If you Are/Were Single, What Would You Look For in a Mate?

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of course i’d like to have “it all”, but the faithful Catholic part comes first, and is the one that matters most to me.
 
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cargopilot:
In my secular world, I’m around a bunch of guys who tend to be cocky, arrogant, vain and full of themself. Admittedly, I’m more than a little like that, too, but many of them are divorced, re-married, etc. and under the facade, are lonely and miserable.

They don’t have a clue on what to look for. Of course, since I’m Catholic, I have a tremendous advantage. I give them pointers, but I get laughed at.

If you are/were single, what would you value most in a potential spouse?
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I, being a young adult male, chose “It all.” As this poll centered on the faith and looks aspect of “mate matching,” that is what I will center on.

First and foremost, she would have to be a strong, moral Catholic. This would then create a stable foundation for our relationship if God wanted us to marry. Then, I would look for the same views on politics, hobbys (or at least interests), and most importantly, her personality. Then, spice would be added to our lives.

Secondly, I would consider how she looked. I don’t care for super models or other “stick figure” women, however a general sense of fitness would be admirable. If she was a little chubby, I wouldn’t have a problem with that ( then we’ed match :rolleyes: ). However, her face, eyes, and how she used them in conjunction with her personality would draw special attention. Good Looks never hurt. Neither do Cute Looks, for that matter. I can go for either.

There are other criteria I would use, but they would stray away from the topic.

God Bless to All, GWofVA
 
**I’m really concerned that so many people are talking about looks…**I was bullied a lot as a kid and so after that I felt that people who care so much about other people being ugly are JERKS.

Over time that opinion has been confirmed. I promised myself I would never be so concerned with how another person looked that I wouldn’t give them a chance as a friend or a love interest. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Some of the best people I know are not people you would look twice at.

I’m not saying you can’t ever tell a book by it’s cover. Usually if someone is overweight it means they have an eating problem, though not always. (But everyone has problems, some are just more obvious than others!)

And, well if someone has 30 death metal tattoos and a nose ring, they are probably not my type - but even then I’m sure there are exceptions!

If you are putting LOOKS high up on your list…think of this. The one who’s soul is meant for you may not be all that attractive on the outside! Similarly, if someone is attractive on the outside, how do you know they are so great on the inside, I’ve made that mistake before!!!

Besides, How would you feel if you were the ugly duckling in love with the beautiful swan??
 
Dear Christian4life,

Those are awfully bleak and quite general statements.

Excuse me for asking, but were many of the “Jerks” you refer to good, practicing Christians? For it seems to me that to be admonishing the people of this forum without proper facts as to what they are like makes little sense. At least, not from my stand point anyway.

Beauty — as concerns looks — is a relative term, for the most part, for one’s view of beauty may be entirely different than another’s. Those who were referred to as not worth a second look may be sombody else’s ideal of beauty. Looks, as seen by the answers in this forum, are not everything to everybody in their relationships. A good soul and personality are mostly what people have mentioned as their primary focus.

Now as far as the attractiveness of people goes, I have heard that beauty draws people (those who are presumably good at heart) closer to God. Whether it is a flower, a sunset, or another human being, people tend to see God’s goodness in them. As we are told, all true beauty comes from God and is a testament to His goodness. So, if moral and faithful people seek beauty in the person they marry as a means to be closer to God, can they be held as any less of a Christian than the other fellow?

Now I will admit, that some people do enter into relationships for all the wrong reasons and some pretty bad outcomes occur. However, shouldn’t people (especially those on a Catholic forum such as this) be given the benefit of the doubt when such an issue is considered?

I’m not trying to sway you to mine or anybody else’s point of view; but I am trying to show that not everyone who shows admiration for another person’s appearance is bad. Just human.

Sincerely, GWofVA
 
Though I picked the last option because I always go for the gold, when it comes down to it the faith issue is most important. Don’t get me wrong, there has to be physical attraction, and there is nothing wrong with admiring beauty (as posted above). However, having perfect looks will never get you past the hurdles that come from having different faiths. I’ve only dated one person, for a year and a half, but in the end I realized that issues of faith were ripping us apart instead of bringing us closer to Christ.

So what are the main attributes I look for now?

She’s gotta be a strong Catholic (far from the cafeteria-style ones) who wants kids and doesn’t look at motherhood as a burden but rather embraces it,
a good communicator,
smart and with a good sense of humor,
out-going, but not in-your-face,
good-looking but modest and seeking to build up our purity,
and a girl who shares some of my interests.

It would be nice if she didn’t expect a kiss anytime before engagement or marriage, too. I’m sure there’s a few other minor things, but I’ve gotta be open to the person God wants me to have as well!
 
