I think I am bi

[Johenz]

The idea that abstinence from masturbation is not realistic is ridiculous. Granted, it’s not easy.

After years of marriage and a very healthy sex life, I found myself rather suddenly a widower.  I must admit, I greatly enjoyed sex.  I got accustomed to a certain level of sexual activity.  Adjusting to my new station in life was difficult, but I managed.

Was my adjustment period perfect?  No.

Am I perfect now?  No.  But I confess those occassions when i do sin.  I don't beat myself up unneccesarily.  I avoid people, places and situations that threaten my chastity, whether the beach, the internet, or even television.

Obviously, this young fella's gotta get rid of the porn.  Women aren't merely objects for his pleasure.  They're people!

I pray constantly, and stay busy with other activites.  Exercise and eat right.  I recommend the Liturgy of the Hours, daily Mass, daily Rosary.  I pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy whenever the temptation gets too great.

Remember that you are establishing hbits now that will be with you the rest of your life.

 

[Exalt]

The method you describe is indeed foolish and doesn’t work. You are one of the few people I’ve heard from who actually thinks this way of attempting to eliminate sin - clearly described and denouned by Christopher West in Good News About Sex & Marriage - is advocated by the Church.

“Method”? It’s not a method. It’s not like the kid plans it out this way. It’s not a recovery program. It’s what he (and the vast majority of young male catholics who actually try and follow this archaic teaching) will go through in the real world. They try really hard to follow the teaching. They fail. They go to confession. They try again. Fail. Confession. Try. Fail. Confession. Over. And over and over. Until…? They grow out of their raging hormones.

Though there may be a few exceptions, that’s the experience of pretty much every other kid who grew up with this stuff being taught. We tried. Over and over. And we failed. Over and over.

Your audacity is truly amazing; don’t you realize that you’re in blatant denial, as there are many examples of living people right now who have had problems with masturbation, and no longer do?

Name a few under 18.

Some people struggle more with SSA than others. Me? I struggle more with drugs, alcohol and violent temper than most, but I have overcome them. Cycles of frustration? Hello, my life! But the Lord has carried me over thresholds I could never have vaulted alone.

Sure, but alcoholism and rage is something that is an actual real problem.

Thing is, there’s nothing wrong with masturbation. If there was, I’d be all over trying to get kids to stop… But there’s not!

 

[typical_teen]

I think it is very unpractical to think that a teenage male could never masturbate again. That is ridiculous.

Teenagers have hormones, and no way to control them. It is not like I can go and have sex with my wife like most of you. If I hold it in, I am bound to explode!

 

[blacktiger057]

Make affirmation signs and hang them somewhere that you look at often. Make them positive and in the present tense.

Example: I respect my body and my love is pure.

This technique really helps get rid of bad habits.In a scientific study, 25% of men who look at porn will be attracted to men and women. I think that the reason for this could be that if you are looking at a picture a a guy and girl, when you see both of them your brain gets pleasure because you are masturbating. After continued exposure, your brain becomes a little bi sexual.

In conclusion, stop masturbating and porn and your bi sexualness will fade.

 

[blacktiger057]

I think it is very unpractical to think that a teenage male could never masturbate again. That is ridiculous.

Teenagers have hormones, and no way to control them. It is not like I can go and have sex with my wife like most of you. If I hold it in, I am bound to explode!

You are right. Try to masturbate only once a week at first, then twice a week, and see how long you can go. But you can stop with the porn.

 

[fix]

I think it is very unpractical to think that a teenage male could never masturbate again. That is ridiculous.

Teenagers have hormones, and no way to control them. It is not like I can go and have sex with my wife like most of you. If I hold it in, I am bound to explode!

I think it is a mistake to view your life as controlled by hormones and that trumps every other factor. Not only is that medically untrue it denies your personal dignity.

