Inter-faith Relationships

[Pro-Life_Teen]

My husband and I agreed to raise our children in both of our faiths and when they reach the age of accountability we will let them choose their own path.

You can’t technically do this, Awantz. Both faiths promise to raise the children in that faith, hence the problem. Catholics promise to raise their children Catholic, the non-Catholic spouse being informed of this fact.
Showing them both faiths… it would be confusing. Mainly to small children. Either they will take pieces of both, choose neither, or pick one in the end and perhaps feel like they’ve betrayed the parent of the faith they did not choose. shrug I can understand wanting to teach them both, but to show the Truth and something that is not true, and giving the chance to pick what is, I say this with no disrespect, a lie… it’s not something I could risk.

And less about the technicals, I do wish to say that I love your story. You and your husband seem like wonderful people and I am glad that it has worked so well for you.

You’re also very correct. It is a lot of work. Agreed that people of another faith catch things that a Catholic might miss due to taking it for granted. I always forget to cross myself before meals, my deist boyfriend reminds me. He also agrees to come to Church with me, and we spend lots of time talking and discussing faith. If something of a moral issue comes up and is truly important to me, he does yield to my morals. Not because of his faith, but because of his love for me. I pray for his conversion, and will do everything in my power to aid him if he wishes to convert, but I won’t force the teachings on him.

It would be ideal for a Catholic to marry a Catholic. But it doesn’t always work that way. The marriages are allowed, there are processes to go through, and it’s hard. It’s also frightening. I don’t think anyone in an interfaith relationship who cares about their faith took this lightly. Well, it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t care about your faith… so if you care and have taken this step, you took the time to think about it.

It’s not for everyone. Some people simply can’t compromise or deal with it. Some people lie about the way they’ll raise the children, or agree and assume the other will change. But these are characteristics in a person which make them doubtful for marriage to anyone of any faith.

 

[tapiocapudding]

See this is one of the biggest reasons I am not catholic. I really want to convert, but my marriage is interfaith and it seems I will doom my marriage by converting. The church I belong to now says nothing against us raising children in both faiths. Plus, Catholocism seems to have a real problem with pagans. I guess I feel like with my current family situation there is no place in the church for me.

 

[BamaRider]

Plus, Catholocism seems to have a real problem with pagans.

Ya think?

 

[spellinggirl]

My dad is Catholic and my mom is not religious. My brothers and I are being raised Catholic. It really does not bother me. My dad tried to convert my mom for a long time, but she didn’t appreciate it. She will come to church with us if it’s Easter or Christmas, or one of our 1st Comunions or something.

She came to church to watch me altar serve for the first time and to watch my brother for his first time when he started serving.

I know that it’s ideal to marry a person of the same religion as you, but my parents just loved each other too much! They still do, and life couldn’t be better!

She knows and accepts that my brother, dad, and I are active, practicing Catholics and that she can’t change it. My other brother is not very religious, so he’s looking a little more like her. I’d love for him to be more religious, but he’s smart enough to choose for himself and I’m not going to force him into something.

The great thing about this country is that we have the freedom to worship (or not) as we please. God bless America! :extrahappy:

 

[Memaw]

My dad is Catholic and my mom is not religious. My brothers and I are being raised Catholic. It really does not bother me. My dad tried to convert my mom for a long time, but she didn’t appreciate it. She will come to church with us if it’s Easter or Christmas, or one of our 1st Comunions or something.

She came to church to watch me altar serve for the first time and to watch my brother for his first time when he started serving.

I know that it’s ideal to marry a person of the same religion as you, but my parents just loved each other too much! They still do, and life couldn’t be better!

She knows and accepts that my brother, dad, and I are active, practicing Catholics and that she can’t change it. My other brother is not very religious, so he’s looking a little more like her. I’d love for him to be more religious, but he’s smart enough to choose for himself and I’m not going to force him into something.

