I want to get married but can't because I would lose my SSI.

[Holly3278]

Hey everyone. I am looking for any (name removed by moderator)ut or advice that anyone can offer. Anyway, I am on SSI which is the acronym for Supplemental Security Income. It is given to disabled people who have a financial need for it and it is not based on work history like SSDI is. SSDI is Social Security Disability Insurance program and is given to people who are disabled and have enough work credits. To put it simply, I didn’t work enough to qualify for SSDI and I only qualified for SSI. I can’t work anymore because of my disabilities and therefore have no chance of ever getting SSDI.

Anyway, I want to marry my boyfriend who is also the father of my child, Colton. My boyfriend’s name is David. I can’t get married to him because he makes too much money and his combined income with mine would mean that I would lose most of my SSI check and then we would not have enough money to take care of each other and our child. He has SSDI (which he is losing soon) and he also works a certain amount of allowable hours per week. He has to do this in order to be able to pay all the bills. Soon, he will simply be working only and he will likely be working full time if he can handle it.

So anyway, we can’t get married to each other because our combined incomes would result in me losing most of my income which would put David and I in a precarious financial situation.

So what advice do you have for us? We want to get married but the only way we could do that is if I lose my SSI and if I lose my SSI then we will be in a precarious financial situation. So to put it simply, we see no way that we can get married.

If we could get married without having to have the government recognize the marriage then that would work but that is illegal. Besides that, we would live together after getting married and again, our combined incomes would be counted and I would lose most, if not all, of my SSI check.

 

[1ke]

I can’t get married to him because he makes too much money and his combined income with mine would mean that I would lose most of my SSI check and then we would not have enough money to take care of each other and our child.

I would recommend you talk to a benefits specialist within your county social services department. There may be other federal, state, or county programs that you would qualify for that you are not currently receiving benefits under or once you are married there may be other options for you, for example some people can qualify for SSDI based on their spouse’s earnings.

SSI is just that-- supplemental income-- for very low income people. Once you are married you will not longer be in that category because your husband-to-be makes over the threshold.

People do face financial dilemmas when they decide to combine their households and marry. This is not always fair or just, and we can work towards redressing these through changes in the law.

Marriage is a total commitment, for better or worse. It may seem like a difficult path ahead, but you will also have good times head as well. Don’t let fear stand in the way of that.

This is much more of a social services issue than a moral one. You need professional assistance to guide you through what can be a complex labyrinth of government forms and programs.

 

[JimmyG88]

Hey everyone. I am looking for any (name removed by moderator)ut or advice that anyone can offer. Anyway, I am on SSI which is the acronym for Supplemental Security Income. It is given to disabled people who have a financial need for it and it is not based on work history like SSDI is. SSDI is Social Security Disability Insurance program and is given to people who are disabled and have enough work credits. To put it simply, I didn’t work enough to qualify for SSDI and I only qualified for SSI. I can’t work anymore because of my disabilities and therefore have no chance of ever getting SSDI.

Anyway, I want to marry my boyfriend who is also the father of my child, Colton. My boyfriend’s name is David. I can’t get married to him because he makes too much money and his combined income with mine would mean that I would lose most of my SSI check and then we would not have enough money to take care of each other and our child. He has SSDI (which he is losing soon) and he also works a certain amount of allowable hours per week. He has to do this in order to be able to pay all the bills. Soon, he will simply be working only and he will likely be working full time if he can handle it.

So anyway, we can’t get married to each other because our combined incomes would result in me losing most of my income which would put David and I in a precarious financial situation.

So what advice do you have for us? We want to get married but the only way we could do that is if I lose my SSI and if I lose my SSI then we will be in a precarious financial situation. So to put it simply, we see no way that we can get married.

If we could get married without having to have the government recognize the marriage then that would work but that is illegal. Besides that, we would live together after getting married and again, our combined incomes would be counted and I would lose most, if not all, of my SSI check.

You want the government to pay benefits but you don’t want the government to recognise your marriage??

