I'm in love and that's the problem

  • Thread starter Thread starter confused2
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
40.png
LumenGentium:
the person with a clover in their siggy shouldn’t focus on me so much.

your comment that you think i protest too much is shameful. you have no right to judge the character of others and you are definitely wrong in my case as well as the woman the man is writing about. you are very very wrong.

also you should pay closer attention to the facts.
Click to expand...
I don’t get the clover statement. Can you explain please? Not sure what you are implying here.

I fully apologize for my comment. But we will have to agree to disagree here. I never said anything about the women in question, can you show me where I write anything about her? I feel bad for this man and I’ve made that fairly clear in all my posts.
 
Lumen, forgive me, but you appear to not care about what others think. It seems like you just ‘want to be right’ for the sake of being a little contrary. I think people on here have been respectful to your thoughts, and you should return the favor.

And**…we got it**, you like to hug people. LOL 👍

I’m not sure how this topic strayed into hugging friends…actually, the original poster (confused2) said nothing about hugging…he said he ponders “holding her.” I hesitate to comment on this thread anymore…because I just think it’s gone way off topic, and people are just being contrary for the sake of being contrary. If you think it’s ok for a married man to think (overthink) about another woman in ways that sound a borderline inappropriate, that’s your right and choice. Just don’t put others down for what they think.

I think this thread should be shut down at this point, personally. :rolleyes:
 
I’m very confused too. I haven’t read the first post that says anything negative about the teacher assitant friend and no one has inferred that she has done anything inappropriate, all I have found are sympathetic and understanding remarks and advice on how to handle the situation. Hopefully some of them have proven helpful for him.

I think maybe we need to be patient with Lumens, she sounds very young, is single, so hasn’t had the married experience yet and is very new to the forums. She sounds very young from her posts and may have misunderstood some of the posts, or has put a little of her own concerns about hugging here, that must be something very important to her right now. Hopefully she will get the hang of it here and find some more posts to discuss interesting topics, hopefully she will find her niche.

I think the original poster was wise to discuss his feelings here, and to ask for other’s take on the scenario. I am sure that he is in a professional and mature environment, so is careful about doling out the hugs, He sounds as though he is very respectful toward his wife and his teacher’s assistant. He can’t help how he feels but he obviously recognized where the line is and is trying to walk it.
My Prayers are going out for him to stay strong, and prayerful to keep his thougths and feelings for his friend in the realm of appropriate and holy. Sometimes the best way to be a friend is to pray for that person, so perhaps whenever he thinks of her, he will say a prayer.

On a bright note, It is nice to hear of a man who recognized that his feelings were boarderline inappropriate and is trying to keep his relationship with his friend on the straight and narrow.
 
40.png
whatevergirl:
Maybe you should share these feelings with your wife…if you can’t, then it’s a ‘friendship’ that should cease. Afterall, I thought we were to be open and honest with our spouses…?? :confused:
Click to expand...
My wife is VERY self-concious. My friend is 5"7" 115 lbs; my wife is 5’0" 130 lbs. My wife was dumped or hurt by every man she dated. Telling her would not be a good idea. To those who ask, yes we still work together, but we are never alone … and the year is almost over. I almost have her convinced that whe wants to pick up her own class next year and we would be physically separated. I’m even looking at other opertunities which would put many miles between us.

thank you all for your advice…now stop fighting. NOW would be a good time for A GROUP HUG {LumenGentium’s idea} 🙂
 
40.png
confused2:
My wife is VERY self-concious. My friend is 5"7" 115 lbs; my wife is 5’0" 130 lbs. My wife was dumped or hurt by every man she dated. Telling her would not be a good idea. To those who ask, yes we still work together, but we are never alone … and the year is almost over. I almost have her convinced that whe wants to pick up her own class next year and we would be physically separated. I’m even looking at other opertunities which would put many miles between us.

thank you all for your advice…now stop fighting. NOW would be a good time for A GROUP HUG {LumenGentium’s idea} 🙂
Click to expand...
Thanks for the update. It is interesting to have a husband’s perspective.

I have a great marriage and I thoroughly trust my husband, even when he is flying around the world. If he ever developed a physical attraction or “crush” on another woman, I would rather he conquer it with prayer and a priest. It would crush me to know, I would much rather he tell me what we need to work on in our marriage than to bring his fantasy or attraction toward another woman into the picture. That know that would cause marital problems for us to overcome. I am aware that he finds other woman attractive, that doesn’t bother me, he’s only human! I would want to know if there were serious problems, so if he told me about a deep friendship adn attraction to a friend, it as if it were a serious matter, I would be very concerned!

