Inlaws refusing to stay seated during Communion

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boymama

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My inlaws are not Catholic (Lutheran). However, when they visit 3 times a year they always come with us to Catholic Mass. For the past 5 years they have sat quietly abstaining from Communion.

Suddenly they are not okay with this. During their most recent visit they actually took Communion. When I asked them what changed they said that they were sick of how exclusionary our Communion was, and that I could receive it in the Lutheran Church (I never have and never will).

They believe it is Jesus’ body and blood, but they don’t believe in the Consecration. Instead they believe the change happpens when you physically consume the bread and wine.

What do I do about this? I told them that if they felt this way that maybe they should attend Lutheran services while in town rather than come to Catholic Mass with us. However, that went over like a lead balloon, and I got a huge lecture about how it isn’t fair that their grandkids can’t participate in their faith, blah, blah, blah. (Our kids are Catholic.)

My faith has become a bigger issue with them after we had kids. They have three children, and none of them are practicing Lutherans at this point. My husband, while still technically Lutheran, hasn’t been to a Lutheran service since before we got married 5 years ago. He is praying about whether he is being called to covert to Catholicism. Unfortunately, I think this is the straw that is breaking the camel’s back with my inlaws.

I should add my husband told them they are wrong, and that it isn’t right for them to receive Communion when they don’t understand the fullness of what it means for our faith. My husband has never received Communion in the Catholic Church.

Sigh…any suggestions? Can I receive Communion if I know that there are Protestants taking it during a Catholic Mass?

I’m so thankful my inlaws live 12 hours from us, and I just have to deal with this a few times a year.
 
((((((Hug to you)))))))

Pray sweet heart, pray.

I understand their view and they truly don’t understand the Catholic faith. Stand your ground concerning your child and love your inlaws anyway.

As for communion, they aren’t allow to receive it unless they convert. This is the rule and they need to comply. Yes, perhaps, it would be best for them to go to their church instead.

I pray for God to guide you and bless your family!
 
“Saying ‘amen’ when you take the host means you believe the Eucharist is the body and blood of Christ as the Catholic church teaches. Does this mean you want to become Catholic?”
 
So, which is the greater sin - not attending Mass when they are in town, or attending, bringing them, and have them commit a sacrilege?

I don’t know. Their argument is that the Eucharist is what they say it is, while you (and your Church) say that it’s what the Church says it is. Other than imploring them not to receive, what can you do other than not going?

And, there is more going on besides the Eucharist. Grandparents perceived rights, the fact they raised three inactive Lutherans. I’d like to be around when the husband tells his parents he’s converting. I’m sure that will go over well.
 
Perhaps you can make an appointment with your pastor and ask him how to handle this. I am sure this wouldn’t be the first time he has come across this. He would be able to advise you best.

I do think that it is your husband’s job to tell his parents though, and he should not expect you to pass on what the priest says. You have obviously been a good witness to your faith if he is considering RCIA. 👍
 
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PaulinVA:
And, there is more going on besides the Eucharist. Grandparents perceived rights, the fact they raised three inactive Lutherans. I’d like to be around when the husband tells his parents he’s converting. I’m sure that will go over well.
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Agreed. Mother-in-law seems to be confusing parent and grandparent when it comes to her role. I assure you this is a problem that crosses many aspects of our lives.

I believe she is trying to subtly trying to convert my two nieces who are being raised as Jehovah Witness. She frequently sneaks them to Lutheran service.

My husband’s two siblings are Jehovah Witness and non-denominational now. Both very strong of faith…just not Lutheran.

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Your HUSBAND needs to handle this. He needs to be the one to put his foot down and give them the choice of (a) go to mass and respect his family and the Catholic Church by refraining from receiving the Eucharist, (b) go to the Lutheran service while your family goes to Mass, (c) stay home while your family goes to Mass.

It is disrespectful of them to act as they are acting. But again, it is your husband who must communicate that it is unacceptable behavior with his parents.

