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Bubba_Switzler
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Your ears are floppy but you have a nice shiny coat. BTW, who is that handsome man standing next to you?
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
OP, you look fine to me. You look like good classic all-american hubby material. 
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EasterJoy
Guest
I don’t know if I’ve ever met a 23 year old man who is not worried about marriage. Either that he won’t find a wife or that he’ll jump in too soon and marry the wrong one or that his wife will leave him for no reason like some friend’s wife did or maybe he’s supposed to be a priest instead or who knows what. In spite of their reputation, most guys do take marriage very seriously, so I guess that is why. Generally speaking, though, the guys who have no thought that they may just be Heaven’s Finest Gift to the female half of the species make the better husbands. Self-esteem is a good thing, but it can definitely be overdone into self-satisfaction.
Don’t call yourself ugly, and don’t let anyone else do that, either, not to you and not to anybody. Luckily, most guys I know who were worried about their looks at 23 felt better about themselves at 33, even though they hadn’t changed except maybe to lose some hair. I guess as you get older, you realize that women worth marrying are swept off their feet by who you are and that you take care of yourself and others, and don’t worry a lot about things about you that you can’t actually change.
Do you have a vocation to marriage? You don’t have to know that today. Be chaste today, be a good friend, be temperate but look to enjoy the life God gave you, and just see where the Lord leads you. You’ll do OK.
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.
Sufficient for a day is its own evil. Matt. 6:34
Don’t call yourself ugly, and don’t let anyone else do that, either, not to you and not to anybody. Luckily, most guys I know who were worried about their looks at 23 felt better about themselves at 33, even though they hadn’t changed except maybe to lose some hair. I guess as you get older, you realize that women worth marrying are swept off their feet by who you are and that you take care of yourself and others, and don’t worry a lot about things about you that you can’t actually change.
Do you have a vocation to marriage? You don’t have to know that today. Be chaste today, be a good friend, be temperate but look to enjoy the life God gave you, and just see where the Lord leads you. You’ll do OK.
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.
Sufficient for a day is its own evil. Matt. 6:34
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
If she is a kind lady, and IF she just happened to do a search (which I would think a lady would not do something so immature) she will just think he was going through a phase, like all people do from time to time and ignore it out of kindness, instead of being someone who is GODLESS and laughs at and takes delight in finding faults in others.
The young man is 23. This is not so much a maturity issue, just an insecurity issue. If we are truly honest, all of us have insecurities all the way up to death.
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MidnightSun12
Guest
Being well adjusted with where you are in life is more attractive to the ladies then how you look. Ask any woman and she’ll tell you that a great sense of humor is even more attractive in a guy then physical looks are. That said, though, how can you be relaxed and funny if you’re all worried about finding a spouse? The most attractive guys are the ones who don’t give a second thought about their marital status and are too busy enjoying life. The ones who are all worried about getting married are usually needy and clingy and actually get less interest from women then the ones who are dis-interested (even if the clingy ones happen to be better looking).
Those “date doctors” have all sorts of theories why the dis-interested personality tends to be so attractive, but as Catholics we know better
D) :"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
Matthew 6:33
In fact, the most common reason why people have an inordinate desire to get married in the first place is because they have given themselves to their lust rather then to God:
"For they who in such manner receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves, and from their mind, and to give themselves to their lust, as the horse and mule, which have not understanding, over them the devil hath power."
Tobit 6:17
Finding a spouse is not like finding a job. You need a job to survive… you do not need a spouse. Spend your time loving God with your whole heart mind and soul and you’ll be so busy doing acts of the charity and spreading the faith that you’ll be surprised when you stumble accross the one… on God’s time, not yours!
God bless.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Not once you’re into it, obediently try it, and realize, “Yes, Lord, this is actually OK. This suits me fine.”
In prospect, however, and for a young man who is very much interested in finding himself a wife, it can seem a very big problem! But you are right: the answer to that worry is to trust that no one God made to be a husband will always be without a wife. He will do best if he lets go of his fear, trusts in the Lord, and goes about serving God as best as he can.
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kelvinf
Guest
Wow! Great thread, nice posts!!! ++
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kelvinf
Guest
One of my favourite Bible verses!
Finding a spouse is not like finding a job. You need a job to survive… you do not need a spouse. Spend your time loving God with your whole heart mind and soul and you’ll be so busy doing acts of the charity and spreading the faith that you’ll be surprised when you stumble accross the one… on God’s time, not yours!
