I'm a convert , but there's something miss from my Protestant church

[anamchara]

You join in - when I moved here, for years I felt left out, I’d go to donuts after Mass and no one would talk to me. I could have written any of these posts above.

This thread has seriously grown. My mind is swimming in everyones words here.

A couple of things. Kager if you read several of my posts and Dans, we point out that we have joined in. This isn’t about people standing around hoping someone will come up to them and talk. This goes deeper than that. I’ve taught catechism and plan to again in the fall, I also have trained and scheduled altar servers. My husband sings and plays music in our choir. He recently put his name in to be on the pastoral council. He is a lector and I am an EM. I do these things to help make my faith stronger and serve God, also to try and become better connected to our larger faith family.

We are talking about what is missing, this isn’t to say that people in my parish are unfriendly or that I haven’t had good experiences. It’s more of a general feel you get. These are Catholics not Protestants, there is a big difference. This is a reality that can’t be ignored. I feel it is very important to take a page from the Protestants with regards to fellowship, absolutely. It can be very little things that you can add to your parish to help out. An example is “greeters” we have them but they are terrible. I visited a church in OC once and this parish was the friendliest parish I have ever been to. From the moment I walked into the doors, I felt so welcomed. These two ladies (greeters) came over and said hello and shook our hands. I made it a point to find the priest afterward and I told him I was a convert and how comfortable I felt in his parish and that I had been struggle a bit with this of late. He was so glad to here this as they had been looking for ways to be more welcoming. :thumbsup:I’m not saying greeters are the answer, just looking for ways to be more open. I was surprised to see it because I always found that to be a Protestant thing.

I don’t expect camping trips, dinner clubs etc, all the time. But I do think we need to work in our parishes and find ways to make families feel more welcomed. Our parish has it even worse because we don’t even have our church built yet so we can’t have coffee and social things real easily. We will be breaking ground in the spring, so pray for us.

I noticed in our last news letter there is a new committee starting on hospitality so I think I’m going to join up and see how I can help. Our parish is making efforts.

I think some in this thread are misunderstanding what converts are saying. It’s not a matter of us not trying, it’s a cultural difference that we are trying to learn to work with.

 

[anamchara]

You hit the nail on the head! Those of us who don’t have family or close friends that are Catholic have a difficult time of it. It’s nice if someone has family or friends that are supportive, but when you are on your own, it’s hard.

I agree with this. I do have my husband and kids but it would be nice to have the whole extended family as Catholics.

 

[Cairisti]

You join in - I.

As Ana said in the above post, it isn’t just about joining in. (I’ve done the donut thing after Mass and had the same reaction.) However, in order to meet folks, I have joined the RCIA team for the past two years and gone to activities that the parish has. But it almost always seems everyone has their little cliques and the “welcome” isn’t there. (And being on the shy side, it’s not always easy to go up to folks and strike up a conversation.)

 

[anamchara]

and so where do the potlucks and camping trips fit into this? i don’t know?

 

[po18guy]

As a Catholic, I also feel that good Christian fellowship is often lacking in many Catholic parishes. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only Catholic that takes my faith seriously and that deeply saddens me. Cradle Catholics, do you feel you have good fellowship with Catholics zealous for their faith in your parish? Thanks and God Bless,
Michael

Some of the most pious and devout believers are those who are most reserved in their physical demeanor. Conversely, there are also those who are praising and glad-handing all round. Since Creation is so large and varied, as is our Lord, a wide variety of apparent responses to faith are observed.

What we see are the remnants of faith traditions that were not present at Calvary during their services. Just imagine being at the foot of the cross, not knowing, in your human weakness, if Christ’s promises would be fulfilled. Talk about somber! This is a form of culture shock, since many non-Catholic faiths are centered on celebration, rather than Christ’s sacrifice. There is certainly cause for celebration, but the sacrifice is primary and completely different in nature.

Those who miss the camaraderie of former congregations can certainly seek out, participate in, and/or initiate celebrations and service works outside of the mass which are appropriate to a joyful demeanor. The Catholic church has so many devotions that one’s day can be consumed with worship, which is appropriate, but a little joyous celebration from time to time cannot hurt. It’s just difficult to do while we are looking up at a bleeding Christ on the cross.