If they refuse to agree to refrain from Communion, then your husband will simply have to tell them that they cannot come with you.
 
boymama said:
My inlaws are not Catholic (Lutheran). However, when they visit 3 times a year they always come with us to Catholic Mass. For the past 5 years they have sat quietly abstaining from Communion.

Suddenly they are not okay with this. During their most recent visit they actually took Communion. When I asked them what changed they said that they were sick of how exclusionary our Communion was, and that I could receive it in the Lutheran Church (I never have and never will).

They believe it is Jesus’ body and blood, but they don’t believe in the Consecration. Instead they believe the change happpens when you physically consume the bread and wine.

What do I do about this? I told them that if they felt this way that maybe they should attend Lutheran services while in town rather than come to Catholic Mass with us. However, that went over like a lead balloon, and I got a huge lecture about how it isn’t fair that their grandkids can’t participate in their faith, blah, blah, blah. (Our kids are Catholic.)

My faith has become a bigger issue with them after we had kids. They have three children, and none of them are practicing Lutherans at this point. My husband, while still technically Lutheran, hasn’t been to a Lutheran service since before we got married 5 years ago. He is praying about whether he is being called to covert to Catholicism. Unfortunately, I think this is the straw that is breaking the camel’s back with my inlaws.

I should add my husband told them they are wrong, and that it isn’t right for them to receive Communion when they don’t understand the fullness of what it means for our faith. My husband has never received Communion in the Catholic Church.

Sigh…any suggestions? Can I receive Communion if I know that there are Protestants taking it during a Catholic Mass?

I’m so thankful my inlaws live 12 hours from us, and I just have to deal with this a few times a year.
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You need to pray about this.
Your question about can you receive Holy Communion when others are receiving it unworthily: This is their sin not yours.
You have told them they are wrong. any duty you have to Fraternal Correction is satisfied.

Your route going forwards needs to be one of Love and Respect. Arguments and anger will never win their hearts.
If you have an opportunity to discuss these matters in the future perhaps you need to prepare yourself by studying some apologetics on the matters most likely to arise. Then, don’t force a discussion on the issues, but be ready to quietly, and confidently describe:
  • What you believe
  • Why you believe It
  • That it is very important that these beliefs are respected. - just as they expect you to respect their beliefs.
It will definitely help to seek and find common ground first.
The Creed (Apostles and Nicene) are the Key to our common faith.
JOINT DECLARATION
ON THE DOCTRINE OF JUSTIFICATION
Is a recent document taht stemmed from ecumenical dialog between the Catholic Church and the World Lutheran Federation (It is also accepted by the World Methodist federation)

I may be tempted to broach the subject along these lines: (but I don’t know it it’s a good idea)
  • You are Christian. It is important for you that your grandchildren are raised Christian. Yes?
  • I assume you would be very upset if I was teaching them a non Christian faith such as Islam that denounces Christ. In that it is Lies. Yes?
  • There are many protestant “denominations”. and many protestants believe that they are mostly equal is that what you believe? (Of course there are some faiths that say they are “Christian” but aren’t as they deny the divinity of Jesus).
  • Catholicism is different from protestant beliefs. It does not have a democracy. It does not have a choice of beliefs to accept or reject. It is the fullness of Christian Truth.
  • Just as you would be upset if I was denying that Jesus is God, Messiah, and King: I am duty bound to insist that my children (your grandchildren) are raised being taught the fullness to the Truth about who He is, as taught in the Bible, and by His Church throughout the Ages.
  • As a Catholic I swore as part of my wedding vows that I would do this.
  • I really don’t want to start an argument on these matters. That wont help any of us; but if you do want to know what I believe and am teaching your grand-kids then I’d be very happy to tell you. - but we’d need to take things one at a time.
 
