Inlaws refusing to stay seated during Communion

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Your inlaws CAN NOT receive Holy Communion this is a great offense. This is very disrespectful on their part and distressing to you.

Please talk to your priest about how to resolve this. Maybe you and your husband could attend Mass seperately, so someone could stay at home and entertain them but please don’t take them to mass with you if they are going to do this.
 
:popcorn:The idea of them not going to mass is the best yet.Can’t understand why they feel they need to go .It’s not a wedding or anything.Maybe you could make a joke about them going to mass and the whole communion thing like Hey i didn’t know you were closet Catholics! So when are you converting?Let us know so we can throw a big party!

My grandmother was Lutheran and later on converted.However the whole communion thing was never an issue with her.She went to mass with grandpa,daddy and Uncle Tom
but never insisted she had to take communion.As a kid growing up in Hot Springs ,Ark. in the 1920s and 30s before they moved back to Milwaukee my dad was an altar boy at St.John’s which my great grandparents helped found.
Daddy went to school there with both catholic and protestant kids.At Christmas Eve mass they even had daddy said some protestants attend just because of the ceremony and beauty of the mass.Never in the past was this sort of thing an issue.It seems that only in the last few years has this thing about non catholics recieving communion become an problem and not just in your family.
My brother in law is a jew but this subject has never come up with him.I see this being more of a problem with protestants than with jews.
 
I currently struggle with a very similar situation.

Just know that after doing everything in your power to inform them of what they are agreeing to when they say “Amen” and all the details of this issue, there’s not much more you can do. It’s on their consciences.
 
Eastsideteacher said:
Because I’m not in agreement with the Catholic Church, nor feel any need to be in order to receive communion.
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That’s your problem right there. If you’re not in agreement with the church, why do you want to participate in communion in the catholic church? Communion means just that, you are in communion with the church and agree with what she teaches. If you don’t fall into that, you shouldn’t be receiving. That goes for catholics and non-catholics.

I don’t understand this thinking. If you don’t want to be in the church, why come to it? It’s not magic, you can’t just slip in and receive communion and get some special benefit. In fact, if you receive unworthily you’re hurting yourself more than anything.
 
Eastsideteacher said:
The whole “you must be in agreement with all the church teaches” line of debate doesn’t work. I know not a single Catholic who agrees with all the Church teaches yet they take communion every week even when their disagreements are well known and public.
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One can disagree with a Church teaching, yet still be obedient to that teaching and receive communion. These in-laws are in disagreement and not obedient. This is why they should not receive.

I would like to make another point which I think no one has yet, In the original poster’s case, When the in-laws go up for communion in the Catholic Church, they are not “receiving” communion, they are -taking- it. I think even Lutherans would agree that one should not commandeer the body of Christ.
 
Eastsideteacher said:
I’ve always had a HUGE problem with this as a Lutheran. Knowing that I believe in a real presence yet can’t receive communion at a mass while the CINO who believes it’s merely a symbolic action can do so without a second glance is heartbreaking. It’s one reason I no longer will attend any mass other than a wedding or funeral. The whole “you must be in agreement with all the church teaches” line of debate doesn’t work. I know not a single Catholic who agrees with all the Church teaches yet they take communion every week even when their disagreements are well known and public.
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This is a good post that shows both how the op’s in-laws perceive things and that shows the scandal caused to others when Catholics fail to live up to our faith’s teachings.

My husband was Lutheran–ELCA. If the op’s in-laws were Missouri Synod Lutherans or Wisconsin Synod Lutherans, it would not be an issue because, in fact, those branches of Lutheranism usually hold closed Communions as well, even to other Lutherans outside their synod!

Anyway, when we first married, my husband attended Catholic Mass with me. I grew up with a lot of liberal Catholics and my husband believed more of the Catholic faith than many Catholics I knew. He was not allowed to recieve communion while they did. It was a big issue to him and to me. It contributed largely to my leaving the Church for several years. During that time, I attended ELCA with my husband. Eventually I returned to the Catholic faith and my husband joined me.

