I lost it yesterday with my baby and family, please help

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MarthaSo

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Hi all,
I’ll try to be brief because there’s so much…
The night before last I slept approximately 2 hours with the baby waking up frequently due to teething. (it was my turn that night ). The next morning I had a full long day of work outside the home. As soon as I got home I had to care for baby until almost 10pm. We were very low on food this week so all has was peanut butter and cheese for dinner. To worsen matters my 9 month old went from a 7pm bedtime to a 9:30 bedtime these past few days. I was sleep deprived (not making excuses just trying to give a whole picture) probably malnourished and utterly exhausted from a full day of work and coming home in that tired state to caring for 25 pound blessing that I have to carry 75% of the time to change, feed etc…with bad back pain.

When it was time to put him to bed I lost it by raising my voice and grunting “go to sleep!” angrily! Poor baby sensed I was upset and cried. I was upset for several minutes because of exhaustion ((I forgot to mention my back pain issues) and kept saying go to sleep angrily. This lasted a few minutes. This only happened once or twice before in the 9 months. Afterwards I felt like garbage and by the time he fell asleep, my “free time” to shower etc…all i wanted to do was sleep because i felt horrible.

The worst part is I feel I could not control that angry exhausted response. When I prayed toJesus this morning I was bold enough to say “I could not help my reaction”. I would never say anything like that, I believe we should always be able to control our reaction. I must say I know many will say ofcourse we are responsible for our reaction even while angry but I felt like could not react any other way, like I was a whole different person. If you’ve been there you may know the feeling of not being yourself.

I am asking for advice please on how not to FEEL that frustration from which stems that reaction. I can try to control better my reaction but I want to do better than that if possible and control the physical feeling of anger and frustration of being so exhausted I can’t even rest until 10pm that likely comes from no sleep and a long day dealing with outside work.

Most nights are not like this! especially when he used to go to bed at 7 because I could look forward to a few hours to unwind from a long day.

Thank you all.
 
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I’ve totally been there. Could your husband help with bedtime when you’re tapped out? I know some schedules/ babies don’t allow that but what you really need is a break.
 
I don’t rea something very extraordinary or not average from an exhauted mother of a baby!
It happened many time to me, and that’s something that is shameful.

I would say that I you feel you become increasingly angry, the better, if possible is to ask your husband or someone else to replace you with the baby, and try to calm dow to another place. It is harder if no one is here. Maybe the solution is to leave the baby alone in a safe place even if he cry than to do something that you will regret…
 
Thank you. His second job starts the moment I get home until 10pm so it is just me. . Thank you for responding :pray:t2:
 
My wife and I have both been there. It’s hard raising a kid, especially when you’re exhausted. As long as it’s not the norm I doubt your kid will even remember it in the morning.

As for advice on how to handle it, can I ask why the bedtime switched? Our kid has a pretty solid bedtime between 7 and 8, and when it’s time for bed it’s time for bed. When he goes to sleep is his business. Occasionally he stays up later due to family events, but generally speaking he’s in bed whether he wants to be or not. The crying is annoying, but the routine is important, it also give you time to breathe and unwind at night.

Outbursts happen, sometime you do genuinely hit a point where you lash out without engaging the mind or will. So long as you’re not being violent I wouldn’t be concerned. It sounds like you’re going through exactly what other mothers and fathers go through. My wife and I try our best to not both be upset with our son at the same time. When my wife feels like I’m getting upset she takes over most of the caretaking. When I can see that she’s getting upset or is over-tired I take over. It sounds like that’s not an option for you. I’m sorry I don’t have more helpful advice. Just don’t beat yourself up, this happens to everyone. As long as it’s not the norm your kid will be fine.
 
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I have an eight and a half month old and can relate. It’s not a good feeling. But you’re still a good mom. This is very normal to the human experience of being a parent. We should always try to hold our temper, of course, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up with guilt over this experience.

I don’t have much more to say, but I can relate.
 
Thank you so much and I have no clue as to why my 9 month olds bedtime is later. I can’t p(name removed by moderator)oint except that one night I tried to put him to bed at 7 and he was just so awake until 9 until it became the norm.
 
My advice would be to keep putting him to bed at 7. He’ll adjust back eventually.
 
MarthaSo said:
Hi all,
I’ll try to be brief because there’s so much…
The night before last I slept approximately 2 hours with the baby waking up frequently due to teething. (it was my turn that night ). The next morning I had a full long day of work outside the home. As soon as I got home I had to care for baby until almost 10pm. We were very low on food this week so all has was peanut butter and cheese for dinner. To worsen matters my 9 month old went from a 7pm bedtime to a 9:30 bedtime these past few days. I was sleep deprived (not making excuses just trying to give a whole picture) probably malnourished and utterly exhausted from a full day of work and coming home in that tired state to caring for 25 pound blessing that I have to carry 75% of the time to change, feed etc…with bad back pain.

When it was time to put him to bed I lost it by raising my voice and grunting “go to sleep!” angrily! Poor baby sensed I was upset and cried. I was upset for several minutes because of exhaustion ((I forgot to mention my back pain issues) and kept saying go to sleep angrily. This lasted a few minutes. This only happened once or twice before in the 9 months. Afterwards I felt like garbage and by the time he fell asleep, my “free time” to shower etc…all i wanted to do was sleep because i felt horrible.

