C
Convert_in_99
Guest
Thank you so much :hug3: This is really beautiful. I am so thankful you posted this. Thank you SO SO much! God bless you.
- Status
R
Renee_Ann
Guest
Hi all,
I’m new to this forum and the whole “chat” thing! Please bear with me. I’ve been married to my wonderful husband for 10 years. We have an almost 8 year old son and have been dealing with infertility for 7 years. As I’ve been reading over the latest posts, I’m just wondering if any of you ladies have worked with the Pope Paul VI Institute? We currently are and I would love to chat with others about all this testing. I’m praying for all of you as you TTC too!
God bless!
I’m new to this forum and the whole “chat” thing! Please bear with me. I’ve been married to my wonderful husband for 10 years. We have an almost 8 year old son and have been dealing with infertility for 7 years. As I’ve been reading over the latest posts, I’m just wondering if any of you ladies have worked with the Pope Paul VI Institute? We currently are and I would love to chat with others about all this testing. I’m praying for all of you as you TTC too!
God bless!
A
Amber2
Guest
Dear Renee Ann
I am in NaPro-treatment but in Europe. I would like to hear about your treatment, what tests you have done etc. I have been charting for about a year and was put on progesterone and clomid, but nothing seems to work and I have gotten quite disillusioned, also because a different fertility specialist is doing the scans etc and he says nothing is wrong with me whatsoever. I have a fine ovulation and everything else. So I am starting to think the problem is with my husband. My NaPro-doctor here does not really seem to have any idea about how to treat that. If you hear anything on this topic from Dr. Hilgers PLEASE tell me. Anyhow, a different infertility specialist in my country works with a special diet and he has remarkable results also when it comes to bad sperm. So my husband and I will take a break from the NaPro for some months at least and try out this interesting diet.
I have been infertile since I got married more that 2,5 years ago, except for an ectopic pregnancy. I hope my husband will start applying for adoption with me in the new year, since I have (I think he has too) lost most of my optimism and belief in NaPro over the last many month. Let me make clear here that it is my impression that there is a big differnce in being treated by Hilgers and then being treated here in Europe. That is why I am interested in everything you can tell me.
Sincerely,
Amber
I am in NaPro-treatment but in Europe. I would like to hear about your treatment, what tests you have done etc. I have been charting for about a year and was put on progesterone and clomid, but nothing seems to work and I have gotten quite disillusioned, also because a different fertility specialist is doing the scans etc and he says nothing is wrong with me whatsoever. I have a fine ovulation and everything else. So I am starting to think the problem is with my husband. My NaPro-doctor here does not really seem to have any idea about how to treat that. If you hear anything on this topic from Dr. Hilgers PLEASE tell me. Anyhow, a different infertility specialist in my country works with a special diet and he has remarkable results also when it comes to bad sperm. So my husband and I will take a break from the NaPro for some months at least and try out this interesting diet.
I have been infertile since I got married more that 2,5 years ago, except for an ectopic pregnancy. I hope my husband will start applying for adoption with me in the new year, since I have (I think he has too) lost most of my optimism and belief in NaPro over the last many month. Let me make clear here that it is my impression that there is a big differnce in being treated by Hilgers and then being treated here in Europe. That is why I am interested in everything you can tell me.
Sincerely,
Amber
R
Renee_Ann
Guest
Hi Amber,
I’m sorry to hear about your infertility struggles and your ectopic pregnancy as well. I will keep you in my daily prayers.
My experience with NaPro and Dr. Hilgers is all in the early stages. I have been charting since this past June and saw Dr. Hilgers just this past October. I had mild endometriosis removed and also was diagnosed with a mild case of Polycystic Ovaries (PCOS).
If you have not had surgery yet to determine if you have endometriosis, I would say that’s a good place to start. Even if you ovulate regularly you could still have endo and it can prevent implantation.
The surgery I had included:
Laparoscopy (to look for and remove endo)
Hysteroscopy (to check ovaries and uterus)
Hysterosalpingagram (sp?) (to see if the fallopian tubes are open or if there is an obstruction)
These tests are the starting point for Dr. Hilgers. He also had me tested for Hypothyroidism and I do have a low functioning thyroid, so I am on medication for that. I was also tested for my Cortisol level (Cortisol is related to the adrenal glands and produces hormones). My level is so low it’s considered negative, so I’ll be starting Cortisol medication also. I just went today for a progesterone and estradiol blood test, so we’ll see what that shows. I also was on Clomid this cycle. I didn’t have any side effects, except for some strong ovarian pain the first day or two. Did you? I’m currently on Cycle Day 24 so we’ll see!
You mentioned your husband possibly having an issue. That was the last thought in our minds but my husband has a VERY low count. We were able to test for this using a perforated condom. You can obtain one (called a Male-factor kit) through the institute here in the states, I’m sure. I’m sure they’d send it to you! It can be used during normal intercourse and then placed in a specimen cup and driven to a lab. It only runs $20 american dollars.
