If you're over 25 and never had a significant other

[SeekNFind]

This thread is for you!

So, I’m 30 and find myself in that unfortunate predicament. Although I have dated in the past, they were meaningless and it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. I have a lot of embarrassment about it. I know some of us are late bloomers but over 25, it seems like the bud has fallen off the stem, never to bloom.

Although I’ve almost (ALMOST) given up on the idea of romantic love, I do sometimes wonder what it will be like if I meet someone. I’m so much less awkward with guys now but not totally. I wonder: will he judge me because I’m inexperienced? Will he think it’s weird? Will I know how to act in a romantic relationship (like is it animal instinct)? Will I become clingy and turn him off? Am I doomed to a life of singleness. These are just some of the thoughts running through my head.

Just wondering who else is in a similar situation. . .Maybe we can encourage each other to not totally lose hope.

 

[JoeofCupertino]

Im almost 25 and can relate. Ive never had a serious relationship and the most Ive ever had was 6 months in high school where I would occasionally go out with a girl. I sometimes go a year or so without a date. Dating isnt really awkward for me but I do take time to get comfortable and will be nervous the first few dates.

I really try not to think about my experience or lack thereof. I figure that if there is a way I am supposed to act I either will learn it as I go or learn it the hard way haha. Otherwise, I try to just be myself and not try to pretend to be someone I am not. That frequently will backfire and if the woman Im dating cannot accept me and myn quirks, then she isnt really worth the trouble of dating.

My biggest concern is that I can lack patience and I need to learn to be more patient. My lack of patience and my need to be hands on can sometimes rub people the wrong way. We all have things to work on.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

I never even had a “real” girlfriend until I met, “the one.” I was around 25 at the time. Odd coincidence. I hope that people of this age do not despair, I thought I would never find someone and then it happened before I knew it!

 

[SeekNFind]

Im almost 25 and can relate. Ive never had a serious relationship and the most Ive ever had was 6 months in high school where I would occasionally go out with a girl. I sometimes go a year or so without a date. Dating isnt really awkward for me but I do take time to get comfortable and will be nervous the first few dates.

I really try not to think about my experience or lack thereof. I figure that if there is a way I am supposed to act I either will learn it as I go or learn it the hard way haha. Otherwise, I try to just be myself and not try to pretend to be someone I am not. That frequently will backfire and if the woman Im dating cannot accept me and myn quirks, then she isnt really worth the trouble of dating.

My biggest concern is that I can lack patience and I need to learn to be more patient. My lack of patience and my need to be hands on can sometimes rub people the wrong way. We all have things to work on.

I’m kind of old-fashioned so I don’t ask guys out. But since you’re a guy (and could technically do the asking) are you just not seeing any women that interest you? Are you shy? I’m shy and oblivious to male attention. I’ve also heard that I don’t appear to be the type to be single OR I don’t seem interested in a relationship

When you say lack of patience, do you mean lack of patience when you date someone (ie trying to rush things along) or lack of patience for your current dating situation (ie not being in a relationship but wanting to be)?

 

[SeekNFind]

I never even had a “real” girlfriend until I met, “the one.” I was around 25 at the time. Odd coincidence. I hope that people of this age do not despair, I thought I would never find someone and then it happened before I knew it!

I was just thinking today wouldn’t it be ironic if the person showed up when I truly just threw in the towel and gave up? I am starting to think hoping for romantic love is harmful to the psyche. . .

 

[JoeofCupertino]

I’m kind of old-fashioned so I don’t ask guys out. But since you’re a guy (and could technically do the asking) are you just not seeing any women that interest you? Are you shy? I’m shy and oblivious to male attention. I’ve also heard that I don’t appear to be the type to be single OR I don’t seem interested in a relationship

When you say lack of patience, do you mean lack of patience when you date someone (ie trying to rush things along) or lack of patience for your current dating situation (ie not being in a relationship but wanting to be)?

It really is a combination of things. Ive spent much of my time the past 6 years in the South and havent had that much time to do things in an area with conservative Catholics. I also do a poor job of reading subtle clues from woman. Im very straightfoward and have never been good at seeing less direct hints. However, the biggest reason is simply things have not come together. There has been ample opportunity but for one reason or another things fell apart.

When I lack patience, its normally when I feel that she is playing hard to get and not being totally honest. I like it when things are clear, black and white. Grey areas kind of get me a bit impatient. I tend to like to be either have a girl be interested and have it known rather than a slow romantic build up. I also like being told straight up yes or no.

 

[LookingHigher]

You know, if I were a single unmarried man and found a 30 year old woman who was without baggage and a history of men I’d be surprised. But I think it would be a very good surprise.

We live in a culture now where women have been given the idea that they need to have ‘experience’ dating, sexual history, etc in order to impress men. Quite frankly though, I’d much rather find a woman who hasn’t been passed around.

Don’t think poorly of yourself. You’re a gem in hiding. One of these days a man may very well come along and find you. Don’t be ashamed that you’re not “experienced” with dating multiple men. And when that guy comes along just be yourself. It’s the best thing you can do.

 

[exoflare]

This thread is for you!

