I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

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catholic1seeks said:
So what do I do with this? How do I live when basically my entire being is leading me “evil/sinful/disordered” activity? Hence this thread.
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Why is your entire being leading you to sin? Now you define youself via sexuality. There are other drives in a person than sex drive, drives you can use to live a life in good company with other christian people. No one forces you to live alone in a cell. Get connected, charity work, spreading the gospel, making friends. A parish with a close personal contact to other christians.
So many people who are heterosexual attracted aren´t called to priesthood or to marriage, and they can make it very well.
 
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I was merely trying to help you realize it is not good to count on people in gay marriages being in heaven. Something made you want to say that.
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Well, let’s put it like this. I’d have a very hard time understanding a loving God not allowing some of the people I know who are gay into Heaven, simply because they did not find themselves persuaded by the Catholic sexual ethic.
 
Why is your entire being leading you to sin? Now you define youself via sexuality. There are other drives in a person than sex drive, drives you can use to live a life in good company with other christian people. No one forces you to live alone in a cell. Get connected, charity work, spreading the gospel, making friends. A parish with a close personal contact to other christians.
So many people who are heterosexual attracted aren´t called to priesthood or to marriage, and they can make it very well.
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Easier to say for some than others.

I think it’s safe to say that, at least for many people my age, sexuality drives a lot in life: not just dating and marriage, but how they relate to others. We know God made our very being intertwined with our sexual natures. We are bodily creatures. My homosexuality isn’t everything about me, but it does shape — or express — my personality and life in very deep ways.

With regards to “entire being leading to sin” — desire for romance, sex, and intimacy are very human desires. Beyond that, even relationship, love and companionship. So, since my homosexual attraction/orientation is “disordered,” it also shapes how I want these VERY human things. So yeah, I guess you could say my having SSA leads a large part of me into what the Church would call restricted territory.
 
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It might be worth examining whether sexuality drives far too much these days, perhaps also examining whether such priorities have led to lasting happiness, “solidity” of character, warmth of relations, greater acts of selflessness, more societal order, richer and warmer family life, etc etc.
 
Just FYI, I was told this thread will close soon, so if anyone has further (name removed by moderator)ut, appreciated!
 
Lia said:
It just doesn’t feel right to tell someone they have to be without a partner their whole life
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This would be poor advice with regard to any major life decision. One must be open to all possible vocations until one is sure of one’s call. But one can only make the best decision based on what exists in the present. A person who is married and has young children has a vocation to be a parent and spouse. But this situation may not perrsist “their whole life”. Mother Miriam is an example of a person who was called to religious vocation late in life.

A person may think they want to be married, then come to realize they are called to religious life. Ultimately, the most sound advice is that a person seek first the Kingdom, one day at a time, and expect that everything will be made clear.
 
pacloc said:
I just wanted to remind you that there is a scripture that says gay people will not inherit the Kingdom of God, yet you claimed that there will be many that do.
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Do you think that is what this passage says?

Do you think the CC teaches this?

What does it mean to be “effeminate”?

What do you mean by “gay people”?

sorry @catholic1seeks, but I just couldn’t let that go without asking.
 
Those question have already been asked and answered if you read the other responses.
 
guanophore said:
Do you think that is what this passage says
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I would love to hear what you think the passage means since you think that I don’t understand it as simply saying that people that are committing sexual acts with people of the same sex will not enter into the Kingdom of God. I admit that the one line that you and catholic1seeks have both attacked could have been more clearly written, but I did explain it before and after, so there really isn’t any reason to be so upset about the choice of words.
 
Gosh, now that’s just got to make your future wife feel special and loved.
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Hmmm, that gives the impression that I’m going to randomly decide to marry a woman in one day, and that she would have no participation in the development of the relationship up until the point when I do (hypothetically) ask her to marry me.

In the end, I don’t think the replies dealing with the hypothetical woman’s point of view are very helpful, because all along I have been assuming that the woman is open to it. My question is more about what it means for me, as a gay Catholic man, to live out a vocation. The woman is purely hypothetical, and the situation assumes things, as I have stated throughout the thread: (1) There would have to be at minimum SOME attraction, and, related, (2) the woman wouldn’t be RANDOM, and so, (3) it wouldn’t be ONLY for the sake of loneliness; and (4) She would know everything beforehand about me being SSA; and fundamentally, (5) it would be something we are BOTH open to.
 
I think it would be good if you could find someone. I think you need to talk to priests in tribunal positions to see if it is even possible though. I remember being told that there are a lot of things that prevent a marriage from being valid in the RCC. This seems like it would fail a few of the tests, but I’m not sure.
 
He was asking me. I think he took the line I said earlier calling “gay men” what Paul was talking about. I don’t use the term gay for SSA, I don’t know if that is politically correct or not, but I call people that have sex with someone of the same sex gay.
 
alice24 said:
Yeah, but if you read my post, you would see that I didn´t think marriage is only sexual attraction, but that sexual attraction is an important part. That´s a difference.
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It may be an important part for you. Not necessarily for every couple on earth. If a couple is on the same page about sex, and neither of them plan to look for it outside the marriage, that is what really matters. Not the degree of sexual desire they might feel.
 
If there are posters here who haven’t read the entire thread and you are repeating yourself perhaps it’s time to stop and just take what is good from this thread. Hopefully you have enough answers to help you make a decision.
 
At this point it should be clear that it’s not new views of the matter that he’s looking for.
 
Oh no always be open to new views. But no point in arguing over old views that has been discussed before on this thread.
 
That’s the thing…when we don’t want to face the truth - to face reality - one tends to go shopping for a different answer.

In the end it sort of becomes an exercise of self focus bordering on voyerism with a lot of spectators.

It’s very much like that.
 
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