Catholics would truly like to extend Holy Communion to all believers–because ultimately we’d really like for all believers to be in full Communion with the Catholic Church, (in other words, become Catholic, as my husband eventually did.) In certain extreme circumstances, a bishop can grant a dispensation for non-Catholics such as Lutherans, to recieve Holy Communion. The op might talk to her priest to see if there is any grounds to request such a dispensation from the bishop.

But, it is a huge obstacle–scandal even!-- for Protestants to see Catholics who openly oppose Catholic teaching recieve Holy Communion, while our non-Catholic brethren cannot. It was very hard for me to reconcile this in my own faith life. Eventually I did. Catholics such as theseare “excluded” from Holy Communion if they know themselves to be in a state of mortal sin. Even if we have not fasted for the required period of time, Catholics should not take Communion.

My faith and Bible knowledge grew while I attended my husband’s ELCA and that helped me see that the Catholic Church teachings regarding “closed Communion” are something done out of love rather than snobbery or desire to exclude. Paul writes in I Corinthians 11 27Why whoever shall eat this bread, and drink this cup of the Lord, unworthily, shall be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord.** 28**But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup. 29For he that eats and drinks unworthily, eats and drinks damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body.

All Catholics should examine ourselves before receiving Holy Communion. Holy Communion is not open to all Catholics, and when Catholics take Communion without really believing and living what the Church teaches, it brings scandal to others.
 
thomasf said:
That’s your problem right there. If you’re not in agreement with the church, why do you want to participate in communion in the catholic church? Communion means just that, you are in communion with the church and agree with what she teaches. If you don’t fall into that, you shouldn’t be receiving. That goes for catholics and non-catholics.

I don’t understand this thinking. If you don’t want to be in the church, why come to it? It’s not magic, you can’t just slip in and receive communion and get some special benefit. In fact, if you receive unworthily you’re hurting yourself more than anything.
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You know, I don’t think Protestants see it this way. They see receiving communion less about being “in communion” with a particular church, and more about being “in communion” with Christ. I have been to many (but certainly not all) Protestant churches and it was never required that I have belong to that specific denomination, and I subscribe to EVERY belief that church holds, only profess a faith in Christ. For example, if a Methodist woman is visiting a Baptist college pal, and goes to church with her over the weekend, and there is communion, she will likely take it. After years of going to church with a friend from a Presbyterian church after sleep overs, joining an Episcopal friend for summer camp, etc, it is really odd to go to a Catholic church, and suddenly be told “no, you HAVE to be Catholic”. People really don’t get it, and not because, as another poster pointed out, they are insecure in their own faith, but because they are under the impression they are invited guests to the table of Grace, and the host is not the Catholic Church, but Christ himself.

Kind of like a man invited you to his house for dinner, and one of his kids tried to turn you away at the door. You might ignore the child, and wait for the head of the house.

I understand the Catholic Church has its own reasons for restricting access to the Eucharist, and am not trying to argue those here, only point out a possible perspective that the above poster doesn’t seem to grasp. Why come to it? Wanting to share Christian faith with visiting friends or family is a big reason.
 
This is more of a respect issue than a faith or religious one. If I went to a synagogue or mosque as a guest, I would do things their way. If they have specific rules for people outside their faith, I would not just ignore them even if I disagree, think they are foolish, or don’t believe they are correct.
 
Gwendolen said:
You know, I don’t think Protestants see it this way. They see receiving communion less about being “in communion” with a particular church, and more about being “in communion” with Christ. I have been to many (but certainly not all) Protestant churches and it was never required that I have belong to that specific denomination, and I subscribe to EVERY belief that church holds, only profess a faith in Christ. People really don’t get it, and not because, as another poster pointed out, they are insecure in their own faith, but because they are under the impression they are invited guests to the table of Grace, and the host is not the Catholic Church, but Christ himself.
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Exactly! That was my experience in the protestant world too! It’s about being in communion w/Christ, not a church. Visitors and guests are invited to partake in the ceremony. Communion has nothing to do with membership in a particular community.