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hey everyone. I am looking for any (name removed by moderator)ut or advice that anyone can offer. Anyway, I am on SSI which is the acronym for Supplemental Security Income. It is given to disabled people who have a financial need for it and it is not based on work history like SSDI is. SSDI is Social Security Disability Insurance program and is given to people who are disabled and have enough work credits. To put it simply, I didn’t work enough to qualify for SSDI and I only qualified for SSI. I can’t work anymore because of my disabilities and therefore have no chance of ever getting SSDI.

Anyway, I want to marry my boyfriend who is also the father of my child, Colton. My boyfriend’s name is David. I can’t get married to him because he makes too much money and his combined income with mine would mean that I would lose most of my SSI check and then we would not have enough money to take care of each other and our child. He has SSDI (which he is losing soon) and he also works a certain amount of allowable hours per week. He has to do this in order to be able to pay all the bills. Soon, he will simply be working only and he will likely be working full time if he can handle it.

So anyway, we can’t get married to each other because our combined incomes would result in me losing most of my income which would put David and I in a precarious financial situation.

So what advice do you have for us? We want to get married but the only way we could do that is if I lose my SSI and if I lose my SSI then we will be in a precarious financial situation. So to put it simply, we see no way that we can get married.

If we could get married without having to have the government recognize the marriage then that would work but that is illegal. Besides that, we would live together after getting married and again, our combined incomes would be counted and I would lose most, if not all, of my SSI check.

So the question is do you wish to be one with your child’s father, or the government?

Honestly, how is this a question. You are basing marriage on money?

 

[phil19034]

I suggest talking to your priest about this.

It’s really a shame that our government rewards immorality among the people who need financial support.

 

[JimmyG88]

If your combined income takes you over the earnings threshold then you can’t have the benefit. There has to be a cut off point. Presumably the combined income is enough for many couples to manage?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I suggest talking to your priest about this.

It’s really a shame that our government rewards immorality among the people who need financial support.

I’m usually right in there with a “talk to your priest” suggestion but I’m currious what a priest would offer here that is unique?

 

[JimmyG88]

To organise your life around eligibility for state handouts is odd to say the least

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Hey everyone. I am looking for any (name removed by moderator)ut or advice that anyone can offer. Anyway, I am on SSI which is the acronym for Supplemental Security Income. It is given to disabled people who have a financial need for it and it is not based on work history like SSDI is. SSDI is Social Security Disability Insurance program and is given to people who are disabled and have enough work credits. To put it simply, I didn’t work enough to qualify for SSDI and I only qualified for SSI. I can’t work anymore because of my disabilities and therefore have no chance of ever getting SSDI.

Anyway, I want to marry my boyfriend who is also the father of my child, Colton. My boyfriend’s name is David. I can’t get married to him because he makes too much money and his combined income with mine would mean that I would lose most of my SSI check and then we would not have enough money to take care of each other and our child. He has SSDI (which he is losing soon) and he also works a certain amount of allowable hours per week. He has to do this in order to be able to pay all the bills. Soon, he will simply be working only and he will likely be working full time if he can handle it.

So anyway, we can’t get married to each other because our combined incomes would result in me losing most of my income which would put David and I in a precarious financial situation.

So what advice do you have for us? We want to get married but the only way we could do that is if I lose my SSI and if I lose my SSI then we will be in a precarious financial situation. So to put it simply, we see no way that we can get married.

If we could get married without having to have the government recognize the marriage then that would work but that is illegal. Besides that, we would live together after getting married and again, our combined incomes would be counted and I would lose most, if not all, of my SSI check.

Talk to your parish priest about your situation, it may be possible to get a Church marriage without a civil marriage and as Indiana lacks common law marriages you wouldn’t be married. As someone who has looked into how SSI and SSDI interact with marriage I fully understand that the system is horribly designed

I would recommend you talk to a benefits specialist within your county social services department. There may be other federal, state, or county programs that you would qualify for that you are not currently receiving benefits under or once you are married there may be other options for you, for example some people can qualify for SSDI based on their spouse’s earnings.

SSI is just that-- supplemental income-- for very low income people. Once you are married you will not longer be in that category because your husband-to-be makes over the threshold.

