Here are some wake up calls for you. One: your fantacy world of the nice and loving pagans is not what really existed. If you like human sacrifices and the total disrespect for life in general, then you are a pagan. This of course leads me to assume that you not only are homosexual without you even saying it but that you think abortion is ok and that you look to kill everyone that is not going to allow you to use them as an object for your own pleasure. That is what paganism is. Paganism is not a unique spiritual path, it is the path that all evil will eventualy take and it leads to satan every time.
Two: the truth exist weather you like it or not. The truth is Jesus in the Eucharist. You can lie to yourself, to me and to anyone else you want, but the truth is still the truth is still the truth. You say you have a dislike. I say you have hate. Hate is murder and I know exactly where that comes from. Satan was a lier and a murderer from the begining.
Three: It is not too late for you though. You need to learn about life in general but specifically about the Catholic church. The truth is willing to forgive you and accept you. I at least will tell you that I feel sorrry for you and donāt want you to go to hell. Just so we are clear, being a pagan is you telling God āplease, please, send me to hell so I donāt have to ever follow your rulesā. But I donāt want you to go to hell because no matter how naughty you are with the anus of another male that doesnāt belong to you, Satan can do a lot worse and he is just waiting for the chance. Learn about the Catholic church and when you become enough of a real man to understand and accept the truth, then you are always free to join and recieve forgiveness for the sins of you stupid youth.