I want to dye my hair blue, Dad

[Bruised_Reed]

Elizium23:

I am not sure where you got that idea. I certainly did enjoy doing these things while I did them, they were an integral part of my identity and I reacted very negatively to people who suggested I should not be acting out in this way. I also enjoyed doing a lot of other things that were bad for me, and I just didn’t care enough to stop.

Sorry. I misunderstood. Still not convinced the actual hair coloring was bad for you but perhaps it was. Your experience is valid and I respect that.

And I do realize that people, especially young people, do dress differently, get tattoos because they are unhappy, dealing with mental health stuff, using drugs. But the former doesn’t cause the latter and it isn’t a reliable indicator. Do you acknowledge that?

 

[Kamaduck]

Lots of girls dye their hair. During the school year, they get the bottom layer of their hair dyed so that it’s partially hidden. In the summer, nobody cares where they dye it. It’s not something I do, but it’s also not something I would use to judge a person’s character.

I do think that it’s really only accepted for girls, since I’ve never seen any boys at my school who have unnaturally colored hair. On girls, though, few people think anything of it, and fewer during summer. I say let them go for it with temporary or semi-permanent dye.

 

[MJJean]

My youngest daughter has dyed her hair a few times. She is a very outgoing and energetic young person and decided to take her funky style a step further and color her hair. I made a deal with her that if she got good grades I would allow her to dye her hair any color she wanted.

So far, she has been blue, Vampire Red (which faded to various shades of pink), burgandy (which also faded to reds and pinks) and even done stripes.

The really funny thing? She came to me about 6 months ago and asked that I buy her Honey Blond or a shade of brown hair dye. Why? Because half the girls she knew dyed their hair when they saw hers and now she wants to be individual by going a more natural color.

If people lack the maturity to see a child with a fun and funky hair color, smile, and then go back to what they were doing that is their problem.

As far as her service, well, the hair could work in her favor. A lot of people think religion is staid and unchanging. A dead rather than a living thing. Someone fresh and fun could go a long way toward combating that view and possibly bring more people into the fold. Other youth with different styles could be made to feel more welcome.

It’s the content that matters, not the packaging. Just my $.02

 

[on_the_hill]

Go for it.

If it happened in my house, it would our girls a chance to have some silly fun and me a chance to harmlessly rant, “You did what?!”

 

[revert_jen]

My point is, who cares what a few snooty, gossipy broads think is presentable? I’d rather hear a well-spoken young person with a blue do then struggle to dicipher the gnarled mutterings of some lady draped in Alfred Dunner and a hearing aide that needs a new battery. For me, it’s all about the function of being able to clearly articulate the Scripture and preferably read with some semblance of tone and understanding. I couldn’t care less about their hairdo. What makes some gossipy snobs’ opinions more authoritative than mine? In the end, the only one who has any authority in the matter is the pastor.

Wow. You know, even elderly ladies, yes, even those wearing Alfred Dunner (?), are deserving of charity. If they could read better, I’m sure they would. And if there were more articulate people on offer, I’m sure they would be selected. A lot of times, elderly ladies have a lot of jobs around the church because they are the only ones who volunteer.

I’m not elderly, and I’m not a snob, but I don’t spend a lot of time around teenagers, and I do find blue hair distracting. I probably wouldn’t notice in a lector, but in an EMHC it would make me uncomfortable. You can call me nasty names for it if you want, but it’s not like I decided to have it make me uncomfortable. It would be distracting at a time when I should be focusing on the Eucharist. Since the whole point of doing it is to draw attention to onesself, all I’m saying is, “Great, it worked! But that’s not appropriate in this role.” I mean, if it’s not distracting, why bother to do it?

That said, I’ve never been in a parish that used teenaged EMHCs anyway. It’s just that the idea that people should be blamed and called names for things they can’t help (like being old, or having a failing voice, or being distracted by unnatural hair colors), but people shouldn’t expect any consequences for voluntary acts of self-expression seems very wrong to me. I expressed myself via my appearance when I was a teenager, too. If there hadn’t been any (mild) consequences, it wouldn’t have been nearly so fun.

–Jen

 

[Allegra]

Wow. You know, even elderly ladies, yes, even those wearing Alfred Dunner (?), are deserving of charity. If they could read better, I’m sure they would. And if there were more articulate people on offer, I’m sure they would be selected. A lot of times, elderly ladies have a lot of jobs around the church because they are the only ones who volunteer.

