I'm in a tough situation

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Living together without marriage is something to discuss with your priest. Scandal and putting yourselves in a near occasion of sin are both something you need to avoid.
 
crazzeto said:
Is he really gay? Born gay as they say? I just always find that kind of thing curious, in conjunction with “well yeah but this one time he had sex with me (a girl)…”. Anyway, I digress. The important part is this, if he intends to live this life style, then I see his solution as being highly problematic at the very best.

He’s going to be teaching your child one very mixed up view of sexuality, and it certainly isn’t going to mesh well with Catholic teachings. Now with regards to electing not to get married, that’s actually a good thing and at the very least my diocese discourages that. The reason is so called “shot gun weddings” are usually marred from the start. Neither person in the couple really wants to be there, you just have to be there in order to maintain a veneer of propriaty. Better to not be married, and only marry if indeed you have come to realize that God is calling the two of you together in this vocation.

Now I realize that your friend wants to be in this childs life, but I think it’s time right now to start making decessions about how you are going to form this childs religious education. I assume you want the child to be Catholic? And I hope you want the child to be a good Catholic as you have been (and continue to be). If this is the case, and it is the case that your friend intends to continue being homosexual then you’re going to have to find a way to address this. As I said earlier, you don’t want to be sending these kinds of mixed messages to your child, particularly at a young age.

Best of luck, and God bless.
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I really don’t want to comment on my sexuality, and Rage doesn’t either, but both of us had a good laugh over this. Yes, I plan to continue “being homosexual” just as Rage is going to continue being heterosexual, but both of us are going to be celibate. I wasn’t aware that we can change our sexualities. If we could, don’t you think I’d want to be straight, given the fact that I care a great deal about Rage and I want to be a father to my child?
 
Rage’s Friend–

I wouldnt take too personally the posts from people who implied your sexuality is a choice. I think people mean well, even when they hav eno idea what they’re talking about.

I dont know if you are able to become heterosexual. I’m inclined to think probably not, but I cant base that on anything other than having gay friends and hearing what they’ve had to say. I would say for the purposes of this discussion, your sexuality is actually pretty irrelevant.

The question is whether or not you and Rage are committed to raising a child together-- and it seems as tho you are! The rest is just logistics and I’m sure arrangements for this can be made to satisfy everybody involved.

Continued congratulations on your blessing! I sincerely wish you a long and happy Parenthood together, whatever else may befall you 🙂
 
Sexuality aside - I guess if you were going to mess up and end up pregnant out of wedlock after a lifetime of chastity at least it was to a friend than some jerk who will become an ex-husband owing in back child support because you tried to rush to the altar. Yes, I know there are many holes in that statement but please take it for more the spirit that it is made in.
 
Joan makes a REALLY good point–

It’s not an ideal situation, but quite honestly, raising a child with someone you can be friends with is a heck of a lot easier than raising one with someone you have hostility for! That’s why I precieve this as a situation in which a GOOD outcome is so very possible! 🙂

Plus, you can teach your child a lot about love, and friendship and responsibility, and how to make things work in less than ideal cirucmstances.

LOTS of positives can come out of this! ESPECIALLY the blessing of parenthood! 🙂
 
kage_ar said:
Living together without marriage is something to discuss with your priest. Scandal and putting yourselves in a near occasion of sin are both something you need to avoid.
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I would imagine there are many people that live together in caste ways well. And if you read one of the recent posts by Rage, they are talking to a priest. It’s not clear if they talked about living together to the priest, but with the other details mentioned we can charitably consider that they may have.

As for scandal, they have a child together. It would be seem to reduce scandal to live together and lovingly care for the child I would think. A guy impregnating a girl and not being man enough to support the baby would seem to be the easy way out and this is not what they are talking about. Thus, I’m not seeing how they will cause anymore scandal than what others may already feel.
 
Alcohol is supposed to lower inhibitions, right?
Well, uninhibited, this fellow wasn’t gay and proved it. So what is the logical conclusion?
And please, don’t anyone say “keep drinking”! 🙂
 
John21652 said:
Alcohol is supposed to lower inhibitions, right?
Well, uninhibited, this fellow wasn’t gay and proved it. So what is the logical conclusion?
And please, don’t anyone say “keep drinking”! 🙂
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I suppose these were exactly my thoughts, he’s gay unless he’s having sex with women anyway…

Anyway, putting this issue aside since this specific issue is really neither here nor there with regard to the pregancy, I will say that given the male’s stated position that he is, and will continue being gay then a marriage will not be healthy. A marriage requires complete fildelity, that is quite simply, not possible in this senario.