I hope this information helps a bit. Let’s keep chatting because I hate to see you lose faith in NaPro. It sounds like there are many more avenues that your doctor could direct you through. Let me know your thoughts. Hang in there!
God bless!
Renee Ann
I’m sorry to hear about your infertility struggles and your ectopic pregnancy as well. I will keep you in my daily prayers.
My experience with NaPro and Dr. Hilgers is all in the early stages. I have been charting since this past June and saw Dr. Hilgers just this past October. I had mild endometriosis removed and also was diagnosed with a mild case of Polycystic Ovaries (PCOS).
If you have not had surgery yet to determine if you have endometriosis, I would say that’s a good place to start. Even if you ovulate regularly you could still have endo and it can prevent implantation.
The surgery I had included:
Laparoscopy (to look for and remove endo)
Hysteroscopy (to check ovaries and uterus)
Hysterosalpingagram (sp?) (to see if the fallopian tubes are open or if there is an obstruction)
These tests are the starting point for Dr. Hilgers. He also had me tested for Hypothyroidism and I do have a low functioning thyroid, so I am on medication for that. I was also tested for my Cortisol level (Cortisol is related to the adrenal glands and produces hormones). My level is so low it’s considered negative, so I’ll be starting Cortisol medication also. I just went today for a progesterone and estradiol blood test, so we’ll see what that shows. I also was on Clomid this cycle. I didn’t have any side effects, except for some strong ovarian pain the first day or two. Did you? I’m currently on Cycle Day 24 so we’ll see!
You mentioned your husband possibly having an issue. That was the last thought in our minds but my husband has a VERY low count. We were able to test for this using a perforated condom. You can obtain one (called a Male-factor kit) through the institute here in the states, I’m sure. I’m sure they’d send it to you! It can be used during normal intercourse and then placed in a specimen cup and driven to a lab. It only runs $20 american dollars.
I hope this information helps a bit. Let’s keep chatting because I hate to see you lose faith in NaPro. It sounds like there are many more avenues that your doctor could direct you through. Let me know your thoughts. Hang in there!
God bless!
Renee Ann
A
Amber2
Guest
Dear Renee Ann
I am wondering since I wrote back on your last post, but I is not on the thread now. So I have to write it again, in short. How much does it cost to go to dr. Hilgers?
I did not experinece bad pain on the clomid. I did however feel a lot more “pressure” in my ovaries when I ovulated, than I usually do.
When I had surgery because of my ectopic pregnancy they checked the other fallopian tupe and they found that everything looked normal except that I have minimal endometriosis. However every doctor I have seen agrees that my chances should not really be decreased because of that.
I am sorry to hear about your husband.We also tested my husband with a male-factor condom. This week we will hopefully do another test and I hope for a better result. They wont really look into the exact count and so on, until the 3rd test, where we live, and it costs money. I would like to know what doctor Hilger’s advise for your husband.
As for the other tests you mention, my NaPro-doctor has not mentioned any of that. Did you hear anything about progesterone? I was put on vaginal progesterone with no effect. But it is my impression that Hilgers patients are put on injections…
I wish you all the best, it is so good that you are in the best hands.
Amber
PS I am really happy because my husband has been surprizingly interested in the diet and is already looking into it. he seems totally motivated!
I am wondering since I wrote back on your last post, but I is not on the thread now. So I have to write it again, in short. How much does it cost to go to dr. Hilgers?
I did not experinece bad pain on the clomid. I did however feel a lot more “pressure” in my ovaries when I ovulated, than I usually do.
When I had surgery because of my ectopic pregnancy they checked the other fallopian tupe and they found that everything looked normal except that I have minimal endometriosis. However every doctor I have seen agrees that my chances should not really be decreased because of that.
I am sorry to hear about your husband.We also tested my husband with a male-factor condom. This week we will hopefully do another test and I hope for a better result. They wont really look into the exact count and so on, until the 3rd test, where we live, and it costs money. I would like to know what doctor Hilger’s advise for your husband.
As for the other tests you mention, my NaPro-doctor has not mentioned any of that. Did you hear anything about progesterone? I was put on vaginal progesterone with no effect. But it is my impression that Hilgers patients are put on injections…
I wish you all the best, it is so good that you are in the best hands.
Amber
PS I am really happy because my husband has been surprizingly interested in the diet and is already looking into it. he seems totally motivated!
R
Renee_Ann
Guest
Amber,
We have been surprisingly pleased with the costs involved with using Dr. Hilgers as our doctor. However, we do have very good insurance with the company my husband currently works for. We thank God for our insurance every day. Our out of pocket costs to see Dr. Hilgers and have the surgery was $250 from Dr. Hilgers and $450 from the hospital (Creighton Medical Center in Omaha, Nebraska). We were thrilled because I know that the costs billed were actually around $30,000! Incredible. But I would recommend you call the Institute and talk about all of your concerns, seeing as how it’s possible you are not getting the full treatment that Dr. Hilgers would want you to get from one of his trained doctors. You can talk to them about switching to Dr. Hilgers. I’m sure they would work with you long distance since most of us here in the states have to anyway! We do almost everything over the phone, by fax, or through the mail. Give it a shot!
