Interfaith Marriage with Progressive Protestant

[Psalm30]

It’s not for sex as we do not have sex anymore (I shared I wanted to be chaste even though our relationship had been extremely sexual for the most of it)

If you’ve been intimate, there has been chemical bonding in your relationship that is blurring your vision. Sex makes you attached, and at this point in your relationship you need to be unattached enough to see red flags and discern whether this is the person you want to marry. You are too attached and are adamantly trying to make the relationship work when it won’t work. The answer is to walk away, but you won’t because you’re bonded.

I realize I’ve been blunt. But I think you need to hear it. I also echo everyone who says she is manipulative. Religion put aside, blaming you for “not explaining the Faith to her enough” is wrong. It’s well within her power to research and study the Faith. The responsibility for educating her about it does not fall exclusively on your shoulders. Will she similarly blame you for other things that go wrong in your marriage? The red flags aren’t limited to religion. The best thing to do is walk away.

 

[TC3033]

So, she told you that she is willing to be dishonest, to stand up before priest, family, parishioners lying when she says " I believe and profess all that the holy Catholic Church believes, teaches, and proclaims to be revealed by God. Not only that, but that most of her friends are also undergoing false conversions?

This goes to the character of the person.

I’m not so sold on that. It happens all the time. I constantly hear stories where the spouse converted merely for their spouse, or because they were told they had to in order to get married.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Tragic that some people get into power at a parish and have not been trained

 

[Psalm30]

I’m not so sold on that. It happens all the time. I constantly hear stories where the spouse converted merely for their spouse, or because they were told they had to in order to get married.

That’s not the way it’s supposed to be. People should convert for no other reason than they believe in Catholicism. It’s incorrect to say one must convert to get married. Whoever says a non-Catholic spouse must become Catholic in order to marry a Catholic is either misinformed or trying to get their way.

I realize some spouses choose to convert by their own free will merely for the sake of their spouse, even if they don’t believe what the Church teaches. However, the Church does not prefer this. Once again, whoever says the Church does prefer it is misinformed.

 

[TC3033]

That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.

It’s incorrect to say one must convert to get married. Whoever says a non-Catholic spouse must become Catholic in order to marry a Catholic is either misinformed or trying to get their way.

I know. To the bolded, we had a thread about the future MIL a week or two ago.

Once again, whoever says the Church does prefer it is misinformed.

Agreed, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I see it all the time.

 

[Psalm30]

I know. To the bolded, we had a thread about the future MIL a week or two ago.

Oh yeah, I remember that one.

Agreed, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I see it all the time.

I now see what you’re saying. The OP’s girlfriend is not necessarily a dishonest person because she may be genuinely misinformed that she would be required to become Catholic in order to marry the OP. I agree with you. However, with all the other red flags in the story…I guess I still think it’s something to potentially be concerned about.

 

[VonDerTann]

Yes to this!

Sadly this is one of the reasons premarital sex is so much of an issue: it causes bonding and we want to stay bonded.

Oddly, much as ripping off a bandaid hurts much more the first time than the second, I think it’s much, MUCH harder to end a relationship where both parties have only been intimate with each other, and particularly where there is some level of devotion to Christianity in the relationship, even if of different faiths: both people probably want to be faithful and splitting up is impliedly acknowledging that you will have more than one partner in intimacy in life - with all that entails…

But that’s no reason to stay in a relationship with the wrong person, which IMHO is exactly what OP is doing.

 

[27lw]

Yes, and on the issue of premarital sex, once people have had this heartbreak experience two, three or more times, you can imagine how jaded and emotionally messed up they are at that point.

 

[OKComputer]

It’s tough, so tough. Sometimes in life we grow and change and that means we might not have the same religious views at 40 that we did at 25. I speak from personal experience here! It’s tough, and you are in my prayers!

 

[VonDerTann]

JPII said that morality is a seamless web, and that’s why all sorts of badness - porn; promiscuous sex; etc., are all related at some level. Not only are they wrong in and of themselves, but they confuse us; cloud our thinking; and make us prone to other errors in judgement.