I need to stop drinking so much, has anyone else here struggled.

[The_Bucket]

I have called my therapist and have an appointment for tomorrow, and I will work a plan out with her how to best attack this issue.

The solution is to stop drinking. And to stop being scared of anything other than death in the state of mortal sin. Nothing is worse than that. Fortunately, God loves you and is willing to take you just as you are. The only thing required from you is to accept that love.

Why don’t you just accept it?

 

[Irishmom2]

The solution is to stop drinking. And to stop being scared of anything other than death in the state of mortal sin. Nothing is worse than that. Fortunately, God loves you and is willing to take you just as you are. The only thing required from you is to accept that love.

Why don’t you just accept it?

Spoken by one who knows. Good post again Bucket.

 

[saveusfromhell]

I have called my therapist and have an appointment for tomorrow, and I will work a plan out with her how to best attack this issue.

looks like your still looking for the easy way out, AA is the place, the therapist is a fudge, just like you tried to guilt trip the people who responded telling them you were sucidal reading their “dislike” for you
going to AA means you have to admit you have a problem, so your worried how can you go to AA and later tell your wife your going out drinking again. stop playing with the lives of your wife and kid,
the truth isn’t nice but we have all been there.
when you got married you made your problem your wife’s now your daughters, sucide just gives more problems to them,
AA is the only way, unless your special

 

[Irishmom2]

looks like your still looking for the easy way out, AA is the place, the therapist is a fudge, just like you tried to guilt trip the people who responded telling them you were sucidal reading their “dislike” for you
going to AA means you have to admit you have a problem, so your worried how can you go to AA and later tell your wife your going out drinking again. stop playing with the lives of your wife and kid,
the truth isn’t nice but we have all been there.
when you got married you made your problem your wife’s now your daughters, sucide just gives more problems to them,
AA is the only way, unless your special

I am glad that mkipp has an appointment to see his therapist, because I am hoping that she will tell him he needs AA. A very strong post savesusfromhell. You don’t mince words.

 

[maryjk]

looks like you’re still looking for the easy way out, AA is the place, the therapist is a fudge, just like you tried to guilt trip the people who responded telling them you were suicidal reading their “dislike” for you
going to AA means you have to admit you have a problem, so you’re worried how can you go to AA and later tell your wife you’re going out drinking again. stop playing with the lives of your wife and kid,
the truth isn’t nice but we have all been there.
when you got married you made your problem your wife’s now your daughters, suicide just gives more problems to them,
AA is the only way, unless you’re special

Um, no. AA is one way. It certainly isn’t the only way. It may not even be the best way.

And for someone that seems suicidal, AA isn’t the way to go. They are not professionals trained to deal with someone that has threatened suicide.

Walking into AA he could just as easily talk to a newcomer with 30 days under his belt as an old timer with 30 years. Do you really think that is the solution for someone that might be on the track to kill themselves?

 

[mkipp]

I am not in danger of harming myself. I am just very upset and embarrased that this is what I have become. I am going to my therapist and going to discuss this as we have before. My wife is aware of my issue as we talked, and she will help keep me accountable.

 

[Irishmom2]

I am going to my therapist and going to discuss this as we have before. My wife is aware of my issue as we talked, and she will help keep me accountable.

Mkipp, how is this time different though? It didn’t work before. That is why everyone is suggesting something different, like AA or something similar. Perhaps even a new therapist.

 

[The_Bucket]

Certainly right maryjk. AA is one way to go and I’ll be the first to concede that the “recidivism” rate as it were is pretty high for all of the AA-type programs.

I see it in my own group. Some guys have been there for months or years and don’t have any amount of good time under their belts. Some have gotten good time together, relapsed, but got back on the horse. For some, that first meeting is the mark of a true bottom and the end of the addiction.

And yes, there are others who get clean and sober without AA-type programs. Doubt this can be done for someone that has true mental disorders. They need a routine and program for honest living.

