Is bullying a big problem where your child goes to school?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Domer90
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True. Bullying is not a new phenomenon, but back in the day, a kid (myself included) could away from it within the safe confines of our home. Now, it has no boundaries.
 
You bring up a good point in that we are unsure of anything that might spread on social media about my son because he is not on social media. He has a cell phone, and when DH and I sat down with the principal in first discussing this issue, he asked whose numbers were on his cell phone. I told him 4: mine, my husband’s, my parents and a very good friend (one he can actually call a friend) from cyberschool. He then asked if he was Instagram, Snapchat and a couple others we never heard of. So, this girl spreading rumors could be using these channels, and we’d never know it.
 
Domer90 said:
You bring up a good point in that we are unsure of anything that might spread on social media about my son because he is not on social media. He has a cell phone, and when DH and I sat down with the principal in first discussing this issue, he asked whose numbers were on his cell phone. I told him 4: mine, my husband’s, my parents and a very good friend (one he can actually call a friend) from cyberschool. He then asked if he was Instagram, Snapchat and a couple others we never heard of. So, this girl spreading rumors could be using these channels, and we’d never know it.
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The bullied child may not be on any of the social media networks, but the bullies ARE. And they have way too many kids to converse with. Wouldn’t it be nice if all those kids they converse with, ignored them on social media. Or maybe bullying ought to be an expelling offense.
 
simonjosiah1 said:
I had the worst time at school, was bullied to death, I remember being hit on the head repeatedly with tennis balls during a p.e lesson, I cried, then a girl took me to the teacher, the teacher then whispered in my ear. Stop attention seeking.

I’ll never forget that, now im 29 I look back on it with utter shock.
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Wow, I’m sorry that happened. 😦 I am repeatedly amazed how adolescents can be so cruel.
steve-b said:
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Domer90:
My son just re-entered the brick and mortar system. And while the problems he’s having are somewhat unique, he has told me about his principal, a priest, calling spontaneous assemblies to address bullying, especially among his freshmen classmates. We’re seeking a transfer for him, and several other kids either have or talked about transferring.

Are schools not handling this problem,
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No
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Domer90:
is it the family not instilling values or both?
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Both
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Domer90:
I would love to hear your thoughts, as I gave a bullying lecture about 2 years ago and it still seems to be tolerated way too much in Catholic schools (sorry, I cannot speak for public).
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It’s everywhere. As father and grandfather of girls as well, they seem to be particularly tough on each other…big time.

I’m stunned how vicious girls can be to another on the target list.
Social media is a huge magnet in that it is soooo popular, therefore, making it much to blame because there are no breaks to what someone says, and news is broadcast far and wide to everyone in seconds… Without reaching kids consciences, showing them the consequences of their bad actions towards another person, hopefully reforming their consciences correctly, then this problem will only get worse. None of the bullies would ever want to be a target themselves.
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Yes. I hate it, I hate conflict and I, as a female, just do not understand why girls are sometimes so mean at that age.

When I was in high school, Facebook and other social media were really only just beginning to take off, but the big deal were the phones. My friend would receive terrible anonymous messages from a blocked number and she couldn’t really do anything about blocking it or finding out who was sending them (it’s a lot easier now to block numbers). That was the worst - we couldn’t actually stand up to anyone because we didn’t know for sure who was sending them. We had our suspicions, but couldn’t prove anything.

Social media is helpful, but I sometimes worry about my 15 year old brother, and for my future children when they get to that age.
 
simonjosiah1 said:
I had the worst time at school, was bullied to death, I remember being hit on the head repeatedly with tennis balls during a p.e lesson, I cried, then a girl took me to the teacher, the teacher then whispered in my ear. Stop attention seeking.

I’ll never forget that, now im 29 I look back on it with utter shock.
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That is really horrible.
Did you talk to your parents when this happened? I know a lot of times, parents are not told by their children when they are being bullied. They only find out when “something happens.”

I know also that sometimes, they don’t say anything because they don’t want their parents going to school and making a “big deal” to the principal for fear it will just make things worse.

If you were my child, I would have been up at that school telling the principal what the PE teacher said to you and asking what was going to be done.

People don’t understand, or at least it would seem that way that no one wants to say anything, or do anything. No one wants to get involved.

With my own son, I asked if I should get a restraining order against one student in particular. They said maybe I should. They later called me back and someone else handled the problem, resulting in my earlier mentioned suspensions and assemblies. The school handbook was also changed and finally had a written policy about bullying from then on.
 
And sadly many teachers are bullied by their students. The students know they can do or say whatever they want and a teacher can basically do nothing about it. It takes an act of congress to expel someone no matter how many times they dog cuss a teacher. I have several teachers friends who live in basically a state of fear
 
I feel so sad at reading the stories here. I received a small amount of bullying playing sports (I was the only Catholic school kid on a public school team), but some of these things are just crazy.

My son just came home from a therapy session (thank you for the kind soul who gave me the directory of Catholic therapists), and he felt that my son was holding up amazingly well with the pressure he is under. He also said there is really no hope that this girl can or will change. Now that her brother and his friends are targeting my son, the therapist feels the line has been crossed from bullying to harassment. On Wednesday, we visit a private Christian school he may be able to attend for the final quarter of his freshman year. If not, to if he doesn’t like it, there is another Catholic high school he can visit and possibly attend, but not until next year.