It’s just random when protestant churches hold communion services. Some hold communion services once a month, once every 3 months, every week. The frequency of communion services is determined by the individual church, not by tradition or ritual. It’s really weird when you really think about it.
 
boymama said:
My inlaws are not Catholic (Lutheran). However, when they visit 3 times a year they always come with us to Catholic Mass. For the past 5 years they have sat quietly abstaining from Communion.

Suddenly they are not okay with this. During their most recent visit they actually took Communion. When I asked them what changed they said that they were sick of how exclusionary our Communion was, and that I could receive it in the Lutheran Church (I never have and never will).

What do I do about this? I told them that if they felt this way that maybe they should attend Lutheran services while in town rather than come to Catholic Mass with us. However, that went over like a lead balloon, and I got a huge lecture about how it isn’t fair that their grandkids can’t participate in their faith, blah, blah, blah. (Our kids are Catholic.)

I should add my husband told them they are wrong, and that it isn’t right for them to receive Communion when they don’t understand the fullness of what it means for our faith. My husband has never received Communion in the Catholic Church.

Sigh…any suggestions? Can I receive Communion if I know that there are Protestants taking it during a Catholic Mass?

I’m so thankful my inlaws live 12 hours from us, and I just have to deal with this a few times a year.
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I’m guessing it “went over like a lead balloon” because they see their grandchildren so seldom, they don’t want to drive 12 hours and then spend more time apart going to another church service. Are you willing to go to the Lutheran service with them? I’m guessing not, because it would not fulfill your mass obligation, among other things. So during that time, it seems reasonable that you would worship together.

Not long after I joined here there was a similar letter, saying “how do I explain to my child Grandma is taking the Eucharist when she is not Catholic”. The answer was something along the lines of honoring one’s parents, and not calling her out on it, and directing mom to demonstrate to her child charity to the grandmother.

It is hard to tell from from one letter, but there is a hint of mutual disrespect here – they are not respecting your faith tradition, you are not respecting the effort they put in to visit you and be a part of your lives “I’m so thankful they lives 12 hours away, and I only have to deal with them a few times a year”. I’d demonstrate your Catholic faith to them not by continuing to make a fuss over communion, but by building a loving relationship with them. Maybe by seeing your Catholic faith in action they will respect it more.
 
I hadn’t thought about the Protestant viewpoint. It may be trickier when dealing with Lutherans or Episcopalians because their Mass/services have more of a “high church” feel in some cases. But other Protestants and especially the ones who consider themselves sort of “non-denominational” sometimes have it as a point of pride that they have open communion. When I was a kid, I did take communion in my Mom’s church (Disciples of Christ) on the occasion or two when I went. I was grade school age so wasn’t sure if I should, but didn’t know I shouldn’t, so I figured it was okay.

The friend who went with me and received Communion is a person who attends Lutheran or Episcopalian services whichever is available and I think when she came with me, either she thought it was okay because of the similarities, or thought the rules were petty so chose to disregard them. I don’t know and I don’t want to bring the subject up unless she wants to go to Mass with me again sometime.

It was a painful experience for me because I didn’t know what to do, so I went to Confession the next morning. I felt guilty for not addressing the issue directly prior to Mass with this friend and not sure where my responsibility for her actions began and ended - was I supposed to tackle her in the communion line? :eek: I wanted to talk it over with the priest and get some advice what to do if faced with another such situation. It was Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday so it cast anxiety over the joyful services for me 😦 so I have just refrained from having this particular friend accompany me to Mass since then.

