I left the Church

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Paris_Blues

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I didn’t want to do this but had to and wow, now the burden’s gone. I’m rather in shock (but not really 'cause I’m the type that is a “jump-to” like different religions or something kinda person)

I’ve lost my zeal and even my faith so what’s the point? I’m in mortal sin and have lost the Grace of God but do you think I really care? I’ve been using foul language that I’ve never used before and have evil thoughts and almost hate everyone even our Lord and of course, myself. Do you think I really give a fat rat’s you know what? Yes and no. :eek:

Heck, I was so “zealess” Christmas Eve that I gave up everything and planned to leave the Church after Christmas Mass. I told myself the Christmas Mass would be my last Mass. Not to mention I couldn’t recieve the Eucharist anyways because there was no more Confession which tells you and me I’m so selfish for crying out loud and that’s so pathetic. I need to get over myself as my mother tells me.

So when Sunday came, I drove my butt to the parish and went in and didn’t dare bless myself with the Holy Water but as I sat down, I suddenly felt so spiritually disoriented that I told myself, what the heck am I doing here? You’re not Catholic anymore so why the heck are you here? That convinced me enough that before I knew what I was doing, I got up and left! Got back in the car and drove to my parent’s house.

Not to mention I just added another mortal sin but does that still apply to me if I’m not Catholic anymore? Who knows and this point, I could careless.

I got into a stupid fight and ruined our Christmas at my parent’s house and I hate myself more than anything and too stuborn to turn back to our Lord. I told my folks earlier about what I did and they told me that they hope I return to the Church or find another church. Heck, maybe I should join the Buddhist church:tiphat: :rolleyes: .

Now I’m in confusion and even hopeless. I want to return to our Lord and the Church but am afraid to because of the terrible thing I did. I’m afraid the mortal sins I commited can never be forgiven. BUT I don’t want to because I’m so disoriented and feel the burden will be waiting for me when I do. However, I don’t want to NOT be in the Church but I don’t. So at this point, I am experiencing contradictory moods and feelings.

I HOPE there’s hope that I can find somewhere because I don’t consider myself a Catholic and I think that “Catholic mark” on my soul is gone forever.

But I still don’t give a damn (excusez moi for *moi *language) but I wish I did because I know my soul is in danger.

What’s even worse, I have NO desire to have the Eucharist anymore.😦
 
Paris Blues:
I didn’t want to do this but had to and wow, now the burden’s gone. I’m rather in shock (but not really 'cause I’m the type that is a “jump-to” like different religions or something kinda person)

I’ve lost my zeal and even my faith so what’s the point? I’m in mortal sin and have lost the Grace of God but do you think I really care? I’ve been using foul language that I’ve never used before and have evil thoughts and almost hate everyone even our Lord and of course, myself. Do you think I really give a fat rat’s you know what? Yes and no. :eek:

Heck, I was so “zealess” Christmas Eve that I gave up everything and planned to leave the Church after Christmas Mass. I told myself the Christmas Mass would be my last Mass. Not to mention I couldn’t recieve the Eucharist anyways because there was no more Confession which tells you and me I’m so selfish for crying out loud and that’s so pathetic. I need to get over myself as my mother tells me.

So when Sunday came, I drove my butt to the parish and went in and didn’t dare bless myself with the Holy Water but as I sat down, I suddenly felt so spiritually disoriented that I told myself, what the heck am I doing here? You’re not Catholic anymore so why the heck are you here? That convinced me enough that before I knew what I was doing, I got up and left! Got back in the car and drove to my parent’s house.

Not to mention I just added another mortal sin but does that still apply to me if I’m not Catholic anymore? Who knows and this point, I could careless.

I got into a stupid fight and ruined our Christmas at my parent’s house and I hate myself more than anything and too stuborn to turn back to our Lord. I told my folks earlier about what I did and they told me that they hope I return to the Church or find another church. Heck, maybe I should join the Buddhist church:tiphat: :rolleyes: .