Christ’s peace.

 

[THutch04]

Part of the problem might not necessarily be that people intend to not be welcoming, but that everybody just wants to stay in groups where they know everyone and are comfortable. Of course, once we’ve settled into a group we tend to forget that at one point we were new as well. As people who are established in a parish, it’s our job to approach those who we don’t know but who seem to be “regulars” at the parish. Not everybody is outgoing or confident enough to introduce themselves to people after Mass (especially when the general culture here is to leave immediately after it ends). Many Catholics my age that I know have grown up in one parish and so (through no fault of their own) have never experienced what it’s like to be in a new environment where you don’t know many people. Yes, both sides need to try to go beyond their comfort zone and get to know new people. But I think that we need to be the ones making more of the effort to get to know people.

What jmcrae said about converts not having a spiritual family to go to is very true. I know that for several people, they wanted to share their experience with somebody, and they were unable to do that with their family. They want to be able to discuss religion, and to have their questions answered, but they don’t find many people to have these discussions. Luckily for me, I found a group of students who have greatly helped me satisfy that need. But unfortunately not everybody has that happen. I can only hope that for new converts coming into the Church that they see me as someone who will welcome them.

 

[Lady_Bug]

Yeah…

This stuff is really difficult to read about (not that I don’t believe it) because I see myself as a potential convert to Catholicism, and for me, it makes religious discussions with Protestants very hard to enjoy. I really want to find some ways to make Catholic friends who know their faith, but by the looks of it, I can’t count on it.

 

[Jeanette_L]

Yeah…

This stuff is really difficult to read about (not that I don’t believe it) because I see myself as a potential convert to Catholicism, and for me, it makes religious discussions with Protestants very hard to enjoy. I really want to find some ways to make Catholic friends who know their faith, but by the looks of it, I can’t count on it.

You know what, when you are trying to make the decision about whether you should become Catholic, the most important question you have to ask yourself and find the answer to is this:

Is this what God is calling me to. Period. Because although there can be bumps in the road, (which we are all promised by the way ) we have to know that the reason we are making this commitment is because we have no choice, we know what is True and have to follow that.

Don’t be afraid. We are airing our frustrations here, but I can assure you that most of us would never, ever go back to where we were, you cannot accept anything less than the fullness of the Christian faith when you have found it. All these other things can be used to make us stronger men and women of God with a passion for reaching out to others who convert, which I suspect is what is in the makings.

Be strong and God Bless Lady Bug!

 

[jmcrae]

Yeah…

This stuff is really difficult to read about (not that I don’t believe it) because I see myself as a potential convert to Catholicism, and for me, it makes religious discussions with Protestants very hard to enjoy. I really want to find some ways to make Catholic friends who know their faith, but by the looks of it, I can’t count on it.

In my old Protestant church, we used to say, “We are not alone. We live in God’s world.” In the Catholic Church, you will never be alone. Jesus will always be with you.

The day I made the final decision to become Catholic, I was completely alone. I had no Protestant friends and no Catholic friends; nobody even noticed me that day. When I walked out of my Protestant Church, nobody said “goodbye,” and when I walked into the Catholic Church, nobody said “hello.” Except for God.

Here’s what happened.

I walked out of my Protestant church for the last time, and as I left the building I could hear the strains of “Sheep Safely Graze” wafting from the organ. I said to God, “I hope you realize what I am giving up, here. I will never hear that, again.” (Because for some reason I was under the impression that Catholics don’t play the organ, or use classical music.)

15 minutes later, when I walked into Sacred Heart Catholic Church to hear my first Sunday Mass (I had been to plenty of other Masses, but never a Sunday Mass before), I heard someone playing the organ. Someone was playing “Sheep Safely Graze.”

It was like God was saying, “It’s okay. This is Me, here, and I know you. I won’t let you lose anything important.”

 

[byers]

djrakowski
Well I am sorry you didn’t like or understand my post. It was not meant to attack but to explain that Catholics often do things differently, and have a different way of looking at things…a way of thinking.