When and if you’re dealing with people who are being deliberately defiant - I think a lot of people in modern times think that any rule they object to they are doing some kind of noble act of defiance, being a hero even. Like Rosa Parks sitting at the front of the bus - they see themselves as striking a blow for a right. Only unlike with Mrs. Parks, it’s not a right to which they are entitled. Obedience is anathema to some. It’s a difficult point of view for me to relate to vis a vis religion.
 
Gwendolen said:
I’d demonstrate your Catholic faith to them not by continuing to make a fuss over communion, but by building a loving relationship with them. Maybe by seeing your Catholic faith in action they will respect it more.
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The first time I went to a Catholic Mass, my then-boyfriend explained clearly and bluntly, no non-Catholics are allowed to take Communion.

There was no point for me in making a fuss about it because it was made clear that this subject wasn’t open to debate. Since I was a non-Catholic, I wouldn’t take communion. Since he was ‘living in sin’ with his girlfriend, then he wasn’t going to take communion either. No means No.

Yes, there’s honoring and loving your parents. However, there’s also respecting the process and the system that millions of people around the world are partaking in.

Obviously, I’m passionate about this issue because it’s the one that has driven me nuts since I met the boyfriend, who later became my husband. It has clouded how I view the church for the past decade.

It always came back to: if I want to share in the Eucharist w/my husband (and now, our son), then I needed to convert and become a Catholic. He will never convert to another faith for me. So, either I’m on my own or I’m with him and his church.

As a result, I respectfully disagree that a fuss shouldn’t be made over it. It is worth making a fuss over.

I haven’t had communion in years because I haven’t been to a Protestant church in years to receive it, but I haven’t been able to receive it in a Catholic church either.

So, it really just bothers me when people start saying that it’s okay for non-Catholics to take communion. I’ve really struggled and fought with this issues and I when I hear this kind of stuff, it’s like - why should I bother taking RCIA? Why don’t I just get up and take communion next Sunday - other people won’t know, but God will. My husband would be disappointed because he told me the rules and he’d be upset that I disrespected the church. But - hey - it’s okay because I want to worship in the Catholic church with the Catholic community. It’s okay that I’m really not a Catholic.

Yes, I get not being able to take communion with your family, but that’s why I’m converting! I feel this decreases the value or necessity of conversion.

So, I’m just going to take what isn’t mine to take because I’m ticked off that my son’s family doesn’t share my faith? That’s just disrespectful. Very passive-aggressive.
 
This is typical behavior of Lutherans I have noticed, particularly with the ELCA variety. My wife’s mother is the same way. She hasn’t been to church in years but it is somehow a big deal that my wife and I are raising our kids Catholic, didn’t want to pick my wife’s Lutheran (actually agnostic, really) brother as a godparent, etc. What it is, I think, particularly with the ELCA, is that they are so flippant about religious dogma and think everyone else should apply that own standard to THEIR religion.
 
Bklynguy said:
This is typical behavior of Lutherans I have noticed, particularly with the ELCA variety. My wife’s mother is the same way. She hasn’t been to church in years but it is somehow a big deal that my wife and I are raising our kids Catholic, didn’t want to pick my wife’s Lutheran (actually agnostic, really) brother as a godparent, etc. What it is, I think, particularly with the ELCA, is that they are so flippant about religious dogma and think everyone else should apply that own standard to THEIR religion.
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Oh for Pete’s sake. :rolleyes:
 
Two observations:

The idea that the true body and blood of christ is only present when the person receives it is definitely not a Lutheran idea - the parents who are improperly receiving are defiantly mistaken.

I would take this as an opportunity to get that parents into a better relationship with God, perhaps by shepherding them to a proper Lutheran service (WELS, LCMS, or even some ELCA churches that are still confessional) in the area and spending time with them and then going to a subsequent mass with them. That they get exposed to a more proper form of worship twice would be good.

If you did find a confessional ELCA church, then they would receive there and receiving during Catholic mass may then not be such an issue.

