I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

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Not helpful. Read the previous posts.

Again, a bit odd when I — a concrete person — am essentially asking a very sensitive question and revealing personal information, the focus of compassion is placed on a hypothetical woman. In addition, as I have addressed over and over again, she would be OPEN to this situation and know beforehand that I am gay/have SSA. Nothing would be hidden. AND I’m not simply using her or entering marriage merely for the sake of loneliness.
 
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I did. Still not fair. You should a) marry a man or b) be single and Catholic.
 
I never said that it was or is a party. I have many family members and friends who are unhappy in their marriages. The point is that it’s better to have someone than no one.
 
catholic1seeks said:
Again, a bit odd then when I — a concrete person — am essentially asking a very sensitive question and revealing personal information, the focus of compassion is placed on a hypothetical woman. In addition, as I have addressed over and over again, she would be OPEN to this situation and know beforehand that I am gay/have SSA. Nothing would be hidden. AND I’m not simply using her or entering message merely for the sake of loneliness.
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Instead of contemplating how this mythical woman will interact in your life, you might consider taking steps to better come to terms with how to live out your role in life as a Catholic with SSA and to discern what God is asking of you.
 
catholic1seeks said:
People on here sure seem to have a highly idealistic notion of marriage.
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That’s the problem. They probably don’t apply the same high standard to themselves. And if we all apply the same standard I don’t think anyone could get married.
 
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Yes I do this often.

That’s part of the reason I formed this thread. I’m exploring the options…
 
I wasn’t in any way implying that you thought marriage was a party; I’m sorry that you took offense. I was just agreeing with you that loneliness is a difficult burden to bear for anyone, in any situation.
 
catholic1seeks said:
Yes I do this often.

That’s part of the reason I formed this thread. I’m exploring the options…
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“Exploring options” isn’t the same as discerning God’s will.

If God is leading you to marriage, you won’t need threads like this. Otherwise, you need to ask if you are following His plan, or yours.
 
God requires our effort. I’m going to use my brain, when I can. Part of that is hearing what others say.

Precisely because I listened to my priest is the reason I’m now looking at this option as well.

I wish I could just pray and receive an answer. I find that I have to sort it out in the concrete aspects of life, though.
 
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I think the people who say definitely no with no qualifications whatsoever, to be consistent you also have to agree that for a man who is prone to looking at other women lustfully even just for a second, cannot get married. Even if they feel sorry afterwards and go to confession, because they are prone to this sinful thought again.

if we apply this standard, practically no one can get married!

Hence as I said before the standard is that you love and is attracted to your wife, but that doesn’t need to be 100% at the start coz no one is perfect. But the criteria is that you TRY to be perfect. And this is the criteria with all faith matters I find. Throughout the gospels it is all about the heart not who you are and what you do. So as long as you try to love your wife to the fullest I really don’t see what the issue is with a bit of SSA lurking in the background. Because we all have these sins lurking in the background like selfishness, lustfullness etc etc. SSA is no worse and no better than any of these sins.
 
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Why do people keep thinking marriage is the magic cure to loneliness?

Please never marry unless you love the person .
And by that, you see the marriage as an opportunity to bring each other closer to God.
And you are prepared to tough it out no matter what.

Not to cure loneliness.
Not to fit in.
Not so you can have sex.
Not to please your parents.

But because you love and are committed to the other person.
 
I realize this is a long thread, so it’s OK if you didn’t see it. But he did emphasize upthread that he’s not just doing it to “avoid loneliness.”
 
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I can’t say what people’s motives are for getting married. Societal expectation would be a bad reason. The yearning to share a spiritual bond with another and raise children with that person would be a valid one.
 
I don’t think anyone on here is saying marriage is the cure for loneliness.

But for someone who feels relationally-oriented like me, and Who is gay, and who is not allowed to enter into gay marriage, hopefully you can see the dilemma.

Marriage is not a magic cure for loneliness. But when it comes to someone who feels “called” to relationship (even if I don’t know what that mean so for me), it sure seems to beat living alone, going home alone, eating alone, sleeping alone, caring for no one at home… it’s not the same.
 
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To add to that, I actually think that avoiding loneliness would be an bad reason to get married.

First, someone correctly stated that loneliness can occur within OR outside of a marriage.

Second, it just puts to much pressure on another person to help you and cure you and “fulfill” you. But contrary to what our narcissistic culture and Hollywood rom-coms tell us, nobody is responsible for your “self-fulfillment.”

I realize that I’m preaching to the choir, but the yearning to share one’s life with somebody isn’t always – and doesn’t have to be – based on fear of loneliness.
 
Find a commune. Or long term platonic roommate(s).

Marriage isn’t for you. If you are Catholic and gay you are called to the single life. It sucks, but that is the rule in this Church. Gay men and women who try to do what you are suggesting find that that solution does not work in the long term. Those marriage always end in failure (in the examples I have witnessed).

You could also find a different church and marry the man of your dreams.

I wish you the best of luck!
 
I’ll keep you in my prayers. 🙂 You sound very sincere.

I’ve just seen a lot of marriages happen for the wrong reason, and then there’s disillusionment and sadness and I don’t want to see that happen to you.

Plus I’m a COB who’s been married a while 😜
It really is a commitment , good days and bad
 
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