 

[Transformer]

“Method”? It’s not a method. It’s not like the kid plans it out this way. It’s not a recovery program. It’s what he (and the vast majority of young male catholics who actually try and follow this archaic teaching) will go through in the real world. They try really hard to follow the teaching. They fail. They go to confession. They try again. Fail. Confession. Try. Fail. Confession. Over. And over and over. Until…? They grow out of their raging hormones.

Though there may be a few exceptions, that’s the experience of pretty much every other kid who grew up with this stuff being taught. We tried. Over and over. And we failed. Over and over.

To be as frank as possible, this is a blatant lie. I’m 17; I struggled with masturbation for over a year as a Freshman in highschool. I stopped over that Summer, and I haven’t fallen in the two years since. I was never overwhelmed or consumed with guilt; I did experience it, and it served its purpose in convicting me further that masturbation is destructive. The only time I was trapped in a vicious cycle was when I was still masturbating. I am a better Christian and a holier man for my success.

What’s more, I have a number of extremely devout young, male, Catholic friends who are absolutely in union with the Church on this issue, and who almost certainly actively overcame this sin through God’s grace just as I did. If they didn’t, then they simply never started in the first place, because they certainly don’t now.

Name a few under 18.

I would rather not go through their names on a forum without their permission, but I gurantee you I could pull at least 20 men under the age of 25 off the top of my head.

I honestly do apologize to any Catholics who were unable to overcome this sin as young men because of poor support and an idea of repression rather than redemption; I’m sorry the positive support and theology of love and redemption were not there for you when they should have been. However, that doesn’t change the fact that redemption is very possible, that it is wonderful, that it is the will of God, and that we will not let you rob this brave young man of it.

God bless.

 

[Viajero]

One does need to accept that they are a homosexual, your not going to grow if you can’t accept the truth. Whether or not it is natural is depends on how you are using the word “natural.”

Found in nature - yes.
Ordered that way in nature - no.

I disagree that one “does need to accept that they are a homosexual” because that seems to imply a permanence. What IS a “homosexual”? Anyone who experiences homosexual attractions? Even some people in the gay culture think that these attractions happen in degrees, and for some people, the degrees of these attractions shift.

 

[Viajero]

To be as frank as possible, this is a blatant lie. I’m 17; I struggled with masturbation for over a year as a Freshman in highschool. I stopped over that Summer, and I haven’t fallen in the two years since.

God bless you, Transformer. It is definitely a great witness to know that there are actually young men and women who are not falling prey to the lies of the world. I would think that it is better to resist temptations early on, before the evil habits take root in your soul. May your example be a source of encouragement for all of us who are consumed with the sins of the flesh.

 

[blessedtoo]

“Method”? It’s not a method. It’s not like the kid plans it out this way. It’s not a recovery program. It’s what he (and the vast majority of young male catholics who actually try and follow this archaic teaching) will go through in the real world. They try really hard to follow the teaching. They fail. They go to confession. They try again. Fail. Confession. Try. Fail. Confession. Over. And over and over. Until…? They grow out of their raging hormones.

What you have described is the typical Christian life. We are all sinners. We all try and fall short. We all, hopefully, regret that we have separated ourselves from God and find our way to repentence. Adolescence is a time of practice and purification. While it may be more difficult to sustain chastity, it is certainly part of God’s plan to use this time to strengthen self control, to realize that we have the choice to engage in immoral behaviors or call on the Sacraments and God’s great grace to assist us in building the spiritual muscle we will need for the rest of our lives.

Though there may be a few exceptions, that’s the experience of pretty much every other kid who grew up with this stuff being taught. We tried. Over and over. And we failed. Over and over.

It’s the experience of every human being - not just teens. And if you were to practice chastity, if you were to avail yourself of the tools given to us by God, you would know that the “failures” (wrong word) become less and less and the successes accumulate, causing us to become more confident and joyful in our faith walk. Someone who remains immersed in sin will never know that eventually you will come out the other side.

Name a few under 18.

