I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

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I’m glad to help in any way I can. I’ve watched him so broken about his struggle and his desire to have a family. It makes my heart break. I’m sure you have gone through the same. Just don’t give up!
 
Thank you for your apology!

I’m sure you didn’t mean to offend!

The theories about homosexual inclination are interesting indeed. This isn’t really the place to talk about them, though. That’s a whole other can of worms. I guess I would just kindly ask people to accept my testimony that I have “deep-seated” and dominant homosexual attraction. For as long as I can remember.
 
I welcome any responses, as long as they aren’t suspicious of my motives or are just outright uncharitable and lacking compassion.
 
catholic1seeks said:
I have “deep-seated” and dominant homosexual attraction. For as long as I can remember.
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Yes but there is still nothing wrong to be OPEN to other possibilities. Perhaps it is really deep seated, but perhaps it’s not as you think and you’ve been led to believe this.
I know people like you who thought that this was the case and was able to regain some OSA. It really is not impossible. The question is: are you open to this and will you try? Why close off options?
 
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catholic1seeks said:
I don’t deny that homosexual lifestyle can be sinful. But Jesus is the ultimate shepherd, and he knows the deep reasons why people enter the lifestyle. As evidenced on this thread, it’s hard enough to be gay in the Catholic Church. I can’t imagine being gay outside the Catholic Church AND having any natural desire whatsoever to remain single and celibate for life.

I’m not pulling the self pity card. Don’t mistake me. I know everyone has a cross. But what I’m saying is, I think many of us who don’t really know what it’s like to be gay or LGBT simply throw all of them in the category of “sinner” (I know that’s NOT what you’re saying, but hang with me for a sec). And so it becomes easy, at least, to have black-and-white hard rules. We don’t soften the standards, but I think we have to understand that everyone is in a particular situation in life. I wouldn’t be surprised if many in the Kingdom of God are those persons who ARE in same-sex marriages. Christ surprises us.
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If God loves all of us, why would he give many of us heavy burdens to bear while giving relatively light ones to others? That would be like a parent who has two children and sends one of them off to school with an old beat up book bag full of rocks to carry while sending the other one off with a brand new book bag with new school supplies and some tasty food to eat for lunch. What kind of parent would do something like that?

In Matthew 7:9-11 it says:
9 Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? 10 Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
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So those who say that homosexuality is a disordered attraction which it is sinful to act upon and that this is a cross which God has given some of us to bear are saying that God gives rocks and snakes to some of His children while giving bread to others.
 
Yes and that’s the basis for this thread — being open to a woman.

But many (not saying you) are taking this and running with it, talking about conversion therapy and so on. There’s a healthy balance. Part of that balance, at least in terms of the thread’s discussion, is respecting the reality that for many people (including me), being gay is not an on or off switch.
 
Blessings
We are children of the most high God. Our loving Father and Creator gave us rules to live by to keep us healthy in mind, body and soul. Before God presented Himself to Abraham, homosexuality was a normal part of early civilization. Eden was a loving bubble He gave us. We wanted more. We got it! Sumerians, Greeks, Romans were open cultures. Sodom& Gomorrah made a loud statement.
It’s a curious thing why God singled out homosexuality as an abomination and sin?
Our species must procreate or die out. Sex was created for procreation, not as entertainment!
God is more interested w our souls and spirits He wants us to be physically well. We make choices that impaire our mind. Body , soul and spirit. We are selfish natured. We want things that make us feel good. Things that make us feel good are not necessarily GOOD FOR YOU!
You have body parts that have functions. They are not to be mixed up! Anal sex, regardless of partners is disgusting. I can figure out some things that could feel good. I understand the physiology in it. But, if sensational feelings is your goal, you are compromising your soul.
God and heaven is our goal. We are to procreate to make a family. Chasity, purity are to be maintained in all vocations. Heterosexuals must use self control to stay faithful in marriage.
Singles are to be chaste while celibate. Religious are to be chaste. Sexual thoughts will invade everyone’s mind. It has to be disciplined.
What is your goal for a happy family life under God’s direction. Make a Holy family your goal not a sexual experience. Other gays have chosen to have a heterosexually, Holy family. Don’t look at men who you find attractive. If you perk, think—-Good looking guy- child of God. Hope he knows God.
If you live your life, God will present a female to you who is your BFF type person. You feel lonely when she’s not around. You discuss your situation w her. She agrees. I don’t think you’ll be suffering through the intimacy of marriage. Wear a blindfold? Put a bag over her head? JOKING!
You’d sigh a couple of times in your life, wondering what it would feel like to engage in SSA’s. You have to get children by extraordinary ways. Even Dolce & Gabbana say kids should come the Natural way.
Ppl living in other cultures keep trying to have a FAMILY, unnaturally.
I looked up this historian, who looked transgendered. He/She was. He became a she. His neck was huge. His voice is strange. He isn’t pretty. He got married! Would you believe he married a woman!!HUH! If you are attracted to a female, why change??
Have a life that is chosen for your Spirit in alignment w your Father’s rules. Happiness comes w achieving God’s family and the love of your wife and children. Be happy, you have a Father who is pleased w you.
Sex ain’t getting us to heaven.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
Yes but being gay also doesn’t define you. This is what the gay lobby want to have you believe. They want you to think that either you are gay or else you are fooling yourself.
 
