Inlaws refusing to stay seated during Communion

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Would you consider going to Mass and NOT receiving communion when they are with you; making a spiritual communion while remaining with them in the pews, in solidarity with your husband who also does not receive? It would be a sacrifice and would make a statement that you could explain to them. Then, if they stay seated/kneeling with you, fine; and, if they go forward anyway, you (and their son) will know the full extent of their hostility.
 
IrishAm said:
Would you consider going to Mass and NOT receiving communion when they are with you; making a spiritual communion while remaining with them in the pews, in solidarity with your husband who also does not receive? It would be a sacrifice and would make a statement that you could explain to them. Then, if they stay seated/kneeling with you, fine; and, if they go forward anyway, you (and their son) will know the full extent of their hostility.
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I like this idea of sacrificing communion to protect what’s right…

Otherwise, pray for them - as others have said, it’s between them & God. You did your best by telling them it isn’t right that they go up for Communion. I imagine there are all sorts of Catholics in line who probably shouldn’t be…

Lord have mercy…
 
IrishAm said:
Would you consider going to Mass and NOT receiving communion when they are with you; making a spiritual communion while remaining with them in the pews, in solidarity with your husband who also does not receive? It would be a sacrifice and would make a statement that you could explain to them. Then, if they stay seated/kneeling with you, fine; and, if they go forward anyway, you (and their son) will know the full extent of their hostility.
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Bad idea. The message it sends is that “My faith is weakening. Your protest taking of communion is working on me.” and encourages them to keep it as a trump card. You can’t let others prevent you from fully participating in the Faith.
 
Scottgun said:
Bad idea. The message it sends is that “My faith is weakening. Your protest taking of communion is working on me.” and encourages them to keep it as a trump card. You can’t let others prevent you from fully participating in the Faith.
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I respectfully disagree. Spiritual communion is definitely not a sign of a weakening faith (notice I also suggested explaining to them what and why the choice was being made).
 
Scottgun said:
Bad idea. The message it sends is that “My faith is weakening. Your protest taking of communion is working on me.” and encourages them to keep it as a trump card. You can’t let others prevent you from fully participating in the Faith.
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I agree…you shouldn’t have to forsake receiving Communion …
Receipt of the Body & Blood of Christ is what strengthens me in my Faith. Gives me encouragement to be the best person I can be, in imitation of Christ.
Praying for you!!
~~PR
 
LaSainte said:
Trip them when they get to the front of the communion line and yell, “Heretic down!”
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I like this!!

Seriously, I’ve never understood why some people insist on doing this. I wouldn’t dream of going to another place of worship and participating in a ritual after being specifically told that it is not allowed for non-members. To do so is extremely rude and disrespectful.
 
IrishAm said:
I respectfully disagree. Spiritual communion is definitely not a sign of a weakening faith (notice I also suggested explaining to them what and why the choice was being made).
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I’m with you. I’d be willing to offer up my receiving communion to protect Jesus from being received in an unworthly manner by someone else. It’s the least I can do for Him. This would be more important to me than proving some sort of point to my in-laws. Especially since it’s only a few times per year.
 
If they are acting this way, I doubt they will stay in their seats if she doesn’t go up for communion. They seem determined to do what they want with no regard to anyone else.
 
maltmom said:
If they are acting this way, I doubt they will stay in their seats if she doesn’t go up for communion. They seem determined to do what they want with no regard to anyone else.
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You might be right - but it’s worth a try… 🤷
 
I understand being upset that you can’t share in communion with your family, but rules are the rules.

I’ve been waiting a long time to take communion in the RCC and I have a few more weeks before I’ll be able to claim that privilege. When I hear stories like this, it really just makes me upset because they are disrespecting the process and the people who truly share in our beliefs.

A lot of us have had to fight with that particular issue because it does seem arbitrary and unfair, but on the other side, I can see why non-Catholics shouldn’t participate.

It’s one thing if they didn’t know and nobody told them that it was exclusive to Catholics. It’s another thing because they did know and didn’t care. That’s the part that just rubs me the wrong way.

Husband needs to put his foot down. I get that his parents are ticked that none of the kids want to practice their faith, but they shouldn’t be so passive-aggressive about it.

Husband could take them to a Lutheran church while they are in town. I went to a Lutheran wedding recently and I probably could have taken communion during the communion service, but I didn’t because I don’t share their beliefs and I’m just determined to have my next communion service be in a Catholic church. Why is it so hard for people to be respectful of other people’s traditions?
 
I know someone who successfully explained to their fallen-away Catholic sibling that they should not be receiving communion. What this person told their sibling was that when you receive communion, you are saying by your actions that you are IN COMMUNION (agree 100%) with the teachings of the Catholic Church. Since the sibling did not like the Church’s teachings on ‘x’ and ‘y’, they readily agreed it would be intellectually dishonest to receive communion. In this case, the sibling CHOSE not to receive, as opposed to being told he/she was not worthy to receive. This approach seemed to work well, and was very sensitive to the feelings of the sibling. Just a thougt 🤷
 
I’ve always had a HUGE problem with this as a Lutheran. Knowing that I believe in a real presence yet can’t receive communion at a mass while the CINO who believes it’s merely a symbolic action can do so without a second glance is heartbreaking. It’s one reason I no longer will attend any mass other than a wedding or funeral. The whole “you must be in agreement with all the church teaches” line of debate doesn’t work. I know not a single Catholic who agrees with all the Church teaches yet they take communion every week even when their disagreements are well known and public.
 