As for the progesterone, I have not yet gotten my first blood draw for progesterone back yet. Hopefully Monday. We’ll see what the numbers look like. I did have low progesterone when I carried my son and used the suppositories with success. I’m not sure if I can tolerate the shots because they are peanut based and I have a peanut allergy. We’ll see. Does you doctor offer the shots? Has your blood work shown low progesterone?
I’m sorry you are suffering through this. Hopefully that diet will work wonders! I’d love to hear more about it! My husband has to see a urologist per Dr. Hilgers’ recommendation. I’m not sure what the treatment will be, except that I’ve heard it could be as simple as going on an antibiotic. Let’s hope! I’m only six days away from cycle day one, but maybe there won’t be one!!!
In prayer,
Renee Ann
We have been surprisingly pleased with the costs involved with using Dr. Hilgers as our doctor. However, we do have very good insurance with the company my husband currently works for. We thank God for our insurance every day. Our out of pocket costs to see Dr. Hilgers and have the surgery was $250 from Dr. Hilgers and $450 from the hospital (Creighton Medical Center in Omaha, Nebraska). We were thrilled because I know that the costs billed were actually around $30,000! Incredible. But I would recommend you call the Institute and talk about all of your concerns, seeing as how it’s possible you are not getting the full treatment that Dr. Hilgers would want you to get from one of his trained doctors. You can talk to them about switching to Dr. Hilgers. I’m sure they would work with you long distance since most of us here in the states have to anyway! We do almost everything over the phone, by fax, or through the mail. Give it a shot!
As for the progesterone, I have not yet gotten my first blood draw for progesterone back yet. Hopefully Monday. We’ll see what the numbers look like. I did have low progesterone when I carried my son and used the suppositories with success. I’m not sure if I can tolerate the shots because they are peanut based and I have a peanut allergy. We’ll see. Does you doctor offer the shots? Has your blood work shown low progesterone?
I’m sorry you are suffering through this. Hopefully that diet will work wonders! I’d love to hear more about it! My husband has to see a urologist per Dr. Hilgers’ recommendation. I’m not sure what the treatment will be, except that I’ve heard it could be as simple as going on an antibiotic. Let’s hope! I’m only six days away from cycle day one, but maybe there won’t be one!!!
In prayer,
Renee Ann
M
mitziemia
Guest
Hello all…
I’ve not posted in many months. It’s the middle of the night and please, I need prayer. I’m still completely crushed that I’ve not had any good results. Last spring we tired IUI, no luck. Husband’s count is at around 9 million…not good. They were going to try it again, taking a few samples, putting them together so his count would be 20 million. We stopped going, we simply couldn’t afford it any longer (menopur is killing us) and emotionally, I just couldn’t. We wanted to take it up again this fall. I now have lost my job. I feel hopeless. We are an older couple (I’m 40 and he’s 51). I’m sooo upset. Why is it he seems so uninterested in the timing, in the excitement? It feels like I’m the only one who’s even trying anything…he’s got three of the most beautiful kids (25/23/17)…his ex-wife so sympathetically told me that I’d be able to have grandchildren to play with soon…I wanted to scream.
Because he already has kids, I just cannot get it out of my head that he’s really just not that crazy desperate as I am. He tells me that he wants to have a family with me…he prays about it…but you know??? God said we could move a mountain with the faith of a mustard seed…but we need to pick up the shovel…
We always always seem to fight. I can remember going for my IUI crying the whole ay…maybe that’s why I"m not getting pregnant??? Stress??? I was thinking that maybe it was a blessing that I lost my job…that it would leave me stress free and able to really take care of myself. I don’t even know what to do…I’m ready to scream at God…
He seems more enthusiastic about finishing the basement than about creating this child. We pray, I just don’t understand. I’ve not stopped crying in forever…any slight thing that reminds me of this, renders me a sullen, sad wife. This is really hard, I MEAN REALLY HARD to shake. I wanted to be pregnant by this Christmas. We even had Fr. Scanlan pray for us…
I took out my prayer journal, I need to come here and vent. I do not know how I"m going to get through this.
Someone tell me what to do??? I’m going to go back to my fertility doctor and ask her if there is anything that is covered by our insurance that we could be doing…we are both against IVF, of course…\
Please pray for me…someone please give me hope. Tell me what to do…
Should I be drinking raspberry tea? I heard it helps the lining of the uterus. Any other tips??? What about a homeopathic doctor? This girl at work got married in January, was pregnant in February and just had a beautiful baby girl…she was my age…this kills me.
