Infertility

[prolifewife]

sararaegraham:

How DARE you call my children a sin!!! You should have stopped the discussion before you made that comment!

YOU are NOBODY to judge!

Your children are not a sin dear, it’s the act that brought them into being that was the sin, if you knew it was at the time you did IVF. They still have souls and are children of God if baptized.

 

[prolifewife]

*IVF *is a sin per the Roman Catholic Church. They have judged, not I. If you want to ignore the Roman Catholic Church’s judgment, that is your perogative, and one with eternal consequences.

Again, it is the act in which the children came into existence, the IVF, that was the sin. The children aren’t sinful in and of themselves. They have souls, and through baptism will be made holy, even though the act through which they came into this world wasn’t holy. Again, of course, if she had full knowledge of what she was doing, with the priest’s poor direction, I’m not sure she did.

 

[sarahraegraham]

Again, it is the act in which the children came into existence, the IVF, that was the sin. The children aren’t sinful in and of themselves. They have souls, and through baptism will be made holy, even though the act through which they came into this world wasn’t holy. Again, of course, if she had full knowledge of what she was doing, with the priest’s poor direction, I’m not sure she did.

Absolutely. However, now that she does know that it is/was wrong, she should repent, confess, and cease from promoting the act to others, which is what she has done/is doing here. I’m sure it is wonderful to have children when you previously could not, but she should use the knowledge she now has to say, “I love my children, but what we did was wrong and you should never do it.” Instead, she is encouraging it by saying that God sent them the right amount of money and such and such and it was so wonderful. For those of us who are faithful and struggling with infertility, it’s a slap.

 

[CAmeliaD]

LittleDeb/CAmeliaD:

You are condemning and judging individuals for choices they have made after they have counseled with their Priest. You do not have that authority!

For you to say some have dealt with infertility any less faithful than others is casting judgment. That, in and of itself, is wrong.

I said nothing like these accusations. I did not condemn or judge anyone. If you read my post, I said that people who use IVF are circumventing Church teaching - this is a fact, 100% true, not my personal opinion or judgment. And regarding faithfulness, I simply said thank you to those that are following the Church’s teaching. It is MY OPINION that following the Church is admirable.

I do not appreciate your hostility and intentional hurtfulness.

 

[CAmeliaD]

Let’s stop this discussion here, please, for the sake of us all.

I should have read further before responding. Good call.

 

[sarahraegraham]

I should have read further before responding. Good call.

No worries. That was my opinion, you have a right to post!

 

[LittleDeb]

LittleDeb/CAmeliaD:

I am NOT trying to turn this thread into support of IVF. You are condemning and judging individuals for choices they have made after they have counseled with their Priest. You do not have that authority!

Have you dealt with infertility? Have you had to carry that cross? If no, then you can only “imagine the sadness and pain.”

Do you know what it is like to think you will never feel the tickle of a baby inside your womb? Do you know the sadness it brings to think you will never be woken up in the middle of the night by a crying child? Do you know the despair that is brought to think you and your husband will never be able to share that special moment of holding your newborn baby?

I have!! I suffered through it for six long years. It got to the point that I could not go anywhere because I would break down when I saw someone pregnant. An infant. A father holding the hand of his child. A maternity store. A billboard with a picture of a baby on it.

“Sexual activity between a couple” is constantly brought up. “Natural sex” between husband and wife. If you have EVER had to deal with infertility, this is one of the horrible parts of it. Sex is no longer “natural” in an infertile couple. It is a timed event. There is no longer passion. It begins to become a job.

For you to say some have dealt with infertility any less faithful than others is casting judgment. That, in and of itself, is wrong.

Yes, I have walked more than a mile in your shoes. For you to presume I haven’t, is very telling in your reply. I have no idea whether or not you were in a state of sin in using IVF. That is not my job. (You probably weren’t since you were given improper counsel, but again, not my place to know.) I am positive however, that IVF is an immoral act. Objectively speaking IVF is immoral. Opinion doesn’t change fact, but intent can lessen culpability.

