I want to find a woman like Mary?

[Chevaleresse]

“There are a lot of things that this person or not simply cannot look past in the person they share their life with, and that’s just life. If this particular person or that just can’t see themselves marrying someone with (or without!) freckles, there is no use arguing with it. You’re right: you go in knowing you might pass over some very good prospects, but because some particular thing is important to you, you just decide live with that, and nothing against them. I don’t see what good it would be to argue with that. You feel what you feel, arguing won’t change it, and it isn’t anyone else’s business. You’re the one who has to be in the marriage for life.”

Agreed. What annoys me is people on here who claim that another is judgmental or ‘unChristian’ for rejecting a potential spouse on any grounds whatsoever (and others in particular). That kind of shaming has actually driven people away from the idea of marriage entirely (i.e. thinking they’re not allowed to reject people for certain reasons).

 

[EasterJoy]

Agreed. What annoys me is people on here who claim that another is judgmental or ‘unChristian’ for rejecting a potential spouse on any grounds whatsoever (and others in particular). That kind of shaming has actually driven people away from the idea of marriage entirely (i.e. thinking they’re not allowed to reject people for certain reasons).

It’s a nasty thing to do to people, but I kind of doubt that it keeps anyone from getting married. To the contrary, I think it could easily lead some to marry spouses they really aren’t suited to, because someone has seriously undermined their sense that choosing a spouse requires that they know their own mind and act accordingly. If someone thinks they can’t say to an actual person they’ve been in a courtship with, “You’re not the person I want to marry” without saying “You’re not good enough for anyone marry”, they can wind up married to the wrong person, because they aren’t willing to be “judgmental”. I think that is the bigger danger, by far.

If you don’t want to marry someone because she’s not a virgin, she really would be better off if you would be honest that she is not the right one for you. She might not like it, but any means of overriding your right to know your own mind and choose accordingly would have made matters far worse for both of you.

 

[Chevaleresse]

“It’s a nasty thing to do to people, but I kind of doubt that it keeps anyone from getting married. To the contrary, I think it could easily lead some to marry spouses they really aren’t suited to, because someone has seriously undermined their sense that choosing a spouse requires that they know their own mind and act accordingly.”

Yes, that’s true too. I’ve seen both. I mentioned only the first mainly in reference to the potential good marriages never occurring.

“If someone thinks they can’t say to an actual person they’ve been in a courtship with, “You’re not the person I want to marry” without saying “You’re not good enough for anyone marry”, they can wind up married to the wrong person, because they aren’t willing to be “judgmental”. I think that is the bigger danger, by far.”

That is a danger. No one should be saying “I do” if that aren’t able to say “I don’t”.

 

[EasterJoy]

That is a danger. No one should be saying “I do” if that aren’t able to say “I don’t”.

Amen to that! It is FAR better to be too picky and never marry at all than to marry badly because you overruled your own mind.
(After all, in the first case you only make one person miserable.)

 

[SeekNFind]

Amen to that! It is FAR better to be too picky and never marry at all than to marry badly because you overruled your own mind.
(After all, in the first case you only make one person miserable.)

I agree that it’s better to be happy single than miserable in a marriage. By ALL means, a person should never marry someone they are truly not compatible with. But if the decision to date/court/marry someone is based on something like freckles LOL perhaps it is better for both parties involved that they don’t marry. Some people will (should?) remain alone because they are constantly looking for someone perfect instead of the person who is perfect for them. There is a difference. Love cannot come to someone who is close-minded or afraid to be vulnerable. Love=risk.

 

[EasterJoy]

I agree that it’s better to be happy single than miserable in a marriage. By ALL means, a person should never marry someone they are truly not compatible with. But if the decision to date/court/marry someone is based on something like freckles LOL perhaps it is better for both parties involved that they don’t marry. Some people will (should?) remain alone because they are constantly looking for someone perfect instead of the person who is perfect for them. There is a difference. Love cannot come to someone who is close-minded or afraid to be vulnerable. Love=risk.

If being willing to marry someone who is a terrible housekeeper but always pays her bills on time and has the number of freckles you think the cutest isn’t finding someone “perfect for me” instead of perfect, then what is? Well, most people who have ever posted on this board saying they want to marry a virgin or they want to marry someone who is very spirtiually oriented never said that they wouldn’t be willing to put up with some other personal qualities that aren’t a piece of cake to deal with. They’ve said “This is important to me, and I want to marry someone who shares my appreciation–and the Church’s appreciation!–of how important it is.”

