If you commit adultery against your marriage

[hergratefulchild]

Were you expecting everybody on the forum to just agree with you?

I also agree with this, I was not expected to be called someone who is telling someone else what to do, which I don’t think I am.

 

[Mtdobbs]

I have read theological arguments that if revealing a “1 times affair” to a spouse would likely cause the collapse and breakdown of the marriage, it is actually a better and more prudent thing not to disclose the transgression.

 

[hergratefulchild]

is actually a better and more prudent thing not to disclose the transgression

I am coming round to the idea… Mrs X goes to confession tells priest she committed adultery, if the priest say tell your husband and he leaves her then you have an upset woman who can’t remarry in the Church.

 

[Cruciferi]

Ah, the joys of being single It’s all about me

 

[hergratefulchild]

Ah, the joys of being single It’s all about me

Actually I have an 8 year old daughter to care for.

 

[Mtdobbs]

I’m not saying it’s the “right” or “just” solution…and in actuality, it’s more dishonest and says something about the relationship… but the church values a marriage so much that if disclosing a sin, would cause it to collapse, especially if there are children involved and the offence was a 1 time thing… I have read and heard of many priests that would council against disclosing the sin to the spouse.

 

[Cruciferi]

I was referring to myself. Not everything is about you

It’s about me

 

[hergratefulchild]

Sorry x cruciferi

 

[Cruciferi]

I’m not saying it’s the “right” or “just” solution…and in actuality, it’s more dishonest and says something about the relationship

Yeah, that sums it up well.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

It’s not even that. There’s a thing called the “seal of confession” where the priest cannot compel someone to tell anything outside the confessional. The priest is there to simply deal with the individual sin of the person confessing. If Mrs X says she is sorry for what she did and is firmly resolved not to do it again, and there is no reason for the priest to doubt that she is sincere, then the priest’s job is to forgive her sin.

Whether Mrs X wants to tell her husband is up to Mrs X. The priest can’t compel her to do it, as confession is private. She may have good reasons to not tell - perhaps she’s afraid her husband will leave her; perhaps she’s afraid her husband will beat her; perhaps she’s afraid her husband will go kill the other man; perhaps her husband has a heart condition and she’s afraid if she tells him he will get all upset and maybe die of a heart attack.

Now some of us have the kinds of relationships with our spouses where we tell each other everything because that’s how we get along. In my case I would have told my husband probably even before I went to confession. But not everybody’s marriage is like mine was.

 

[hergratefulchild]

I’m going to open a new topic on where sex and marriage should be placed in our lives. We all don’t give it the respect its due… Me included and it’s not fair to crunch over adultery.