I’m not elderly, and I’m not a snob, but I don’t spend a lot of time around teenagers, and I do find blue hair distracting. I probably wouldn’t notice in a lector, but in an EMHC it would make me uncomfortable. You can call me nasty names for it if you want, but it’s not like I decided to have it make me uncomfortable. It would be distracting at a time when I should be focusing on the Eucharist. Since the whole point of doing it is to draw attention to onesself, all I’m saying is, “Great, it worked! But that’s not appropriate in this role.” I mean, if it’s not distracting, why bother to do it?

That said, I’ve never been in a parish that used teenaged EMHCs anyway. It’s just that the idea that people should be blamed and called names for things they can’t help (like being old, or having a failing voice, or being distracted by unnatural hair colors), but people shouldn’t expect any consequences for voluntary acts of self-expression seems very wrong to me. I expressed myself via my appearance when I was a teenager, too. If there hadn’t been any (mild) consequences, it wouldn’t have been nearly so fun.

–Jen

I apoligize. It wasn’t my intent to suggest that all elderly ladies are snobby. I was refering to the hypothetical ones described as “gossipy” in another poster’s post, to whose allegedy authority we should all apparently bow. I find most elderly ladies to be actual ladies and not snobby at all. (Some of them also have blue hair.) I was also referring to the the same poster’s contention that a lector’s conventional appearance was more important than their ability to read the Scripture properly.

 

[Aggie414]

I’m not a parent – and, like the OP, I would have once said “no way.” BUT I think it’s a great way for them to learn how to express themselves within reason. I think it’s reasonable to set limits such as have been mentioned: It has to be temporary; it has to be gone before school starts; if they are altar servers/lecters, et cetera, and there are dress codes, they have to either figure out a way to conceal the hair color – sometimes this can be done by wearing the hair in a bun/pony tail/french braid/french twist – or they can’t perform those duties during the summer.

I see it as no different than allowing children/teens to choose their own clothing with proper guidelines in place: I don’t want to see your underwear, I don’t want to see your stomach…

 

[Kelfa28]

It’s kind of funny.

I have a daughter and I’m actually hoping she comes to me and ask if she can dye her hair…just to see the reaction on dad’s face…I might need to get the camera ready for that one…

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It’s kind of funny.

I have a daughter and I’m actually hoping she comes to me and ask if she can dye her hair…just to see the reaction on dad’s face…I might need to get the camera ready for that one…

Hair grows out, can be cut off, or dyed back to a normal color. Tats and piercings… that’s another story…

Younger son decided to get his lip pierced when his college roomie went in for another tat… I was not happy about it but figured he’d get tired of it quickly, and he did. Thank God, it’s expensive to have to go to a lawyer and write him out of the will…

 

[Rico_S]

I think your extra research might earn you some cool-dad points. Imagine when they are grown up and the share memories and say, “remember when you took us to the salon (not that you have to do this) to get our hair dyed and **you got some too? I thought the green looked good on you!” **:grouphug:

Did I go too far?

Yes. Yes you did go too far!

 

[Rico_S]

Looks like the girls and mom have agreed to do the kool aid route for this first go 'round. They have been watching vidoes online how to do it, so they think this will work.

I am fine b/c it is cheap!!!..just worry that their pillow and shirts will smell like fruit punch.

 

[revert_jen]

I apoligize. It wasn’t my intent to suggest that all elderly ladies are snobby. I was refering to the hypothetical ones described as “gossipy” in another poster’s post, to whose allegedy authority we should all apparently bow. I find most elderly ladies to be actual ladies and not snobby at all. (Some of them also have blue hair.) I was also referring to the the same poster’s contention that a lector’s conventional appearance was more important than their ability to read the Scripture properly.

Understood. Sometimes things that meant one thing when we post them mean something else when others read them. If my response was harsh, I apologize for that too.

But I think that in some ways I still disagree with your point. To take it to extremes, I think an excellent reader who is also full-on goth would be a worse choice than a mediocre reader who wouldn’t be distracting people from the readings by his/her appearance. If your appearance is designed to make a statement, then you shouldn’t take on roles where people will see you, if that statement is inappropriate.

The question here (well, the question in this digression) is whether streaks of unnatural colors in hair is enough of a statement too disqualify someone from being a reader, and I think the answer to that is “no, as long as the priest hasn’t forbidden it.”

But the question of whether there should be any limits at all is a different question that should perhaps be dealt with in another thread, if there is actual disagreement.

–Jen

 

[MJJean]

Might want to be careful with that Kool-Aid dye. My kids did it and ended up staining some things even after they were supposed to be safe. Have the kid use old sheets and pillowcases and wear old clothing for a few days.