Now I’m in confusion and even hopeless. I want to return to our Lord and the Church but am afraid to because of the terrible thing I did. I’m afraid the mortal sins I commited can never be forgiven. BUT I don’t want to because I’m so disoriented and feel the burden will be waiting for me when I do. However, I don’t want to NOT be in the Church but I don’t. So at this point, I am experiencing contradictory moods and feelings.

I HOPE there’s hope that I can find somewhere because I don’t consider myself a Catholic and I think that “Catholic mark” on my soul is gone forever.

But I still don’t give a damn (excusez moi for *moi *language) but I wish I did because I know my soul is in danger.

What’s even worse, I have NO desire to have the Eucharist anymore.😦
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Why don’t you make an appointment with a priest and discuss this with him?
 
Paris, sounds like the evil one is doing his best to keep you away from the one true Church. You need a good friend or counselor to talk to about your wild ups and downs.

peace
savedbygrace
 
You obviously do give a damn because you are here looking for someone to convince you to go to confession.

Well, what are you waiting for. Go talk to you priest, and go to confession.

“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we
yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.”
 
Paris Blues:
But I still don’t give a damn (excusez moi for *moi *language) but I wish I did because I know my soul is in danger.

😦
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Yes and satan wants you bad! Your next step, your next thought, will be critical.
 
dont let the devil tempt you into despair…dont believe the lies hes been filling your head with. its not a coincidence that once you began to believe his lies you began to lose your faith and that once you lost your faith you lost all hope and happiness…not a coincidence at all.

if you want to find your joy again and really give Satan a nice kick to the crotch, then go to Confession and confess all your mortal sins, return to Mass on Sunday and receive our Lord. Your lack of desire for the Eucharist is probably another ploy to keep you from the graces you could be receiving from it. I think with a good confession and if you can offer up all your doubts to the Lord then you will be rewarded for your perseverance.

show the devil that you are not so easily mislead and he will likely leave you alone…for a while!
 
I know my soul is in danger.
What’s even worse, I have NO desire to have the Eucharist anymore.😦
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Wow! Only a few weeks since your Confirmation too.
Satan is doing a real number on you and you are allowing it to happen.
I HIGHLY recomend you see a priest ASAP!!!
 
Sorry but that Catholic mark on your soul isn’t gone. You cannot undo the knowledge you have. I tried to do just what you are doing and for the very same reason. It took me over 20 years to make it back to the church. Don’t be as dumb as I was. Whatever your sin, God will forgive you, if you ask. One last point. You didn’t ruin your parent’s Christmas. As a parent, I can tell you that we go through a lot to get our kids to adulthood and an argument on Christmas Day is not going to ruin the holiday.
 
Paris,

The reasons that you give are not reasons to leave the Church. Everyone sins.

Please talk to a good priest. Jesus loves you so much that he died for you.

Don’t make Satan happy :mad: 😦 He’s after you.
 
Listen girl. This constant flip-flopping isn’t normal. One minute you love God and everybody and the next you hate God and everybody. You’ve posted I don’t know how many posts in which you are running either hot or cold, and that’s just not right.

You need professional help with your scrupulosity because it is eating up your life and not allowing you to simply believe in God nor rest in his promises nor participate in the life of the Church in the Sacraments.

Talk to your priest first. He will be able to recommend someone solid to help you with this problem. And for goodness sake stop judging God and the Church by your emotional well-being. Believe me, both God and the Church are what they are whether you feel like you have faith or not. You do have a very deep faith, but you are allowing your scrupulosity to ruin it as well as your whole life. Get help now! You have my prayers.
 
Satan really pulls out all the stops when he goes after a soul he thinks might become very holy indeed.

So–whom do you want to serve? Satan or God?
 