You might need to understand that those who have been catholics for many years do not appreciate being told they need to be more like protestants. It can be considered insulting and it also comes across as very judgmental.
That they don’t talk about the faith enough, or share fellowship enough or evangelize enough or whatever it is that you feel needs to to fixed to make you feel more comfortable.

It might be better to take a more humble approach and just see what you can learn from other catholics, not so much in a lot of ‘activities’ but just more slowly on a one to one basis getting to known some here and there, watching and listening and remembering that you have a lot to learn too. If you can you might try some daily masses and just slowly start to say hello or have a good day or something to some of those at Mass and little by little you will get to know them better.

I have relatives who are converts and I know how much they deeply desire to learn more about the faith and to grow in the faith. So I do understand. But it takes time to grow as a catholic and to internalize it. It is a much more interior expression of faith for most and much development takes place in the soul…something not visible on casual observation. You may not realize that your perceptions of what you are seeing may not be on target.

Pray, read the lives of the saints, and other spiritual material and you will see the faith is first and foremost about growth in love of God. And yes it is sometimes a harder, more lonely life. Catholics I know tend to discuss a lot of things with God rather than with each other as evangelicals do.

You say:

Complete, utter nonsense. The evangelicals with whom I’ve been associated are interested in socializing with everyone, because they want everyone they meet to be introduced to the love, grace and salvation offered by Jesus Christ.

Catholics too want this for everyone, but they have a different approach than those in the evangelical sects. They realize that God is the one who calls and converts the hearts of others. So they try to ‘evangelize’ more by the way they live than by talking about it. They try to be kind, patient, charitable etc wherever they are…and they pray for others. They know that God has to first prepare the heart and do not wish to be presumptious by trying to ‘convert’ others before God has prepared their souls.

I don’t quite know how to explain this and I do participate in some church activities, but after witnessing the greatest mystery and miracle in the universe after Sunday Mass, I am just not ready to jump into “coffee, donuts and chit chat”.

I feel that if there is any problem with RCIA it is that although they teach the doctrines and truths of the faith, what isn’t taught, and perhaps can only be learned with time and experience is the way of Catholic thinking. Many converts especially evangelicals are left hanging after converting and feel very lost because it is so different from what they have known in the past. God bless you.

ps I’m sorry I am unfamiliar with the expression “scare quotes”. Perhaps you could explain what you mean by this and why they are scary.

 

[djrakowski]

You might need to understand that those who have been catholics for many years do not appreciate being told they need to be more like protestants. It can be considered insulting and it also comes across as very judgmental.

So, loving Jesus, and desiring to share that love with other Christians, and to share it with non-Christians in the hope that He will use me to draw them to himself, is a Protestant way of thinking? Catholics are more content to keep it to themselves and not share the immense gifts present in our Most Holy Church? I must’ve missed something in my years of study. I just taught a lesson on this subject in my apologetics class, and the primary source materials were the Catechism and the Bible, which are hardly Protestant sources.

That they don’t talk about the faith enough, or share fellowship enough or evangelize enough or whatever it is that you feel needs to to fixed to make you feel more comfortable.

It has nothing to do with making me feel more comfortable. It’s part of the Church’s mission to evangelize, share and grow together in Christ. In fact, in a document released by the CDF last month, Catholics were instructed to stop concentrating solely on doing acts of service and start sharing the Gospel with people who need it. So it’s not me - it’s the Church saying these things, and me echoing them

It might be better to take a more humble approach and just see what you can learn from other catholics, not so much in a lot of ‘activities’ but just more slowly on a one to one basis getting to known some here and there, watching and listening and remembering that you have a lot to learn too. If you can you might try some daily masses and just slowly start to say hello or have a good day or something to some of those at Mass and little by little you will get to know them better.

I’ve been living as a Catholic for nearly 3 years, having immersed myself in Catholicism and having surrounded myself by Catholic people. Further, I don’t think it’s arrogant to try to develop meaningful friendships amongst my parishioners.

ps I’m sorry I am unfamiliar with the expression “scare quotes”. Perhaps you could explain what you mean by this and why they are scary.