You’ve already received a response from a 17 year old (above)! Pretty amazing. Right here on our own CAF!

Sure, but alcoholism and rage is something that is an actual real problem.Thing is, there’s nothing wrong with masturbation. If there was, I’d be all over trying to get kids to stop… But there’s not

It is an immoral behavior and one that will not serve the OP well as he experiences sexual feelings. Already he is confused about normal teen impules. Remember, the OP is asking about Catholic teaching. He could read any trash teen rag to get the kind of advice you offer.

 

[blessedtoo]

I think it is very unpractical to think that a teenage male could never masturbate again. That is ridiculous.

Teenagers have hormones, and no way to control them. It is not like I can go and have sex with my wife like most of you. If I hold it in, I am bound to explode!

Unfortunately, you’ve been inundated with pop psychology which says that some horrible consequence will result if you practice chastity. It’s absolute rubbish. You are not a slave to your hormones. You are not on the same level as an animal, subject to any random sexual impulse. You, as a teen, have a unique opportunity to be a saint! You have the chance to be an example to your friends who also struggle! Believe me when I say this is a life-long struggle. You are not going to magically wake up in your 20’s with no more desire. And if you are not able to transform you thought processes about sex while you are still young, you may end up in a marriage where you consider your wife nothing more than a vehicle to satisfy your sexual needs.

I suggest you begin educating yourself on the Catholic teaching about sex - it’s purpose and meaning. It will serve you well as you begin to search for a spouse.

 

[ltbpoe43]

To the OP

We pray for you to find your way on this faith journey. Hopefully a few suggestions:

1. Try to join a youth group of young adults at your church. They discuss a lot of theology of the body since they know that is a major issue in young adults. They also have many activities and retreats to keep you busy so the thoughts don’t wander to lustful ideas. They offer prayers to help each other overcome their weaknesses - ask for their help often.
2. Try to hang around with like minded christian, catholic friends who can support you and provide guidance on your journey. We all struggle with issues, and its great to have friends who think like you and care for you and will help you if needed.
3. Try to avoid those friends who lead you away from God. Some buddies may want to talk about it a lot or show you pictures, magazines or computer images - if so - avoid them - these friends are leading you away from where you long to be.
4. Prayer as mentioned here. Lots of it and confession as often as needed.
5. You are young and impressionable by todays media and culture - try to avoid those shows or movies that also lead you from God. Those tiny doses of impurity can lead you astray and try to avoid those occasions by limiting TV, Radio, Computer time if possible. Read some good Catholic books or listen to Catholic Radio instead.
6. Remember you are a child of God and loved. Don’t ever think you are far from His grace. Good luck and God Bless you.

 

[typical_teen]

If I hold the urges off as best as I can, but then after a week of holding back I masturbate; is that a mortal sin?

I read in the catachism that it is not considered a mortal sin if you are addicted. Well, I think I fall into that catagory I can only go to confession on Mondays, and I plan to go every monday that I can. But if I were to masturbate on a thursday because I couldn’t hold it in any longer, and then I died the next day before I confessed it, would that stop me from entering Heaven?

 

[strngrnrth]

Thing is, there’s nothing wrong with masturbation. If there was, I’d be all over trying to get kids to stop… But there’s not!

Among other things, masturbation powerfully reinforces asocial/ antisocial orientation, sexualization of every passing stimulus or thought, and a prefernce for living in a fantasy world. It conditions a man to be selfish and aloof from the real world and all the people in it. Even atheists generally consider compulsive masturbation both a sign of and a factor in social/ mental difficulties. Like chemical addictions, it strongly rewards the very thought patterns and behavior choices that whole, healthy adults normally begin to phase out.

 

[CatholicMC]

Thank you everyone who has replied to my thread so quickly.

I have told myself that I will not deside if I am gay until I am older. I know that hormones are crazy at my age.

I am going to keep track of how long I have gone without porn or masturbating.