The most important commandment.
All well said. The problem is usually putting them into practice.
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catholicanne
Guest
I think you’re very attractive. I also think therapy might help with your low self-esteem.
Good luck!
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catholicanne
Guest
I think you need to take your own advice and get over yourself. Some men can be close to God and strong in their faith but at the end of the day they’re also human and make mistakes. Stop putting yiur future husband on a pedastool and realize that we all have flaws. Remember, sometimes having a good faithful woman will give a man the courage the seek out a strong relationship with God.
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kelvinf
Guest
True. I think her post seems to be directed towards a perfect man. I am saying so based on the terms like radical faith, so strong, so perseverant and living radically now for God.
It seems to portray a perfect man that can’t exist in this world.
I believe faith in God is something that we constantly have to ask for like the apostles did: “Increase our faith.”
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captainmike
Guest
become more confident before you start trying to date. how? by getting in shape and working to have a successful career. once you do those things, you will be in a better frame of mind to seek a girlfriend, and women will be more attracted to you.
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GEddie
Guest
Concur. It looks like she is looking for someone who exists only in the rolls of the saintsTrue. I think her post seems to be directed towards a perfect man. I am saying so based on the terms like radical faith, so strong, so perseverant and living radically now for God.
It seems to portray a perfect man that can’t exist in this world.
ICXC NIKA
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benjammin
Guest
So how do I stop doing this. Don’t just say “pray” or focus on other things. It’s not always on my mind to find someone, but i’m always looking at girls. Sure i don’t want to marry every girl I see, but sometimes I just wonder what it would be like to date them. to be honest I can’t help it, and I guess I always felt it was normal for a man to look. What am I supposed to do, just wait in church for God to send someone to me? Also, i’m clueless to verbal cues and stuff so even if I stop looking and just happen to meet someone, I probably won’t pick up on if they like me or not.
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EasterJoy
Guest
I don’t see what is wrong with a man who is free to marry looking at women and thinking, “Hmm, maybe someone like her.” As long as you don’t make an object of her or covet a woman who belongs to another man (or to another vocation other than marriage), then that is OK.
Honestly, I’d make some female friends your own age. They don’t have to be someone you’d court, and they don’t have to be someone who is interested in looking at you as a husband. I mean honest-to-goodness friends. This is how you learn verbal cues and all of that.
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Metropolis
Guest
I looked up and read some of the other posts you have made and they are all saying pretty much the same thing. You ask the same people the same question and it looks like you shoot down what they say over and over. Well anyways, this is the problem I see as a woman not too much older than you (I am 26). Your attitude stinks. You are very concerned about meeting an attractive girl (and frankly it sounds like you are just as shallow as the girls you are complaining about). It is a big turn off also to hear the nice guys finish last speech over and over. My husband is very confident and nice. That is how he won me over. (I knew him about 7 years before we started dating.) You are pretty normal looking and I don’t think that is what is preventing you from finding a girl. Not everyone finds someone at 23. I had a friend who didn’t get married until she was 35 and she is beautiful, smart, and nice. You also seem to be very focused on yourself and getting what you want and getting it now. That isn’t how God works. He doesn’t do things on our time schedule. Keep up hope. Try to be comfortable with yourself. Loosing weight may help you gain some confidence. Trust God.
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benjammin
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I’m sorry If I come off having a bad attitude in these posts. Its just hard because as of now I don’t really have anyone in my age group in my area since I’m out in the middle of rural nebraska where most people (let alone Catholics) are either older or have families. In public I try to be nice, and I try to find events and be positive whether its in my part time jobs (I substitute teach and work at a grocery store. Hopefully though I will get a teaching job or some other better full time job, or do this masters program I’ve looked into where I would teach in a Catholic School while getting a masters… and its subsidized if I get in:thumbsup
, but at the end of the day I feel so alone. I’ve always had friends, but i’ve never been close or had a group of friends who did everything together. I always see these people, and I just feel like i’m some creepy loner sitting in the corner, even though I try to smile and look like it doesn’t bug me.When I’m home though I just get so sad about it. I feel like everyone else is out having fun while i’m just alone sitting on a stupid computer. I do pray and I do try to do other Catholic events when they are available, but there don’t seem to be much in my diocese that are youth centered. Also, other young people events don’t happen much unless it involves getting drunk or if I do go, I feel weird because i’m alone instead of with a friend or a group.