Sadly, besides bullying, the school is addressing the loss of Catholic identity among the freshman class. There has been a lot of pro-Muslim activists, as my son has also experienced.

Once again, I will keep you all in prayer and I ask if you can spare one for my son. God bless.
 
Hello.

I was bullied throughout school, and I went to Catholic schools. There’s no excuse for it, especially in the case of nuns, priests, and teachers who witness it and either ignore it or excuse it, and in some instances, are the perpetrators.

Just addressing and supporting your child is helpful. My parents pretended it wasn’t happening. Keep fighting this problem, and be sure to document everything you can.

Vicious gossip is a form of murder. It is against the commandment Thou Shall Not Kill.

Please help us Lord.
 
Schools spend so much time talking about bullying and cyber bullying, but I wish they’d start to address what to do if a teacher is the bully. Too often, people treat bullying as a kid and adolescent issue and dismiss their kids too easily when they say that their teacher hates them. But, sadly, some adults are pathetic enough to take their frustrations out on children and it causes much more damage than anything a peer can inflict.
 
I saw this too. At my school the teachers were expected to be responsible for keeping the class under control with no support from management (for example no centralized detention system to refer misbehaving pupils to) and the kid’s took advantage. Some lessons were chaos and it mentally destroyed some teachers.

As an adult I feel less angry with the bullies and more with my schools management for the toxic environment they created and ignored.
 
crenfro said:
Just addressing and supporting your child is helpful. My parents pretended it wasn’t happening.
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I agree, parental support is a really good thing. When it happened to me as a sophomore in high school, I was embarrassed and tried to hide the situation hoping it would go away. The two bullies had been my two best friends the whole previous year. My parents found out after a couple months, and went down to talk with the principal of my Catholic school who accepted that one girl was acting up because she had a very obvious mental illness and was under treatment (this was relatively rare back in the 70s, so she stood out) but totally denied that the other girl who was actually the big instigator was involved. The mentally ill girl also used to call our house about 4 times an evening and just say nothing (this was before Caller ID but we were quite sure it was her as she had a history of weird phone behavior) and finally my dad got on the phone and yelled at her in his booming voice, which made the calls stop.

This was a truly lousy time in my life and I would say it had a lasting impact in making me avoid friendships with women especially, but it would have been so much worse if my parents hadn’t shown themselves to be totally supportive and on my side. My mother always remembered those girls and spoke of them with great disdain for the next 40 years till she passed away.
 
Bullying is a problem everywhere and it’s compounded by the fact that no one can agree on when a situation is bullying. When it’s your kid, even the slightest offense is bullying. When your kid is the offender, it’s obviously just kids being kids. Frankly, it shouldn’t be surprising that our kids don’t treat each other any different than their parents treat other adults.
 
Allegra said:
the fact that no one can agree on when a situation is bullying.
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Um, I think when a kid is being beaten up in school, or on the way to or from school, or subjected to endless social media abuse from a whole group of kids, it’s pretty clear that bullying is going on.
This whole “nobody is sure what bullying is” is a huge cop-out.
It’s pretty darn clear to me.
 
Of course it’s pretty clear to you and to me. But to the other kid’s parents, it’s just not so clear.
“Kids will be kids.”
“My kid wasn’t the first one to share it.”
“My kid gets picked on too.”
“My kid didn’t start it. Other kids were doing it too.”
“You don’t have enough proof that my kid did it.”
“It’s his word against hers.”
“Everyone’s such a “snowflake” these days.”
“It’s none of the school’s business what my kid does at home.”
etc.
 
If I can share something here. I did research and gave a talk on bullying to our church cluster. If anyone would like to see the research I found, I would be more than happy to share. Teachers need to triage the person being bullied and the one bullying. But often, the consequences given are not strong enough to stop the bullying.

In my son’s case, the girl doing the bullying has passed that stage to the point where she is harassing him (the sexual harassment is the easiest to prove). However, her systematically trying to derail potential friendships thus isolating him and continually spreading vicious, untrue rumors is a very cruel form of bullying. Personally, starting in the youngest grades, everyone should have a peer pal who will have another kid’s back, especially is a kid is prone to bullying because of weight, visible or invisible disability.

As I said, I still have my talk saved. I think this is a little more than kids being snowflakes. And the he said/she said garbage needs to be handled and not brushed under the rug.
 
Why don’t schools do more to educate parents? They play a role in this.
 
Have you ever tried to educate a parent who is convinced their child can do no wrong?
 
We’re in that situation now. This is where brave teachers and classmates come into play. But yes, we have had success when son received death threats. Both parents backed down because we had evidence and never accused unless we had it.
 
All that can be done in most situations is the principal says, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but this is how it’s going to be.” Unfortunately, the parents are going to reinforce and excuse the bullying behavior and tell everyone who will listen what a victim they and their child are. I feel that harassing another student should be grounds for expulsion or permanent ISS, but that isn’t allowed by state laws where I live. That has to be done by a judge.
 
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