This is going to sound blunt but bear with me. We are all created in God’s image, and in the likeliness of God, ie, nobody is born gay. Don’t allow yourself to believe that since you are feeling these desires that that in itself make you “gay”. You are not gay You are a young man, a child of God, who is dealing with same sex attraction for reasons you do not understand. You are no less than a son of the living God, embued with the spirit, confirmed in the Church. Don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise.

It sounds like you are suffering from same sex attraction. More people probably deal with this than you would think. At the same time it does not make these desires normal, natural, or healthy. Please realize that same sex attraction in and of itself is not a sin unless you foster these desires or thoughts. At the same time, there is absolutely zero compatability between a homosexual lifestyle and a Christian one…it is either one or the other. There is no middle ground.

I suggest examining the whole situation; your motiffs, past occurences with other men or women, the role of your mother, father.

Look at the whole picture. What desires are you striving to fulfill with this desire? What are you seeking through them? Ask God to open your heart in order to discern the situation. Oftentimes we do not recognize, or do allow ourselves to recognize why we do the actions we do.

Now for masturbation.

This is something which can become an addiction. Because of the frequent habitual nature of it, it can be very very difficult to break. I suggest that you examine the situations when you tend to masturbate. Are you stressed? Are you bored? Alone?

When does it happen? After looking at porn? At night in bed? In the shower? Sin, especially this one, is often habitual. Does it happen at certain times, places, and under certain conditions?

Are you aware tha masturbation is a mortal sin? The fact that I am unworthy to receive the Eucharist if I have masturbated weighs heavily on my mind. In fact, it very often inspires me not to masturbate, simply due to the fact that I will not be receiving Communion on Sunday, and people will wonder why I am not… Whatever works.

I reccommend daily communion, and an hour in front of the blessed sacrament daily. If you feel a desire to masturbate, simply do something else. Go for a walk, ride a bike, talk to a Catholic friend, read a book…anything. Desires, I think, often pass like cravings for food.

Finally, realize that you ultimately cannot do this alone. You NEED God’s grace. Offer it up to Him, realize you cannot over come masturbation and the same sex attraction on your own, and ask Him for the strength to lead you through it.

Sorry this is so long my young friend. Personally message me if you would like.:tiphat:

Please, PLEASE, speak openly with a trusted priest about this.

 

[blessedtoo]

If I hold the urges off as best as I can, but then after a week of holding back I masturbate; is that a mortal sin?

I read in the catachism that it is not considered a mortal sin if you are addicted. Well, I think I fall into that catagory I can only go to confession on Mondays, and I plan to go every monday that I can. But if I were to masturbate on a thursday because I couldn’t hold it in any longer, and then I died the next day before I confessed it, would that stop me from entering Heaven?

Masturbation is always a sin. It is an intrinsically disordered act. While an addiction is difficult to stop, it is not impossible. Stumbling while trying to remain chaste in the face of an addiction may lessen the culpability, but does not negate the inherent sinfulness of the act.

Your post indicates that you are trying to find a loophole which might allow you to indulge in this sin as long as you plan to confess it. That is not the way it works. When we repent and confess, we promise to refrain from committing that sin again. I know we are not all saints yet, but if you are leaving the Confessional with the thought that you can return again the following week and do it all over again, you have not truly repented. I would suggest you continue to go to the same priest every week. Over time, it should become very painful for you to keep confessing the same sin and will help keep you strong in the face of temptation.

We are told that when we commit a mortal sin, we are separated from God. If we die with mortal sin on our soul, we are told we can not go to heaven. Of course God is the final judge of the state of our souls at the time of death, but I, for one, do not wish to play fast and lose with the clear teaching of the Church.

And about addiction: since you seem to be very aware that masturbation is a sin, it would be difficult to say you were not informed if you choose to indulge the temptations. Addicted people are often not aware of how attached they are to their behavior, and often do not realize how grave their actions are. Once you become aware, you bear a greater responsibility to steer clear of these acts.