But the bottom line is the way to stop drinking is to stop drinking. The way to end the cycle of shame related to drinking excessively is to stop drinking excessively. It’s really that simple. I thought stopping my addiction and having it revealed would be the worst thing ever. It turned out to be the best thing to happen to me in terms of my prospects for salvation.

 

[mkipp]

I did not drink yesterday, and will not today. That is all I can say, and will seek help tomorrow and what program is the best for me.

 

[The_Bucket]

I am not in danger of harming myself. I am just very upset and embarrased that this is what I have become. I am going to my therapist and going to discuss this as we have before. My wife is aware of my issue as we talked, and she will help keep me accountable.

The only thing that’s embarrassing is continuing to do it. Once you make the switch, there’s no more shame. Shame comes from the Evil One, not from God. Shame drives us to continue in our sinful ways and avoid God’s love. We are to be sorrowful for our sins, not ashamed of them.

May I caution you not to make your wife your babysitter. My wife keeps the computer locked up but otherwise she’s not in any way helping me be accountable. That’s what my program is for. That’s what confession and conversations with spiritual directors are for. Your wife is there to love you and you to love her. She should not be your accountability partner.

And may I again speak a word of caution: You’re saying “I’m going to speak to my therapist as I’ve done before.” Yeah well, you need to do something different. I hope you bring that up. What you’re doing now is not working. You need to radically change your life in a way that you depend on God and not on substances. Again I repeat the words the Lord spoke so often in Scripture: Be not afraid.

Remember, the Lord goes before you always. Just follow Him and he will really and truly give you rest. All you must do is forsake everything else and follow Him! Forsake your grief. Forsake your insecurities. Disregard your hang-ups. Give your shame as an offering to Him. He knew your before you were formed in the womb. Do you think you can hide from Him? Do you think He does not love you? You may be able to hide from the world but not from God. He knows what you are doing. He knew what I was doing. He loved us both anyway! All He wants is for us to admit that we need Him! That’s it.

Do that. Do it now.

 

[maryjk]

And yes, there are others who get clean and sober without AA-type programs. Doubt this can be done for someone that has true mental disorders. They need a routine and program for honest living.

And I would think it would go the other way. Someone with a true mental disorder needs more help than AA can provide.

AA is run by laypeople. (As is Al-Anon) No one there is trained to provide help. If someone needs a metal health professional, they will not find that person at AA.

 

[mkipp]

The only thing that’s embarrassing is continuing to do it. Once you make the switch, there’s no more shame. Shame comes from the Evil One, not from God. Shame drives us to continue in our sinful ways and avoid God’s love. We are to be sorrowful for our sins, not ashamed of them.

May I caution you not to make your wife your babysitter. My wife keeps the computer locked up but otherwise she’s not in any way helping me be accountable. That’s what my program is for. That’s what confession and conversations with spiritual directors are for. Your wife is there to love you and you to love her. She should not be your accountability partner.

And may I again speak a word of caution: You’re saying “I’m going to speak to my therapist as I’ve done before.” Yeah well, you need to do something different. I hope you bring that up. What you’re doing now is not working. You need to radically change your life in a way that you depend on God and not on substances. Again I repeat the words the Lord spoke so often in Scripture: Be not afraid.

Remember, the Lord goes before you always. Just follow Him and he will really and truly give you rest. All you must do is forsake everything else and follow Him! Forsake your grief. Forsake your insecurities. Disregard your hang-ups. Give your shame as an offering to Him. He knew your before you were formed in the womb. Do you think you can hide from Him? Do you think He does not love you? You may be able to hide from the world but not from God. He knows what you are doing. He knew what I was doing. He loved us both anyway! All He wants is for us to admit that we need Him! That’s it.

Do that. Do it now.

Thank you so much for all your wisdom. I will be honest with my therapist, and get on a program that will work for me. I need to do this for a better life and family. Day one down a million more to go.

 

[The_Bucket]

And I would think it would go the other way. Someone with a true mental disorder needs more help than AA can provide.

AA is run by laypeople. (As is Al-Anon) No one there is trained to provide help. If someone needs a metal health professional, they will not find that person at AA.