My daughter got her dye from the local beauty supply store. It claimed 3-6 months and lasted about 2 weeks before it lightened up. Within a few weeks my formerly burgundy haired child was at Bubble Gum Shocking Pink! Just a warning

 

[Allegra]

Hair grows out, can be cut off, or dyed back to a normal color. Tats and piercings… that’s another story…

Younger son decided to get his lip pierced when his college roomie went in for another tat… I was not happy about it but figured he’d get tired of it quickly, and he did. Thank God, it’s expensive to have to go to a lawyer and write him out of the will…

My eldest brother made a couple attempts to look cool as a young adult. He’s a decent looking guy, but he’s got a certain “cuteness” factor to him that he desperately wanted to lose in favor of looking tough. The problem is he’s kinda short and has freckles upon freckles. He also has huge lips and a sort of shy smile that makes all his female friends go “awwwwww.” (Not what he was going for.)

So his first move was to shave his hair. Big mistake. It turns out he even has freckles on his scalp. In addition he has a sort of caved in area on the right side that rises and falls when he talks or chews.

The next thing he did was get a tattoo of a dragon on his arm. My mom detests tattoos and he was super excited to show it off to her. She just looked at it and said, “Awww. How cute! A dragon with freckles!” Ten years later, you can barely just make it out. The freckles are overwhelming.

 

[Allegra]

Might want to be careful with that Kool-Aid dye. My kids did it and ended up staining some things even after they were supposed to be safe. Have the kid use old sheets and pillowcases and wear old clothing for a few days.

My daughter got her dye from the local beauty supply store. It claimed 3-6 months and lasted about 2 weeks before it lightened up. Within a few weeks my formerly burgundy haired child was at Bubble Gum Shocking Pink! Just a warning

That’s true. We did it once for halloween and it dyed all of our shirts purple.

 

[SubjectVerb]

4th grade - No. HS - Yes. Except if it’s a unity/team/charity thing, then I’d let them all go for it.

In general, I like to set up limits that I can remove as they age. I remove the limits on hair as a “gift” when they become a HS freshman. Lip gloss is 6th grade. Pierced ears is 5th grade, etc. It works because it gradually turns over control and responsibility to them and gives them a format where they know I recognize their growing maturity, their personal style and reward good behavior.

That’s great advice for us with our future daughters. Thanks

 

[Allegra]

Understood. Sometimes things that meant one thing when we post them mean something else when others read them. If my response was harsh, I apologize for that too.

But I think that in some ways I still disagree with your point. To take it to extremes, I think an excellent reader who is also full-on goth would be a worse choice than a mediocre reader who wouldn’t be distracting people from the readings by his/her appearance. If your appearance is designed to make a statement, then you shouldn’t take on roles where people will see you, if that statement is inappropriate.

The question here (well, the question in this digression) is whether streaks of unnatural colors in hair is enough of a statement too disqualify someone from being a reader, and I think the answer to that is “no, as long as the priest hasn’t forbidden it.”

But the question of whether there should be any limits at all is a different question that should perhaps be dealt with in another thread, if there is actual disagreement.

–Jen

But everyone’s appearance is designed to make a statement, even if that statement is “God forbid anyone think that I think I’m wealthier, prettier, sexier, smarter, more sophisticated, or even more humble than anyone one else!” It’s still a statement.

I’m not sure what “full on goth” means. If the girl has dyed her hair black and has a chain for a necklace, is that less appropriate for reading the Scripture than a middle-aged lady with a full face of just as unnatural looking makeup who is hoping that her neighbor’s husband notices her legs and bare shoulders when she walks down the aisle? I don’t really think so. There are some statements that are contrary to the faith. Cross-dressing would be one example. Tee-shirts that condone sexual immorality would be another. Clothing that is immodest for another. I don’t see what statement blue hair makes that is contrary to the faith. And yes, I do believe people need to take responsibilty for what they allow to distract them. If they notice unusual hair, that’s not their fault, but if they willingly choose to spend their time brooding over it and becoming angry that anyone would dare to infringe on their personal dress code instead of spending the time in prayer, that is absolutely their own fault.

 

[on_the_hill]

Pierced ears is 5th grade, etc.

Yep. I was grumpy old dad about pierced ears until this year, 5th grade, when I agreed it could be a Christmas present.

On the other hand, my 14 year old daughter hasn’t done it yet because she’s afraid to.

And my wife didn’t do it until she was 21.