As my wise father says, "There are two things we must examine; wrong acts and the state of personal sin. One we must judge, the other we cannot. ‘Judge not lest thee be judged’ has entirely to do with a judging the state of another’s soul. It has *nothing *to do with judging ***actions ***on the part of others and ourselves. To instruct the ignorant and admonish sinners are two of the spiritual works of mercy! I have been thankful in my life for those who instructed me in my ignorance and admonished me in my sinfulness. It has made me a better person.

I know the pain and heartache of infertility. I knew I was infertile for years and years before I married. I agonized over if I was even called to marriage. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but wasn’t so sure how I would do at the wife side of things. Would I forever resent being “only” a wife? Was I called to the religious life where I could have children in spirit, if not in flesh? Was it right to marry a man who said, now, that he was fine with never having children, but would those feelings change?

And oh the slaps in the face I received for my beliefs! At 23 and single, I was told to “have a baby or have a hysterectomy.” Twenty-three, and they were already telling me to go outside my faith. Doctors who claimed to be Catholic were willing to do anything just to, “put a baby in there.” The paths I went down in response were more painful than any others in my entire life. I fell into the pits of sin. I have repented of them all, but there are scars that stay.

But the light of Christ was always there. I found that the Church has always been consistent even if Her followers weren’t. I also found that Church teaching had a freedom that nothing else had to offer me. Instead of being limited by Church teaching, I found I was healed. It didn’t mean I could suddenly conceive, but it meant that I fully understood my role as a wife independently of my role as a mother. My infertility prepared me more fully for marriage.

My infertility reminded me that God wants husband and wife to be together even during (natural) infertility. It has helped me to be a voice for living authentic sexuality according to God’s design. Infertility gave me the insight to help others keep from turning their marriage bed into a “stud farm.” When you only ovulate every six months or so it is a real lesson in humility when God tells you to abstain during fertility! But he had a better plan in mind than mine. My two precious children are on HIS time, not mine. He, and only He, knows best.

As I enter the new phase of my life, being told by God that I am *done *expanding my (very small) family, I wait with joyful anticipation for whatever he has in store for us. So we enter into abstinence phases yet again, and I try to use that time for prayer to more fully accept God’s will for my life.

 

[prolifewife]

It didn’t mean I could suddenly conceive, but it meant that I fully understood my role as a wife independently of my role as a mother. My infertility prepared me more fully for marriage. …] My infertility reminded me that God wants husband and wife to be together even during (natural) infertility.

Your post was very touching! I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through and all that you continue to endure for Jesus! :hug3:

Sorry to interrupt your conversation with Betty, but this really struck me. This is the very issue I struggle with so painfully right now. How did you come to understand and accept this? How did you come to find peace in “just” being a wife? Or that God wants the two spouses to stick together, even if they discover they are infertile? Like I said, I am brought to tears over these issues. I’ve tried for almost 4 years now to accept this, but just can’t. If you would rather PM about this feel free.

 

[stadre]

Your post was very touching! I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through and all that you continue to endure for Jesus! :hug3:

Sorry to interrupt your conversation with Betty, but this really struck me. This is the very issue I struggle with so painfully right now. How did you come to understand and accept this? How did you come to find peace in “just” being a wife? Or that God wants the two spouses to stick together, even if they discover they are infertile? Like I said, I am brought to tears over these issues. I’ve tried for almost 4 years now to accept this, but just can’t. If you would rather PM about this feel free.

This is so hard and I wish I could give you a big hug. Stay in prayer. All God is asking of you is to accept that you are not a mother today. He has His reasons and they are perfect. Ask Him to give you the grace to live the life He wants you to. IMO, 4 years is not a long time. It is a long time while you are trying to grow your family, but it is not a long time to work through the grief and losses you are feeling. Give yourself more time and patience. It is normal, natural and healthy to want children. It is VERY difficult to accept when they aren’t coming. God will bless you in His time and His way.

 

[LittleDeb]

I have been wanting to bring a request here for quite awhile and yet I haven’t for many reasons. But because God is God, He has given me the chance now to say it.

I need prayer of a very different kind. As many of you know, I have struggled with infertility and yet was eventually able to conceive my two naturally. (Thanks prolifewife for your thoughtful defense of my place in this thread, and for all others who have treated me with compassion even though I am technically “on the other side of infertility” now.)