The great thing about this country is that we have the freedom to worship (or not) as we please. God bless America! :extrahappy:

Maybe as “we” please, but does the “or not” please God. You see, were not talking about what our favorite candy bar is. we’re talking about our very soul, our eternal future, and that of our children. That is not something to mess around with, or pick and choose about. Maybe your parents loved each other dearly and thats great, but what about your brother, looks like he fell thru the cracks. And yes, you should do everything possible, (can’t force him of course) to help him love his Catholic Faith. Most especially pray for him and your Mom. I give your Dad alot of credit, he has tried to do right by you kids.

 

[Memaw]

I may be a little late coming to this conversation. While I do not have marriage on the horizon (STILL waiting for a friend for life), it would have been a NIGHTMARE to grow up in a home with two different faiths present! I know kids can go through much worse (abuse), but I can’t imagine, at six, seven years old, having to pick between mommy and daddy’s church. Feeling guilt because I don’t “love” my dad enough to pick his church, or that I’m shunning and rejecting my mother because I want to go to daddy’s church for the third week in a row.

That’s a traumatic choice no child should EVER be faced with.

I agree and am speaking from experience. My first husband was not raised in any formal religion, never baptized but had a great childhood with love of God in it. While he went to Church with us and never objected to the boys being raised Catholic, it wasn’t until we had our 3rd son that he announced to Fr. at the baby’s baptism that he wanted to learn more about the Catholic Faith. He loved everything he learned and embraced the faith wholeheartedly. When we lost our 5th baby, he couldn’t have been more comforting. But just 4 months later we lost him in an accident.That was devastating. I THANK GOD every day, yes even 45 years later, for my Catholic Faith. We had a wonderful marriage before he converted but the year and 1/2 after his conversion was sooooo much greater. We shared the closeness of faith. Our oldest son made his First Holy Communion just days before his Daddy died.
Later I remarried to a man that was very good in so many ways but he had been raised in a family where the mother was strong Christian and the father ridiculed her faith and family for it. He would not allow her to raise the kids in any church. would not take her to church, she never drove. As a result, my husband was an agnostic underneath all his good characteristics. He never objected to having his kids baptized or even attend Catholic Schools, but he would not allow them to say the Rosary in front of him and many other little things. Like if we were going to a spiritual retreat, he’d offer to take the boys fishing instead. What young boy wouldn’t rather go fishing??? As the boys grew, they realized their Dad was not practicing a faith, and we had been praying for him all along. This caused them much worry as they grew up. My husband had had several heart attacks and we were all afraid he would die without faith. We went thru soooo many trials and heartaches the 18 years we were married, but the year before he died he slowly went downhill, healthwise.(age 46) And 3 weeks before he died, HE ASKED to be received into the fullness of the Catholic Faith. He told his Mom that he knew all along that the Catholic Church was the true one, he could see it in us. He died a very peaceful and holy death with all the sacraments of the Church, he even asked Fr. to be Confirmed. The Kids and I are forever thankful to God for HIS love and Mercy. His Mother said many times that he is in heaven because of the kids and I and our Faith. I shudder to think what night have happened if I have given up on my Faith or just looked the other way. He admitted to me shortly before his death that his Dad’s attitude toward religion is what drove him. I thank GOD he lived long enough to open his heart to the Catholic Faith. There is one TRUE Faith and if you don’t realize that, you do NOT know or understand the Catholic faith very well yourself. Its time to learn. I promise, if you do, you will never regret it.

 

[Memaw]

you endevour to raise your children as best you can in the catholic faith. however children have free will like the rest of us and can refuse to belive or follow and can just decide to follow thier freind Khalid from schools’ religion if they want !

You cannot FORCE your kids to be catholic. you can however educate them and tell them why it is better.

The problems occur if you dont actually think its the best thing in the world to be honest.

And I think the point about daddy going to hell is quite relavant even tho officially the church says no one is in hell where else is he going to be according to church teaching.

The Church does not say that NO ONE is in Hell, (God didn’t make Hell just for something to do, its there for a reason.) The Church teaches us how to avoid going there ourselves and to help others avoid it. And to not judge others. Thats God’s Job.

 

[fellowChristian]

Your faith should be the center of your marriage, your family, and your life.