boymama said:
Thank you. My husband plans to further discuss this with them before they leave town tonight. He is very upset. Despite not yet being quite clear if he is called to Catholicism he is protective of the faith of his wife and kids.
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This is wonderful of your husband. God bless him! 🙂
 
Eastsideteacher said:
I’ve always had a HUGE problem with this as a Lutheran. Knowing that I believe in a real presence yet can’t receive communion at a mass while the CINO who believes it’s merely a symbolic action can do so without a second glance is heartbreaking. It’s one reason I no longer will attend any mass other than a wedding or funeral. The whole “you must be in agreement with all the church teaches” line of debate doesn’t work. I know not a single Catholic who agrees with all the Church teaches yet they take communion every week even when their disagreements are well known and public.
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???
They shouldn’t be. Just because they physically can do something doesn’t mean they should. We don’t forcibly remove people from the Communion line or check their Catholic credibility before they receive.
 
Eastsideteacher said:
I’ve always had a HUGE problem with this as a Lutheran. Knowing that I believe in a real presence yet can’t receive communion at a mass while the CINO who believes it’s merely a symbolic action can do so without a second glance is heartbreaking. It’s one reason I no longer will attend any mass other than a wedding or funeral. The whole “you must be in agreement with all the church teaches” line of debate doesn’t work. I know not a single Catholic who agrees with all the Church teaches yet they take communion every week even when their disagreements are well known and public.
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If you believe in the real presence, why not become Catholic? You could receive communion every day!

Become one of us, then you will see that you are so right - we aren’t perfect. We’re all a work in progress. But we’re Catholics nonetheless…
 
Because I’m not in agreement with the Catholic Church, nor feel any need to be in order to receive communion. I’d like to think agreeing in the real and saving presence would be enough…for that one thing. It’s not. It’s disheartening, but I wouldn’t think of ignoring the guidelines and receiving anyway.
 
I am currently in an interfaith marriage (wife and her family is methodist and my children and I are catholic).

First of all, it is never a real issue until the kids come. This is when people get a bit itchy and start making comments.

My suggestion: Be clear on your position but remember that after telling them the position of the church, it is now their responsibility, at least morally speaking.

On a side note: I have been very successful in dealing with this by always taking my children to their church when we stay at their house. We go to mass on Saturday night and their church on Sunday. When the kids ask about the differences, I take it as a perfect chance to explain the faith in age-appropriate terms. As long as there isn’t catholic-bashing going on (which doesn’t happen in their methodist congregation), I find it is actually a good experience for the whole family - it almost makes us more catholic.
 
Kal2012 said:
I understand being upset that you can’t share in communion with your family, but rules are the rules.

I’ve been waiting a long time to take communion in the RCC and I have a few more weeks before I’ll be able to claim that privilege. When I hear stories like this, it really just makes me upset because they are disrespecting the process and the people who truly share in our beliefs.

A lot of us have had to fight with that particular issue because it does seem arbitrary and unfair, but on the other side, I can see why non-Catholics shouldn’t participate.

**It’s one thing if they didn’t know and nobody told them that it was exclusive to Catholics. It’s another thing because they did know and didn’t care. That’s the part that just rubs me the wrong way. **

Husband needs to put his foot down. I get that his parents are ticked that none of the kids want to practice their faith, but they shouldn’t be so passive-aggressive about it.

Husband could take them to a Lutheran church while they are in town. I went to a Lutheran wedding recently and I probably could have taken communion during the communion service, but I didn’t because I don’t share their beliefs and I’m just determined to have my next communion service be in a Catholic church. Why is it so hard for people to be respectful of other people’s traditions?
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Thank you for saying this so well. 👍 I’ve run into this sort of problem with a friend although in my case it was so sudden and awkward and we’ve never really discussed it. But if it comes up I will try to emphasize the respect angle and hope that helps.
 
Eastsideteacher said:
Because I’m not in agreement with the Catholic Church, nor feel any need to be in order to receive communion. I’d like to think agreeing in the real and saving presence would be enough…for that one thing. It’s not. It’s disheartening, but I wouldn’t think of ignoring the guidelines and receiving anyway.
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Well, I will say that it’s not necessarily about being in "agreement"with everything the Church teaches, but more about being obedient to the Church. I have struggled for years with the Church’s position on contraception, but I submit to it and we do not use it in our marriage. I do this so that I CAN receive communion. If I were using contraception, I would not receive the Eucharist. Awesomely enough, as I have stopped using contraception and accepted the Church’s teachings on it, I (and my husband!) are actually coming around intellectually as well.

There are rules to everything, and for me, not following the rules is like cheating in a sport. Take cycling. Sure, almost everybody does blood doping. I’m sure Lance Armstrong justified his own doping by saying that “everybody else does it”. But for me, if I wanted to be a cyclist, I would want to follow the rules of cycling, no matter what everybody else was doing. If I felt I simply couldn’t follow the rules, I would start another cycling organization that allowed people to do what they wanted. Isn’t that kind of what the Protestants did in the first place?

I don’t understand why someone would want to take part in something if they are not willing to follow the rules.
 
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