I want to get married but can't because I would lose my SSI.

[guanophore]

I get what you are saying, but at the same time do I deserve applause for the fact that I was a drug addict for 5 years and I have been clean for 7 years now? Do I get applause for the fact that I was doped out for extended amounts of times and carrying weapons and I never killed anyone? NO! I am not supposed to take drugs anyways. I am not supposed to kill anyone anyways. You do not get applause for something you should have done (or not done) anyways. Nobody does. And I am not talking about the OP only, I mean everyone. Myself included.

:clapping:

Of course you do!

Even choices we make that minimize damage in our fallen state are good. The lesser of two evils is always desireable.

When we start justifying co-habitation because it is more convenient, how do we not then begin to also justify abortion though?

YOu make a good point, but no one here is suggesting co-habitation “because it is more convenient”. Sometimes it isnt’. The child has a right to be raised with both her parents. This is the best situation for a child. What was suggested is that the child’s best interest be considered.

It starts a bad cycle if we are looking at co-habitation, abortion, contraception, from a lens of Faith and Catholic Christian values.

How can that be possible? How can one “seek first the Kingdom” any other way?

 

[powerofk]

To the OP: I understand your situation completely. I’m not disclosing how I understand, but I do. Living with a spouse on SSI is tough. There are maximums on how much a person receiving SSI can make and maximums on how much the spouse can make. If either one goes above by even $1 in a given month, it’s a complete loss of SSI for that month - and if it’s more than 1 month in a row, loss of all other assistance programs as well. To tell the truth, it’s not about loss of SSI - it’s the sudden loss of all the other assistance that’s the problem. At the same time, the government does take into consideration if there are minor children involved as to what the maximums are.

Unfortunately, we as a country live in pretty much four different fiscal systems - (a) those who qualify for benefits, (b) those who don’t qualify for benefits but struggle to pay the rent, (c) those who earn enough money by working (or otherwise) to easily pay for everything they need and much of what they want, and (d) those who have enough money so that money is rarely (if ever) an object. It’s getting from system (a) to system (c) that’s the problem, as system (b) means living hand-to-mouth, and often having less financially than system (a).

As for the OP, I’d suggest this: you and the father of your child should make a budget. Make two budgets - one that has you receiving the benefits that you currently have, and one that has you not receiving any benefits at all. That way, you’d know about how much money you and your boyfriend would have to make combined to pay the bills, etc. Also, you two should talk to your pastor. He should be able to come up with a gentle, pastoral solution that works for all three of you. And btw, simply receiving benefits is not a sin. In truth, the sin is the societal pressures that prevent people in poverty from moving out of poverty.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

To the OP: I understand your situation completely. I’m not disclosing how I understand, but I do. Living with a spouse on SSI is tough. There are maximums on how much a person receiving SSI can make and maximums on how much the spouse can make. If either one goes above by even $1 in a given month, it’s a complete loss of SSI for that month - and if it’s more than 1 month in a row, loss of all other assistance programs as well. To tell the truth, it’s not about loss of SSI - it’s the sudden loss of all the other assistance that’s the problem. At the same time, the government does take into consideration if there are minor children involved as to what the maximums are.

Unfortunately, we as a country live in pretty much four different fiscal systems - (a) those who qualify for benefits, (b) those who don’t qualify for benefits but struggle to pay the rent, (c) those who earn enough money by working (or otherwise) to easily pay for everything they need and much of what they want, and (d) those who have enough money so that money is rarely (if ever) an object. It’s getting from system (a) to system (c) that’s the problem, as system (b) means living hand-to-mouth, and often having less financially than system (a).

As for the OP, I’d suggest this: you and the father of your child should make a budget. Make two budgets - one that has you receiving the benefits that you currently have, and one that has you not receiving any benefits at all. That way, you’d know about how much money you and your boyfriend would have to make combined to pay the bills, etc. Also, you two should talk to your pastor. He should be able to come up with a gentle, pastoral solution that works for all three of you. And btw, simply receiving benefits is not a sin. In truth, the sin is the societal pressures that prevent people in poverty from moving out of poverty.

Do you have an example of what you mean by a gentle pastoral solution from the priest would be?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Situation a).

Woman has baby receives benifits and is disabled and cannot work. Her ssi is 733 at most. Child can have help as well.
Father receives ssi of 733 as well and cannot work.

Marriage offers them combined benifits of 1100 for a net loss of 366.
BUT. There is no way combining two households doesn’t pay for that loss. In fact it probably betters the situation.

Situation b.
Woman receives the 733. Man does not recieve benifits.
Man needs to up his income by 733 a month to provide for family. Actually less because of money saved by combining two households into one.
That means working more or getting a better job or getting two jobs.

Situation c
Woman loses 733 man just kind of slips through the cracks. Family meets with a social worker and they find programs and charities that will help. Along with the local church that they should be active in…

All of these situations do not require not getting married. Raising a child on purpose without an in tact family is making 733 a month seem like too high a price to pay. How is denying a child to basic family unit not abusive and harmful to that child?

How can one claim the inability to do any job at all ever because of a disability and make the case for being a successful parent raising a child in a healthy environment?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

You know the OP and her BF could have chosen to abort their baby to make life easier. I think someone mentioned this earlier. Shouldn’t they be applauded for that? Can we be merciful in this Year of Mercy?

This thread should not be turned into a condemnation of the op’s failings and mistakes. Nor should it be a canonization or carte blanch to do whatever they want just because the made the right choice not to kill a baby.

This thread should be about how best to encourage our neighbor to live a holy life and raise a holy family. Helping her spouse and her child achieve heaven. It should also be an opportunity for us to express charity to a struggling brother and/or sister.

We can argue the system all day, or we can encourage holy decisions and help educate and motivate holly so she can walk the narrow path with us.