Because the Faith in a marriage and family should be the air you breathe. It’s not an extra. It’s not something you can compromise. It’s not something you can “work out”. It’s not what you are, it’s who you are.

The Catholic faith should permeate your home 24/7. It should be who you are-- and who your spouse is-- and who your children are.

IMHO seeking to marry outside your faith indicates a lack of understanding of the purpose of the Sacrament and of the Faith itself in some ways.

To be perfectly candid, you are basically opening the front door of your house and inviting heresy into your house for your children to learn. Honestly. While those who are non-Catholic are not “heretics”… being born into their faith… their religion is heresy.

And, I would not willingly bring that into THE most central, intimate, and permanent relationship I will ever have and let it pass on to my children. I have no desire to be at odds with my husband on the most fundamental and important thing in my life-- the Faith. I have no intention to discuss, argue, compromise, or “get along” when it comes to my religion. I am going to live it 24/7/365 and I’m going to live it out loud. And, I will not have anyone in my house living in opposition to the faith-- actively or passively.

And, I am a convert to the faith-- so I’m speaking about my former faith here-- heresy, plain and simple. I’d live alone my whole life before I would compromise my Catholic faith, period.

I think the saddest thing that has happened to Catholicism is that in the last 50 years Catholic identity has been lost, and many Catholics think Catholicism is just another denomination. They don’t see how it could possibly be problematic to marry a non-Catholic since they are “also Christian”. It couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Wow. I agree. I am the only one out of four children who married a Catholic. And I am the only one still practicing my faith. My siblings faith was/is weak.My little brother married an anti-Catholic and has had to ask me to “explain” Catholicism to him so he can defend it to her.

On my husbands side out of four,two married Catholics and continue practicing their faith. After talking to his little sister and telling her she needed to be strong in her faith or else she would lose it she got strong again and soon after her husband converted.But the 4th one is now anti-Catholic he wont even baptize the babies.

Its who ever is stronger in their faith that decides the religion or lack of, in the house.

 

[rusty20]

I’ve been reading through this thread a bit and I think I may be able to add something.

I’ve always heard the phrase:

“A woman marry a man hoping she can change him, while a man marries a woman hoping she will never change.”

While I don’t seek to equate the gender roles in this phrase to religious roles, I think this phrase can be helpful.

In this phrase, you should make sure both parties are like the man. You should be marrying a person happy with who that person is. If you marry a non-Catholic, and your goal is to convert that person, then why bother? I’m not saying everyone who marries a non-Catholic hopes for that person to convert, but I’d guess its not uncommon…

I hope this helps a bit…

 

[Memaw]

I’ve been reading through this thread a bit and I think I may be able to add something.

I’ve always heard the phrase:

“A woman marry a man hoping she can change him, while a man marries a woman hoping she will never change.”

While I don’t seek to equate the gender roles in this phrase to religious roles, I think this phrase can be helpful.

In this phrase, you should make sure both parties are like the man. You should be marrying a person happy with who that person is. If you marry a non-Catholic, and your goal is to convert that person, then why bother? I’m not saying everyone who marries a non-Catholic hopes for that person to convert, but I’d guess its not uncommon…

I hope this helps a bit…

I married two non-catholics and they both converted. And they both died with the Sacraments of the Church. one died instantly an accident but he had been to Confession and Mass the day before and the other of heart failure, with the Sacrament of the Sick for his journey. I am forever thankful for our Catholic Faith, It is what held my children, (7), and I together all these years.

 

[rusty20]

I married two non-catholics and they both converted. And they both died with the Sacraments of the Church. one died instantly an accident but he had been to Confession and Mass the day before and the other of heart failure, with the Sacrament of the Sick for his journey. I am forever thankful for our Catholic Faith, It is what held my children, (7), and I together all these years.

I was referring to those people who marrying someone hoping they will convert, in that I feel they may be marrying someone which they hope that person will someday be. I’m not sure if this was the case ith you or not. but I find it to be generally unwise…

 

[spellinggirl]

Maybe as “we” please, but does the “or not” please God. You see, were not talking about what our favorite candy bar is. we’re talking about our very soul, our eternal future, and that of our children. That is not something to mess around with, or pick and choose about. Maybe your parents loved each other dearly and thats great, but what about your brother, looks like he fell thru the cracks. And yes, you should do everything possible, (can’t force him of course) to help him love his Catholic Faith. Most especially pray for him and your Mom. I give your Dad alot of credit, he has tried to do right by you kids.