Yeah I didn’t mean to imply that real mental disorders can be “fixed” with just Anon programs. I more meant that people with mental issues can’t get sober on their own, whereas those battling just really the addiction sometimes (though rarely) can.

 

[The_Bucket]

Thank you so much for all your wisdom. I will be honest with my therapist, and get on a program that will work for me. I need to do this for a better life and family. Day one down a million more to go.

Don’t think about a million more to go. All the Anon programs repeat the one day at a time mantra and for good reason. I like to recall that time is meaningless to God. A thousand years are a day and a day a thousand years. Recall again the parable of the laborers in the vineyard. Maybe you’re starting to work at noontime while others have been in the fields since dawn. So what? You will each receive the same daily wage, as will those who arrive at a very late hour. Rejoice that your work is beginning and that all of your actions today, tomorrow and even two days ago are “the present” to God. Your life’s body of work is all the same to Him. There is no yesterday or today or tomorrow for the Lord. Do not regret failing to take steps earlier and do not fear future steps either. Concentrate on the present for all time is the same for the Lord.

 

[shipwrkd]

Mkipp, how is this time different though? It didn’t work before. That is why everyone is suggesting something different, like AA or something similar. Perhaps even a new therapist.

This is spot on! Your previous threads indicate this problem has been going on for a while. I’m not sure how long you’ve had this therapist or even what kind he/she is, but it seems to me that you should be telling your therapist what you’ve told people on this forum. I think I picked up in one of your earlier threads that you were seeking out a Catholic therapist and she’s female. Perhaps you do need someone different. If all your posts over the last several years are correct, things don’t seem to be getting better. You’ll get a lot of opinions on the CAF, some excellent and some not so. Take the advice of a professional! We all want to help and know nothing of your situation, but it does all seem to hing on alcohol. AA is the best suggestion. If you don’t like that, have a therapist set you up.

You mentioned it’s not for you because you feel ashamed. You have no idea how great it feels to be sober and have people look up to you for staying that way. I’ve had nothing but admiration from my friends and relatives and that helps me stay sober.

For three years you’ve been asking for advice, now it’s time to take some of it and AA is one good place to start.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am not in danger of harming myself. I am just very upset and embarrased that this is what I have become. I am going to my therapist and going to discuss this as we have before. My wife is aware of my issue as we talked, and she will help keep me accountable.

No. It is NOT her job to keep YOU accountable. YOU need to be 100% responsible for your own sobriety. If you put that onto her, then you can play your mental games and if she does something you don’t like, you will then have a ready excuse to go and drink. “Well, if SHE hadn’t done THAT, I wouldn’t have to drink!!!” No, mkipp, your wife is not your sponsor, she’s not your therapist, and in this arena, she needs to detach from you with love, and work her own program. I recommend that she attend Al-Anon meetings immediately, and if you have a good therapist, she will recommend AA for you and Al-Anon for your wife.

However, that you say you have already discussed this with your therapist gives me concern that the therapist is not confronting your issue head-on. Unless she’s an addiction specialist, she’s not going to be able to analyze you out of this addiction. Even then, no matter what, YOU have to do the work.

I just don’t think you’re ready to give it up yet.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Yeah I didn’t mean to imply that real mental disorders can be “fixed” with just Anon programs. I more meant that people with mental issues can’t get sober on their own, whereas those battling just really the addiction sometimes (though rarely) can.

I believe that it is rare that a person can not only drop the alcohol, but the “isms” as well, without the help of some kind of support group and accountability partner. Some people do stop drinking, but in AA terms, they end up “dry drunks,” just as insufferable as they were while drinking, but without the booze. Sometimes people who were affable drunks are absolutely mean and vicious without alcohol.

To my mind, AA doesn’t remove the root cause of addiction, it just substitutes one addiction which is unhealthy (alcohol) for one that is healthier (meetings, fellowship, sometimes cigarettes and coffee! LOL). And that is OK, because AA is a spiritual program and includes an ever-deepening relationship with a Higher Power (God). God can help us achieve what we cannot achieve by ourselves.