When you referenced Protestant spirituality, you put the word in quotes, which is a device that’s often used in writing to indicate that the quoted word isn’t to be taken seriously. It’s like this: Catholics have spirituality, but Protestants have so-called “spirituality.” It’s disrespectful, and doesn’t match reality in all but the very worst of Protestant churches.

So what you’re trying to tell us, if I read you correctly, is that we should be content to sit back and be lonely, growing in God. I thought Catholics had a better understanding of complete spirituality than what you’ve articulated - that it doesn’t have to be just me and Jesus (which is something I was surprised to see written by a Catholic, since that’s what Protestants are always accused of doing), but it can be both me and Jesus, and me and Jesus and His people.

Think of these words, written by St. Luke:

Acts 2:44-47 (NIV) - All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

It doesn’t sound like the very first Christians were content to receive the Eucharist and then wait 'til the next Sunday to see each other. They shared a common life that revolved around their shared commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ, and that live extended far beyond the walls of their meeting houses.

 

[kage_ar]

I wonder if this is a regional thing?

 

[lak611]

I wonder if this is a regional thing?

I think it is a size issue. Although there is a Protestant mega-church in a suburb nearby, for the most part, in my neighbourhood, the Catholic churches are the mega-churches. For instance, my parish has 2100 families. The Lutheran parish down the street has 200 members. People would naturally find it easier to meet each other and develop close friendships in a smaller church. In my city, small Catholic churches are slated for closure. The ones remaining open and thriving are the huge ones. It is hard to get to know lots of people when there are so many people who belong to a church.

 

[Sr_Sally]

I think it is a size issue. Although there is a Protestant mega-church in a suburb nearby, for the most part, in my neighbourhood, the Catholic churches are the mega-churches. For instance, my parish has 2100 families. The Lutheran parish down the street has 200 members. People would naturally find it easier to meet each other and develop close friendships in a smaller church. In my city, small Catholic churches are slated for closure. The ones remaining open and thriving are the huge ones. It is hard to get to know lots of people when there are so many people who belong to a church.

I agree. Just within the ‘boundries’ of my parish there are at least 6 protestant churches of different denominations. Only 1 of the protestant churches even comes close to the membership of my parish (and it still falls way short). That church does a lot of outreach and has lots of different groups, but I know from talking to people who attend there, that you can be also be ‘lost in the bustle’.

Really the friendship issue is just like friendship anywhere else. It takes awhile to bloom and needs to be nutured on both sides with plenty of formal and informal talking, gatherings, etc.

 

[Lynn-D]

I agree. Just within the ‘boundries’ of my parish there are at least 6 protestant churches of different denominations. Only 1 of the protestant churches even comes close to the membership of my parish (and it still falls way short). That church does a lot of outreach and has lots of different groups, but I know from talking to people who attend there, that you can be also be ‘lost in the bustle’.
.

I now live in a small town in mid section of Penn. and surrounded by Protestant churches. There are probably more than ten compared to our one Catholic Church.

I lived at one time in Brooklyn, N.Y. where I also went to Catholic School and we had four masses going on at the same time on Sundays and not just at one time either; masses started early and lasted until the 12:15 mass. It was hectic.

Last month drove by that church while on my way out to the Island and the school is closing and it seemed the church was absent of many people. It is simply the changing of our culture where most Catholics that came to this country as immigrants now live in other areas as do their children of which I am one. We have moved on I guess and left the churches of our youth behind us.

I truly loved the big church where I grew up and was confirmed but now I think I feel more in touch with my small but growing church and its closeness. I think simply what you might be used to and what you might be expecting reflects in how you feel.
I fully enjoy the mass that I attend now as being less ‘big’ and really find that the church now although crowded, the parishioners are very close. I think that is best, at least for me.

Lynn-D

 

[lak611]

I now live in a small town in mid section of Penn. and surrounded by Protestant churches. There are probably more than ten compared to our one Catholic Church.

I lived at one time in Brooklyn, N.Y. where I also went to Catholic School and we had four masses going on at the same time on Sundays and not just at one time either; masses started early and lasted until the 12:15 mass. It was hectic.

Last month drove by that church while on my way out to the Island and the school is closing and it seemed the church was absent of many people. It is simply the changing of our culture where most Catholics that came to this country as immigrants now live in other areas as do their children of which I am one. We have moved on I guess and left the churches of our youth behind us.