Thorolfr said:
That would be like a parent who has two children and sends one of them off to school with an old beat up book bag full of rocks to carry while sending the other one off with a brand new book bag with new school supplies and some tasty food to eat for lunch.
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Easy to answer. You are looking from a human perspective rather than a God perspective.

Perhaps the one with the brand new book bag is quadriplegic.
 
I agree!

But again, healthy balance. We say that being gay (or sexuality) doesn’t define us, and yet at the same time, the church has an entire corpus of teaching (think theology of the body, or just theology of the human person in general) that says that sexuality is intrinsic to the human person.

It does define us in key ways — how we desire to relate to others and live in communion. God didn’t make the human person to live alone. Homosexuality affects how these God-ordained feelings and human goals are channeled - even if disordered, as the church says.

And so human sexuality is related to human fulfillment and happiness in very key ways.

Catholic teaching can assert that acting out of the homosexual lifestyle will never make one truly happy. Fair — but we have to admit that, for many or most gay people, the intuition (the very very DEEP intuition) is otherwise.
 
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catholic1seeks said:
conversion therapy
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It really depends on what one means when this term is used. So I wouldn’t want to completely disregard this. In my mind going to mass is part of this “conversion therapy”. Now surely there is nothing wrong with doing that.
 
True, but in many contexts, it seems to doubt the experience of the same-sex attraction (as a simple illness that needs to be cured, for example). Not saying you are saying this — but for most people, especially gay people, this is what they hear.
 
catholic1seeks said:
for many or most gay people, the intuition (the very very DEEP intuition) is otherwise.
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I truly understand what you mean here and really feel for you. I understand this is probably the biggest problem facing the SSA Christian. I do have an answer to this but it may take too long to answer here.
If you really want to talk we can go private.
My main point though is be OPEN. Sometimes things may not really be what you think it is.
 
I understand where you’re coming from.

I don’t think everyone has an equal share in crosses or blessings, especially in this life.

And while it’s shorthand to say God “gives us this cross,” it may be misleading. For God doesn’t directly will that we suffer.

People in “third world countries” have it MUCH worse than me, for example. But I don’t think God has directly willed to give them that “cross.”

Also, I think one could argue against you by saying that God makes his grace sufficient for the individual person. So what may seem like a heavier cross may actually be met with by “heavier grace.” On the practical level, it does seem odd. For I personally do not experience that. But how can I compare? I have no real way of knowing the hardships of other people.

I’m still learning how to integrate my sexuality and faith.
 
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Maybe roommate with some other people that are celibate and are very devout people but are also alone like yourself.
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TBH, this is probably a better route for me.

Part of the misunderstanding with many on here is that my OP seemed to suggest that marrying a woman was my ONLY option (that I was considering). But actually, it’s not something I’ve considered until VERY recently.

I think I’d prefer to live with other persons. Eve Tushnet, a faithful/orthodox Catholic AND lesbian writes about other ways LGBT persons can faithfully follow Catholic teaching in the church: single, yes, but also in (1) celibate partnerships (even with other LGBT people); (2) committed friendships [living together]; (3) communal living (think Catholic worker movement); (4) extended family, like living with parents or godparenting

Granted, each of them has their weaknesses, but we can’t by so myopic to say that the ONLY option is for a gay Catholic to live alone. For some, indeed, the ONLY real possibility of having an authentic Catholic life in the church is to have a same-sex relationship that gradually embraces the Catholic ethic more and more, so that, eventually, such a relationship would become celibate, for example (if not already).

That may scandalize some, but it testifies to the truth that peoples’ lives are messy, and that all of us are on a continual path of conversion. Rarely do any of us get it ALL 100% in a single moment.
 
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Yeah, that’s true.

I think there is an advantage to living with the same sex as well, though. It may be hard for someone new to this thinking to get, but I think other gay people will understand. Temptation may be present, but as Eve Tushnet also says, sometimes that’s just an element we have to deal with. There are genuine goods to be found when gay people are able to live according to church teaching while ALSO being able to serve or care for and be friends with people of the same sex. It helps with the longing of being with another person of the same sex, but in a healthy way.
 
I’m sorry you’re facing such a tough situation my friend. And it’s toughness of it is revealed by how long the chain of replies is to this. I’m sorry finding an answer is so tough, and I don’t really have one myself. But you seem like someone who knows Church teaching well and does not want to go against it. So as long as you’re making a decision you know doesn’t contradict Church teaching and trying your best to live out genuine Catholicity, I know our Lord will be pleased. Sorry I can’t offer anything else, but I wish you the best in your decision!
 
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