In fact that is why I haven’t brought my prayer request to this thread. I am now really on the other side now. Through much prayer we have discerned that we are called to be done expanding our very small family. I am so sad about it, yet very peaceful in knowing that it is God’s will. I haven’t brought my prayer request here because I have felt so entirely humbled by knowing that I am in a place in my life that others here might envy. How do you ask for prayers for help being “done” having babies in a group of people where some have never even started?!

But the thing is, it *feels *a lot like I felt when I was infertile. It is a big fat ‘NO’ from a Father who knows so much more than I, and I want to stomp my feet and throw a temper tantrum like the tiny child I am. I even know the ‘why?’ of it, yet I don’t want to accept it. Why couldn’t He just heal my many, many physical problems instead? Why is the answer that I get no more children? Have I not done a good enough job with the ones I have? Have I not “earned” any more? Of course I know in my mind the answer to these questions, but my heart hasn’t accepted it yet. I know in my mind, that some of the people who can’t have babies, “deserve” them the most.

And then there are the big families. Those wonderful ones you see at Mass who are going a little crazy and their patient parents spend most of the time helping those many children become better people at the expense of hearing the gospel words themselves. And I look at them with jealousy in my heart crying, “I’m willing! Just please heal me!” And then I see the parents who have one child or five and yet don’t really want to be parents so they do a slack job, and I just want to slap them silly. Again, “I’m willing! Please heal me!” And then there are those days when I do a slack job, when I fall into my own selfishness and realize that maybe I just saw them on their off day. And I am humbled yet again.

And then there is that moment once again where I realize what I am really mourning. It is that fluttering in my belly that says new life is present, that moment I felt in my dreams before I conceived, and feel again, now, in my dreams as I again mourn an empty womb. Since I know what it feels like in real life, I almost, but not quite wish I didn’t know what I will be missing. But then I see the eyes of my friend who miscarried before she felt movement, and admonish myself and offer up my sadness in place of her own. I admit, the pain to never feel the flutter, is more acute. There is nothing that aches more.

Infertility has so many aspects to it that there are too many to name. I look into the eyes of my son who looks exactly like me and the eyes of my daughter who looks nothing like me and wonder, “Would I love them less if I suddenly found out they weren’t really ‘mine’?” No I couldn’t. They are on loan from God for no matter how long I have them with me. Whether they came from my body or someone else’s, I have the privilege of being their mother. I carried them, but they look different enough that they might as well be from someone else.

And finally I remember authentic Catholic teaching that we are ALL called to motherhood and fatherhood. The nuptial meaning of the body unites us as children of God and parents to all other children. I remember I need to continue in the act of procreation even when it doesn’t reproduce. I still need to participate in the race to the end even when I am tired. I still need to leave the door open to God in case his answer wasn’t just a ‘no,’ and was instead a ‘not now.’

Please pray for me for an acceptance of God’s will, not just in my mind, but in my heart as well. And please, especially for those who struggle with infertility more than I, please forgive me for asking in the first place. As I mourn the end, I will offer up all I can for the many couples who have never been able to start.

 

[prolifewife]

I have been wanting to bring a request here for quite awhile and yet I haven’t for many reasons. But because God is God, He has given me the chance now to say it.

I need prayer of a very different kind. As many of you know, I have struggled with infertility and yet was eventually able to conceive my two naturally. (Thanks prolifewife for your thoughtful defense of my place in this thread, and for all others who have treated me with compassion even though I am technically “on the other side of infertility” now.)

In fact that is why I haven’t brought my prayer request to this thread. I am now really on the other side now. Through much prayer we have discerned that we are called to be done expanding our very small family. I am so sad about it, yet very peaceful in knowing that it is God’s will. I haven’t brought my prayer request here because I have felt so entirely humbled by knowing that I am in a place in my life that others here might envy. How do you ask for prayers for help being “done” having babies in a group of people where some have never even started?!