Sorry to go on, but I can’t stop spinning…I have so many resentful feelings toward my husband…I’m jealous of his ex-wife, even (while I love them), I’m getting a little resentful of his children…especially when his daughter is holding her cousin’s baby saying “won’t dad go crazy when I have one of my own”??? I don’t know if I"ll be able to handle that…the thought of my husband holding and oogling his grandchild (and he would because his children are EVERYTHING to him) will KILL ME…I mean, I don’t know if I could handle it to a point of having to leave the marriage for a while…that is how upset I am…I need God’s grace to accept whatever He gives me, but I feel crazy in my head with sadness…
I feel like God has just told me “you’re too old, you did too many bad things in your past, you can’t get along with your husband so you’re not a good wife”…I feel like I"m being punished. I"m so sorry to be on this pity-pot, but it’s been weeks since I’ve had hope…last weekend was my “time”…day 14 was Friday. We did the babydance on Friday morning…I reminded him about Friday night, he was too exhausted after working on the basement all day to do anything…I got up after he fell asleep and had to sleep on the sofa, crying my eyes out at his lack of interest…then Saturday…I tried to talk to him…once again I got “yes, I guess I need to be a little more attentive and support you more in this” stuff…then we actually did the baby dance on Sunday night… Another wasted cycle, don’t you think?
Anyway, please give me some suggestions…what are any alternatives, anything you can think of? Maybe our doctor will cut us some slack and let me continue with the next IUI cycle…I’ve been off 4 months now…
God bless you all. I’m sorry to cry on your shoulders, it’s 2:41 am and I still can’t stop crying. I’ll pray for everyone here and will start a novena to St. Gerard for us.
I am finding that I have very very bad resentment towards his ex-wife…whom I’m in contact with regularly as she seems to think we’re friends and I’m too nice to let her know that I’m uncomfortable having so much to do with her…and if she refers to another thing with the kids and so on…my goodness, I feel like I"m married to her too.
I’m barely functional with grief over this…
Sorry again.
Holly
I’ve not posted in many months. It’s the middle of the night and please, I need prayer. I’m still completely crushed that I’ve not had any good results. Last spring we tired IUI, no luck. Husband’s count is at around 9 million…not good. They were going to try it again, taking a few samples, putting them together so his count would be 20 million. We stopped going, we simply couldn’t afford it any longer (menopur is killing us) and emotionally, I just couldn’t. We wanted to take it up again this fall. I now have lost my job. I feel hopeless. We are an older couple (I’m 40 and he’s 51). I’m sooo upset. Why is it he seems so uninterested in the timing, in the excitement? It feels like I’m the only one who’s even trying anything…he’s got three of the most beautiful kids (25/23/17)…his ex-wife so sympathetically told me that I’d be able to have grandchildren to play with soon…I wanted to scream.
Because he already has kids, I just cannot get it out of my head that he’s really just not that crazy desperate as I am. He tells me that he wants to have a family with me…he prays about it…but you know??? God said we could move a mountain with the faith of a mustard seed…but we need to pick up the shovel…
We always always seem to fight. I can remember going for my IUI crying the whole ay…maybe that’s why I"m not getting pregnant??? Stress??? I was thinking that maybe it was a blessing that I lost my job…that it would leave me stress free and able to really take care of myself. I don’t even know what to do…I’m ready to scream at God…
He seems more enthusiastic about finishing the basement than about creating this child. We pray, I just don’t understand. I’ve not stopped crying in forever…any slight thing that reminds me of this, renders me a sullen, sad wife. This is really hard, I MEAN REALLY HARD to shake. I wanted to be pregnant by this Christmas. We even had Fr. Scanlan pray for us…
I took out my prayer journal, I need to come here and vent. I do not know how I"m going to get through this.
Someone tell me what to do??? I’m going to go back to my fertility doctor and ask her if there is anything that is covered by our insurance that we could be doing…we are both against IVF, of course…\
Please pray for me…someone please give me hope. Tell me what to do…
Should I be drinking raspberry tea? I heard it helps the lining of the uterus. Any other tips??? What about a homeopathic doctor? This girl at work got married in January, was pregnant in February and just had a beautiful baby girl…she was my age…this kills me.
Sorry to go on, but I can’t stop spinning…I have so many resentful feelings toward my husband…I’m jealous of his ex-wife, even (while I love them), I’m getting a little resentful of his children…especially when his daughter is holding her cousin’s baby saying “won’t dad go crazy when I have one of my own”??? I don’t know if I"ll be able to handle that…the thought of my husband holding and oogling his grandchild (and he would because his children are EVERYTHING to him) will KILL ME…I mean, I don’t know if I could handle it to a point of having to leave the marriage for a while…that is how upset I am…I need God’s grace to accept whatever He gives me, but I feel crazy in my head with sadness…
I feel like God has just told me “you’re too old, you did too many bad things in your past, you can’t get along with your husband so you’re not a good wife”…I feel like I"m being punished. I"m so sorry to be on this pity-pot, but it’s been weeks since I’ve had hope…last weekend was my “time”…day 14 was Friday. We did the babydance on Friday morning…I reminded him about Friday night, he was too exhausted after working on the basement all day to do anything…I got up after he fell asleep and had to sleep on the sofa, crying my eyes out at his lack of interest…then Saturday…I tried to talk to him…once again I got “yes, I guess I need to be a little more attentive and support you more in this” stuff…then we actually did the baby dance on Sunday night… Another wasted cycle, don’t you think?
