A
Allegra
Guest
*results not typical.
- Status
E
EasterJoy
Guest
Important points:
- There was a time when the wild colors and piercings were non-conformist, but they’re mainstream fashion in the very young now. The A students do it, too, just because it is fun. It is kind of like the difference between growing your hair long in 1964 vs. doing it in 1975, or wearing makeup in 1950 compared to 1910.
- I agree with having your kids abide by school rules…join the school, follow the rules. Most of the posters have seen this as a summer thing, with the presumption that the color has to meet school rules in the fall.
I don’t get the idea that the wheels are coming off at the OPs house. I think her children are simply coming to see the bright hair as a mainstream fashion that they are willing to try out.
E
Elizium23
Guest
My parents suffered greatly from my behavior and my attitude. I frankly don’t have any good parental advice for what to do with a child like me, because for all intents and purposes, I was a good kid for much of my young life; I slowly became flaky and rebellious during high school, and once I flew the coop, I was out of control. For instance, my sister did not appreciate it when I tried to dye my 1-year-old niece’s hair purple.
I will take your word for it if you say that people with colored hair are just normal now, but my entire life experience as a goth was that people with piercings, tattoos and weird hair were of a certain stripe, which did not mix well with wholesome conservative Christian values. I ran into a Charismatic fellow once who preached forcefully against the “spirit of self-mutilation” and I came to understand him. Eventually a homily by my pastor prompted me to remove the last of my piercings and embrace a conservative, modest look.
It is good for children to learn that they can have some freedom in changing their appearance and expressing themselves in positive ways, but I think it is a very important lesson to learn that people are not always kind, and often quick to judge on outward appearances, and those days when you are pounding the pavement looking for a respectable job, hiring managers will not take kindly to someone who looks slovenly or “alternative”. There are precious few jobs out there where you can look however you want. If you work at all with customers and clients you need to learn that your appearance triggers a value judgement on the suitability of the company you represent, and so the proper attire is essential.
Not to mention how you look when you enter the Lord’s house on a Sunday and celebrate the Eucharist. Would your pastor approve of how you look? What about the two pews of gossipy elderly ladies who have much influence there? Dressing appropriately is less about pleasing yourself and your friends than it is about putting your best foot forward for those in authority in your life.
Perhaps these are good talking points for your daughter when she asks such a thing of you. Being young is all about experimenting and learning the boundaries. If she walks around with blue hair for a summer, she will get a taste of how people react to that and how she feels about herself afterwards. It can arguably be a good experience that builds character, with the right guidance.
I will take your word for it if you say that people with colored hair are just normal now, but my entire life experience as a goth was that people with piercings, tattoos and weird hair were of a certain stripe, which did not mix well with wholesome conservative Christian values. I ran into a Charismatic fellow once who preached forcefully against the “spirit of self-mutilation” and I came to understand him. Eventually a homily by my pastor prompted me to remove the last of my piercings and embrace a conservative, modest look.
It is good for children to learn that they can have some freedom in changing their appearance and expressing themselves in positive ways, but I think it is a very important lesson to learn that people are not always kind, and often quick to judge on outward appearances, and those days when you are pounding the pavement looking for a respectable job, hiring managers will not take kindly to someone who looks slovenly or “alternative”. There are precious few jobs out there where you can look however you want. If you work at all with customers and clients you need to learn that your appearance triggers a value judgement on the suitability of the company you represent, and so the proper attire is essential.
Not to mention how you look when you enter the Lord’s house on a Sunday and celebrate the Eucharist. Would your pastor approve of how you look? What about the two pews of gossipy elderly ladies who have much influence there? Dressing appropriately is less about pleasing yourself and your friends than it is about putting your best foot forward for those in authority in your life.
Perhaps these are good talking points for your daughter when she asks such a thing of you. Being young is all about experimenting and learning the boundaries. If she walks around with blue hair for a summer, she will get a taste of how people react to that and how she feels about herself afterwards. It can arguably be a good experience that builds character, with the right guidance.
A
Allegra
Guest
Gossipy elderly ladies have no authority in anyone’s life, nor should they.
E
Elizium23
Guest
What if one of them is the liturgical ministry coordinator, and this young girl would like to be a lector, or EMHC? I wouldn’t put someone in the sanctuary looking like that.
On the other hand, if one of them coordinates Art & Environment, an artsy looking teenager might be an asset to the ministry…
A
Allegra
Guest
If those are the rules for being a lector, then she has to follow the rules in order to be a lector. She has to decide if she wants to be a lector this summer or serve in some other way.
However, I would have to wonder about the motives of a person who judged a child’s capacity to serve a ministry based on their hair dye.
E
Elizium23
Guest
You miss the point entirely. It isn’t about capacity to serve, at all. It is about exhibiting a presentable appearance as a public minister.
T
thewanderer
Guest
And what is meant by presentable is entirely a matter of opinion.