Also, your approach to this scenario has been very positive and it sounds like you are skirting around it and dealing with it appropriately. God Bless

Peace
 
Run forest RUN!!!

If you do somthin drastic with this young lady suddenly die and end up in HELL quitting your job wouldn’t sound so bad.

With all due respect you need to get a clue.

You are in serious trouble and if your realized how grave it was you wouldn’t even hesitate to Run for the Hills…your poor wife…

YOU ARE SHARING THIS INTIMATE SUBJECT ON THE INTERNET BEHIND HER BACK!!!

Sad
 
I agree with talking behind your wife’s back like this…On the one hand, you want advice…which is good…on the other, you’re telling her height and weight, and THE OTHER WOMAN’s height and weight? LOL
I’m scared to ask, but…how do you know what this other woman weighs? LOL

OH MY… :eek:

I think you got enough advice…but frankly, you shouldn’t have to run away to deal with temptation. There will be tempting situations, daily. You need to keep your focus on what’s pleasing to God, your wife, and family. I don’t think you need to relocate, or change jobs, in order to resolve this situation. God bless–

ps: The more I read of these posts, the more I wonder if this woman you work with–if she were say, 250 lbs? Would we all be having this conversation with you. Hmmm…You seem to focus a lot on this other woman’s appearance.
 
40.png
adv:
I am a wife of a man who loves me very much. My husband had a friend/ coworker married with kids like you do. I felt very uncomfortable with the relationship he had with her. I told him to sever the relationship last year, and the only communication should be professional. Because DH did not sever the relationship (he would hang out at bars with her and talk to her, she would call at midnight on the cell phone , she made passes at my husband and other people wondered if something was going on, this behind my back) it caused our marriage to suffer even though it was a friendship. This relationship took husbands focus away from our family and me. I found out last week that he was still communicating with her and had lunch with her even though he had quit his job and there was no reason for any contact. I thought he was having an affair because of an e-mail I read. He assured me he was not having an affair but he did admit he had an emotional connection with her. THIS HURT Me alot. Emotional attachments with other woman is just as hurtful as a physical . SEVER THIS RELATIONSHIP BEFORE IT GOES ANY FURTHER. If your mind is on this women it is taking away from your family and your wife and dont think that your wife doesn’t feel that your heart is not 100% with her. Until my husband saw that he lost my trust in him, he realized what he was doing was wrong and hurtful to our marriage. THis week things have turned 180 degrees. Now our marriage is back on track but there is steal some healing and work to be done.

Hope this helps. You may think its not hurting anyone but it is.
Protect your family…
May God Bless you and protect you.
Click to expand...
I had a friend with a similar situation. When she found out, she wanted her husband to sever all ties with this person (who also happened to be her very good friend), including not working with her (she was employed by him, so this meant firing her). Her husband did not want to go to such “extremes” and thought this to be too difficult and irrational. So they sought council from their Parish Priest. The Priest told him that he had broken the trust of his wife and that their marital vows required him to honor his wife’s wishes immediately. The Priest said that to continue on in the same situation, or to put the other person’s feelings, etc. before his wife’s was a transgression against their marriage vows. Needless to say, her husband went home and did what the Priest made clear he had to do.

It took sometime afterwards, but they have finally recovered the trust in their marriage.
 
40.png
NeelyAnn:
I had a friend with a similar situation. When she found out, she wanted her husband to sever all ties with this person (who also happened to be her very good friend), including not working with her (she was employed by him, so this meant firing her). Her husband did not want to go to such “extremes” and thought this to be too difficult and irrational. So they sought council from their Parish Priest. The Priest told him that he had broken the trust of his wife and that their marital vows required him to honor his wife’s wishes immediately. The Priest said that to continue on in the same situation, or to put the other person’s feelings, etc. before his wife’s was a transgression against their marriage vows. Needless to say, her husband went home and did what the Priest made clear he had to do.

It took sometime afterwards, but they have finally recovered the trust in their marriage.
Click to expand...
Smart husband. Smart priest too!
 