 

[The_Bucket]

I don’t doubt that it’s rare but statistics prove that it has been done. AA and similar programs have a high rate of relapse but I tend to believe that it’s because the people who relapse simply did not work the program properly or did not work something that would work for them.

Save for cases where there is a true medical disorder involved, most addiction is rooted in sin that was caused when Satan pounced on a weakness brought forth by a trauma. He provided the easy way out for us. He provided a false salve to deal with pain caused by external forces. Certainly was the case for me and basically I hear the same thing over and over again at meetings. “My dad was a sex addict too. My dad looked at porn all the time. My parents’ relationship was horrible. Or worse… I was abused as a child. My parents were swingers and there was sex everywhere. I was molested by a relative…” The pervasive nature of sexual sin and addiction of all sorts is truly scary.

Some people just can’t past it. Some people hang onto the shame. Some people were so deeply traumatized that they really need more than just recovery programs because they never developed relationships of any kind so they have no support system and no capability to trust anyone.

I am fortunate to have a wife that loves me and in-laws that have been amazingly supportive in their prayers. They don’t talk about it; my father in law showed up at my house a few weeks after my wife came home. I cried and apologized profusely for hurting his daughter. He gave me a hug and an abridged copy of Imitation of Christ; probably a reminder that he had given me the longer version as an engagement present and that I needed to read it constantly.

My own parents have problems enough to deal with. My brothers and sisters are repairing themselves and I hope to join in the effort to stitch this family back together and be the man I’m supposed to be.

OP seems to have a family that loves him. That’s good. But thanks for backing me up that they can’t be the accountability partners or babysitters. I’ve got people at meetings I can talk to. I have a spiritual adviser I can call. My pastor who knows everything lives three houses away. Just knowing I have these outlets is immensely helpful and reinforces that God is here to love me and give me peace. He may not remove all defects, flaws or temptations but with Him, all things are possible when it comes to being free to love Him.

 

[shipwrkd]

No. It is NOT her job to keep YOU accountable. YOU need to be 100% responsible for your own sobriety. If you put that onto her, then you can play your mental games and if she does something you don’t like, you will then have a ready excuse to go and drink. “Well, if SHE hadn’t done THAT, I wouldn’t have to drink!!!” No, mkipp, your wife is not your sponsor, she’s not your therapist, and in this arena, she needs to detach from you with love, and work her own program. I recommend that she attend Al-Anon meetings immediately, and if you have a good therapist, she will recommend AA for you and Al-Anon for your wife.

However, that you say you have already discussed this with your therapist gives me concern that the therapist is not confronting your issue head-on. Unless she’s an addiction specialist, she’s not going to be able to analyze you out of this addiction. Even then, no matter what, YOU have to do the work.

I just don’t think you’re ready to give it up yet.

Bingo!

I believe that it is rare that a person can not only drop the alcohol, but the “isms” as well, without the help of some kind of support group and accountability partner. Some people do stop drinking, but in AA terms, they end up “dry drunks,” just as insufferable as they were while drinking, but without the booze. Sometimes people who were affable drunks are absolutely mean and vicious without alcohol.

This is probably true also…I may have been that rare person who didn’t use AA. I gave up cigarettes long before booze and needed LOTS of help with them. I shudder to think of starting either of them ever again.

To my mind, AA doesn’t remove the root cause of addiction, it just substitutes one addiction which is unhealthy (alcohol) for one that is healthier (meetings, fellowship, sometimes cigarettes and coffee! LOL). And that is OK, because AA is a spiritual program and includes an ever-deepening relationship with a Higher Power (God). God can help us achieve what we cannot achieve by ourselves.

If you’ve already quit cigarettes, don’t go back. They’ll kill ya just as sure as booze!

 

[ringil]

I am glad that mkipp has an appointment to see his therapist, because I am hoping that she will tell him he needs AA. A very strong post savesusfromhell. You don’t mince words.

SMART recovery is another program. There are a few good recovery programs.

AA is good because it is the most common and easiest to get involved in.

Speaking of which- I should probably go to a meeting.