Anyway, please give me some suggestions…what are any alternatives, anything you can think of? Maybe our doctor will cut us some slack and let me continue with the next IUI cycle…I’ve been off 4 months now…
God bless you all. I’m sorry to cry on your shoulders, it’s 2:41 am and I still can’t stop crying. I’ll pray for everyone here and will start a novena to St. Gerard for us.
I am finding that I have very very bad resentment towards his ex-wife…whom I’m in contact with regularly as she seems to think we’re friends and I’m too nice to let her know that I’m uncomfortable having so much to do with her…and if she refers to another thing with the kids and so on…my goodness, I feel like I"m married to her too.
I’m barely functional with grief over this…
Sorry again.
Holly
M
mitziemia
Guest
Dear all,
I’m so sorry for the above post…ever have one of those days wherein you had to get it out and really never intended to send the email…sorry again…I was in tears and just really needed to get it out.
I did however, go back and start to read posts…I have hope again and most importantly, I am realigned with God’s will. I needed to be here for the support…thank you all. I think I need to stay close to you all for your prayers and love…I can’t do this alone it seems.
God bless you all so very much…
Holly
I’m so sorry for the above post…ever have one of those days wherein you had to get it out and really never intended to send the email…sorry again…I was in tears and just really needed to get it out.
I did however, go back and start to read posts…I have hope again and most importantly, I am realigned with God’s will. I needed to be here for the support…thank you all. I think I need to stay close to you all for your prayers and love…I can’t do this alone it seems.
God bless you all so very much…
Holly
G
GreenGirl
Guest
Holly, just stopped in and saw your post. I don’t have any advice, but please know you are in my prayers. I hope you find more and more of the peace of the Lord. I’m so sorry you are going through this, it is so difficult, especially around the holidays. Hugs and prayers to you.
M
mitziemia
Guest
Thank you, in discussing this with my husband, he told me that he doesn’t think it’s good for me to be here and I’m only causing myself more pain and staying “stuck”…he has no idea how much I need to be with you all…how inspired I feel and what little glimmer of hope, I get from you…he told me off for coming here vs. listening to him when he said “pray”…that’s it, just “pray”…I"M PRAYING…been praying, going to continue praying…but he has NO IDEA the rest of it…i feel like I’m grieving a child I never had…but he think’s it’s best if I stay away from any media type things and just keep staying with God…like I said before, my opinion is that YES God can move mountains, but you have to pick up a shovel…
haven’t slept yet…working on adrenaline and coffee…haven’t eaten and have locked the bedroom door and am going to bed ALONE…I want to be left alone…sorry for this, but it’s where I’m at…he left tonight and despite a call to ask what is going on, he wouldn’t answer…wouldn’t tell me what was up…said he was going to the car in the garage to get something and just left…PAIN…
can’t handle this…cant , seriously
Holly
haven’t slept yet…working on adrenaline and coffee…haven’t eaten and have locked the bedroom door and am going to bed ALONE…I want to be left alone…sorry for this, but it’s where I’m at…he left tonight and despite a call to ask what is going on, he wouldn’t answer…wouldn’t tell me what was up…said he was going to the car in the garage to get something and just left…PAIN…
can’t handle this…cant , seriously
Holly
G
GreenGirl
Guest
Aw, Holly, I am so, so sorry. I hope you can get some sleep very soon. It does help.
This forum is a difficult thing. I have times where I can’t even come here. I have taken several breaks of extended periods of time when I know that being here is just not healthy for me. Other times I have found immeasurable peace in being here. There is nothing like sharing and drawing from people who actually know a bit of the pain you are experiencing…especially when you feel so alone. Find your own balance.
I hope you find peace soon, within yourself and with you husband. It sounds like he is trying to be supportive…that is something to be thankful for. Truthfully, he will probably never know the magnitude of your grief, never really be able to understand what it feels like to grieve that child you feel like you will never know. Undoubtedly, that simple divide can cause a huge rift in your relationship. But it really sounds like he loves you, wants to give you the child you pray for. Men so want to fix everything for us, and the lack of control in this situation can be so damaging to them. Pray for your husband, ask him to pray for you. That simple task has so helped my husband and I weather the storm of infertility.
Now, lady, go take a nice, long, hot bath, maybe drink a glass of wine and slip into bed. You are a strong lady, draw upon that strength and know you can handle this.