Living together as brother and sister is also a terrible idea. Trying to raise a child in an evironment where bio-dad has his boyfriends around, then bio-mom has her boyfriend or husband there is going to be just really not a very good senario.

Ultimatly it’s the OP’s choice, but at least on a personal level neither of these two senario’s would sit well with me.
 
I agree that living together is a bad idea. Based on what has been posted on this thread by the OP and the boy in question, I do hope they choose adoption. It does not seem like either one of them has the maturity level to cope with this correctly. A child needs two loving, married parents. A 19 year old does not like to hear that they are not mature, but the events of the night in question, the situation of the father, and now the idea of living together as brother and sister all point to one thing → the child needs put up for adoption.
 
You two sound like intelligent, reasonable, mature young people. These circumstances are less than ideal, and will present you with many challenges. Then again, even under the most ideal circumstances there are challenges, and things often work out much different than expected. And from reading both of your posts I get the impression that the two of you are well equipped to deal with this particular very special, very precious “circumstance”. I wish you both the best of luck, many many blessings and a lifetime of caring for each other and your precious baby. You will be in my prayers. 🙂
 
For those that didn’t read the entire thread - it has already been stated that the father knows celibacy is his only option and has chosen that. Yes, he messed up - none of us is free from sin. But I see a homosexual man living in celibacy as a far cry from having boyfriends around. Also I think we do need to give the young lady credit - although most of us would like to believe that everyone follows the cathechism to the letter it is a sad fact that most do not walk down the aisle as virgins. She did maintain her virginity up until this point and there is nothing that shows that she cannot remain chaste again if we look at the situation charitably.
 
joandarc2008 said:
For those that didn’t read the entire thread - it has already been stated that the father knows celibacy is his only option and has chosen that. Yes, he messed up - none of us is free from sin. But I see a homosexual man living in celibacy as a far cry from having boyfriends around. Also I think we do need to give the young lady credit - although most of us would like to believe that everyone follows the cathechism to the letter it is a sad fact that most do not walk down the aisle as virgins. She did maintain her virginity up until this point and there is nothing that shows that she cannot remain chaste again if we look at the situation charitably.
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Certainly if this person can maintian this level of Chastity from now, until the end of their life then that’s a great thing. Before making the commitment though, under these terms, I would recommend they have a long talk with their preist(s) and confessor(s).
 
joandarc2008 said:
For those that didn’t read the entire thread - it has already been stated that the father knows celibacy is his only option and has chosen that. Yes, he messed up - none of us is free from sin. But I see a homosexual man living in celibacy as a far cry from having boyfriends around. Also I think we do need to give the young lady credit - although most of us would like to believe that everyone follows the cathechism to the letter it is a sad fact that most do not walk down the aisle as virgins. She did maintain her virginity up until this point and there is nothing that shows that she cannot remain chaste again if we look at the situation charitably.
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I give her all the credit in the world for being chaste until now. But there is something that points directly towards them having a problem remaining chaste in the future. They have a lack of understanding of the concept of the “near occasion of sin”. Thats what started this situation. And now they are ready to start living together as friends. This is a problem and it shows a certain lack of maturity. Their priest should be advising them against the idea of living together.
As to the boyfriend remaining chaste, great. But if he was 19 years old,has a problem with SSA, yet intends to be chaste, it would seem as if he would at least be doing a little research on groups who help people overcome SSA. He seems to know nothing about these.
I’m sorry, this is a strange situation and kids don’t need strange situations.
 
Certainly, I would suggest to the OP’s boyfriend that if it really is his intention to just be chaste anyway, and live married or not as brother and sister, they why not research some groups that might help with SSA? I would say it’s better to see if your SSA may not be “dealt with”, allow you and the child’s mother to live more normally.

Certainly no guarantee of success, but the way I see it, the worse thing that can happen is you find your self right back in the same situation you’re in now. You really don’t have anything to lose.
 
crazzeto said:
I suppose these were exactly my thoughts, he’s gay unless he’s having sex with women anyway…

Anyway, putting this issue aside since this specific issue is really neither here nor there with regard to the pregancy, I will say that given the male’s stated position that he is, and will continue being gay then a marriage will not be healthy. A marriage requires complete fildelity, that is quite simply, not possible in this senario.

