I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

[ratio1]

I definitely do not envision that in my future.

Then I don’t think you should get married.
This is exactly what the priest is trying to say i think. Ie open yourself to this possibility. But it seems you are not open to it so you definitely should not marry if that’s the case.

 

[Rozellelily]

Marrying a woman and not disclosing to her that your are attracted to men would be extremely awful thing to do to another person.

On the other hand ,I have seen documentaries from England where women have still married men after him telling her that they were attracted to men.
I’m not convinced this is healthy,and I don’t really get it,but it has happened.

Why do you feel you have to be lonely?
It’s not necessary that you live alone-you could live with one friend/flat mate or even 10 if you really want.

 

[guanophore]

TBH, while Courage seems like a good fit for many, I get a very depressing vibe when I think about it. What is Courage doing that helps with the feelings of loneliness?

I understand Courage is in line with church teaching. But is it doing much more besides encouraging celibate lifestyles?

This is a very good question. A celibate lifestyle is more an expression of authentic Christian living for a person with SSA. Any ministry that does not focus on helping a person become the disciple of Christ God intends is not worth it’s salt. In fact, it is not salt and light, as Christ has called us to be.

It’s not like there are “straight people” over here and “gay people” over there.

True. Research has revealed that there is more of a continuum, where the vast majority fall in the center and describe themselves as opposite sex attracted.

So I guess I’m asking, should I not at all be OPEN to marriage?

You should be “open” to whatever God has called you to do. As Mary said “may it be done unto me according to thy Word.” We should not be focused on relationships with humans, but upon our relationship with God. When that is in order , all else will follow!

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.”

Does marriage always require sexual attraction?

Clearly this is not the case, since there have been arranged marriages since the beginning of time. In ancient times, the betrothed did not meet their spouse until they were brought for marriage.

However, it might be unfair to enter into a marriage bond knowing that you have “no sexual attraction” to the opposite sex.

Is not sex possible even when physical attraction is not all that’s meant to be?

Oh definitely! Unfortunately sex against the will is documented throughout history. One person can have the will to have sex when the other does not. It is certainly not what the marriage bond was intended to be.

Are older couples 50 years down the road still physically in love?

Although the number of couples that have been together this long has been declining rapidly due to the abandonment of a Christian culture, yes, there are certainly many couples that engage in intimate relations over the age of 50.

 

[Rozellelily]

I hope this isn’t too personal,but what’s your relationship with your father like?

 

[catholic1seeks]

I’m not a fan of what such a question implies. Nor am I sure how answering that on here would even help.

But there’s nothing abnormal with my relationship with my dad, that I can tell.

 

[Lea101]

To be fair, they usually don’t use that example. More of straight to bi, gay to bi, bi to gay etc.

They’re more bitter when you say that you can willfully make someone straight or that it will happen (ie just a phase)

 

[ratio1]

So according to this line of thinking: Gay to bi can happen. Bi to straight can happen. So just connect the two!

 

[catholic1seeks]

This isn’t helpful at all.

Sometimes ideological reasons are behind how discussion regarding conversion goes.

But often, it’s for very valid reasons: conversion therapy can be very traumatic and often simply does NOT work. For what it’s worth, it’s not even something promoted by orthodox Catholic organizations like Courage.

It also seems to have little regard for the actual experiences of gay people and others, as if what they experience is not actually legitimate —- and when they say they’re dominantly or exclusively attracted to the same sex, and have been all their life, they are really lying or being deceptive or simply aren’t trying hard enough.

 

[Lea101]

They probably believe in that, but I guess for obvious (and perhaps understandable) reasons, it’s not something they vocalize

 

[kristaok]

I recommend seeking Christ first. Ultimately the decision is yours, but I implore you to be selfless in your decision and not selfish.

 

[Lea101]

I don’t support conversion therapy at all, but sexuality is pretty fluid. It’s definitely not simply a phase either, but that doesn’t mean any sexuality is set in stone (ie I could very well be bisexual or a lesbian in 5 years time)

 

[Norseman82]

I’m not going to criticize anyone for seeking marriage to avoid loneliness, since it was God Who said “It is not good for the man to be alone” and what He created was a wife for him.

However, a few things for the OP to ponder.

I don’t know if this has been mentioned or not, but for a Catholic marriage to be valid, it has to be ratum et consummatum (I hope I spelled it correctly) - meaning that there has to be physical consummation, otherwise it could be grounds for an annulment. So, at some point, you will have to develop enough of an attraction to do the consummatum thing. Also, when you say you want a family, do you realize that a Catholic marriage has to be open to children? Are you up to being a father? Because that’s what the consummatum thing results in.

I will point out that NYC Mayor Bill DeBlasio married a former lesbian and they have children. I don’t know if it was a Catholic wedding, but the point is that gays can find it in them to enter in a heterosexual marriage.

Finally, a question for the OP: do you have any brothers? It has been speculated that same-sex attracted people may really be searching for a sibling of the same sex, specifically an older one that died via miscarriage or abortion (I heard this at a National Catholic Singles Conference talk by Vicki Thorn).

 

[catholic1seeks]

Now don’t go equating my decisions as selfish. I’ll let Christ be the judge of that. Obviously I don’t want to be selfish!

 

[gracepoole]

Now don’t go equating my decisions as selfish. I’ll let Christ be the judge of that. Obviously I don’t want to be selfish!

I don’t think the poster was attempting to besmirch your character. But inherently your question as you’ve posed it is selfish, meaning it’s oriented on fulfilling the self. Sometimes being selfish is necessary and perhaps even positive. In this instance, however, it seems less than ideal, as selfishness is usually disastrous in any marriage.

 

[catholic1seeks]

Finally, a question for the OP: do you have any brothers? It has been speculated that same-sex attracted people may really be seeking a sibling of the same sex, specifically an older one that died via miscarriage or abortion

So by this definition, no married person enters marriage for a “selfish” reason like, oh idk, it feels good to have a partner, it feels good to not be alone, it feels good to love someone, it feels good to have sex, intimacy, commitment, children…

Still seems like an accusation to me!

 

[ratio1]

So what causes fluidity in sexuality?
I really don’t get the reasoning here.
Somehow if it happens by itself it’s fine but any assistance is not?
Nothing happens by itself. There is always a cause.
Let’s say someone changed from gay to bi “by itself”. I’m saying that there is a cause “x” that led to this change. If we can tap into this x and help it along, why not?
The problem with the controversy of conversion therapy is that it is not getting to this “x”. So of course it is bound to fail.

The other problem with the conversion therapy is that it promises too much which is unrealistic. But for a SSA person to regain SOME OSA attraction which was the original design from God? Sure why not?

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I am gay, in that I do have dominant sexual attraction to men. But could there ever be a woman that I end up being sexually attracted to as well? Probably.

This might be a silly question, but have you thought of going on casual dates with women? My thought was that perhaps an attraction would develop for the right person. That’s something to be very careful about, though, as it may never happen and you don’t want to marry someone to whom you are not attracted.

 

[ratio1]

This again is what the priest is suggesting. Being OPEN to the possibility.

 

[catholic1seeks]

I think this is one of the things I should be open about.

I have never been on a REAL date with a girl/woman.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

This again is what the priest is suggesting. Being OPEN to the possibility.

Yes, I agree and see nothing wrong with being open to the possibility, as long as you are not in danger of becoming depressed or despondent if you cannot develop the attraction for women. It is something that would require some careful discernment.