This forum is a difficult thing. I have times where I can’t even come here. I have taken several breaks of extended periods of time when I know that being here is just not healthy for me. Other times I have found immeasurable peace in being here. There is nothing like sharing and drawing from people who actually know a bit of the pain you are experiencing…especially when you feel so alone. Find your own balance.
I hope you find peace soon, within yourself and with you husband. It sounds like he is trying to be supportive…that is something to be thankful for. Truthfully, he will probably never know the magnitude of your grief, never really be able to understand what it feels like to grieve that child you feel like you will never know. Undoubtedly, that simple divide can cause a huge rift in your relationship. But it really sounds like he loves you, wants to give you the child you pray for. Men so want to fix everything for us, and the lack of control in this situation can be so damaging to them. Pray for your husband, ask him to pray for you. That simple task has so helped my husband and I weather the storm of infertility.
Now, lady, go take a nice, long, hot bath, maybe drink a glass of wine and slip into bed. You are a strong lady, draw upon that strength and know you can handle this.
P
prolifewife
Guest
mitziemia: I am so very sorry to hear of your suffering. :console: I know full well what you are going through. I’m also in this for the long haul (4 years in 2 months!) and also have a breaking aching heart. 
Your husband sounds like he’s trying to be supportive…in his own way…in a way that’s very normal to men. My DH doesn’t have children, and he still took a long time to come around. It’s just now starting to “sink in” for him (It started “sinking in” for me at the year mark!) So I was seemingly alone in this for 3 years! He didn’t have other children to love and hold and fill that void, and it still took that long (which is not at all uncommon for men.) It’s not cause they are heartless, but they don’t have the same maternal instincts we do. They don’t have to endure the monthly reminders of infertility, they don’t have to carry around the “equipment” but feel the emptiness of it never being used. And since your DH has other children, it might take much longer, or it might not come at all. But as long as he’s trying to help YOU through it, that’s really the best he can do. He can’t feel what he doesn’t feel. His children may fill his heart to the brim and he can’t understand why they don’t do the same for you. Not that you aren’t totally justified in your feelings, but just trying to show where he may be coming from in this.
:hug3:
Also, I so often take long breaks from this place. Both of my own “free will” and at my husband’s request. And being away for weeks or months at a time really does help and I can come back and offer more support in a loving and not totally bitter/angry way. So maybe you should try it just for 2-3 weeks and see how it feels. If it feels better then keep it up, if not then return, but stay away from the things that set you off and all that. And totally balance your time here. Don’t stay on for hours at a time. Just 30-40 minutes. I know this has helped me. I stay busy that way, respond to the things I came to respond to, catch up on the latest news and get off before I have much chance to dwell on things I don’t need to be dwelling on…
Most of the long term infertility sufferers have gradually given up CAF in part or in full. It’s not because this isn’t a great site. In fact it’s TOO great and so many couples are living according to the church’s teaching…which means pregnancies and children everywhere. A very GOOD thing, but very VERY hard for those suffering through infertility. Just thought I’d let you know that it is very common for those like us to leave here, and that you don’t need to feel bad for doing so.
Again, I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Please know I understand and if you ever need/want to talk to someone, just PM me. God bless you! :hug3:
Your husband sounds like he’s trying to be supportive…in his own way…in a way that’s very normal to men. My DH doesn’t have children, and he still took a long time to come around. It’s just now starting to “sink in” for him (It started “sinking in” for me at the year mark!) So I was seemingly alone in this for 3 years! He didn’t have other children to love and hold and fill that void, and it still took that long (which is not at all uncommon for men.) It’s not cause they are heartless, but they don’t have the same maternal instincts we do. They don’t have to endure the monthly reminders of infertility, they don’t have to carry around the “equipment” but feel the emptiness of it never being used. And since your DH has other children, it might take much longer, or it might not come at all. But as long as he’s trying to help YOU through it, that’s really the best he can do. He can’t feel what he doesn’t feel. His children may fill his heart to the brim and he can’t understand why they don’t do the same for you. Not that you aren’t totally justified in your feelings, but just trying to show where he may be coming from in this.
:hug3:Also, I so often take long breaks from this place. Both of my own “free will” and at my husband’s request. And being away for weeks or months at a time really does help and I can come back and offer more support in a loving and not totally bitter/angry way. So maybe you should try it just for 2-3 weeks and see how it feels. If it feels better then keep it up, if not then return, but stay away from the things that set you off and all that. And totally balance your time here. Don’t stay on for hours at a time. Just 30-40 minutes. I know this has helped me. I stay busy that way, respond to the things I came to respond to, catch up on the latest news and get off before I have much chance to dwell on things I don’t need to be dwelling on…
Most of the long term infertility sufferers have gradually given up CAF in part or in full. It’s not because this isn’t a great site. In fact it’s TOO great and so many couples are living according to the church’s teaching…which means pregnancies and children everywhere. A very GOOD thing, but very VERY hard for those suffering through infertility. Just thought I’d let you know that it is very common for those like us to leave here, and that you don’t need to feel bad for doing so.