A person who has kept himself or herself for marriage has not followed the default path of our society. That person has a lot of emotional and spiritual work invested in how they’ve kept their bodies. It makes total sense that they will want someone who appreciates what that was all about, who has taken the effort to have the same gift to give in return. There is nothing wrong with that.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Ok, this might sound weird (especially coming from a non Catholic), but I’d really like to find a girlfriend (and potential wife) similar to Mary. Someone who is spiritually beautiful, has God as the most important thing in their lives, someone who is nice and caring. I want someone pure, not someone who has slept around. Is this odd? Since I was about 14, Mary has been like a Mother to me, so it’s only natural I want to find someone like her. Right???

Why not. Good luck there are a lot of great Catholic women out there it shouldn’t be hard for you to find one.

 

[SeekNFind]

If being willing to marry someone who is a terrible housekeeper but always pays her bills on time and has the number of freckles you think the cutest isn’t finding someone “perfect for me” instead of perfect, then what is? Well, most people who have ever posted on this board saying they want to marry a virgin or they want to marry someone who is very spirtiually oriented never said that they wouldn’t be willing to put up with some other personal qualities that aren’t a piece of cake to deal with. They’ve said “This is important to me, and I want to marry someone who shares my appreciation–and the Church’s appreciation!–of how important it is.”

A person who has kept himself or herself for marriage has not followed the default path of our society. That person has a lot of emotional and spiritual work invested in how they’ve kept their bodies. It makes total sense that they will want someone who appreciates what that was all about, who has taken the effort to have the same gift to give in return. There is nothing wrong with that.

I don’t see anything wrong with a person who prefers to marry a virgin, especially if that person is a virgin themselves. I just think comparing something like virginity (a virtue) to freckles (something physical beyond a person’s control) is apples to oranges. Wanting the first is quite noble. Dismissing a person because of the latter seems ridiculous.

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t see anything wrong with a person who prefers to marry a virgin, especially if that person is a virgin themselves. I just think comparing something like virginity (a virtue) to freckles (something physical beyond a person’s control) is apples to oranges. Wanting the first is quite noble. Dismissing a person because of the latter seems ridiculous.

My point is only that if something that seems inconsequential to anyone else is important to you, it is a good idea to pay attention to that when you are choosing a spouse to whom to give yourself. No one has any right to demand that you lay aside that little quirk; you ought to marry according to your own mind and your own affections, provided you are not resisting the promptings of the Holy Spirit in prayer (but let us hope that goes without saying).

But yes: How much more, then, does someone have a right to hope to find a spouse of virtue, whether one concentrates on some particular virtue, as those who seek a virgin, or if one is like the OP, and desires the his or her spouse has cultivated a great array of virtues. There is great variety among the saints, but surely he is describing the ideal wife for many a devout Catholic man.

Likewise, though, it is of course alright to put aside concern for the past, as long as you are not ignoring present faults that might render the marriage invalid. If a man is willing to marry someone who has committed some sin or other and then repented, there can be real virtue in that, as well. Again: there is great variety among the saints.

 

[SeekNFind]

My point is only that if something that seems inconsequential to anyone else is important to you, it is a good idea to pay attention to that when you are choosing a spouse to whom to give yourself. No one has any right to demand that you lay aside that little quirk; you ought to marry according to your own mind and your own affections, provided you are not resisting the promptings of the Holy Spirit in prayer (but let us hope that goes without saying).

I never suggested otherwise. However, one should realize that certain “preferences” could severely affect his or her potential to marry in the future. All the more reason to ask God for guidance when choosing a spouse. He knows what we need which may differ a lot from what our flesh wants.

But back to the OP, wanting a woman who models herself after Mary shows depth of character and maturity. Good luck in you search.

 

[Elisabethelisa]

Aww. Haha, no that’s not odd. I think most guys want that. Just remember that you should be like St. Joseph and be worthy of her. Pray for us, Holy Mother of God that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Agreed!
Its really good wanting someone nice and caring but it you have to be the same for her.

E.