People do face financial dilemmas when they decide to combine their households and marry. This is not always fair or just, and we can work towards redressing these through changes in the law.

Marriage is a total commitment, for better or worse. It may seem like a difficult path ahead, but you will also have good times head as well. Don’t let fear stand in the way of that.

This is much more of a social services issue than a moral one. You need professional assistance to guide you through what can be a complex labyrinth of government forms and programs.

I am saying this and I don’t mean it to be trivial, this is a situation where TRUST and surrender are key and I mean that with all sincerity.

I have been tempted in my life to do immoral things, and I even did them because I thought it would benefit me financially. I would be ashamed to admit the stupid lies I told just to get $15-20 it’s ridiculous. I was miserable because I was living in sin in my heart. People are tempted all the time to cheat on their taxes, to lie about finances, to hide assets all to benefit themselves financially and are committing sins in order to do so. Your child will see that you chose truth and God’s laws over money, do you know what a powerful message that is?

There is freedom in truth! There is freedom in living according to God’s plan for your life. You will have to do some digging, some planning, some creative thinking and probably a lot of work, it’s not about just getting married and telling Jesus to do the rest! However TRUST that the God of the Universe, the God that created everything from nothing, the God that can make a blind man see, the God that can make the sun dance, the God that can raise the dead can somehow help your financial situation.

SSI and SSDI are so colossally messed up that getting married can result in you becoming so poor as to become homeless, working incredibly hard to get a job can result in you making less money and unable to afford to go to work and other insane things. The system is so messed up that I would go so far as to say that it is immoral.

 

[As_for_my_House]

I have a brother in the same exact situation you are in. He and his GF have a daughter and would like to marry. They figure that they would loose 1/4 of their income if they marry. Neither can hold a job (mental health issues).

I know that they often run out of food by the end of the month so a cut would cause severe hardship. But also I know that they can’t resist buying movies, video games and systems and that these are things that they do not need, at least they might wait and buy second hand.

Please don’t be afraid to speak to the people in charge of your benefit about your situation maybe they can help. They certainly can’t take away your benefit for asking. Also if you have things that you simple must have that are not necessities, like a $40 per month cell phone bill, rethink it. I have a cell with unlimited talk and text for 13.00 a month.

I am sure that God takes into account your desire to marry.
God bless.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

If I understand correctly, Holly has a baby but I don’t think she and her boyfriend are living together.

Her problem is she’s worried that she won’t be able to afford to get married.

Holly, you would probably need to take into consideration that your family would consist of three people, you, your boyfriend and baby. So perhaps the baby would qualify for some assistance (WIC or medicare)

I am not familiar with these programs, but I think 1ke had good advice. Speak to your
benefits specialist.

I’ll keep you in my prayers Holly.

 

[JimmyG88]

I surprised to learn that merely living together doesn’t result in the forfeiture of the benefit. It certainly would in the UK

 

[JimmyG88]

If I understand correctly, Holly has a baby but I don’t think she and her boyfriend are living together.

Her problem is she’s worried that she won’t be able to afford to get married.

Holly, you would probably need to take into consideration that your family would consist of three people, you, your boyfriend and baby. So perhaps the baby would qualify for some assistance (WIC or medicare)

I am not familiar with these programs, but I think 1ke had good advice. Speak to your
benefits specialist.

I’ll keep you in my prayers Holly.

I would have thought that running just one household would be cheaper than running two

 

[1Lord1Faith]

Try moving from government assistance to private assistance such as churches and charities.

It is more work for you but it could have secondary benefits as well; such as developing relationships with more people and opportunities for you to help others.

God Bless your family

 

[bitterhope]

This thread is a perfect example of how little most Americans (possibly people in general) understand the struggles of the very poor. Apparently many don’t care either.

I know it’s hard, Holly, and I know it is scary. I’ve raised all my children below the line of poverty. Just as I was raised. And my husband. I encourage you to find a way to make marriage work. It will be hard but it can be done. Begin by talking to a caseworker at Catholic Charities. They can lead you to resources available in your area. Talk also to St. Vincent DePaul society if there is one near you. Pregnancy crisis centers sometimes also have help available for post natal clients. If marriage is what you desire, there is help to make it happen.