Again, I am so very sorry for what you are going through.
Please know I understand and if you ever need/want to talk to someone, just PM me. God bless you! :hug3:
A
Amber2
Guest
Dear Holly
I just read your posts and how many times I have cried my eyes out and felt the same frustration and hopelessness. Please don’t apologize for being honest. I think we should be able to let down the facades inhere, since we are all in the same boat.
I have also struggled with a feeling of being alone in this although I know my husband also wants children. He does not feel the same way as I do, and he often seems so optimistic as if everything will be all right although we have been infertile for more than 2,5 years. Inside I have in a way given up and I know well that bitterness that creeps in when you meet ten couples within a few days who all have beautiful babes. Sometimes I just want to run away screaming or tell them, if they ask, that we are contracepting
. I hate being INFERTILE!
I wish you all the best,
Amber
I just read your posts and how many times I have cried my eyes out and felt the same frustration and hopelessness. Please don’t apologize for being honest. I think we should be able to let down the facades inhere, since we are all in the same boat.
I have also struggled with a feeling of being alone in this although I know my husband also wants children. He does not feel the same way as I do, and he often seems so optimistic as if everything will be all right although we have been infertile for more than 2,5 years. Inside I have in a way given up and I know well that bitterness that creeps in when you meet ten couples within a few days who all have beautiful babes. Sometimes I just want to run away screaming or tell them, if they ask, that we are contracepting
. I hate being INFERTILE!I wish you all the best,
Amber
P
papurahu
Guest
Thank you Ferdinand Mary.
God bless you all so very much…
.
God bless you all so very much…
.
G
GreenGirl
Guest
It’s only Dec 5th and the Christmas season is already kicking my behind. I’ve been trying to hard to not dwell on our childlessness and remember how blessed we are…but this time of year just about breaks me. Oh what I would give to feel real joy this year. I hate being sad and depressed on the day we celebrate Jesus’ birth. Blah. I am SO worried about crying in mass. We’ll be going to my hometown for Christmas, to the church where we were married. We’ll sit beside family, friends, a baby cousin…I pray for the strength not to ruin things with leaky tear ducts.
On a more positive note, DH and I are baking cookies and trimming the tree tomorrow.
We are going to keep plugging along and doing our best to stay positive and focused on the love of family and God.
On a more positive note, DH and I are baking cookies and trimming the tree tomorrow.
We are going to keep plugging along and doing our best to stay positive and focused on the love of family and God.
P
prolifewife
Guest
Oh I am so sorry Green Girl! :console: I also have much difficulty during this time of year. It is a time of year centered around families and small children. People tell me to focus on the spiritual aspect of it, but if you think about it, even THAT is hard. Jesus was a baby, Mary a mommy, Joseph a foster-daddy. Sometimes I spend my Christmas thinking of Jesus’s passion. It is so much easier than thinking of a baby when my heart is already about to burst from being so sad over my own loss. I also find myself getting jealous of Mary being a mommy if I think of Jesus as a baby…so really it’s not the best thing for me to do.
Well I’m rambling on, but I so totally understand where you are coming from. My very fertile SIL seems to be blessed with a new baby to love (or one on the way) most every time we come back for Christmas which is about every other year. I can see how extremely happy she makes MIL. And while MIL says she understands, and I think she does, I really feel she’s disappointed that we aren’t able to have grandchildren for her also. At least her daughter is fertile myrtle! My poor mother can’t have any more ever and her oldest GC is seven! My sister is a single mama so no more for her, and then there’s me barren as a dessert.
I feel like such a total failure at times. It’s so hard. Sometimes I prefer the years we DON’T go up and can just hide in our apartment and celebrate just the two of us. But of course that can be a very lonely reminder too, it’s just no win. But at least I can cry without people asking questions when we are home alone. I’m so sorry for all your troubles. It’s such a hard time for me too. I wish I had some advice, but am struggling with dealing w/ it myself.
But I just wanted you to know I understand and am here for you. We need to stick together in this :hug3:
H
homerunbetty
Guest
I have been where every one of you are. I could not pass by a sign that had a baby on it without crying. I could not pass by a maternity store without crying. A girl in my office had an affair with a married man. She was 18 years old and she got pregnant. I hated her. I could not understand why God blessed her with a baby and not me.
My appendix ruptured in 1997. Because of the misdiagnosis of the doctor, it caused so much damage and left me with the inability to get pregnant. We went to so many doctors. We tried the semen washes. We tried the IUI’s. We tried fertility monitors. We took temperatures. We monitored vaginal fluids. I had 8 surgeries to try and clean everything out. Each time hoping it was going to do the trick.
I would pray for a baby all to mourn because I did not get pregnant. Every month it was as if someone died. It ended up causing problems with my marriage because sex became a chore. It became a timed effort instead of something my husband and I did because we love each other.