 

[EasterJoy]

But everyone’s appearance is designed to make a statement, even if that statement is “God forbid anyone think that I think I’m wealthier, prettier, sexier, smarter, more sophisticated, or even more humble than anyone one else!” It’s still a statement.

I’m not sure what “full on goth” means. If the girl has dyed her hair black and has a chain for a necklace, is that less appropriate for reading the Scripture than a middle-aged lady with a full face of just as unnatural looking makeup who is hoping that her neighbor’s husband notices her legs and bare shoulders when she walks down the aisle? I don’t really think so. There are some statements that are contrary to the faith. Cross-dressing would be one example. Tee-shirts that condone sexual immorality would be another. Clothing that is immodest for another. I don’t see what statement blue hair makes that is contrary to the faith. And yes, I do believe people need to take responsibilty for what they allow to distract them. If they notice unusual hair, that’s not their fault, but if they willingly choose to spend their time brooding over it and becoming angry that anyone would dare to infringe on their personal dress code instead of spending the time in prayer, that is absolutely their own fault.

Well, no, I’d say that some people do not venture close enough to a mirror to consider what statement they’re making. When you see an seventh grade boy who managed to get to church looking like an unmade bed, I think that the desire to “make a statement” was the last thing on his mind. Five minutes of extra sleep was what was on his mind, not the idea that anyone would be looking at his hair for clues to what place he gives himself in the universe. (In fashion-speak, this neglect to make any statement at all is called “letting yourself go.”)

Goth is a little different than just dressing to suit yourself in defiance of the prevailing norm. The Goth subculture is characterized by a fascination with death and with the grotesque and the desolate that is at odds with the Mass itself. There is a concentration on the mysterious that brings to mind the fashions of other people who are fascinated with the occult, as well.

The neon colors in hair were originally meant to be defiant or avante garde, but they are so main-stream now that someone has to shave her head and paint it with a leopard print to stand out. So it is not just a matter of whether a “natural” look is being achieved or not. (Although to be fair to the women who look made-up, most are at least trying to achieve a look that they believe to be natural.) It has to do with whether or not you have a look that is in defiance of unity, in defiance of the possibly of blending in and not standing out. You don’t have to blend in with the walls and match the carpet, but as you say it is better to avoid the impression that you want everyone else’s husband to covet you, too, or to tempt them towards any other kind of rash judgment. That just isn’t what is needed during the Liturgy of the Word.

Having said that, as far as I know our local parishes either have no dress code for adults in ministry or else have minimal standards that deal with how much skin is allowed to show. I would think that telling grown women what they can and cannot wear is a hornet’s nest that most pastors would rather stay out of. Sometimes there is a dress code for youth Masses that remind the youth not to wear garb intended for athletics, the beach, the dance hall, or other legitimately boisterous occasion, but to wear something suitable to an atmosphere of solemnity. Even a girl with bright pink hair, though, could probably tone it down enough with a snood that it would not look silly next to the austerity of an all-white alb. IMHO, some bright pink bangs sticking out would not matter, considering her obvious effort to take on a solemn look for the occasion of the Mass.

 

[Allegra]

Well, no, I’d say that some people do not venture close enough to a mirror to consider what statement they’re making. When you see an seventh grade boy who managed to get to church looking like an unmade bed, I think that the desire to “make a statement” was the last thing on his mind. Five minutes of extra sleep was what was on his mind, not the idea that anyone would be looking at his hair for clues to what place he gives himself in the universe. (In fashion-speak, this neglect to make any statement at all is called “letting yourself go.”)

Goth is a little different than just dressing to suit yourself in defiance of the prevailing norm. The Goth subculture is characterized by a fascination with death and with the grotesque and the desolate that is at odds with the Mass itself. There is a concentration on the mysterious that brings to mind the fashions of other people who are fascinated with the occult, as well.
, .

Having two brothers who grew up in the 90’s, I have to disagree. Alot of work goes into that deshevelled, cocky, devil-may-care, look. You have to buy clothes with the appropriate wear and tear in them. (You don’t think someone THAT COOL is going to actually go to the trouble to do what it takes to wear authentic holes in his pants himself, do you? That’s what sweatshops in Indonesia are for!) There’s even hair product to make you look more greesy and ungroomed.

Now I’m trying to figure out why a person with a fascination with death, the occult, and the grotesque would want to be reading Scripture at Mass anyway. When I taught middle school, I heard alot of things the kids wore being described as “goth” that really didn’t seem to fit that description. Maybe one man’s “goth” is another man’s “trendy”?