Keep in mind, it would not be proper for them to receive in a WELS or LCMS Lutheran church as well - so you may want to concentrate on finding a confessional ELCA church.
 
boymama said:
My inlaws are not Catholic (Lutheran). However, when they visit 3 times a year they always come with us to Catholic Mass. For the past 5 years they have sat quietly abstaining from Communion.

Suddenly they are not okay with this. During their most recent visit they actually took Communion. When I asked them what changed they said that they were sick of how exclusionary our Communion was, and that I could receive it in the Lutheran Church (I never have and never will).

They believe it is Jesus’ body and blood, but they don’t believe in the Consecration. Instead they believe the change happpens when you physically consume the bread and wine.

What do I do about this? I told them that if they felt this way that maybe they should attend Lutheran services while in town rather than come to Catholic Mass with us. However, that went over like a lead balloon, and I got a huge lecture about how it isn’t fair that their grandkids can’t participate in their faith, blah, blah, blah. (Our kids are Catholic.)

My faith has become a bigger issue with them after we had kids. They have three children, and none of them are practicing Lutherans at this point. My husband, while still technically Lutheran, hasn’t been to a Lutheran service since before we got married 5 years ago. He is praying about whether he is being called to covert to Catholicism. Unfortunately, I think this is the straw that is breaking the camel’s back with my inlaws.

I should add my husband told them they are wrong, and that it isn’t right for them to receive Communion when they don’t understand the fullness of what it means for our faith. My husband has never received Communion in the Catholic Church.

Sigh…any suggestions? Can I receive Communion if I know that there are Protestants taking it during a Catholic Mass?

I’m so thankful my inlaws live 12 hours from us, and I just have to deal with this a few times a year.
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Explain to them that the same law that says the Pope can’t tell Lutherans what to do, also forbids the Catholic priest from giving them Holy Communion - they are not under his authority.

The only way to give the priest the authority to give them Holy Communion is for them to renounce Lutheranism, make a Profession of Faith in the Catholic Church, and be received as Catholics into the Sacraments. This typically happens by means of RCIA.
 
Can someone explain to me how to explain to others that receiving the Eucharist is not only an acceptance of the True Presense but also affirming the Catholic Church? Most people I encounter struggle with this concept and I’ve explained it multiple different ways but am at a loss of what to say now.
 
llenadegracia said:
Can someone explain to me how to explain to others that receiving the Eucharist is not only an acceptance of the True Presense but also affirming the Catholic Church? Most people I encounter struggle with this concept and I’ve explained it multiple different ways but am at a loss of what to say now.
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The thing that makes the most sense to me is not “affirming the Catholic Church” (and agreeing or at least agreeing to follow all of its direction for beliefs and daily living) but through confession.

I know this is going to upset some people here, but in deciding whether or not to join the Catholic church, a mentioning my discomfort with being excluded from the Eucharist, I was told be someone responsible for shepherding this journey “it is up to your own conscience whether or not you receive. We will not refuse you”. (I live in a VERY liberal area.) What kept me from doing so, is if one REALLY believes in the True Presence, by receiving communion, you are, indeed, actually receiving God into yourself. It makes logical sense then, that you would want confession and absolution, to be as “clean” as possible, before being, inhabited, for want of a better word, by what is Holy.

For me, it was not about “being Catholic” and agreeing with every last thing I was being told about, say the Holy Mother’s eternal virginity, or purgatory, etc, but by, again, for want of a better metaphor, showing up to a banquet with dirty clothes. I’d rather take a shower, and put on clean clothes before sitting down, if that makes sense.

Again, I think the OP should develop a closer relationship with her in-laws, and truly and joyfully share her faith. Then, perhaps, they might be uncomfortable themselves with taking communion before confession. I know little of the Lutheran faith, but it may be also they need explanation of the Biblical roots of confession, many Protestants are under the impression it was something the Catholics just kind of made up.
 
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