I cannot count how many different doctors I saw for our infertility. I looked to each one hoping to solve our problem. We talked about IVF. We talked about adoption. We wanted to talk to our priest to see what we as Catholics could do. We were at a crossroads because we felt IVF was playing God, but we also felt God gave the doctors the ability to help people like me that have been harmed by others that caused my infertility.
We prayed for so long for a baby, but it did not happen on our time. It took us almost 6 years for God to answer our prayers. God knows your heart’s deepest desires. He will bless you. Just believe.
My appendix ruptured in 1997. Because of the misdiagnosis of the doctor, it caused so much damage and left me with the inability to get pregnant. We went to so many doctors. We tried the semen washes. We tried the IUI’s. We tried fertility monitors. We took temperatures. We monitored vaginal fluids. I had 8 surgeries to try and clean everything out. Each time hoping it was going to do the trick.
I would pray for a baby all to mourn because I did not get pregnant. Every month it was as if someone died. It ended up causing problems with my marriage because sex became a chore. It became a timed effort instead of something my husband and I did because we love each other.
I cannot count how many different doctors I saw for our infertility. I looked to each one hoping to solve our problem. We talked about IVF. We talked about adoption. We wanted to talk to our priest to see what we as Catholics could do. We were at a crossroads because we felt IVF was playing God, but we also felt God gave the doctors the ability to help people like me that have been harmed by others that caused my infertility.
We prayed for so long for a baby, but it did not happen on our time. It took us almost 6 years for God to answer our prayers. God knows your heart’s deepest desires. He will bless you. Just believe.
A
Amber2
Guest
Dear Betty
How great that your story ended well. It is a miracle. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Only wish that all stories ended like that… but they really don’t.
Pro-lifewife
I feel a lot like you. Christmas can be a very hard time of the year. But I still hope that we will receive a child in the next year. I mean, why not? When I hear about other people in NaPro who had kids through that, some of them seems to be a lot worse off than me.
About being jealous of Mary… yeah I thoght I was the only one who had ever had that thought. Mary belongs to that group of “normal people” that I envy. I sometimes like to think about Hannah, the mother of Samuel, who cried so hard in the temple And especially Abraham who also had this feeling that nothing was worth anything if he did nothave a child. Its a comfort to think that the father of the believers felt like that!
Merry Christmas
Amber
How great that your story ended well. It is a miracle. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Only wish that all stories ended like that… but they really don’t.
Pro-lifewife
I feel a lot like you. Christmas can be a very hard time of the year. But I still hope that we will receive a child in the next year. I mean, why not? When I hear about other people in NaPro who had kids through that, some of them seems to be a lot worse off than me.
About being jealous of Mary… yeah I thoght I was the only one who had ever had that thought. Mary belongs to that group of “normal people” that I envy. I sometimes like to think about Hannah, the mother of Samuel, who cried so hard in the temple
And especially Abraham who also had this feeling that nothing was worth anything if he did nothave a child. Its a comfort to think that the father of the believers felt like that!Merry Christmas
Amber
H
homerunbetty
Guest
Amber:
You must have faith! It is Satan that brings your faith down. I learned that through the many, many, many years of living with infertility. No matter the outcome, whether it be God blessing you with a child through IVF or a child through adoption, you are blessed with your own child. It is Satan that puts the negative thoughts in your head trying to keep you away from Christ. It is Satan trying to keep you from realizing the great things God has in store for you.
It took the many years of disappointment. The many years of grief. The many years of agony and dispair. The many years of unanswered prayers to realize that God was preparing me for greater things.
What kept me going was praying for my child. I thanked God every day for my child. I prayed every day for my child God was going to bless me with.
Have faith and believe God will bless you.
You must have faith! It is Satan that brings your faith down. I learned that through the many, many, many years of living with infertility. No matter the outcome, whether it be God blessing you with a child through IVF or a child through adoption, you are blessed with your own child. It is Satan that puts the negative thoughts in your head trying to keep you away from Christ. It is Satan trying to keep you from realizing the great things God has in store for you.
It took the many years of disappointment. The many years of grief. The many years of agony and dispair. The many years of unanswered prayers to realize that God was preparing me for greater things.
What kept me going was praying for my child. I thanked God every day for my child. I prayed every day for my child God was going to bless me with.
Have faith and believe God will bless you.
R
Renee_Ann
Guest
Hi all,
I just want to mention that IVF is NOT acceptable for us as Catholics. It not only separates the unitive from the procreative ends of marriage, but it also always leads to the destruction of human life, as only the “strongest” of fertilized eggs are implanted, the rest are discarded. Please please please research this through the eyes of faith and encourage others to stay away from the horrific procedure.
God bless,
Renee Ann
I just want to mention that IVF is NOT acceptable for us as Catholics. It not only separates the unitive from the procreative ends of marriage, but it also always leads to the destruction of human life, as only the “strongest” of fertilized eggs are implanted, the rest are discarded. Please please please research this through the eyes of faith and encourage others to stay away from the horrific procedure.
God bless,
Renee Ann
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