Living together as brother and sister is also a terrible idea. Trying to raise a child in an evironment where bio-dad has his boyfriends around, then bio-mom has her boyfriend or husband there is going to be just really not a very good senario.

Ultimatly it’s the OP’s choice, but at least on a personal level neither of these two senario’s would sit well with me.
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Well, I have to admit that when I discuss a topic like this, I can not get my head around being ‘gay’. It just doesn’t make sense to me at all. So, when I read that this fellow gets drunk, he is ‘not gay’, then sobers up and says he is gay and will stay that way, I don’t get it even more. Somewhere ‘in there’ is a heterosexual who is about to become a Dad. Or maybe he’s bi-sexual, I don’t know.:confused: Whatever. He says he and she are going to remain celibate. Is that with each other, or an absolute vow? Sheesh, can’t he try to be like he was when he was drunk, but without the drinking? Honestly, I don’t get it.🤷

But I do get this. Children are non judgemental and they love unconditionally. Even child bashers and bank robbers have children love them despite their flaws. So, this fellow would be loved by his child unconditionally despite whatever he was. What I can’t condone is if he is determined to be gay, there should be no boyfriends in the household. The child needs a mum/dad role modelling and not a series of kindly uncles coming and going. If he can stay committed, then go for it, I say.
And maybe drink occasionally. 😃
 
“My friend and I have been put into quite a situation.”

And now for a little straight talk: you were not “put into quite a situation” - you put yourselves there. And no amount of trying to lay it on alcohol intake or zero memory is going to make this thing right.

A willingness to be responsible would have lead you to refuse the booze and keep your pants on. In the short time that has elapsed since conception, I doubt much real responsibility has entered into your lifestyle. It sounds as if you still want things your way.

If the “daddy” is gay, what’s he doing in the sack with a drunk chick? None of it rings true.

If there is a baby on the way, give it wings and send it on its way to a family with roots and stability and clearly delineated role models and a grip on what it means to create life.

A drunken sexual romp is a poor welcome mat. Give the baby a chance to enjoy a family.

Limerick
 
Snugglebugmom said:
You two sound like intelligent, reasonable, mature young people. These circumstances are less than ideal, and will present you with many challenges. Then again, even under the most ideal circumstances there are challenges, and things often work out much different than expected. And from reading both of your posts I get the impression that the two of you are well equipped to deal with this particular very special, very precious “circumstance”. I wish you both the best of luck, many many blessings and a lifetime of caring for each other and your precious baby. You will be in my prayers. 🙂
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Beautfiul post. So true 😉

I can not believe, though, some the other remarks being made on this thread. 😦
 
jenlovesyu said:
Beautfiul post. So true 😉

I can not believe, though, some the other remarks being made on this thread. 😦
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So true? I am sorry, they do not sound like “two sound like intelligent, reasonable, mature young people”. We have a girl who got drunk and pregnant and a boy who is 19 and a homosexual (yet was a willing partner to the pregnancy). Now they want to move in together. There is nothing mature about this situation.
That doesn’t mean we don’t wish the three people all of the best, but the best for each of them seems to be seperate paths: the baby being adopted by a good family, the girl returning to a chaste life, and the boy addressing his SSA issues in an honest way.
You probably take exception to some of my remarks. Everyone is trying to be as charitable as possible, but based on what has been posted by the OP and her friend, if you take the emotion out of it, limerick is correct.
 
John21652 said:
Well, I have to admit that when I discuss a topic like this, I can not get my head around being ‘gay’. It just doesn’t make sense to me at all. So, when I read that this fellow gets drunk, he is ‘not gay’, then sobers up and says he is gay and will stay that way, I don’t get it even more. Somewhere ‘in there’ is a heterosexual who is about to become a Dad. Or maybe he’s bi-sexual, I don’t know.:confused: Whatever. He says he and she are going to remain celibate. Is that with each other, or an absolute vow? Sheesh, can’t he try to be like he was when he was drunk, but without the drinking? Honestly, I don’t get it.🤷

But I do get this. Children are non judgemental and they love unconditionally. Even child bashers and bank robbers have children love them despite their flaws. So, this fellow would be loved by his child unconditionally despite whatever he was. What I can’t condone is if he is determined to be gay, there should be no boyfriends in the household. The child needs a mum/dad role modelling and not a series of kindly uncles coming and going. If he can stay committed, then go for it, I say.
And maybe drink occasionally. 😃
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HELP!

I agree with John on something. Either we are RIGHT or the world is coming to an end.
 
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