Thank you and David for bringing Colton into this world. Talking to your priest may be beneficial. He has access to lists of diocesan programs in place that may be able to provide assistance. God bless you and your family. I’ll pray for you

 

[ClearWater]

The Church would say to get married and lose your benefits.

I would say in that case to live together. People who have never lived hand-to-mouth might not understand what they are asking you to do by giving up your benefits. Unfortunately, the system is set up in such a way as to put one at a severe disadvantage by marrying at times.

I think I know a little bit about what you’re going through. If I ever marry my boyfriend, he will lose his health benefits. He has a disability, and I’d hate to do that to him. It would require a lot of thought and consideration.

I am sorry about your situation.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I’m a little surprised at the way some posters are choosing to speak to the OP. She’s concerned about her ability to feed her child and keep a roof over their heads. From the sounds of it, she isn’t weighing the idea of marriage against a 6 week European vacation.

It’s a sad predicament, and it’s one that many vulnerable Americans often find themselves in. Single parents, elderly people, and disabled people often have to choose between their benefits and marriage.

I know what I would do, and it’s what most people do in these situations. But I don’t believe that living together is wrong. Because the OP does, the only thing I can think of is to find a way to make a little cash under the table. Freelance SEO work, babysitting, selling handmade blankets or dolls, etc.

 

[3DOCTORS]

You want the government to pay benefits but you don’t want the government to recognise your marriage??

So the question is do you wish to be one with your child’s father, or the government?

Honestly, how is this a question. You are basing marriage on money?

Seriously? Have either of you any idea what it is like to be disabled in this country and try to live on what is allotted when you get penalized if you try to better your situation - through work even, in case you’re buying into the stereotype that people on disability are all lazy bums out to swindle the government and the taxpayers?

Holly, perhaps this will help.

ssa.gov/ssi/spotlights/spot-living-arrangements.htm

I will be praying for you and your boyfriend and son. I’m on SSDI myself after years of struggling in 50 workplaces in 30 years with the conditions I have. It’s difficult enough and I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. I do hope you can find some legal help that will allow you to marry and be able to make ends meet. May God bless you and give you strength. Ignore the peanut gallery comments that aren’t helpful.

 

[1ke]

The Church would say to get married and lose your benefits.

Actually, given that the OP and her boyfriend have multiple disabilities that are likely to be lifelong and may require professional care for both of them at some point, “the Church” (i.e. their pastor) might guide them towards reconsidering marriage.

Their pastor might suggest that each of them should consider co-parenting as single adults who refrain from romantic relationships altogether. If they are in such straights as to preclude marriage, it may be best they not marry at all.

Not everyone is suited to marriage, for any number of reasons.

 

[JimmyG88]

Seriously? Have either of you any idea what it is like to be disabled in this country and try to live on what is allotted when you get penalized if you try to better your situation - through work even, in case you’re buying into the stereotype that people on disability are all lazy bums out to swindle the government and the taxpayers?

Holly, perhaps this will help.

ssa.gov/ssi/spotlights/spot-living-arrangements.htm

I will be praying for you and your boyfriend and son. I’m on SSDI myself after years of struggling in 50 workplaces in 30 years with the conditions I have. It’s difficult enough and I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. I do hope you can find some legal help that will allow you to marry and be able to make ends meet. May God bless you and give you strength. Ignore the peanut gallery comments that aren’t helpful.

Not at all but if marrying someone means that the combined household income exceeds the amount you are allowed according to the regulations and therefore the benefit ends then that’s the rule. Many working people have no disposable income and work to live an often unsatisfactory life. But that’s that’s the Capitalst system Americans live under. I well remember on this forum people being called Communists for saying that free health care was a good thing. And now the country is moving towards electing a billionaire. Of course a billionaire right winger is just what the county needs in order to help the poor. And as for poverty. I have plenty of idea about it. More than I care to remember but I haven’t had to equivocate my morality and wouldn’t