Invited to same-sex wedding, wwyd?

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JackieMom said:
I know she’s into baking, so we could go for a basket of gourmet baking supplies. Or possibly a unique fruit tree for the yard?

This situation seems like a no-win regardless!
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I would simply not. See my two posts above.

For example – a gift for their yard is well a gift for their yard and it is coming at the time of the “event” so would be seen as related…
 
Bookcat said:
Not attend and not send gift …and not show approval in any way of the “attempted marriage”.

One loves and respects the persons involved as* persons*…but one can not show approval of such (and even for that reason one does not do so)
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a social cut is not a show of respect and I doubt its an act of love either, so that bromide is already a fail.

the friendship is over. so why bother making friends with gays in the first place? why put yourself in a situation where your choices are to follow your personal dictates of faith or hurt a friend? a bad spot. so figure out what kind of social grease is needed to get out of it.
 
Thomas_Jennings said:
I’m a devout Christian…and I would personally say that there is nothing in the Bible that is against homosexuality.
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Your missing various pages it seems. Paul is very serious about such. It is very seriously wrong.
 
Fairwinds said:
a social cut is not a show of respect and I doubt its an act of love either, so that bromide is already a fail.

the friendship is over. so why bother making friends with gays in the first place? why put yourself in a situation where your choices are to follow your personal dictates of faith or hurt a friend? a bad spot. so figure out what kind of social grease is needed to get out of it.
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See the Catechism - one simply cannot approve of a gay marriage. Period.

If a person is a friend -they will know that one is a Christian and that one does not recognize ‘gay marriage’ as a marriage etc.

It would also be acting contrary to the friendship and ones authentic love for ones friend-- to approve of such.
 
Kelfa28 said:
After thinking this through for a few minutes…my advice would be as follows:

Send her a friendship card and a small gift…acknowledging how wonderful of a friend she has been all these years.

Write a lovely note inside that references only the wonderful deeds she has done. Tell her you will be thinking of her. Do not acknowledge the marriage or her relationship with the other woman.
Send her an edible arrangement or flowers or a nice gift and address it to her.

Good luck with this.
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That sounds good!
 
JackieMom said:
I know she’s into baking, so we could go for a basket of gourmet baking supplies. Or possibly a unique fruit tree for the yard?

This situation seems like a no-win regardless!
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It sure is that.

And next…what about when they decide to have a baby?

:eek::eek::eek:

I mean…:eek:
 
I think it’s worth asking, but does anyone really construe a wedding gift as some sort of official statement on behalf of the gift-giver that “I approve of this event and your lifestyle”?

I dunno, I didn’t go through opening my wedding gifts and pause to consider, “Aw, isn’t it sweet that so-and-so approves of our wedding.” Sometimes a gift is just a gift. 🤷

I’m not trying to sound soft on sin or anything. :o I just wonder if people read too much into these things. Maybe I don’t read enough. 🤷
 
Joe_5859 said:
I think it’s worth asking, but does anyone really construe a wedding gift as some sort of official statement on behalf of the gift-giver that “I approve of this event and your lifestyle”?
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Yes.

That is part of the very meaning of sending the gift for the event.

One is “celebrating” the event.

Sending a gift …is well doing the same it is just done when one is unable to attend due to some other reason.
 
Bookcat said:
Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
  • by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
  • by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
  • by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
  • by protecting evil-doers.
scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#V
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Respectfully decline. That’s the only Christian answer.
 
Bookcat said:
See the Catechism - one simply cannot approve of a gay marriage. Period.

If a person is a friend -they will know that one is a Christian and that one does not recognize ‘gay marriage’ as a marriage etc.

It would also be acting contrary to the friendship and ones authentic love for ones friend-- to approve of such.
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some of us shouldn’t ever have gay friends.
 
Any ettiquette book will tell you that it is not necessary to send a wedding gift when one has declined the invitation. Miss Manners refers to idea that invitations require gifts as a “shakedown.” Also, it is not necessary to explain why one has declined the invitation. All politeness requires is that one response to the invitation. Either send back the reply card or if there isn’t one, just send a note declining. The traditional wording to decline a formal invitation would go like this:
Code: 
   Mr. and Mrs. John Smith 
regret that they are unable to accept
Ms. Jones and Ms. Jackson's
   kind invitation for
     Friday, the fourteenth of June
You get the idea. If you use the traditional wording for declining an invition, you will be perfectly polite, and you should not offend anyone. Your reasons for declining are no one else’s business.
 