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GWofVA:
Now as far as the attractiveness of people goes, I have heard that beauty draws people (those who are presumably good at heart) closer to God. Whether it is a flower, a sunset, or another human being, people tend to see God’s goodness in them.
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It’s too bad that most people can’t see God’s goodness in those who aren’t so pretty.
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GWofVA:
As we are told, all true beauty comes from God and is a testament to His goodness.
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I assume you’re not limiting “true beauty” to “physical beauty”; otherwise, I’d have to wonder what God was thinking when He made some of us. 😉

Crazy Internet Junkies Society
Carrier of the Angelic Sparkles Sprinkle Bag
 
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GWofVA:
Dear Christian4life,

Those are awfully bleak and quite general statements.

Excuse me for asking, but were many of the “Jerks” you refer to good, practicing Christians?

Who cares if they are acting like jerks!

Beauty — as concerns looks — is a relative term, for the most part, for one’s view of beauty may be entirely different than another’s.

It’s not so relative as you may think. If that is true, then why is it that 90 plus percent of the guys on another thread when describing thier “ideal” woman had her tall, dark-haired and underwieght with a pretty face??

A good soul and personality are mostly what people have mentioned as their primary focus.

Maybe so, but they also put looks on there a heck of a lot, too.

Now as far as the attractiveness of people goes, I have heard that beauty draws people (those who are presumably good at heart) closer to God. Whether it is a flower, a sunset, or another human being, people tend to see God’s goodness in them.

HUH??? So the chick with a face lift is closer to God than the wrinkled old woman who raised 7 kids??

As we are told, all true beauty comes from God and is a testament to His goodness. So, if moral and faithful people seek beauty in the person they marry as a means to be closer to God, can they be held as any less of a Christian than the other fellow?

Well, when that’s ALL or mostly all they seek, then yes I would call that shallow.

Look, I have seen some good, decent Christian guys go absolutely GAGA over a stranger with big boobs and a little waist, who by the way wasn’t even a Christian, and overlook all the plain Janes who loved Jesus and went to Bible study with them every week. Yes, I do have a problem with that.
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CarolAnnSFO:
I assume you’re not limiting “true beauty” to “physical beauty”; otherwise, I’d have to wonder what God was thinking when He made some of us. 😉
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Of course not CarolAnnSFO,
As you pointed out, I didn’t limit my answer in any way other than the beauty created by God. Which includes both body and soul. That is why God made us all different, special, and unique, so we all could fulfill our vocations in life. Whether it be married, single, or devoting our life to God by becoming a religious, each of us uses the beauty we are given to help others by any means we can.
Sincerely, GWofVA
 
I am still single and still looking! I realized that many of the past relationships I had would never have materialized if I had been a practicing Catholic. WOW! I would have been spare so much pain if I just listened to the Church!

<<Stupid, stupid, stupid!!>>

In any event, I am praying for “the coverings of a Godly Catholic husband”.

Will you pray for me?
Blessings,
Joanie
 
Like most other people have said, you really do need to “stick to your guns” when choosing a mate. I remember realizing that I couldn’t do the job of picking someone by myself, so I told God that if HE wanted me married, drop the guy on my doorstep… I’m giving up. (At this point, I was pretty frustrated by the whole “dating” thing and was making a future plan without family/husband). But, basically, God dropped my future husband on my doorstep… I made him wait 7 months before I decided to “give him a chance”… and we got engaged 6 weeks later…

I’d say, stick to the list of things you want in a person. You MUST have a faithful Catholic, if that’s what you are, because if not, you are unequally yoked. I remember having a list of “never again will I date…” and I had things on there like “must NOT be “in a band”” or “must NOT be a psychology major”…😉 But, I also had a lot of “wants” like: MUST be educated, MUST own a house/condo (I did at the time, and figured I didn’t want to be the only one contributing), MUST not be in debt, etc. Some of these things sound superfluous, but they aren’t. I thought that if I could be normal and well-adjusted and have some goals in life, then I should expect the same out of a spouse. I remember going on my first date with future hubby… I decided to get rid of him quickly should he disagree on a few things… I said, “I’m a republican, I don’t want to have sex before marriage, and I’m a strong Catholic.” He said… “Good, so am I on all three counts.” And I was like, “Whoa… this could be IT!” And it was. Stay strong. Wait for the right person… God DOES come through!

God bless,
-Amy
 
Dear Christian4life,
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Christian4life:
Who cares if they are acting like jerks!

It does make a little difference. A person who does not practice their faith, hold strong religious convictions, or show any morals does not have any boundaries by which to govern their lives or their actions toward others. Whereas, a person who is a good, practicing Christian is more inclined to be kinder and more considerate toward those they come in contact with. Not all Christians do act the best they can, however, it is better to give others the benefit of the doubt rather than condemn the whole lot of them. On a Catholic forum, one should allow that lee-way to the contributors.