 

[typical_teen]

Masturbation is always a sin. It is an intrinsically disordered act. While an addiction is difficult to stop, it is not impossible. Stumbling while trying to remain chaste in the face of an addiction may lessen the culpability, but does not negate the inherent sinfulness of the act.

Your post indicates that you are trying to find a loophole which might allow you to indulge in this sin as long as you plan to confess it. That is not the way it works. When we repent and confess, we promise to refrain from committing that sin again. I know we are not all saints yet, but if you are leaving the Confessional with the thought that you can return again the following week and do it all over again, you have not truly repented. I would suggest you continue to go to the same priest every week. Over time, it should become very painful for you to keep confessing the same sin and will help keep you strong in the face of temptation.

We are told that when we commit a mortal sin, we are separated from God. If we die with mortal sin on our soul, we are told we can not go to heaven. Of course God is the final judge of the state of our souls at the time of death, but I, for one, do not wish to play fast and lose with the clear teaching of the Church.

And about addiction: since you seem to be very aware that masturbation is a sin, it would be difficult to say you were not informed if you choose to indulge the temptations. Addicted people are often not aware of how attached they are to their behavior, and often do not realize how grave their actions are. Once you become aware, you bear a greater responsibility to steer clear of these acts.

Thanks for you (name removed by moderator)ut.

Have you ever had a problem with addiction to masturbation? No one can fully understand the ropes it ties around you unless you have expierienced it. It is like a drug, except it is free, you can use it whenever you want, and it doesn’t have any negative effects to your body.

I feel like the laws of the Church are pushing against me, and trying to shape me into somthing that I know I can never be. And all of this worrying about “What if I die, will I go to Heaven? I can’t stop myself” is making me so stressed out. Last time I went to confession, I thinking about how it wouldn’t be that awful if I died, because atleast I would die with a clean conscience.

The church is telling me that it is wrong that I think I am gay. Well, how does somthing that I can’t control make me a bad person?

I don’t think masturbation should be a mortal sin. How does God excpect young men to reliese their sexual urges? Men in Bible times didn’t live in the same enviroment as we do now. When they turned 15, they would get married. There was no sex in the media. If they had urges, they took care of them with their wives. Well, I don’t have a wife, and I don’t plan on getting one anytime soon.

I feel as if I am on a path to hell, and I have no way to stop myself. I hate the habit, and God knows I hate it, but yet I can’t stop.

 

[Jart]

Thanks for you (name removed by moderator)ut.

Have you ever had a problem with addiction to masturbation? No one can fully understand the ropes it ties around you unless you have expierienced it. It is like a drug, except it is free, you can use it whenever you want, and it doesn’t have any negative effects to your body.

I feel like the laws of the Church are pushing against me, and trying to shape me into somthing that I know I can never be. And all of this worrying about “What if I die, will I go to Heaven? I can’t stop myself” is making me so stressed out. Last time I went to confession, I thinking about how it wouldn’t be that awful if I died, because atleast I would die with a clean conscience.

The church is telling me that it is wrong that I think I am gay. Well, how does somthing that I can’t control make me a bad person?

I don’t think masturbation should be a mortal sin. How does God excpect young men to reliese their sexual urges? Men in Bible times didn’t live in the same enviroment as we do now. When they turned 15, they would get married. There was no sex in the media. If they had urges, they took care of them with their wives. Well, I don’t have a wife, and I don’t plan on getting one anytime soon.

I feel as if I am on a path to hell, and I have no way to stop myself. I hate the habit, and God knows I hate it, but yet I can’t stop.

Hey The Church is not saying your a bad person for thinking you are gay. It’s if you ACT on it that is wrong. Like dating and engaging in sexual acts with another man. Yes, you are right men back then didn’t have to deal with short skirts, tube tops, half naked men and women on TV and everywhere else in the media. God understands that but He knows we can do it and doesn’t want us to give up. You got excellent advice here and I pray that you use it. Don’t feel bad but keep trying man.