The worst part is I feel I could not control that angry exhausted response. When I prayed toJesus this morning I was bold enough to say “I could not help my reaction”. I would never say anything like that, I believe we should always be able to control our reaction. I must say I know many will say ofcourse we are responsible for our reaction even while angry but I felt like could not react any other way, like I was a whole different person. If you’ve been there you may know the feeling of not being yourself.

I am asking for advice please on how not to FEEL that frustration from which stems that reaction. I can try to control better my reaction but I want to do better than that if possible and control the physical feeling of anger and frustration of being so exhausted I can’t even rest until 10pm that likely comes from no sleep and a long day dealing with outside work.

Most nights are not like this! especially when he used to go to bed at 7 because I could look forward to a few hours to unwind from a long day.

Thank you all.
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Do not fret over this. I’m am certain this has happened to almost every parent alive. Do not dwell on it. Remember to confess it at your next confession. And learn from it. Notice when you are at the end of your rope and if possible, leave the room for a few minutes to cool down. This happened recently with me as well. I know the feeling. I know how terrible it can make you feel. It has happened to me with my older kids as well but atleast with them, I can apologize and discuss the situation with them.

On a practical note, I’ve learned through 4 kids that most of the time the uncontrollable crying is due to ear infections. Have some ear drops handy and see if they help and maybe make an appointment with your pediatrician to check the baby’s ears.
 
Thank you. He had colic the first 3 months, I never experienced that with my older two. The sound of his crying, 6 months later, still have i think an affect on my nervous system, i get anxious. I was told it as a form of trauma i experienced the first 3 months so i do what i can to avoid him crying for long periods.
 
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CatholicSooner said:
Do not fret over this. I’m am certain this has happened to almost every parent alive
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THIS.

It is such a shared experience for so many parents that there is a well known comedy book called “Go the *$^% to Sleep”. If you want to laugh, there is a you tube version where Samuel L Jackson reads the book aloud.

Remember, anger is NOT a sin. There is no need to confess being tired and angry and frustrated.

I will suggest asking your teenager to help. We are family, we support each other. Teen can occupy baby for an hour when you get home from work so you can shower and just collect your thoughts. Parenting is not a reality show where you must do it all on your own!!

If baby won’t sleep til 9, that is okay, you simply go to bed at 7 and put baby down with you, quiet room, maybe an audio book or music, just keep it quiet. You get to rest/unwind. Baby does not need you entertaining every waking moment.
 
I really appreciate this thank you! The only problem I foresee is while he very good playing by himself most days , lately he cries more frequently (after being fed, changed so i know it’s not this things he needs) so if I lay down at 7 with him if I’m having one of these nights, he may be good a few minutes but I see myself having to pick him up and do stuff because he’ll cry and cry after a few minutes and he is HEAVY. I live so much holding him! but my poor back after a few seconds really feels it.
 
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My son was quickly too heavy for me (remember, I have dwarfism). I used a soft umbrella stroller to move him around the house. When you must pick him up, sit down in a good chair and put him on your lap.
 
Accept that you’re not always going to be able to “control your reaction”, that we all react badly sometimes (Peter in the garden cutting off an ear, and the 10 other times Peter did or said something stupid) and God wants us to understand we cannot do things alone, only through him.

Ask God for help. Ask your husband if he can help more when you are tired or in pain like this.

Then put it out of your mind, go about your day, it is not a regular occurrence and I know that sleep deprivation and lack of nutrition wreak havoc on a person. I’d have yelled too. Baby will not remember this as 98 percent of your interactions with Baby are good ones.
 
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That’s a good idea, he doesn’t like sitting for some reason so i bought this hip carry seat that’s supposed to take the weight off…I just have to remember to put it on as soon as I come home from work. I ask my husband to open the back door so I can sneak in and wash my hands first before baby sees me and gets happy and wants me to carry him. It’s my favorite time of day. He eats my face with such contentment, I know I should probably teach him that opening his mouth to my chin in love is not good manners but i have time for that right? I enjoy his sweet expressions of love.
 
Thank you. Rocking him to sleep on a bouncy ball was a habit developed during his colic days, it was the only thing that worked to relieve the hours of crying that were driving me insane. It’s obviously now become a sleep association for him and impossible for him to sleep on his own without the rocking. He’s 25 pounds and i never thought i would look up “sleep training” because i always associated that with crying it out and after the trauma of a colicky baby, that is the last thing i want to hear again as it affected my nerves and anxiety to its highest levels. I had to see a doctor who told me I was traumatized since my older kids ever had that.

If it weren’t for his weight and the length of time it took for him to get drowsy I would love to hold him until he slept. But like I indicated earlier, putting him down in his crib when he’s tired, he’ll cry because he doesn’t know how to sleep on his own and he’s tired poor thing,. But those cries take me back to that time and my nerves are affected so I continue to bounce him to sleep.
 
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MarthaSo said:
kept saying go to sleep angrily. This lasted a few minutes
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That’s the horrible thing you did?
You showed great restraint.
You are clearly a very loving, caring mother. Please forgive yourself and get some sleep.
 
Thank you but it was horrible. I had an ugly angry loud voice and bounced him harder than normal for a few seconds. The emotions lasted a few minutes . I felt insane with exhaustion. I even told my husband never to let the fridge get so empty as if that was what caused it . Just an ugly nightbut I’ll make up for it tonight, maybe i should take a nap during my lunch.
 
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