40.png
whatevergirl:
I agree with talking behind your wife’s back like this…On the one hand, you want advice…which is good…on the other, you’re telling her height and weight, and THE OTHER WOMAN’s height and weight? LOL
I’m scared to ask, but…how do you know what this other woman weighs? LOL

OH MY… :eek:

I think you got enough advice…but frankly, you shouldn’t have to run away to deal with temptation. There will be tempting situations, daily. You need to keep your focus on what’s pleasing to God, your wife, and family. I don’t think you need to relocate, or change jobs, in order to resolve this situation. God bless–

ps: The more I read of these posts, the more I wonder if this woman you work with–if she were say, 250 lbs? Would we all be having this conversation with you. Hmmm…You seem to focus a lot on this other woman’s appearance.
Click to expand...
I think what I meant to say, without it coming out so hmmm…crass…is that you really need to admit that you are attracted to this person, beyond friendship. It’s better to admit, than cloak it as something else. The sooner you can deal with this, the better. I think it’s ok to have friends…sure. But, if you’re hiding things from your spouse, it’s more than friends. And, that’s dangerous…to hide things from your spouse. I’m not suugesting to tell her…but, then if you can’t tell her, then it’s wrong just the same. I think we can provide all the commentary in the world…ranging from liberal comments to conservative ways of handling this. Until you admit that you are attracted to this person, as more than a friend…the better off you and your marriage will be. Sorry if I came across a bit crass. 🙂

But, I do wonder why you know this other woman’s weight? LOL
:rotfl:
 
The problem is you are not in love. Love is a commitment. Period. In the words of St. Theresa the Little Flower-“Grow up”. I am posting this with love.
 
40.png
confused2:
It’s an estimate…that’s to say, she is tall an skinny.
Click to expand...
This is telling though. Perhaps you are attracted to the self-confidance this women has and your wife may not. You spoke about her dating experiences before she met you was not very successful. Self-confidence issues can really cause problems in a marriage. This is just a thought. I don’t want to speak for you wife here or you. I don’t know what is in your mind or heart at this point but I prayer that things work out. 🙂
 
Rebecca New:
The problem is you are not in love. Love is a commitment. Period. In the words of St. Theresa the Little Flower-“Grow up”. I am posting this with love.
Click to expand...
Rebecca, I don’t think he said he was inlove with this other women. The title of the thread is more about how he is inlove with his wife. 🙂 hehe but I do understand what you mean…maturity is the key to a very successful marriage. 😉

I am very proud that my husband and I will be celebrating our 20th this Wesnesday! 😃 We’ve had our ups and downs but the man is the best man I’ve ever known…well expect for my dad!! and brother! 😉
 
40.png
NeelyAnn:
I had a friend with a similar situation. When she found out, she wanted her husband to sever all ties with this person (who also happened to be her very good friend), including not working with her (she was employed by him, so this meant firing her). Her husband did not want to go to such “extremes” and thought this to be too difficult and irrational. So they sought council from their Parish Priest. The Priest told him that he had broken the trust of his wife and that their marital vows required him to honor his wife’s wishes immediately. The Priest said that to continue on in the same situation, or to put the other person’s feelings, etc. before his wife’s was a transgression against their marriage vows. Needless to say, her husband went home and did what the Priest made clear he had to do.

It took sometime afterwards, but they have finally recovered the trust in their marriage.
Click to expand...
I agree with this priest and husband. Like human life, marriage is both strong and fragile at the same time. The union is like a living organism and must be treated with love and care.
 
40.png
whatevergirl:
I think what I meant to say, without it coming out so hmmm…crass…is that you really need to admit that you are attracted to this person, beyond friendship. It’s better to admit, than cloak it as something else. The sooner you can deal with this, the better. I think it’s ok to have friends…sure. But, if you’re hiding things from your spouse, it’s more than friends. And, that’s dangerous…to hide things from your spouse. I’m not suugesting to tell her…but, then if you can’t tell her, then it’s wrong just the same. I think we can provide all the commentary in the world…ranging from liberal comments to conservative ways of handling this. Until you admit that you are attracted to this person, as more than a friend…the better off you and your marriage will be. Sorry if I came across a bit crass. 🙂

But, I do wonder why you know this other woman’s weight? LOL
:rotfl:
Click to expand...
Aside from not telling the wife something that would hurt her and probably cause more problems in the marriage, there should be no emotional relationship that must be kept “secret.” If there is a continued friendship that must be hidden that is a different story.
 
Confused,

I’ve been out of pocket for a while, but I’m still praying for you, brother. Since the school year is about done, don’t falter at the end.
 
40.png
Peace-bwu:
Aside from not telling the wife something that would hurt her and probably cause more problems in the marriage, there should be no emotional relationship that must be kept “secret.” If there is a continued friendship that must be hidden that is a different story.
Click to expand...
Yes…secrets are never good for a marriage. Never.
 
40.png
confused2:
I know I have not been around for a while. All has been good this year…so far. My assistant confided in me this week that she is having mariatal problems. I want to reach out and comfort her but know that I’m weak (when it comes to her) and I dare not? I am sad, she is hurting and there’s nothing I can do.
Click to expand...
Run do not walk away from this situation. IMHO your TA knows what she is causing to happen. You can change TAs, you know you can, and you owe this to your family to do it now.

I will be praying for you and yours.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top