I lost it yesterday with my baby and family, please help

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Wow. my heart could not take that. I have left him to cry for short moments while i needed to be in the kitchen, he doesn’t even cry that much at all anymore, it’s the nighttime that’s the real battle. I need that baby to sleep before 8 and he won’t listen anymore!:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: He thinks I have all the energy and patience to bounce forever.:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
 
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I agree with what’s been said here. The only other thing I would add to help with the guilt is to pull yourself out of the present for a few minutes and look into the future. My daughter was a difficult baby. She was always waking up and always fussy. She was always screaming. I have a neurological condition and I can tell you the constant screaming used to drive me nuts and I lost it several times as well. I punched a few holes in the walls and felt horribly about it. I used to yell at her sometimes too. Recently, I discovered some journal entries about that time period that I had written and I read them to my daughter. We all laughed about it. She said: “I’m sorry, Dad!”

So just remember–it’s all temporary. Some day, your baby will be older and you’ll be driving him/her to some sort of practice and the weakness that is causing you so much pain right now will be so far from your mind. You’ll have forgotten all about it. You’ll probably even laugh about it. So pick yourself up, don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember what St. Francis de Sales said: ““Be patient with all, especially with yourself. Do not be troubled by your imperfections but always have the courage to pick yourself up afterwards.”
 
aww this made me cry. I am very grateful for having read this. Thank you so very much for your encouragement. I will remember this.
 
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MarthaSo said:
my heart could not take that
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I am wondering if your expectations of yourself might not be too high? Like you are supposed to make everything perfect for everyone else in your family? I ask because I have done that 😳

Is there any way you can get an electric swing for your baby, even borrowing one from a friend or relative?
 
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Do you have a playpen you can put your 9 month old in?
It might make it easier for others to watch the nine month old while you rest.

Try praying during your times of taking care of the babies. Not just for your frustration but if you’re not getting enough time to pray in general you can try it during that time and ask God to help you.
 
we’re going into parental philosophy here.

First a pediatrician isn’t always a good reference for parenting.

If the baby cry and don’t “need” something specific, he prabably just need confort, or his mother, and don’t want to stay alone. These are needs too.

The mother had to balance her baby’s needs with her needs and to consider her exhautation, of course.
 
You cannot always prevent your baby cry, as you have alos others things to do. it may be hard, but it is like that.

But I think you should relax a little more, your baby doesn’t “need” to sleep before 8 and listen to you! (a little humor here?). He is just a baby. It is not serious if he does not followed stricts schedules, he will sleep more at another time. You may loose much more patience to try to make him sleep when he don’t want than to just let him awake, playing, in somebody arms, or baby carrier or any other calm situation…
 
Thank you so much. It’s funny you should mention that. In my twenties my babies fell asleep whenever I thought it was late enough or I saw cues, I don’t remember schedules. I worked full time then too.

But now, twenty years later, why smI all of a sudden more high strung and nervous and thinking 9:30 is way too late. I was never like that before.

I had much more of a carefree, schedule free parenting style twenty years ago. I wonder if schedules really don’t matter that much.

Tonight, for example, he “fell asleep” 7pm and woke up 30 minutes later for milk. He played happily on the floor until 9pm and I rocked him to sleep until 9:30. yes I rocked him for half an hour peacefully whereas yesterday i was a maniac. I wish he were a better sleeper because guess what he just woke again as I write this10 minutes after i left the room. Argh! This is where frustration starts to creep in!
 
Well, we don’t always act for all our children the same, it seems!

In my opinion only, schedules are much more important around 3 years old (or less) when children started constructed activities than as babies. Having enough sleep is important as babies; but they can divided their sleep and it is not serious if they are not like clockwork. babies are not designed to sleep extended hours since birth, for many reasons suchas nutrition and maybe make their mother aware they are still there?