My brother has not “fallen through the cracks.” He is 10 years old! The way you make it sound, he is a meth addict on the streets. I will not try to convert my mom. She has made her choice and will not be swayed. I pray for my family every day, but I refuse to force (or try to) someone into the Church. As for my dad, if he had been Muslim and my mother Jewish, he would have acted the same way in raising us in his religion, and I would respect him for his devotion to his religion.

And I definitely do not appreciate you stretching the situation and implying that my mom and brother are going to Hell if they don’t instantly convert. In my opinion, the United States has done well to honor others’ religions and let them worship as they choose. Muslims think that they are doing the right thing, and who is to tell them that they are not? They won’t listen because they have shut out all other religions and focused on theirs alone. Maybe we should do the same.

 

[Memaw]

My brother has not “fallen through the cracks.” He is 10 years old! The way you make it sound, he is a meth addict on the streets. I will not try to convert my mom. She has made her choice and will not be swayed. I pray for my family every day, but I refuse to force (or try to) someone into the Church. As for my dad, if he had been Muslim and my mother Jewish, he would have acted the same way in raising us in his religion, and I would respect him for his devotion to his religion.

And I definitely do not appreciate you stretching the situation and implying that my mom and brother are going to Hell if they don’t instantly convert. In my opinion, the United States has done well to honor others’ religions and let them worship as they choose. Muslims think that they are doing the right thing, and who is to tell them that they are not? They won’t listen because they have shut out all other religions and focused on theirs alone. Maybe we should do the same.

My. My with an attitude like that you will go along way. Please don’t put words in my mouth. By the way, what are you doing on a forum like this anyway if you don’t want anyone to respond to what you write.

 

[awantz]

You can’t technically do this, Awantz. Both faiths promise to raise the children in that faith, hence the problem. Catholics promise to raise their children Catholic, the non-Catholic spouse being informed of this fact.
Showing them both faiths… it would be confusing. Mainly to small children. Either they will take pieces of both, choose neither, or pick one in the end and perhaps feel like they’ve betrayed the parent of the faith they did not choose. shrug I can understand wanting to teach them both, but to show the Truth and something that is not true, and giving the chance to pick what is, I say this with no disrespect, a lie… it’s not something I could risk.

And less about the technicals, I do wish to say that I love your story. You and your husband seem like wonderful people and I am glad that it has worked so well for you.

You’re also very correct. It is a lot of work. Agreed that people of another faith catch things that a Catholic might miss due to taking it for granted. I always forget to cross myself before meals, my deist boyfriend reminds me. He also agrees to come to Church with me, and we spend lots of time talking and discussing faith. If something of a moral issue comes up and is truly important to me, he does yield to my morals. Not because of his faith, but because of his love for me. I pray for his conversion, and will do everything in my power to aid him if he wishes to convert, but I won’t force the teachings on him.

It would be ideal for a Catholic to marry a Catholic. But it doesn’t always work that way. The marriages are allowed, there are processes to go through, and it’s hard. It’s also frightening. I don’t think anyone in an interfaith relationship who cares about their faith took this lightly. Well, it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t care about your faith… so if you care and have taken this step, you took the time to think about it.

It’s not for everyone. Some people simply can’t compromise or deal with it. Some people lie about the way they’ll raise the children, or agree and assume the other will change. But these are characteristics in a person which make them doubtful for marriage to anyone of any faith.

Our faiths are so similar it would not be as confusing as you would think. We already discussed this. Neither faith is more true than the other. I don’t think the process was hard. We don’t do any of that.

 

[rusty20]

Our faiths are so similar it would not be as confusing as you would think. We already discussed this. Neither faith is more true than the other. I don’t think the process was hard. We don’t do any of that.