Bookcat said:
Yes.

That is part of the very meaning of sending the gift for the event.

One is “celebrating” the event.

Sending a gift …is well doing the same it is just done when one is unable to attend due to some other reason.
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Fair enough.
 
If my friend wanted to have an abortion or cheat on his wife --I am not going to approve of such either.

And if I did I would be acting contrary to my friendship as well as cooperating in their sin.
 
Marysann said:
Any ettiquette book will tell you that it is not necessary to send a wedding gift when one has declined the invitation. Miss Manners refers to idea that invitations require gifts as a “shakedown.” Also, it is not necessary to explain why one has declined the invitation. All politeness requires is that one response to the invitation. Either send back the reply card or if there isn’t one, just send a note declining. The traditional wording to decline a formal invitation would go like this:
Code: 
   Mr. and Mrs. John Smith 
regret that they are unable to accept
Ms. Jones and Ms. Jackson's
   kind invitation for
     Friday, the fourteenth of June
You get the idea. If you use the traditional wording for declining an invition, you will be perfectly polite, and you should not offend anyone. Your reasons for declining are no one else’s business.
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good thinking. you’re absolutely right. that would work.
 
Marysann said:
Any ettiquette book will tell you that it is not necessary to send a wedding gift when one has declined the invitation. Miss Manners refers to idea that invitations require gifts as a “shakedown.” Also, it is not necessary to explain why one has declined the invitation. All politeness requires is that one response to the invitation. Either send back the reply card or if there isn’t one, just send a note declining. The traditional wording to decline a formal invitation would go like this:
Code: 
   Mr. and Mrs. John Smith 
regret that they are unable to accept
Ms. Jones and Ms. Jackson's
   kind invitation for
     Friday, the fourteenth of June
You get the idea. If you use the traditional wording for declining an invition, you will be perfectly polite, and you should not offend anyone. Your reasons for declining are no one else’s business.
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Did you not read the OP? There is a 13 YEAR friendship at stake here! This woman has worked with the OP’s husband in a close capacity for 13 years, and she has been close enough to have attended his father’s funeral and sent flowers. She brought food over when the OP had her children. Come on, this friendship is going to take a serious hit if they don’t at least send a gift. If you don’t care about an investment in a work relationship and friendship, then stand on the moral high ground.

I think it’s a shame when we can’t just be decent human beings.
 
Debora123 said:
Send a nice “all purpose” type card (no wedding card), addressing her only and not her partner.

Write something like “Dear SoAndSo, we cannot attend this event due to our religious convictions. We will be thinking of you and we hope you have a happy day. Thank you so much for your friendship and your kindness for the past 13 years.” (Or perhaps take out the first part completely if you think it best not to mention why you are skipping.)

…And with that include a donation to some type of charity you think she’d like, that would mean something to her. For example, if she loves dogs send her a charity donation to a humane society or something.

BTW, this was totally not my idea. LaSainte gave someone else this exact suggestion on another thread and I thought it was perfect! 🙂
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I would be pretty bewildered if a coworker that I was close to and would call enough of a friend to invite to my wedding behaved like that.

The passive-aggressive behavior of only addressing the card to one person is a pretty serious dig. Frankly I would rather this friend just pull me aside and say “I think very highly of you and value the relationship my wife and I have had with you over the years, and I hope that we continue to be close for a long time. I am sorry that I have to say this though but I really don’t know how to navigate your wedding. My religion prohibits me from celebrating a homosexual marriage, but of course my wife and I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I’m sorry if I seem a little awkward about this, but I’m just so torn and trying to walk the line between following my faith and being as good to you as you have been to me and my family”. I would find the honesty refreshing and be happy that he respected me enough to be upfront instead of passive aggressive.

But the idea of giving them a religious gift or giving them a card only addressed to one smacks of self-righteousness.
 
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