I guess I also feel like things just never go away. People say trust in God yet the wrong things happen. My father died at 15. I was bullied to the point of threatening kids at an otherwise great Catholic school, i couldn’t get a job. Sure good things have happened, but they seem insignificant to the bad things. I guess I have to look at it though that God is preparing me for something greater, but its so hard when I hear people say God has blessed them so much and I don’t get as many and it makes me doubt my faith. I do though try and keep going by going to mass and hoping God gives me enough strength to get through things. Even so, I still feel like I have to be self centered because no one else seems to care about me and my problems and just say “pray about it” or “your depressed” and just go on without actually helping. I guess though sometimes I just get so frustrated and want more than just the typical answers. I’ll also admit that I do like to argue sometimes and am sorry if I’ve come off as uncharitable or selfish Thank you for at least being honest. I guess sometimes I just still hold on to the idea that some girl will love me flaws and all, but I should stop that and try and change myself. What are some ways to get a better attitude? Any tips?
God Bless
BenJammin
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jeannetherese
Guest
Tips on better attitude?
Well, I’m a music lover so I’d sing along with some good stuff:
Who can have a bad day while singing along with Bob Marley, Sweet Honey in the Rock, just about any musical Soundtrack?
Doing an impromptu cha-cha to some Carlos Santana?
How about some big band jazz? Or rockabilly?
How about some great classical that’s a bit more on the traditional side? Who do you like today-will it be Bach? Pachelbel’s canon in D major? Plug something you like into Pandora and then see what else comes up. It can be a great adventure. For a less traditional take, there’s my favorite version of Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring on the electric guitar…
A little Springsteen and U2 or John Mellencamp
Don’t forget the funk!!! And the blues and the soul…if it makes you want to dance, it is bound to lift your spirits.
And, even if you don’t like rap, there’s always You Gotta Pray just to make it today! (nu nation project)
Cranking up that Christmas cd and making a joyful noise unto the Lord?
OR your own a capella performance-you don’t have to have a soundtrack-your music is beautiful! May God bless you.
Well, I’m a music lover so I’d sing along with some good stuff:
Who can have a bad day while singing along with Bob Marley, Sweet Honey in the Rock, just about any musical Soundtrack?
Doing an impromptu cha-cha to some Carlos Santana?
How about some big band jazz? Or rockabilly?
How about some great classical that’s a bit more on the traditional side? Who do you like today-will it be Bach? Pachelbel’s canon in D major? Plug something you like into Pandora and then see what else comes up. It can be a great adventure. For a less traditional take, there’s my favorite version of Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring on the electric guitar…
A little Springsteen and U2 or John Mellencamp
Don’t forget the funk!!! And the blues and the soul…if it makes you want to dance, it is bound to lift your spirits.
And, even if you don’t like rap, there’s always You Gotta Pray just to make it today! (nu nation project)
Cranking up that Christmas cd and making a joyful noise unto the Lord?
OR your own a capella performance-you don’t have to have a soundtrack-your music is beautiful! May God bless you.
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kelvinf
Guest
Regarding flaws, for every guy with a flaw, there is an equal and opposite (a girl) with a flaw, I believe.
There have been similar complaints like this made by girls here.
Those who are flawless (if they actually exist) would probably desire to be with someone their equal.
Those with flaws would likely accept their equal.
There is nothing to worry about. Try your best. You would at least meet someone who is also trying her best. I say at least because there are those who are better who would accept those who are trying their best.
There have been similar complaints like this made by girls here.
Those who are flawless (if they actually exist) would probably desire to be with someone their equal.
Those with flaws would likely accept their equal.
There is nothing to worry about. Try your best. You would at least meet someone who is also trying her best. I say at least because there are those who are better who would accept those who are trying their best.
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mommamaree
Guest
Okay, is that you in the picture?
Because you are cute! (I say this cautiously because I am a very happily married woman who doesn’t want to give the wrong impression!)
Seriously, you have nothing to worry about. You have nice eyes and nice smile and you look gentle and strong, like a life-size teddy bear. Don’t date anyone you are not attracted to in some way. A girl deserves her boyfriend and future husband to be very attracted to her, just as you deserve your girlfriend and future wife to be very attracted to you.
Attraction is sometimes instantaneous, but usually it is something that develops over time, as you notice how a person speaks, and moves, and carries themselves. Also, happier people will appear more attractive to others. So keep that smile going, and let your eyes show you are a happy person, too. And then keep your eyes open. You never know who will come into your life!
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