But the thing is, it *feels *a lot like I felt when I was infertile. It is a big fat ‘NO’ from a Father who knows so much more than I, and I want to stomp my feet and throw a temper tantrum like the tiny child I am. I even know the ‘why?’ of it, yet I don’t want to accept it. Why couldn’t He just heal my many, many physical problems instead? Why is the answer that I get no more children? Have I not done a good enough job with the ones I have? Have I not “earned” any more? Of course I know in my mind the answer to these questions, but my heart hasn’t accepted it yet. I know in my mind, that some of the people who can’t have babies, “deserve” them the most.

And then there are the big families. Those wonderful ones you see at Mass who are going a little crazy and their patient parents spend most of the time helping those many children become better people at the expense of hearing the gospel words themselves. And I look at them with jealousy in my heart crying, “I’m willing! Just please heal me!” And then I see the parents who have one child or five and yet don’t really want to be parents so they do a slack job, and I just want to slap them silly. Again, “I’m willing! Please heal me!” And then there are those days when I do a slack job, when I fall into my own selfishness and realize that maybe I just saw them on their off day. And I am humbled yet again.

And then there is that moment once again where I realize what I am really mourning. It is that fluttering in my belly that says new life is present, that moment I felt in my dreams before I conceived, and feel again, now, in my dreams as I again mourn an empty womb. Since I know what it feels like in real life, I almost, but not quite wish I didn’t know what I will be missing. But then I see the eyes of my friend who miscarried before she felt movement, and admonish myself and offer up my sadness in place of her own. I admit, the pain to never feel the flutter, is more acute. There is nothing that aches more.

Infertility has so many aspects to it that there are too many to name. I look into the eyes of my son who looks exactly like me and the eyes of my daughter who looks nothing like me and wonder, “Would I love them less if I suddenly found out they weren’t really ‘mine’?” No I couldn’t. They are on loan from God for no matter how long I have them with me. Whether they came from my body or someone else’s, I have the privilege of being their mother. I carried them, but they look different enough that they might as well be from someone else.

And finally I remember authentic Catholic teaching that we are ALL called to motherhood and fatherhood. The nuptial meaning of the body unites us as children of God and parents to all other children. I remember I need to continue in the act of procreation even when it doesn’t reproduce. I still need to participate in the race to the end even when I am tired. I still need to leave the door open to God in case his answer wasn’t just a ‘no,’ and was instead a ‘not now.’

Please pray for me for an acceptance of God’s will, not just in my mind, but in my heart as well. And please, especially for those who struggle with infertility more than I, please forgive me for asking in the first place. As I mourn the end, I will offer up all I can for the many couples who have never been able to start.

I’m so sorry for all you are going through. :console: I can imagine how hard it might be to have to make such a major decision.

Have you ever felt called to foster or adopt children? I see from your post that you are suffering through health issues, so please ignore this if it goes against your abilities or needs right now. Just trying to help you find ways to continue being procreative, even though you can’t do so naturally right now. Believe me, I’ve wanted to say some not so nice things to people who tell me “just adopt.” With two failed adoptions, if they only KNEW what they were saying when they said “just adopt”. But not everyone has the troubles we have had. Teakafrog’s adoption went pretty smoothly and quickly from what I’ve read. Just some thoughts. I’ll be thinking about you! Please PM me if you ever need anyone to talk to. :hug3:

 

[LShymoniak]

After reading a large number of postings, it makes it even more of a struggle on what our direction should be. I have been, and continue to be fully aware that IVF is completely and fully opposed by the church, yet I struggle in, what is our Lord asking of me. Maybe joining this forum, and having the wait 10 months to get an appointment for a consulation for IVF is a sign. I would like to extend my thanks to all individuals that do post in this thread, even if some of the posts may be considered ‘harsh’ or ‘harmful’. Each persons experience and opinion has been tremendously insightful in my and my husbands process.

 

[Jamies_mom]

Hello everyone I just joinned and haven’t read all the post in this tread so forgive me if I speak about something that has already been dealt with before.