I truly loved the big church where I grew up and was confirmed but now I think I feel more in touch with my small but growing church and its closeness. I think simply what you might be used to and what you might be expecting reflects in how you feel.
I fully enjoy the mass that I attend now as being less ‘big’ and really find that the church now although crowded, the parishioners are very close. I think that is best, at least for me.

Lynn-D

The parish I grew up in was huge back in the 70’s and 80’s. When I was in elementary school, there were 2 Masses on Saturday evening and 5 on Sunday (including 2 at 10:30, one in the church and one in the gym). The neighbourhood demographics changed in the 90’s. Most of the parishioners moved away. Those who did not move away were senior citizens, who were dying off rapidly. There were over 100 funerals in the last year that the parish was open and only 1 baptism in the last 5 years the parish was open. The parish closed last October. I went to the final Mass. Last Sunday, I drove past the closed church. It was sad to see that it is boarded up. I am not sure if the building will be sold or torn down. That is where I received my Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation. The Sacramental records were turned over to the Diocese.

 

[janw]

The churches in my area, catholic and protestant are small, 50-to 400 members. After moving here 20 years ago, as a protestant, I started visiting protestant churches. Usually had to go 3 months or more just to find out what they believed as baptist at one place was totally different at the next place. Went to Church of God, Baptist really many different churches. The problems I’ve read about on this thread exist in most churches just in different ways. Now I am catholic, I realize catholics don’t talk about their close relationship with the Lord as much as protestants or so thats been my experience. Its encouraging to listen to people talk about how they love God and give witness to what he has done to them BUT so often in protestant churches those same people let me down in their behavior later as they weren’t very concerned about others but loved to talk about their faith. I still love to hear someone discuss their faith but I have much respect for the holiness and quiet worship in the catholic church and so far I’m seen people living out their faith in their actions more. I think catholics and protestants are just a little different about these things, but if you let God know daily what you need in your spiritual life, he will give it to you in time. Maybe we just get impatient for everything to be perfect. I know I do sometimes. I heard a minister once say, one way to know you are growing spiritually is that you are unsatisfied where you are and that you want more. So maybe we should take some of our dissatisfaction as a good thing and seek God most of all and pray about all the other. I am so happy to find a church that teaches what I had come to believe after years of study and searching, thats what matters most of all to me. The Eucharist is here, so I will be content and pray when I don’t feel content.

 

[byers]

hello djrakowski…it’s me again

Well I’m obviously still having a hard time trying to figure out just what it is ‘spiritually’ that you want to talk about with other catholics. . I think you want a catholic ‘family’ (in the real sense of family) which you don’t have and are looking for “emotional” support" that you could get from a catholic family. That is the really hard part of coming into the faith for those who have no other catholics in their families. At least you and your wife are both catholic. That’s more than many have.

But I can assure you that eventually you will develop closer relationships with other catholics and some of them will seem like family. It just takes time. Forming a group of with other recent converts and reverts may be a real help here as you are going through so many of the same things.

But in trying to explain some of the differences in the catholic way of thinking to you I feel that you just want to attack and argue. Plus I keep reading things like I said that are insulting to catholics. Just for example to assume that many are just 'fulfilling and obligation" or they “leave their spirituality” at church". Sounds to me like you are judging them by outward appearances as you have no idea how spiritual they are in their hearts. In other words you are judging (the spirituality) of ‘catholics’ based on ‘evangelical’ standards.

I recently brought this up to a rather wise priest-friend, and he suggested that lots of the Catholics he’s met over the years are content to hide (?) behind the formality of the liturgy and written prayers as a way to avoid making real, intimate contact with Our Lord.

I honestly find this quote, supposedly coming from a priest, to be questionable… Why in the world would a priest say people are using these things to avoid a real intimate contact with the Lord. For heaven’s sake how much more initimate can you be with the Lord than in receiving the eucharist???