Paris,

Talk to your priest. Also, several people here have suggested that you might suffer from scrupulosity, which itself is often a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). You might want to see a psychiatrist about this—there’s no shame in it, and you might be able to get some relief. What Della said is correct: this extreme emotional swinging from highs to lows and back again is not healthy and normal.

I really hope you will get some help.
 
Just remember…the Church was not founded as a gallery of Saints, but a hospital for sinners. We are all sinners, and the Church is where we are healed. This is why Confession and Anointing of the Sick are called the Healing Sacraments.

In the words of John Paul the Great, “Be not afraid!”

And in the words of the truly awesome 80s rock band Journey,

“Don’t stop believin!” (Weird…I found this thread while listening to that song…must be a sign…)

Don’t give up, Paris. You’ve got an army of saints praying for you right now…and a few of us here on earth.

-ACEGC
 
Well, I just e-mailed the priest and ask who is a good Spiritual Director that I may talk to.

I swear, if I ever return to the Church, I’m going to kick the rear end of Satan and kick his butt into Hell! I took it for granted a little but boy, now I’m so convinced he’s behind this all.
 
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Jayson:
You obviously do give a damn because you are here looking for someone to convince you to go to confession.

Well, what are you waiting for. Go talk to you priest, and go to confession.

“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we
yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.”
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I ain’t here looking for someone to tell me, I think I can pretty well figure that out.
 
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shannin:
Paris,

Don’t make Satan happy :mad: 😦 He’s after you.
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I realized that big time now. But the grief and emotions were so overwhelming, that I didn’t give a damn. I didn’t care if I went to Hell or not! THAT’S how bad it was.
 
I simply meant that the fact that you took it upon youself to come here seeking help is a grace in itself. You have not been abandoned and the fact that you are hear is evidence of that.
 
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Della:
And for goodness sake stop judging God and the Church by your emotional well-being. Believe me, both God and the Church are what they are whether you feel like you have faith or not.
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True…

The funny part is, yesterday’s homily and the day before BOTH spoke to me (the message in the homily) on EWTN. It was about leaving the Church and not being with God, etc. How coincidence?:hmmm:
 
Since you are not going to Holy Mass anymore, I thought I would give you the first reading for today. Pay close attention! I certainly cannot say it any better than Almighty God. I don’t think this it is a coincidence that this is the first reading on the same day you announce you are leaving the Church because you are too sinful.

Reading I for December 28, 2005
1 Jn 1:5-2:2

Beloved:
This is the message that we have heard from Jesus Christ
and proclaim to you:
God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all.
If we say, “We have fellowship with him,”
while we continue to walk in darkness,
we lie and do not act in truth.
But if we walk in the light as he is in the light,
then we have fellowship with one another,
and the Blood of his Son Jesus cleanses us from all sin.
If we say, “We are without sin,”
we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just
and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing.
If we say, “We have not sinned,” we make him a liar,
and his word is not in us.

My children, I am writing this to you
so that you may not commit sin.
But if anyone does sin, we have an Advocate with the Father,
Jesus Christ the righteous one.
He is expiation for our sins,
and not for our sins only but for those of the whole world.
 
Hi Paris,

Have you meet one of Satan’s favorite demons? He goes by the name of pride. Please shake his hand, he’s been waiting to meet you face to face.

Go to the priest. Relax yourself, and humble yourself. While you shouldn’t try to sin, the problem is not so much sinning that will get you kicked off the vine of life, its sinning and saying or acting like you have not sinned. If you acknowldge your sin, going to confession if need be, you are still faithful.

Lose your pride, you are weak and a sinner. So is everyone else, no one is able to earn their way into heaven, so relax you don’t need to get in that way. God gave you Jesus, the Church, the Bible, and the sacraments to help you. God knows full well you will fall, what God wants you to do is to not lose faith but to get back up and keep trying. He can forgive everything but that. He can forgive you turning your back, so long as you once again turn back to ask for forgiveness. He is even more forgiving than the father of the Prodigal Son.
 
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