I don’t think there is something wrong with your baby sleep. What you should be much more concerned is that you have enough sleep for your own health, sanity and to care properly of your baby. I know from hard experience that lack of sleep can be dangerous when he have to carry with small crying and unsleeping baby.
You should do what’s work well for yourself. Divide the nights, as you do with your husband, sleep with your baby if it’s work, ask your older children’s help…Doing nap would be ideal if you were not working…
 
Iv been there… I think every parents has been there at one time or another, we are not perfect… He will get back into his bedtime routine 🙂 Hang in there…
It is just as stressfull to us parents as it is to our little ones 🙂
 
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Well, 40 minutes after he woke up from me rocking him for half hour at 9:30 he is asleep. I didn’t even fight it when I saw that he woke up from his crib 2 minutes after i rocked him for half hour I knew I had to just go withe flow or lose my mind. So, I laid him on the bed with me (all safety precautions taken so he won’t roll off) and he stayed awake quietly playing with my fingers and hair while I said nothing but quietly lay beside him until 40 minutes later he’s asleep next to me. Until he wakes up for milk. (in an hour)
So, I’m going to eat a small bowl of bran and go back to sleep beside him.
Oh how i wish i were a stayvat home mom to have lazy mornings to go with late nights like tonight.
 
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Leaving the 9mo safe in their crib for a few minutes while you regain your composure is not going to cause mental issues or brain damage, even if they are crying. There’s a huge difference between leaving a newborn to “cry it out” until they realize that it is futile and stepping away from an otherwise well-tended 9mo. This was one of the things they mentioned constantly in the NICU as part of the “parent training”. If you are feeling frustrated or out of control, best to lay the baby down in a safe place and take a break.
 
Allegra said:
Leaving the 9mo safe in their crib for a few minutes while you regain your composure is not going to cause mental issues or brain damage, even if they are crying. There’s a huge difference between leaving a newborn to “cry it out” until they realize that it is futile and stepping away from an otherwise well-tended 9mo. This was one of the things they mentioned constantly in the NICU as part of the “parent training”. If you are feeling frustrated or out of control, best to lay the baby down in a safe place and take a break.
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OK? I think you need to reread my post. I never said anything to the contrary
 
Someone really took offense to the joke about no tears shampoo? Really?
 
Have you considered playing baby some soothing music to try to help him go to sleep?
One option might be those “sleep machines” that play sounds like rain falling or waves etc or I’m sure there are music videos on YouTube or apps to help babies/children fall asleep easier:)
 
I wasn’t disagreeing with you. I was reiterating on what you touched on, that there is no reason to be concerned about setting the baby down some place safe and walking away in a moment of frustration. That won’t cause mental illness or brain damage.
 
Sleep deprivation can really affect one’s mood, clarity of mind, energy level and overall well-being. With older kids in the house, they should be willing to pitch in and relieve you so you can take a nap or maybe sleep a little longer in the mornings, or go to bed a little earlier at night.

As for back pain, have you tried topical analgesics like Blue Emu or some of these really effective pain lotions on the market these days? Some of those, while temporary in their relief, really can help.

Pain patches help, too, providing they stay on.

If oral analgesics help, combining a mild OTC pain medication with a topical analgesic can give you the benefit of both. I don’t mean strong, addictive prescription pain pills – just something you can quickly pick up in a drug store.

And while wrath is considered one of the seven deadly sins, there’s also righteous anger and involuntary anger, yours falls into the latter category – you get angry when you don’t mean to. There’s no sin in that. Where’s the intent?

Why isn’t anyone else helping you? That’s would be my main question. Get someone to relieve you when you’re overly tired. Your husband should be able to help at least some of the time. If not him, then your teenager(s).

Do you have family living close by? The baby’s grandparents, aunts or uncles – could one of them come in from time to time, or you could take the baby over there and let them watch him for awhile. It isn’t fair or healthy for you to have to do it all yourself.

Hope some of this helps.
 
Being a mom is hard!!! Mine are teens and it is almost as if they need me more now than they were babies, just in a different capacity.

You are human and nobody expects you to perfect. It is ok to get frustrated. It is ok to want some time to yourself. You have a lot on your plate.

You could try to put the baby down just a little earlier in small increments - say 15 minutes earlier every few days - and see if that gets him back to his earlier bedtime. A lot of times their sleep gets messed up when they are having a growth spurt, teething, learning a new skill, etc.

It’s also ok to put the baby in his crib for a few minutes so you can take a shower. He’s not going to hate you for leaving him for a few minutes, even if he’s crying. You are doing a great job! Savor these years even though they are hard!
 
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