You are also so extremely defensive about your evangelical experiences that it is hard to explain to you the different “mindset” between the two. I’m trying to explain to you that Catholics just don’t go around talking about their faith constantly, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t spiritual, or committed or ‘on fire’. You are trying to judge them based on what you considered among evangelicals to be signs of being on fire spirituality.

In fact, evangelicals see their conversations about religion as part of their mission of living out the faith in the world! Catholics might do well to emulate that every once in a while - perhaps more seekers like me would’ve discovered the Church much earlier, and without having to do all the work on my own. Converts (and potential converts) often lament the fact that no Catholic has ever shared the joy of Catholicism with them, which is something I experienced as I discovered it completely on my own.

So it seems to me that you are saying that to evangelicals the way you show your spirituality is by talking about religious things all the time with each other and trying to evangelize others by engaging others in conversations about Jesus.

I underlined part of this quote of yours because I read the very same type expression from a rather well-known apologist, resenting that catholics hadn’t tried to bring him into the church.
What what you don’t seem to realize that if a catholic had tried to do that with you while you were in the heyday of being an evangelical, they probably would have gotten nowhere and may have in fact turned you off or started a big argument.

However, you have no idea how many catholics out there may well have been praying for you! Nor that the graces of your baptism may have been operating through the Holy Spirit to bring you in on your own - without one person saying anything to you. God is the one who does it!

And did you ever ask any Catholics about the faith in those days? Anyway try to understand that being catholic and being evangelical are very different, in that it really is a different way of thinking and a different way of living, and evangelizing, and just looking at the world.

God led you into the Church and you already seem to be a very good, committed catholic to me. He will give you the support you need. Keep praying for this…and Trust him.

ps sorry for all the ‘scare quotes’.

 

[janw]

I did forget to say, I do miss the protestant music, but I guess after a half century of songs that touched me in a special way, thats only natural. I can only find maybe 6 or so that are in common with the protestant church except for the Christmas songs, they are mostly the same. I can’t help but wonder why, since alot send the same message. I also found when moving from one state to another as a protestant, they used different music even in protestant churches in the new state. But my favorites do not conflict with my new faith so I just sing or listen to these at home.

 

[Jeanette_L]

The churches in my area, catholic and protestant are small, 50-to 400 members. After moving here 20 years ago, as a protestant, I started visiting protestant churches. Usually had to go 3 months or more just to find out what they believed as baptist at one place was totally different at the next place. Went to Church of God, Baptist really many different churches. The problems I’ve read about on this thread exist in most churches just in different ways. Now I am catholic, I realize catholics don’t talk about their close relationship with the Lord as much as protestants or so thats been my experience. Its encouraging to listen to people talk about how they love God and give witness to what he has done to them BUT so often in protestant churches those same people let me down in their behavior later as they weren’t very concerned about others but loved to talk about their faith. I still love to hear someone discuss their faith but I have much respect for the holiness and quiet worship in the catholic church and so far I’m seen people living out their faith in their actions more. I think catholics and protestants are just a little different about these things, but if you let God know daily what you need in your spiritual life, he will give it to you in time. Maybe we just get impatient for everything to be perfect. I know I do sometimes. I heard a minister once say, one way to know you are growing spiritually is that you are unsatisfied where you are and that you want more. So maybe we should take some of our dissatisfaction as a good thing and seek God most of all and pray about all the other. I am so happy to find a church that teaches what I had come to believe after years of study and searching, thats what matters most of all to me. The Eucharist is here, so I will be content and pray when I don’t feel content.

I did forget to say, I do miss the protestant music, but I guess after a half century of songs that touched me in a special way, thats only natural. I can only find maybe 6 or so that are in common with the protestant church except for the Christmas songs, they are mostly the same. I can’t help but wonder why, since alot send the same message. I also found when moving from one state to another as a protestant, they used different music even in protestant churches in the new state. But my favorites do not conflict with my new faith so I just sing or listen to these at home.

:heaven:

Thank you for your post, you have a sweet spirit!

I agree with you, no matter how frustrated we may get at times, we must always remember that what we have now far exceeds what we left behind, even if we miss some aspects of the former.

Until then, we need to be what it is we want from others, if these things are what God wants, then maybe through the Holy Spirit, they will become infectious.

What’s the old saying? Let go and let God.