So, I’m 30 and find myself in that unfortunate predicament. Although I have dated in the past, they were meaningless and it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. I have a lot of embarrassment about it. I know some of us are late bloomers but over 25, it seems like the bud has fallen off the stem, never to bloom.

Although I’ve almost (ALMOST) given up on the idea of romantic love, I do sometimes wonder what it will be like if I meet someone. I’m so much less awkward with guys now but not totally. I wonder: will he judge me because I’m inexperienced? Will he think it’s weird? Will I know how to act in a romantic relationship (like is it animal instinct)? Will I become clingy and turn him off? Am I doomed to a life of singleness. These are just some of the thoughts running through my head.

Just wondering who else is in a similar situation. . .Maybe we can encourage each other to not totally lose hope.

29 here and never had a SO, but in my case the longer I go on the more I don’t really think I ever want to get married in the first place. I’m still attracted to women, but I just don’t really understand why people make such a big fuss about wanting to be married… more specifically how the few positive aspects (IMO) are supposed to outweigh the negatives. I guess I’m not totally against it, and it’s possible I might change my mind later on if I happened to meet the “right person” by chance, but I don’t understand why so many people think it’s such a great thing they so desperately have to aspire to.

 

[fbl9]

I was just thinking today wouldn’t it be ironic if the person showed up when I truly just threw in the towel and gave up? I am starting to think hoping for romantic love is harmful to the psyche. . .

worked for me at 28. never even had a date before that.

 

[fbl9]

It really is a combination of things. Ive spent much of my time the past 6 years in the South and havent had that much time to do things in an area with conservative Catholics. I also do a poor job of reading subtle clues from woman. Im very straightfoward and have never been good at seeing less direct hints. However, the biggest reason is simply things have not come together. There has been ample opportunity but for one reason or another things fell apart.

When I lack patience, its normally when I feel that she is playing hard to get and not being totally honest. I like it when things are clear, black and white. Grey areas kind of get me a bit impatient. I tend to like to be either have a girl be interested and have it known rather than a slow romantic build up. I also like being told straight up yes or no.

you are like me sorta, if she doesn’t hit me over the head with a club an drag me off to the cave i wouldn’t know if she was interested in me or not.

 

[SeekNFind]

It really is a combination of things. Ive spent much of my time the past 6 years in the South and havent had that much time to do things in an area with conservative Catholics. I also do a poor job of reading subtle clues from woman. Im very straightfoward and have never been good at seeing less direct hints. However, the biggest reason is simply things have not come together. There has been ample opportunity but for one reason or another things fell apart.

When I lack patience, its normally when I feel that she is playing hard to get and not being totally honest. I like it when things are clear, black and white. Grey areas kind of get me a bit impatient. I tend to like to be either have a girl be interested and have it known rather than a slow romantic build up. I also like being told straight up yes or no.

I understand what you mean now.

 

[SeekNFind]

You know, if I were a single unmarried man and found a 30 year old woman who was without baggage and a history of men I’d be surprised. But I think it would be a very good surprise.

We live in a culture now where women have been given the idea that they need to have ‘experience’ dating, sexual history, etc in order to impress men. Quite frankly though, I’d much rather find a woman who hasn’t been passed around.

Don’t think poorly of yourself. You’re a gem in hiding. One of these days a man may very well come along and find you. Don’t be ashamed that you’re not “experienced” with dating multiple men. And when that guy comes along just be yourself. It’s the best thing you can do.

I actually feel perfectly normal and am nice and think maybe this is a fluke. I try to be a good person. But somehow that hasn’t translated into a relationship. I sometimes wonder what is “wrong” with me. Anyway, thanks for your kind words.

 

[SeekNFind]

29 here and never had a SO, but in my case the longer I go on the more I don’t really think I ever want to get married in the first place. I’m still attracted to women, but I just don’t really understand why people make such a big fuss about wanting to be married… more specifically how the few positive aspects (IMO) are supposed to outweigh the negatives. I guess I’m not totally against it, and it’s possible I might change my mind later on if I happened to meet the “right person” by chance, but I don’t understand why so many people think it’s such a great thing they so desperately have to aspire to.

You are lucky that it isn’t such a struggle for you. I wonder if gender comes into play here? I feel like an unmarried woman is seen as cursed but an unmarried man is a carefree bachelor. And I’m not trying to turn this into a battle of the sexes I just wonder if that’s the difference between how men feel and how women feel about it. The older I get, it’s not that I want marriage less, but the less hopeful I am of being married.

 

[SeekNFind]

worked for me at 28. never even had a date before that.

That’s encouraging!

 

[exoflare]

You are lucky that it isn’t such a struggle for you. I wonder if gender comes into play here? I feel like an unmarried woman is seen as cursed but an unmarried man is a carefree bachelor. And I’m not trying to turn this into a battle of the sexes I just wonder if that’s the difference between how men feel and how women feel about it. The older I get, it’s not that I want marriage less, but the less hopeful I am of being married.