I am a fervant Catholic and try to go along with the Church always. I got married I was 36 (after praying to find my soulmate) and I have had children with my husband thanks to God. I already had a daughter (now 16) before getting married and he already had a son (now 17). We together had 2 boys then a daughter. I always wanted to have 5 children and so I tried for another girl… After 2 years of TTC I got another BOY. Tried again for 2 years … Then miscarried at 3 months…

So I figured that I am too old now and I should try a Donor Egg Cycle at IVF witch was my husband’s suggestion since we didn’t want to have a child that was going to be sick like Down Syndrome etc. So I read about what the Catholic said about all this IVF stuff and it was a big NO NO… so I told my dh I could not do it. Finally after trying over and over I caved in and we tried it… So during that time I still went to Church but didn’t go to communion… I knew I was in bad sin… but didn’t want to just abandon my Faith (which my husband would love me to do). But the IVF cycle didn’t work anyways… So after I went to confession and talk to a priest about going back to communion after my forgiveness I went back to receive communion…

So I went to talk to a priest and get forgiven etc. and he said we had to have our own child with the help of God… So I though ok I will give it 3 cycles and get help with the doctors (and clomid) to try and get pregnant again… first 2 cycles (45 days and 60 days) nothing. The third cycle (the clomid cycle) at the end of 45 days… I gave up and decided to do another IVF cycle and forget about the help of God… so I was just waiting for my period to get here and it was taking long … so I took a hpt and it was positive… I was overjoyed.

I cancelled my Donor Egg IVF Cycle and praised the Lord and prayed and hoped for a final baby girl…

Well to my desapointment it was a boy plus he had Down Syndrome… My sister said to get an abortion (no way), my mom was devastated and everyone I was talking to on the internet told me to get an abortion… (forget it). So I decided that we would not be able to take care of this child and decided to put him up for adoption… found a perfect family and way I went… that was summer of 2009.

This past December 12, 2009 I gave birth to my little guy and he does in fact have DS but I was not able to put him up for adoption and he is now with us.

So of course my husband was not happy at first because I listen to the priest and we got what we didn’t want a DS child… the one thing we were trying NOT to have doing IVF… I am sure he is still not happy about the priest suggestions even more now.

Anyhow my little girl and I still want a baby girl… so since I know I can’t have anymore healthy children I was looking into adoption (I looked into that actually 2 years ago before the IVF cycle but they told me I was too old and could not adopt) so then I looked into Embryo Adoption… I looked to find info on the Church idea on that and found out they still don’t know what to say about that. That those little babies are human being and deserved a chance at life.

So I got put down on a waiting list at my clinic who were saying they would soon have an embryo donation program… They finally opened it this last November 2009 and I signed up and got myself 12 embryos reserved… Of course that was when I was going to put my child up for adoption.

So sorry for the long post but I was wondering what you people though about this process of Embryo Adoption? Do you think it’s against God’s will or do you think we should try and save those little babies?

I hope I didn’t offend anyone with my post, I know I already have children and am greedy maybe so forgive me if I offended anyone who is trying to conceive now and are unable… but although I have children already now I am in the same situation as you here and being infertile cause of my age and producing bad eggs now. It took me 3 years to finally get pregnant the last time…

Helene (Jamie’s mom)

 

[Amber2]

Dear Helene

What a story!
I also looked into Embryo Adoption for a while and I think it is a great option. No matter whatr other concern’s I can see with this option the strong belief that every single embryo deserves a life is to me most important. I would do it, but I would never be able to afford it so I haven’t thought anymore about that option.
Best wishes,
A

 

[JDeL]

My husband and I were married last year. When we married, we both knew the possibility of me conceiving was slim. I have suffered from endometreosis since I was a teenager, undergoing surgeries and being on Loestrin for an period of time–until it made me so sick that I took myself off it. I always thought that God made women’s bodies a particular way, and that the “pills” were working against that plan.

After a few months of marriage, I had some irregular bleeding, and began searching for a Catholic physician who understood Catholic teachings, and wouldn’t just tell me to “take two and call him in the morning.” I went onto onemoresoul.com, and found a physician in my area – well, a little more than an hour away. In fifteen minutes, he was able to tell me more about what was wrong with me than the other specialists I had been seeing for years.