E
Et_Cetera
Guest
Elizium, please don’t do this. It’s just a fun little thread about being young. The Kool-Aid dye isn’t going to turn his kids into homeless goths. OP: Let us know how the colors turn out! This kind of stuff is fun. I really want to ombre the bottom of my long hair with a pastel color (very hip right now), but we’re not allowed to in professional school. I wish I would have done more fun stuff like that when I was young!
E
EasterJoy
Guest
Just a minute. I don’t think this is about acting some certain way for “those in authority”. I think, rather, it is about balancing your course of action so that you love your neighbor as yourself. What you feel about what you look like counts, but so does how everyone else is made to feel. We are bound to take both into consideration when we make our choices.
People refer to dress and grooming as “self-expression”, which is fair. It is also fair to tell a young person to stop and think about what their appearance is attempting to say about them to the world. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. If you choose your look precisely in order to let people know that you could not care less about conforming to the expectations of others, that what you are primarily concerned with is pleasing yourself and the people you happen to socialize with, it is a little like coming out and saying that you could not care less about conforming to the expectations anyone but yourself and your social peers. It is not fair to complain when people take you at your chosen look, any more than when they take you at your word.
And please, what is it with “the two pews of gossipy elderly ladies who have much influence there?” Judging that they are the parishioners most likely to be upset by your fashion choices is a little rash, don’t you think?
E
EasterJoy
Guest
In the case of a lector, it is more about not being distracting…like not going to a wedding wearing a white gown. The Mass is not about you, and when you read the Scriptures, it is better not to make yourself the center of attention. Still, I don’t know of a parish that has any guidelines with regards to acceptable hair color for lectors. Our parish has guidelines for the altar servers, but these are similar to the guidelines at the parish school. The adults and older youth could color their hair any color they like.
E
Elizium23
Guest
Don’t do what? Post an opposing viewpoint? It was precisely because the thread was filling up with sycophants that I thought I should share my own opinion. Note that I’m not necessarily against the OP’s daughter’s suggestion, I’m just tempering it with some reasonable pointers from my own self-experience. Take it or leave it!
S
shutterbugmom27
Guest
Absolutely I would let them. My son is 12 and has had numerous impressive mohawks since elementary school. Not faux hawks, actual mohawks. I love them. 
It’s only hair.
Heather
It’s only hair.Heather
A
Allegra
Guest
My point is, who cares what a few snooty, gossipy broads think is presentable? I’d rather hear a well-spoken young person with a blue do then struggle to dicipher the gnarled mutterings of some lady draped in Alfred Dunner and a hearing aide that needs a new battery. For me, it’s all about the function of being able to clearly articulate the Scripture and preferably read with some semblance of tone and understanding. I couldn’t care less about their hairdo. What makes some gossipy snobs’ opinions more authoritative than mine? In the end, the only one who has any authority in the matter is the pastor.
E
Elizium23
Guest
And my pastor would be the first one to take an extremely dim view of anyone dressed inappropriately for service in the sanctuary.
T
thewanderer
Guest
Well thats fine, he can put in a rule to ensure people are dressed according to his standards, it is his parish after all.
B
Bruised_Reed
Guest
The fact that I stopped coloring my hair and doing other harmless things I enjoyed should have signaled to my parents that something was wrong. I stopped, in part, because it’s kind of high maintenance but mostly because I was giving up. I was in a downward spiral toward depression and depression wasn’t acknowledged back when I was in high school or even college.
Obedience, modesty, hygiene, yes; conformity, no! Why were my so-called popular peers the ones I should emulate? What made them so great?
I’m a freak even if I don’t color my hair or dress creatively. I’ve tried to “fit in” and it will Never. Happen. So I’m going to wave my freak flag.
I’m truly sorry you didn’t actually enjoy coloring your hair or “funny” clothes. If we were the same age and you were basically a descent person I probably would have hung out with you (edit: I realize this isn’t a given, I might have been too…something.) I didn’t lose my faith (edit: oh, wait, yes I did, years later, and that is went I was trying to fit in) and maybe we could have gone to church stuff together and I was pretty active. I made mistakes and so did my friends but the expressive hair or clothes were not the cause or indicator of problems.
E
EasterJoy
Guest
Do remember that we’re talking about girls who want to do something silly to their hair between when school lets out and when it starts again. They’re not getting tattoos.
E
Elizium23
Guest
I am not sure where you got that idea. I certainly did enjoy doing these things while I did them, they were an integral part of my identity and I reacted very negatively to people who suggested I should not be acting out in this way. I also enjoyed doing a lot of other things that were bad for me, and I just didn’t care enough to stop.
E
Et_Cetera
Guest
So what? If he wants to stereotype, then it’s his loss. I’m not upset that you have an opposing viewpoint. It’s that you’ve basically taken over this thread with tales of woe that seem pretty irrelevant to what the OP’s kids want to do.
- Status