serious, we are talking about her wellbeing, and she needs to be met with infinite love and guidance from the people on this forum.

If anybody does know Kendy, would you relay to her that there are people on this forum eager to help her in anyway they can regardless of their own views WITH LOVE, GENEROSITY AND UNDERSTANDING.

 

[turtle18]

Have you ever heard of tough love?

Sugarcoating something in order to spare the feelings of the poster doesn’t make the situation any better. Nor does it mean that we are condemning her or judging her.

I

 

[Joyousguard]

Have you ever heard of tough love?

Sugarcoating something in order to spare the feelings of the poster doesn’t make the situation any better. Nor does it mean that we are condemning her or judging her.

I

I’m trying to find that section in the Gospels…maybe its in the Torah?

And trampling her feelings in the manner expressed by some in this thread helps her how? Thats like trimming a rose bush with a chainsaw.

Kendy put her heart on the line with her post writing about something that was by no means easy to talk about in a very conservative chrurch and she was met with so called “tough love”. She obviously is in a very delicate state and needed to be treated with infinite love and most of all understanding beacuse we have all had problems when it comes to love. If this is the response of a Catholic then it is no suprise to me that people are leaving the Church by droves. The Catholic faith is not the Church of “hard knocks”.

 

[pnewton]

Have you ever heard of tough love?
I

The only time I have ever heard of tough love being used in when one is in sin or error. I do not see either in this case. At worst she might be imprudent, but that would depend on details that we do not know.

I would rather give her the benefit of the doubt until we hear back from her. The only caveat is she needs to be prepared that God’s answer may not be what she wants to hear.

 

[He_Man]

I’m trying to find that section in the Gospels…maybe its in the Torah?

And trampling her feelings in the manner expressed by some in this thread helps her how? Thats like trimming a rose bush with a chainsaw.

Kendy put her heart on the line with her post writing about something that was by no means easy to talk about in a very conservative chrurch and she was met with so called “tough love”. She obviously is in a very delicate state and needed to be treated with infinite love and most of all understanding beacuse we have all had problems when it comes to love. If this is the response of a Catholic then it is no suprise to me that people are leaving the Church by droves. The Catholic faith is not the Church of “hard knocks”.

The above paragraph is simply your opinion (the proper way to respond, etc.). No one attacked her. We gave her advice. Again, why come here if you ONLY WANT TO HEAR AFFIRMATION???

She isn’t going to hell. She may not have untoward intentions. Some of us simply thought it wasn’t prudent. Sheesh, can we go in a few more circles Joyous, please?? It’s really accomplishing a lot.

And anyone who leaves the Catholic Church because of a post on here wasn’t going to stay long anyway. And the “droves” (hypebole much?) who are leaving (aren’t we growing in numbers, by the way?) aren’t spending their time on Catholic Answers…

Let it go, if she wants to respond, by all means.

 

[whatevergirl]

I know they think they are doing these guys a favour by telling them not to marry but all that does is lead to countless cases of sexual abuse

Suppression is not the way

Follow your heart!

Celibacy doesn’t lead to pedophilia …Rather, I think the priests who abused children, were ‘closet’ pedophiles prior to entering the seminary. I have read that, in most cases, that was the case. I am grateful that the Church has in place, a much more stringent measurement of how to guage if someone is a good candidate for the priesthood. I don’t think they tested people psychologically as much say 50 years ago, as they do today.

 

[KathleenElsie]

Celibacy doesn’t lead to pedophilia …Rather, I think the priests who abused children, were ‘closet’ pedophiles prior to entering the seminary. I have read that, in most cases, that was the case. I am grateful that the Church has in place, a much more stringent measurement of how to gage if someone is a good candidate for the priesthood. I don’t think they tested people psychologically as much say 50 years ago, as they do today.

The vast majority of the abuse was male on male. Not pedophilia but homosexual. Marriage would not have changed this situation.

I must agree that they screen for abnormal mental defects. But, if you go by the new DSM homosexual and many of the other “sexual” proclivities are no longer considered abnormal even if it bothers the person involved.

 

[jpoii]

Well, I am just being friends right now. I won’t do anything to forward. I wouldn’t want him to not be led astray by me. I just want him to realize that he’s not actually called to the priesthood.

Ok, clearly I feel very bad. I knew I was doing something weird the minute I called him. But I am still really curious. I think I just want to be there in case he changes his mind.

Ok when I was in the seminary we would call you a chalice chipper and where were you when I was in the seminary? When I was looking at this, I did not realize that this has been over 3 years now. So what happened? Did he stay or leave

 

[chicago]

if you’re dating, have fun, see a lot of people *** - marriage is a mighty long time and if someone doesn’t have a broad range of dating experience to draw from, they’re putting themselves behind the 8 ball to begin with.

*** MY OPINION, i must interject, i know! i’ll save 99% of CA forum folks the time from replying to this simply to tell me that.

Oh, good! As I was trying to figure what three letter cuss word fit in there, but couldn’t.

 

[Joyousguard]

The above paragraph is simply your opinion (the proper way to respond, etc.). That troubles me deeply. If it’s just my opinion that someone should always be responded to with love genrosity and understanding in a mild manner then what is the norm? No one attacked her. We gave her advice. Again, why come here if you ONLY WANT TO HEAR AFFIRMATION??? It has very little to do with the advice itself but the manner and method in which it was given. All advice does not necessarily have to be what we want it to be but the manner it which we give it is extremely important and can affect the person deeply.

She isn’t going to hell. She may not have untoward intentions. Some of us simply thought it wasn’t prudent. Sheesh, can we go in a few more circles Joyous, please?? It’s really accomplishing a lot. Again, prudence is choosing ones words a bit more carefully and graciously

And anyone who leaves the Catholic Church because of a post on here wasn’t going to stay long anyway. Not because the post it self but the “tought love” mentality by some is not the best course of action.And the “droves” (hypebole much?) who are leaving (aren’t we growing in numbers, by the way?) aren’t spending their time on Catholic Answers…People vote with their feet, for all the new Catholics admitted to the fold, tens of thousands are leaving mainly because of a priest shortage but other instances as well. Look at Latin America, look at how many of them are joining the protestant church. This is a side issue from the original topic but a reflection of the problems with the Church. They are not leaving by droves for no reason. Is it okay for the Church to be gaining members while losing thousands? Is not one lost sheep more important than a hundred found?

Let it go, if she wants to respond, by all means.

 

[Julian_Peters]

Thank you to all who have participated. This thread is now closed.