That might be a part of it, and I do agree with you that there’s a definite double-standard in how society views single men versus single women. I think in my case it’s more of a personal thing. Even a lot of my single male friends express the same deep longing to be married even if they don’t currently have someone they’re pursuing, so I doubt it’s purely a gender thing. It’s like they’re in love with the very idea of being married itself.

 

[vera_dicere]

I’m 30 and have never had a boyfriend. Ever. I’ve had a few “coffee meetings” with guys i’ve met online and from blind dates, but all of them were just so inappropriate I realised I need to stay within my own faith, especially now that I’ve gotten older and a lot more hard core about teh ole Papist followin’!

Do I dispair? No. Does it suck I’m not married with kids when I thought I would be by now? Sure. But I’m not going to get all angsty about it. There is a time for everything.

I’m not sure if I’m going to get married, I’m not sure if that’s my vocation, perhaps i’ve completely missed teh boat on it. Perhaps I’ll die alone in a dodgey rest home with no one but the underpaid, over worked care giver to find me cold in that miserable bed. Perhaps I’ll be one of those “found dead in her apartment six months after death” old ladies. Or perhaps I’ll find my husband two weeks from now, have a strong Catholic courtship and marry by the end of the year, and then nine months later pop out our first baby, starting on the journey to a long and fruitful marriage. Or perhaps God will finally be blunt with me and I find myself with a habit in a few years time.

I don’t know.

What I do know, is that I’m keeping God’s laws, I’m doing my best to live the life He wants for me, giving Him the glory and setting an example to all my horny, secular friends. And if I die a in a miserable rest home, I will not die miserable, I will die joyfully knowing that being in God’s eternal presence is my reward.

Knowing that is what gets me through those awkward moments where family and friends wonder why I’m still single at 30.

Of course, I hope marriage is my vocation. I hope i find the right fella. But for me love is not a feeling, it is a choice, and that other stuff it talks about in the Bible about being patient and kind and not rejoicing in evil.

Long and short of it, once we realise what real love is, and once we realise how to be happy with ourselves and focussed on working towards our eternally, then its easy to be single at 30.

 

[TraderTif]

Take heart. I never dated before age 25. Actually, I was 26 before I even found someone I wanted to date. (Unfortunately, he didn’t want to date me.)

But, at 28, I started chatting with a guy here on the CAF…and now, about 2 years later, we’re engaged.

 

[SeekNFind]

That might be a part of it, and I do agree with you that there’s a definite double-standard in how society views single men versus single women. I think in my case it’s more of a personal thing. Even a lot of my single male friends express the same deep longing to be married even if they don’t currently have someone they’re pursuing, so I doubt it’s purely a gender thing. It’s like they’re in love with the very idea of being married itself.

I agree that it’s not just a gender thing. I know guys suffer too.

 

[SeekNFind]

I’m 30 and have never had a boyfriend. Ever. I’ve had a few “coffee meetings” with guys i’ve met online and from blind dates, but all of them were just so inappropriate I realised I need to stay within my own faith, especially now that I’ve gotten older and a lot more hard core about teh ole Papist followin’!

Do I dispair? No. Does it suck I’m not married with kids when I thought I would be by now? Sure. But I’m not going to get all angsty about it. There is a time for everything.

I’m not sure if I’m going to get married, I’m not sure if that’s my vocation, perhaps i’ve completely missed teh boat on it.** Perhaps I’ll die alone in a dodgey rest home with no one but the underpaid, over worked care giver to find me cold in that miserable bed. Perhaps I’ll be one of those “found dead in her apartment six months after death” old ladies. Or perhaps I’ll find my husband two weeks from now, have a strong Catholic courtship and marry by the end of the year, and then nine months later pop out our first baby, starting on the journey to a long and fruitful marriage.** Or perhaps God will finally be blunt with me and I find myself with a habit in a few years time.

I don’t know.

What I do know, is that I’m keeping God’s laws, I’m doing my best to live the life He wants for me, giving Him the glory and setting an example to all my horny, secular friends. And if I die a in a miserable rest home, I will not die miserable, I will die joyfully knowing that being in God’s eternal presence is my reward.

Knowing that is what gets me through those awkward moments where family and friends wonder why I’m still single at 30.

Of course, I hope marriage is my vocation. I hope i find the right fella. But for me love is not a feeling, it is a choice, and that other stuff it talks about in the Bible about being patient and kind and not rejoicing in evil.

Long and short of it, once we realise what real love is, and once we realise how to be happy with ourselves and focussed on working towards our eternally, then its easy to be single at 30.

Thank you for sharing. Hopefully no dodgy nursing homes or found 6 months later dead in your apartment LOL. The thing is, I’ve heard of these amazing love stories that could only have been authored by God. I just have my moments when the reality of 30 and unmarried and childless really get me. Anyhoo, I’ll get a dog in a year or so that can at least keep me company.

 

[SeekNFind]

Take heart. I never dated before age 25. Actually, I was 26 before I even found someone I wanted to date. (Unfortunately, he didn’t want to date me.)

But, at 28, I started chatting with a guy here on the CAF…and now, about 2 years later, we’re engaged.

WOW, congrats on your engagement. Score for the late bloomers.