 

[blessedtoo]

Have you ever had a problem with addiction to masturbation? No one can fully understand the ropes it ties around you unless you have expierienced it. It is like a drug, except it is free, you can use it whenever you want, and it doesn’t have any negative effects to your body.

Sweetness, I really do understand. I think I’ve been addicted to just about everything. If you check out some of the other threads (and there are 100’s) on CAF about masturbation, you will see that you are in very good company. Anyone who draws breath knows how difficult it is to stop this habit. Achieving anything worthwhile and good requires hard work and effort. As a teen, you should understand that. You don’t just get A’s in your classes. You have to work for them. It is the same thing in our walk with God. If it were easy, we would all be saints already.

While masturbation may not have negative effects on the body (and who really knows the answer to that), it certainly does have effects on the brain and the soul. Already your posts reflect a certain sense of entitlement - like you should have a right to relieve your sexual urges simply because you have them. Sexual pleasure is not the purpose of the gift of sexual activity. Wives do not exist for men to satisfy their sexual appetities. The purpose is for unity with one’s spouse and the procreation of children. Using that gift for any other purpose alone and apart from what God intended will do harm to your understanding of the marital act.

I feel like the laws of the Church are pushing against me, and trying to shape me into somthing that I know I can never be. And all of this worrying about “What if I die, will I go to Heaven? I can’t stop myself” is making me so stressed out. Last time I went to confession, I thinking about how it wouldn’t be that awful if I died, because atleast I would die with a clean conscience.

Concentrate on your relationship to Christ. It is painful for me to think that I have done something to offend my Lord. It hurts to think that I have chosen to separate myself from His friendship. I don’t think in terms of heaven and hell because the more immediate issue is that right now, while I am in a state of sin, I have willfully turned my back on God. That should make us all sad and sorry.

You can stop yourself - with God’s help. We can do nothing on our own but with the tools we have been given through the Church (and you’ve received many helpful tips here), the sacraments and prayer, we can do anything.

The church is telling me that it is wrong that I think I am gay. Well, how does somthing that I can’t control make me a bad person?

You can “think” you are a giraffe if you want. The Church doesn’t tell you how you can think of yourself. One would argue that truly homosexual people do not “think” they “might” be gay - they know it from a very early age. In any case, the only things we must control is our behavior. Same sex attraction is not a sin. Homosexual behavior is.

I don’t think masturbation should be a mortal sin. How does God excpect young men to reliese their sexual urges? Men in Bible times didn’t live in the same enviroment as we do now.

Men in bible times probably didn’t have time to worry so much about masturbation and satisfying sexual urges because they were too busy trying to escape being murdered for their faith. God expected, and continues to expect, that we will cooperate with Him in this great gift He has given us. And He gives us everything we could ever need to achieve those goals. Trust me when I say that He knows better what we need to be joyful and at peace than our present culture preaches.

When they turned 15, they would get married. There was no sex in the media. If they had urges, they took care of them with their wives. Well, I don’t have a wife, and I don’t plan on getting one anytime soon.

I don’t know what men 2,000 years ago did with their wives, but Christian marriage is not about satisfying urges with your spouse. See above comment about purpose of marital act.

I feel as if I am on a path to hell, and I have no way to stop myself. I hate the habit, and God knows I hate it, but yet I can’t stop.

Actually, you are on the path to righteousness, my friend, because you recognize that God hates the habit, you hate the habit, and you are willing to take the steps necessary to be chaste. God bless you for your open heart.

 

[zachh]

In a society like ours, having temptation all around can be both a good thing and a bad thing. If you give into the temptation, it is obviously a bad thing. If you accept it’s existence but don’t give in, then you will find out that you are further strengthened by knowing that it doesn’t control you. It is a scar that never completely heals, but being stronger than it is something that you can wear with pride.

If you can’t do it infront of your Grandmother, especially the Catholic Grandmothers, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.