I'm in a loveless marriage. Please help.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Bflomom
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Bflo,

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this, I do know that you situation is not a good one at all. There are many here that are willing to support you and offer good advice about talking to your Priest.

The course of action that your husband is taking is borderline abusive – stating that he is only nice because he wants intimacy. It seems that he shows no respect for you, is that something you want him to teach your child. Again do as others have suggested and talk to your Priest. For he can give you advise from the Churches perspective.

As for reading the posts of one junior member here how I am sure they are very young; naive and arrogant you should ignore his / her posts as they do not offer any support just judgmental holier-than-thou attitude.

This is a very hard time for you – keep your family and friends close and remember it is not you who has changed; you are trying to reach him. Remember you are a daughter of God, that he wants the best for you. Seek Him out and do not let anyone turn you away from Him.

I pray that God grants you Strength and Peace, and the Love that you (and that we all) deserve.

Winter
 
Bflomom said:
. He said tonight that the only reason why he is nice to me is when he wants to be intimate.

At this point I honestly cannot stand him. We still sleep in separate bedrooms, have a marriage that is lacking intimacy, we don’t communicate at all and we argue all of the time. He boasts that he is such a good Catholic man. We do attend Mass every Sunday and I try to be a good wife but I don’t know what to do. I take my marriage vows very seriously and I don’t want to divorce as I want my son to grow up with a dad and mom but I don’t know what to do. We did try Catholic Marriage counseling but he decided it was a waste of time for him.

Do you think that there is any hope?
Click to expand...
Sounds like blatant disrespect to be but not knowing his side all I can say is everyone deserves respect. If someone had treated me like that I would have taken the child and left but that’s me and as I said I don’t know his side of the story. Prayers for your family.
 
Bflomom said:
Hi. I am new here and this is my first post. I need some advice as I don’t have anywhere to turn at this point.

I have been married to my husband for 5 years this week. We are both in our 30’s and have a 1 year old son. We fell in love quickly, got engaged after two months and were married 1 year later. I totally feel like we rushed into marriage, but hindsight it 20/20. I can’t do anything about that now.

Once our son was born I feel like our marriage has taken a nosedive. First of all, he took NO time off once I delivered. Thankfully I have my parents close by to help me. He then moved himself and the dogs into the spare bedroom as he couldn’t be bothered by our son waking him up in the middle of the night. I quit my very good career to be a stay at home mom. He works hard to support the family and on his days off he would rather golf with his friends than spend time with the family.

He is constantly calling me lazy and telling me I don’t have a job because you need to get paid to have a job. He refuses to have any sort of conversation with me about anything. I try to have serious conversations with him and he walks away or tells me to leave him alone. He said tonight that the only reason why he is nice to me is when he wants to be intimate.

At this point I honestly cannot stand him. We still sleep in separate bedrooms, have a marriage that is lacking intimacy, we don’t communicate at all and we argue all of the time. He boasts that he is such a good Catholic man. We do attend Mass every Sunday and I try to be a good wife but I don’t know what to do. I take my marriage vows very seriously and I don’t want to divorce as I want my son to grow up with a dad and mom but I don’t know what to do. We did try Catholic Marriage counseling but he decided it was a waste of time for him.

Do you think that there is any hope?
Click to expand...
I just want to know if there is any cultural separation in your marriage. It seems odd that your husband would marry you and now denigrates you because you are a stay at home mom. Did he want you to immediately go back to work after your son was born? Did you see any hints of this in the year before you got married?

Are you co-sleeping with the baby? That can push the husband out of the bed since the baby is now in it for sleeping.
 
Isn’t it legal though by Church standards to seperate physically but stay married?

I feel for you, honey. If I knew what I was getting into (and BTW it is our three year anniversary today) I never, NEVER, would have gotten married.

Too late now, I guess. If I get miserable enough, I might divorce for my own mental sanity.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I just want to know if there is any cultural separation in your marriage. It seems odd that your husband would marry you and now denigrates you because you are a stay at home mom. Did he want you to immediately go back to work after your son was born? Did you see any hints of this in the year before you got married?

Are you co-sleeping with the baby? That can push the husband out of the bed since the baby is now in it for sleeping.
Click to expand...
Thanks everybody!! To answer your question, no, there are no cultural differences. Our son did sleep in the bedroom with me for the first 8 months of his life. I nursed and it was just easier having him close by.

When we were dating he told me some stories about his past girlfriends an how he “dumped” them. It should have raised red flags as he was immature the way he did it. As far as me not working is concerned, HE told me that he wanted me to quit and stay home full time with our son. He didn’t want him to go to daycare.

Today he came home from work and had a syringe and b-12 with him. He has always had pernicious anemia (b-12 deficienty6 and he said that his labs from last week showed he was dangerously low. I looked online and if you have a severe enough deficiency it can cause mood issues. Maybe that’s what’s going on? He is a psychiatric nurse practitioner so I think dealing with crazy people all day wears on him.

I think he felt bad as he came from work today and was nice. I am just going to concentrate taking care of of my son and pray harder. I hope that this b-12 deficiency is contributing to his moodiness.
 
While you are right, when our system is off-kilter it can make us moody BUT…that is beyond moody and is extremely unkind. (that is me being nice).

We can get a bit crazy if we are anemic or lacking certain things. Talking to you like he did is unacceptable regardless of his state of health.

Stand up for yourself and your basic human dignity. I think the formation involved in marriage is learning what to expect from another and learning when to let it go. This is behavior you do not want to let go of and watch it get worse.

We learn how to treat other human beings by being kind to our spouse and children. Even in tough love, defending your own dignity (not pride).

Keep us posted on your progress.
 
I just want to add my prayers for you and your family.

I both empathize and sympathize with your situation. I was in a no love marriage for 15 years. I agree with those above who made comments about it being a valid marriage, but in all assuming it is, sometimes you do what you have to do. No matter where this leads, you have a beautiful baby to think of and show what a family is, and how family treat each other.

I would start with going to your Parrish priest. At the least, he could direct you to a marriage counselor who is Catholic/Christian oriented and not just spouting divorce first off the bat.

My prayers
 
buffalo said:
Love and Respect

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcReij_u_RpV9kKnBl-LrtN57Qps5lzI6se239NldBjMzslMvZb3

**
**
Click to expand...
I was just going to say to the OP to read about Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson and found that someone else posted it here. Click on the words Love and Respect in his post to get to know more about this. Also, instead of Marriage Encounter, it sounds like you need Retrouvaille first. It is for trouble marriages. Check this out in your local area and go on the weekend. Don’t give up hope and I read in one post that someone recommended the Rosary. Don’t underestimate the power of Our Lady’s intercession in your marriage and for your husband’s conversion. Pray and pray some more. Prayer alone will not do it, but also make some sacrifices. Prayer and Sacrifices!! I will pray for you both and your marriage. From someone in a not so happy marriage either, I can tell you taking these steps will improve your marriage, they are the first steps. My marriage has improved. It is slowly getting there to being a happy marriage in Christ.🙂
 
Syringe? Strange behavior? I’d wonder about drug use and personality disorders.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top