And then the best part happened: my doctor gave me a handout about a book recently published called “The Fertility Diet.” It is written by doctors at Harvard, and is based on the findings of the Nurses Studies that were done in the 1970’s and 1980’s. It discusses the impact of what we eat on our fertility. Now, I know that some women’s infertility is outside of this realm, but for my husband and I, it was a ray of hope.

I immediately began the suggestions given on the handout while I waited for my copy from amazon.com to arrive: whole dairy products vs low and fat free dairy, no red meat or pork, hormone free chicken sparingly, alternative sources of protein (primarily fish, beans, nuts), whole grains vs refined flours and grains, no soda/pop/sugar drinks, and daily exercise of 30 minutes / day. My doctor also told me about fertilityblend.com–for any of you who read Marilyn Shannon, this is basically three capsules/day that incorporate most of the vitamins and minerals she suggests, for less cost–they make women’s and men’s fertility vitamins.

Within my next cycle, we conceived our first child! (Sadly, we lost him at seven weeks. But, our doctor is SO hopeful that one day we will conceive again and carry to term, and so are we.) The changes we made in our eating also have made my cycles so much better. I am no longer debilitated for a week or more.

I know that many of you have suffered with infertility for years . . . personally, even though we have been married less than a year, just the thought of not bearing children for my husband has haunted me for 10+ years. I feel so blessed to have the doctor I do, and hope that the changes we have made will work for you and your families as well.

 

[prolifewife]

My husband and I were married last year. When we married, we both knew the possibility of me conceiving was slim. I have suffered from endometreosis since I was a teenager, undergoing surgeries and being on Loestrin for an period of time–until it made me so sick that I took myself off it. I always thought that God made women’s bodies a particular way, and that the “pills” were working against that plan.

After a few months of marriage, I had some irregular bleeding, and began searching for a Catholic physician who understood Catholic teachings, and wouldn’t just tell me to “take two and call him in the morning.” I went onto onemoresoul.com, and found a physician in my area – well, a little more than an hour away. In fifteen minutes, he was able to tell me more about what was wrong with me than the other specialists I had been seeing for years.

And then the best part happened: my doctor gave me a handout about a book recently published called “The Fertility Diet.” It is written by doctors at Harvard, and is based on the findings of the Nurses Studies that were done in the 1970’s and 1980’s. It discusses the impact of what we eat on our fertility. Now, I know that some women’s infertility is outside of this realm, but for my husband and I, it was a ray of hope.

I immediately began the suggestions given on the handout while I waited for my copy from amazon.com to arrive: whole dairy products vs low and fat free dairy, no red meat or pork, hormone free chicken sparingly, alternative sources of protein (primarily fish, beans, nuts), whole grains vs refined flours and grains, no soda/pop/sugar drinks, and daily exercise of 30 minutes / day. My doctor also told me about fertilityblend.com–for any of you who read Marilyn Shannon, this is basically three capsules/day that incorporate most of the vitamins and minerals she suggests, for less cost–they make women’s and men’s fertility vitamins.

Within my next cycle, we conceived our first child! (Sadly, we lost him at seven weeks. But, our doctor is SO hopeful that one day we will conceive again and carry to term, and so are we.) The changes we made in our eating also have made my cycles so much better. I am no longer debilitated for a week or more.

I know that many of you have suffered with infertility for years . . . personally, even though we have been married less than a year, just the thought of not bearing children for my husband has haunted me for 10+ years. I feel so blessed to have the doctor I do, and hope that the changes we have made will work for you and your families as well.

This is wonderful news! I am so happy the diet worked for you. I hope that it will help you in the conceiving and carrying of future children. God bless you on your journey. There is so much hope for you dear! :hug3:

 

[Amber2]

JDeL
That is really interesting! I think I will look it up on amazon straight away
It is interesting because in the country where I am from (In Europe) ONE gynochologist is promoting a very special diet with much of the same characteristics. Scientific studies shows that it really helps. More than half his patients get pregnant and more than half than those that get pregnant NO HORMONES or anything was used. Even I who am on NaPro got very interested and went out and bought his book which is written with a dietist (?). My husband and I will start on it in a few weeks.
I also recently read a book about nutrition and endometriosis by Dian Sheppersson Mills and after starting to follow her most important guidelines : no sugar or wheat, I felt a tremendous difference when it came to my endo pain.
I wish you a healthy pregnany soon.
Amber