There is no reason for YOU not to receive Communion in the Catholic Church – your inlaws are wrong, but that is between them and God, especially if they have already been told it is not proper for them to take Communion and they insist on doing it anyway. I have often found that people who are insecure in their own faith tend to find fault with someone else’s (example: their claim about our Communion being exclusionary). Sounds like there is a jealousy issue going on. Next time they’re in town, go to Mass as you normally would but don’t bother making any special allowances for them to attend with you, and if they choose to stand up and take Communion again, just know that you and your husband have told them why it isn’t proper for them to do so, and let God handle the rest.

In the meantime, all you can really do is pray!
 
Trip them when they get to the front of the communion line and yell, “Heretic down!” Just kidding. I agree with letting your husband handle this. Have you thought about sitting out communion when they are there? It might be a little awkward for them to get up and go if they have to walk around you to do it. If they ask about it, you can always say that you need to be properly disposed to receive and you were feeling distracted so you chose to abstain.
 
I would also consider reading up on Lutheran beliefs. - particularly those of the branch of Lutheranism to which your in-laws belong. Your Husband can help you with that.
 
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anruari:
I would also consider reading up on Lutheran beliefs. - particularly those of the branch of Lutheranism to which your in-laws belong. Your Husband can help you with that.
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I’m fairly versed in their faith. I went to a conservative Lutheran college.

I also have some great books passed to me during my time there.

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Thank you. My husband plans to further discuss this with them before they leave town tonight. He is very upset. Despite not yet being quite clear if he is called to Catholicism he is protective of the faith of his wife and kids.

Glad to know I can still receive Communion.

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Irishmom2 said:
Perhaps you can make an appointment with your pastor and ask him how to handle this. I am sure this wouldn’t be the first time he has come across this. He would be able to advise you best.

I do think that it is your husband’s job to tell his parents though, and he should not expect you to pass on what the priest says. You have obviously been a good witness to your faith if he is considering RCIA. 👍
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THIS! I haven’t read all the replies, but I also believe your husband needs to speak up to his parents (why does it seem this is hard for husbands to do)? And I agree that talking to a priest or posting this question in the Apologetics section for one of the priests in the meantime).

Did they elaborate on why they wouldn’t want to attend a Luthern service in your town? Could hubby take them?
 
You can be sure that there are always some people, Catholic or not, who receive communion but shouldn’t. It’s no reason for you to not take communion.

Tell your priest, maybe he can talk with them. My priest sometimes tells the people to remain seated if they are not Catholic or not in good standing with the Church (“tourists” and lapsed Catholics respect this). If he is in doubt, he will also directly ask the person about to receive the communion whether he or she is Catholic.
 
Do you have an Eastern Rite Catholic parish nearby? I’d be sorely tempted to go there when your inlaws are in town, if it’s a parish that maintains the Eastern tradition of not giving the eucharist to people they don’t know are actually Catholic. I’d make sure I met with the priest beforehand to introduce myself and confirm my Catholic status.
 
LaSainte said:
Trip them when they get to the front of the communion line and yell, “Heretic down!” Just kidding.
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hahahaha

In all seriousness, I always find it mind-boggling that so many people are so dismissive and disrespectful of other faiths. I would never dream of say, going into a mosque and insisting that I keep my shoes on. The thought of doing so makes me cringe with embarrassment. It’s just mind-blowing to me that so many are so disrespectful to the faith of others.
 
Former ELCA Lutheran here. The fact is is that the ELCA has spiraled into kind of an ultra-secular leftism (with a thin veneer of Christianity on it) like the Episcopalians. Make no mistake. This isn’t about a thought process that goes, “Gee whiz, we mostly believe the same things about the Eucharist, so don’t be such a stick in the mud!” Rather this is utter contempt for Catholic practice and how dare anyone think they are more correct on doctrine than anyone else. It is classic petulance.

As another said, get your husband to step up. Inform your pastor. Remember that when non-Catholics take communion, they are exercising a false ecumenicism and proclaiming a unity that is not really there. To wit: they are lying in the very presence of Our Lord.
 
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