I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

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He’s trying to help you understand that a Catholic marriage is like NO OTHER marriage or relationship. There are unique special components to a Catholic Marriage that make it different and special.
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OK, so if I’m getting this right, it’s all about the level of sexual attraction that would be missing from the marriage? Is that really the point that’s trying to be expressed?
 
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No, it’s really about the totality of union one commits to.

The Catholic Church uses the term “uno caro”. One flesh.

Marriage is all about union…just the way everything in the Catholic Church is always about union.

Prayer is union with God.
Confession is about re-union with God, with His Church, with our neighbors, and interiorly with ourselves (our will, our intellect/conscience, our passions…all re-unite around the love and will of God).
Fasting is about union.
The Sacraments are about union.
The Rosary is about union.
Acts of faith are about union
Acts of charity are about union.
The pope is about union/unity.
The Church teaching is about unity/union.

Holy Communion is about union.

The Communion of Saints is, guess what, all about union.

The Holy Mass…unity across space and time and eternity.
 
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@Edward_H

So, because there is not as an intense sexual attraction as there would be present in heterosexual relationship, then that obstructs the “totality of union?”

And so if a couple are sexually attracted, do tell, what level would be sufficient to a “totality” of union?
 
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catholic1seeks said:
I also love my Catholic faith.
This is a serious question.
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A serious question. You say you love your Catholic faith. Love requires self sacrifice, it is not always easy, not always a rose garden of bliss. You know who you are and you know what the Church demands of you. While I appreciate your desire not to be lonely, to enter into a sham marriage is selfish.
I am straight, and I never married. Always wanted to but it just never worked. I have been alone for 50 years. In that time I’ve made many friendships with married people with children and in many cases became the “crazy uncle” every kid should have. I participate in church, social activities, and am known and (( believe) respected by many people. Somewhere in my 30’s I gave this problem of single/lonely to Christ and asked Him to help me handle it. He has done a marvelous and masterful job.
Maybe you need to forget this desire you express and simply put your trust in Christ as a man and let Him guide you. You may be very surprised 30/40/50 years down the road how life worked out.
Shalom

Edited to say. Catholic1seeks, open yourself up to Christ, let yourself be broken down to the point where only He can build you back up. and you just might be surprised what a masterful job He can do.
 
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Yes, because of a lack of unity in desire, you see.

It’s all about unity.

Unity of desire, will, bodies, purpose, life’s end, work toward that end.

Jesus used the words…all your heart, mind, soul, and strength…unity and totality of gift across all of those.
 
I’m married to a woman, and I have SSA, though I’m bisexual. Some points, in no particular order:
  • She absolutely MUST be told in advance about your attractions.
  • You must be attracted to her, in a real and genuine way – though not necessarily an intensely sexual way.
  • There are lots of types of marriages. Don’t think you need to fit into other people’s boxes.
  • But she needs to feel desired and appreciated.
  • This cannot be an experiment. It must be what you have chosen for your entire life.
 
catholic1seeks said:
@Edward_H

So, because there is not as an intense sexual attraction as there would be present in heterosexual relationship, then that obstructs the “totality of union?”

And so if a couple are sexually attracted, do tell, what level would be sufficient to a “totality” of union?
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I don’t think that’s what the others are getting at.

I THINK the others are very skeptical of whether you could actually find a woman would be honestly OK with this arrangement to the degree that you would have a real sacramental marriage.
 
catholic1seeks said:
Basically, yes. It’s a horrid combination of being relationship-oriented and yet desiring a committed relationship with a man.
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I must say: to think that having a wife you see day after day, everyday, who you are not attracted to in the way couples are supposed to be attracted too, will solve your longing (for a man), you are mistaken.

I don’t have all the answers, I am still finding my way to figure out this whole chaste lifestyle thing. But what i know is, that creating a relationship in what is one of the most intimate sacraments, where your prime motive is most likely derived from fear of being alone, I think the questions one must ask, are: What am i really wanting out of this relationship? and Is this relationship going to be created because i love my future wife, body and soul, in sickness and in health?
 
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Some level of sexual attraction has to be there. Sex is not all there is to marriage but it is a vital marriage. Also as a practical matter, do a search of the Family Life forum about gay spouses and ex-spouses.
 
Please don’t attempt marriage when you have no attraction to women sexually. This is an important part of marriage not only for procreation but for bonding intimately with your wife in your case.

Later, many years after you have been married you may still feel the same longing and leave your spouse for a gay lifestyle or because living a lie in your heart has been too much to emotionally handle.

I have one example. A man married a woman for years and they had 5 children together, at some point and I don’t know when but he told her he was gay and didn’t want to live a life that was a lie in his heart.

He divorced her and her and they had 5 children and remained an involved father. She actually died three years later at a very young age and now he has moved int their house and raised the children. He has been a wonderful father but the wife was crushed and the divorce hard on the children.

Those situations don’t end up well. I am celibate after a 10 year marriage and an annulment. and plan to remain as such. It’s not an easy road but it’s possible.

I wish you the very best as you discern your future plan in life.

God Bless.
 
THIS. Thank you for not assuming anything other than what I gave in the OP and elsewhere.

For, the conditions you gave are precisely things I had in mind.

But I’m especially appreciative of:

“There are lots of types of marriages. Don’t think you need to fit into other people’s boxes.”
 
It’s wrong also because it’s a lie.

It presents itself as unity that isn’t. It’s defective from the get go.
 
Unity is very abstract. It’s impossible to reach “100% unity.”

What we must get to is what is sufficient unity. I don’t understand how having SSA inherently prevents the unity in marriage.
 
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phil19034 said:
I THINK the others are very skeptical of whether you could actually find a woman would be honestly OK with this arrangement to the degree that you would have a real sacramental marriage.
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I don’t think you’ve met enough women. There are PLENTY who would sign up for that deal, especially those who are relatively asexual. But … you would want to make sure that they would feel VALUED in it. A lot of women lack the ability to value themselves, so that’s what you need to be careful of.

Also, you want to make sure you won’t get 10 years in and say, “Enough of that, I’m gonna marry Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s dreamy!” 😛
 
Here’s some Catholic teaching.

We are called to perfection by Jesus unmistakably in Matthew 5:48, but elsewhere too. “Be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect”.

With God’s grace and our TOTAL cooperation we can reach totality of union on our death bed.

And that’s awesome.
 
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I have one example. A man married a woman for years and they had 5 children together, at some point and I don’t know when but he told her he was gay and didn’t want to live a life that was a lie in his heart.

He divorced her and her and they had 5 children and remained an involved father. She actually died three years later at a very young age and now he has moved int their house and raised the children. He has been a wonderful father but the wife was crushed and the divorce hard on the children.
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Just because I am gay does not mean I’m going to do any old thing every gay person has ever done.
 
MaryT777 said:
I have one example. A man married a woman for years and they had 5 children together, at some point and I don’t know when but he told her he was gay and didn’t want to live a life that was a lie in his heart.
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This is NOTHING like what the OP is suggesting. You’re describing an evil and damnable lie being perpetrated on an innocent woman. That’s nothing like openly sharing that you’re SSA before you get married.
 
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