It’s not so relative as you may think. If that is true, then why is it that 90 plus percent of the guys on another thread when describing thier “ideal” woman had her tall, dark-haired and underwieght with a pretty face??

But that still leaves ten percent who could fill that void. Not to mention, all the other Catholics who are not participating in that poll or in this forum. Also, lets not forget that ideal people are usually just fantasies. Most likely, a person will not find a person who will fulfill their attraction preferences; thus, this allows them to consider the “plain Janes” who will show they are worth more than any fantasy.

Maybe so, but they also put looks on there a heck of a lot, too.

Just as long as the soul and spirituality of the prospective mate is considered first, that is what is most important. If the person happens to meet any physical extras on a person’s mate wish list, then it should be considered as an extra bonus. But God is still kept first on most lists.

HUH??? So the chick with a face lift is closer to God than the wrinkled old woman who raised 7 kids??

Not at all. A woman who shows she is a dedicated wife and mother is the most beautiful being on earth today. Hands down, no competition, whatsoever. A person who gets a face lift, however, is merely a soul too wrapped up in their own vanity (unless they were disfigured in some way). But, to the point, a person who appreciates the beauty of someone or something can be brought closer to God, not the actual person unless they use their appearances for God’s glory. This reminds me of something Bishop Fulton J. Sheen once said. It was a story where he noticed a very attractive young lady serving as a stewardess on an airliner he was traveling on. He described her beauty as the kind that could win a Miss America beauty pagent. Well, eventually, he got around to talking with her, and she mentioned to him how she wished she were ugly because she was tired of being looked upon as an object. Well, Bishop Sheen saw her delimna but then began to tell her how her appearance, as everything which is truly beautiful, was a gift from God. And, because of our free will, it is up to us how we use that gift. This started the young lady to thinking and, later after the flight had landed, she contacted him and was soon doing missionary work in Africa, or someplace like it, showing how a beautiful person with a beautiful soul can give of themself for their love of God.

Well, when that’s ALL or mostly all they seek, then yes I would call that shallow.

Again, most people stated a preference where the soul came before the body. But, yes I must agree, if a person looks only at another’s physical appearance and bases their entire relationship and future on that one point, they would be shallow. Eventually, the looks will be gone and the soul and personality will be the only thing left.

Look, I have seen some good, decent Christian guys go absolutely GAGA over a stranger with big boobs and a little waist, who by the way wasn’t even a Christian, and overlook all the plain Janes who loved Jesus and went to Bible study with them every week. Yes, I do have a problem with that.
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You should be bothered. Unfortunately, American culture has infiltrated the minds of Christian men and has determined for them what is attractive and what isn’t. That is unavoidable considering that people are bombarded with messages day after day telling them what is attractive. But, not all hope is lost because there are still good, chivalrous men out there (as shown by more than half of the people who voted for spirituality and looks, if possible) who still search for the nice, sweet girl who goes to Church and reads her Bible. Being the minority in this country, good men and women just have to search a little harder to find a mate.

Whether the beauty of a person is in body or soul or both, most Christians still prefer spirituality over any other quality in their ideal mate.

Cordially, GWofVA
 
I am a single Catholic man who is middle age and what I am looking for in a marriage partner is a woman who is 25 years younger than I am so that I can have the last child when I am near 70 years old.
 
If I were in the market, and had to choose between a wallflower who is fully 100% Catholic and someone smokin hot or just very pretty with a nice figure and marginal in the faith, I’m picking the latter.

Thru prayer, that faith can grow…

No amount of prayer yet has changed an unattractive person into a good looking one.
 
People’s looks really do change as you get to know them. You can meet someone and not think they are all that attractive, but then you fall in love with them and all of a sudden they are the most gorgeous thing you’ve ever seen, and no random hottie can hold a candle to them, because they have something the others will never have…your heart.
 
Without hesitation I voted for
He’s got to be a faithful Catholic. I don’t care if he’s not rich or handsome.

Coming out of a non-sacramental marriage, this is what experience has taught me. I wouldn’t settle for even a lukewarm catholic man…not even an almost boiling. He would have to be on fire for Christ. But not in an in-your-face way.

Looks? Looks aren’t going to help me grow in holiness. Looks aren’t going to be what I would become one with in a marriage.

I’m almost 40 and I’ve lived the life of caring about looks (mostly about the way I looked, though) and trying to live “comfortably” by America’s standards…

I’ve been forced to simplify my life and I have chosen to simply my appearance and even though I’m going through hard trials, I’ve never been more at peace.

I would want a man that would appreciate any beauty that God has given me and not want me to cover it up with lots of makeup. I would want a man that would encourage my dressing modestly and simply. A man interested in something other than that wouldn’t hold my interest very long. But a strong, devout, man who’s sure about himself and his faith…now that’s another story!

Of course…that’s if I was looking.
 
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