 

[Amber2]

PS
Hi again

I just googled it and ended up buying the book
Isn’t that somehing!!!
The gyn promoting this idea in my country is saying exactly the same stuff about insulin, no potatoes etc, everything is the same. Except he knows nothing about those Harvard people. He thinks he has a unique concept which has helped many infertile couples over the last years. The diet also helps if the man has bad sperm they say, I talked to the secretary at his office and they had had 6 men on the diet with really bad sperm quality. After some months 5 of them had normal sperm and pregnant wives
So thanks again for sharing this information. I really needed a book in english because my marriage is english speaking and we are going on the diet together.
Best Wishes
Amber

 

[Rach620]

Hello ladies,

I’m not sure I’ve posted on this thread before, but I have been subscribed for awhile. The many places here on CAF to talk about and receive support for infertility are really a blessing, but I find that thinking about my struggle and seeing the pain of others too much can just become unbearable. Know that you are all in my prayers!

My husband and I are still very early on the infertility ‘journey,’ if you want to call it that. We have been open to life/TTC for about a year (a little longer now, I guess). I’ve been to my Catholic NaProTechnology OB/GYN to begin investigating what’s going on–he thinks I might have endometriosis or PCOS, and I will be going in for an ultrasound if my next cycle ever starts (I’m on day 48 right now! ) We are also supposed to do the seminal fluid analysis, and even though the way of collecting the sample through normal intercourse is morally licit and everything, we’re still a little freaked out by it. And as hubby and I were talking about everything the other day…we are just in denial that we are anything but young and healthy, even though all the signs point to some bigger problems.

Anyways, I wanted to chime in about the Church’s wisdom in teaching what she does about procreation and dealing with infertility. I know it can be tough for those of us who so long for a child to hold in our arms to do anything to have one of our “own”. But today, of all days (the 37th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the decision which legalized abortion in the US) we should remember that life is a GIFT which God gives, and that married men and women are called, every time they have sex, to be open to creating new life. The Church teaches that we can be co-creators with God! How awesome is that? And what does that tell us about the appropriate ways in which human life can be created?

Sadly, there are many ways in our world today of creating human life apart from the sacramental act of love between a husband and a wife. And the Church has always taught that these are objectively morally wrong. Just like you can’t separate the unitive and procreative meanings of sex with the use of artificial contraception, you can’t separate the unitive and procreative in the generation of human life. Human life is not something to be created in a lab or engineered by science. It should come from an overflow of love that becomes LIFE!

A couple of years ago, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith released a document called Dignitas Personae (The Dignity of Human Persons) to answer certain bioethical questions. It includes the most in-depth treatment of IVF and other fertility treatments, as well as the clearest statement on embryo adoption that the Church has ever given. Basically, the answer is that Catholics **cannot **adopt frozen embryos:

The proposal that these embryos could be put at the disposal of infertile couples as a treatment for infertility is not ethically acceptable for the same reasons which make artificial heterologous procreation illicit as well as any form of surrogate motherhood;38 this practice would also lead to other problems of a medical, psychological and legal nature.

It has also been proposed, solely in order to allow human beings to be born who are otherwise condemned to destruction, that there could be a form of “prenatal adoption”. This proposal, praiseworthy with regard to the intention of respecting and defending human life, presents however various problems not dissimilar to those mentioned above.

All things considered, it needs to be recognized that the thousands of abandoned
embryos represent a situation of injustice which in fact cannot be resolved.

 

[Rach620]

In reading Dignitas Personae I also came across this paragraph which speaks to couples struggling with infertility and the proper attitude we should have…A good reminder for us all.

The Church recognizes the legitimacy of the desire for a child and understands the
suffering of couples struggling with problems of fertility. Such a desire, however, should not
override the dignity of every human life to the point of absolute supremacy. The desire for a
child cannot justify the “production” of offspring, just as the desire not to have a child cannot
justify the abandonment or destruction of a child once he or she has been conceived.