Now this makes no sense to me. If neither faith is more true than the other (assuming one Catholic, and one protestant, I don’t know your situation), then why even be Catholic.

If you believe that every faith is equally true, then your chosen denomination of faith is meaningless to an extent…

 

[awantz]

Now this makes no sense to me. If neither faith is more true than the other (assuming one Catholic, and one protestant, I don’t know your situation), then why even be Catholic.

If you believe that every faith is equally true, then your chosen denomination of faith is meaningless to an extent…

Excuse Me?!

 

[rusty20]

Excuse Me?!

your post just reminded me of moral relativism. correct me if i’m wrong, but it seems you see no difference in the legitimacy of your faith and your spouse’s faith? In that case, why have you chosen your particular faith? Since both would be equally legitimate?

Perhaps i misread your post tho, if so, i apologize…

 

[Memaw]

Our faiths are so similar it would not be as confusing as you would think. We already discussed this. Neither faith is more true than the other. I don’t think the process was hard. We don’t do any of that.

If you knew very much about either faith, you would KNOW they are not really so similar. No protestant (christian) denomination is similar to the Catholic Faith. While we may believe some of the same things, (The Trinity, Jesus dies for our sins, etc), there is still a vast difference in our beliefs. There is a big difference in the beliefs of protestant denominations, thats why there are soooo many of them, (over 40,000). There is only ONE, HOLY, CATHOLIC and APOSTOLIC Church founded by Jesus Christ, over 2,000 years ago that still teaches the same TRUTHS that Jesus taught the Apostles. The Catholic Church has all 7 Sacraments instituted by Christ, we have Apostolic Succession, the Catholic Church has the authority to Teach, Govern and Sanctify and has the protection of the Holy Spirit, (Infallibility) to keep it from error. And if you would sincerely look into the Catholic Church you would see she still has all these same strengths. In spite of all the false accusations thrown against the Catholic Church, she remains faithful to her mission to go out and teach all nations as Christ commissioned her to do in the TRUTHS HE taught her.

 

[onmyknees]

If you knew very much about either faith, you would KNOW they are not really so similar. No protestant (christian) denomination is similar to the Catholic Faith. While we may believe some of the same things, (The Trinity, Jesus dies for our sins, etc), there is still a vast difference in our beliefs. There is a big difference in the beliefs of protestant denominations, thats why there are soooo many of them, (over 40,000). There is only ONE, HOLY, CATHOLIC and APOSTOLIC Church founded by Jesus Christ, over 2,000 years ago that still teaches the same TRUTHS that Jesus taught the Apostles. The Catholic Church has all 7 Sacraments instituted by Christ, we have Apostolic Succession, the Catholic Church has the authority to Teach, Govern and Sanctify and has the protection of the Holy Spirit, (Infallibility) to keep it from error. And if you would sincerely look into the Catholic Church you would see she still has all these same strengths. In spite of all the false accusations thrown against the Catholic Church, she remains faithful to her mission to go out and teach all nations as Christ commissioned her to do in the TRUTHS HE taught her./QUOTE

AMEN!

 

[awantz]

Memaw;3666913:

If you knew very much about either faith, you would KNOW they are not really so similar. No protestant (christian) denomination is similar to the Catholic Faith. While we may believe some of the same things, (The Trinity, Jesus dies for our sins, etc), there is still a vast difference in our beliefs. There is a big difference in the beliefs of protestant denominations, thats why there are soooo many of them, (over 40,000). There is only ONE, HOLY, CATHOLIC and APOSTOLIC Church founded by Jesus Christ, over 2,000 years ago that still teaches the same TRUTHS that Jesus taught the Apostles. The Catholic Church has all 7 Sacraments instituted by Christ, we have Apostolic Succession, the Catholic Church has the authority to Teach, Govern and Sanctify and has the protection of the Holy Spirit, (Infallibility) to keep it from error. And if you would sincerely look into the Catholic Church you would see she still has all these same strengths. In spite of all the false accusations thrown against the Catholic Church, she remains faithful to her mission to go out and teach all nations as Christ commissioned her to do in the TRUTHS HE taught her.

Well then you don’t KNOW my church very well.