Is bullying a big problem where your child goes to school?

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Bullying is nothing particularly new, there was a enough of it when I was a kid- I graduated high school in 1974 and attended an inner city public school.

When I was in 8th or 9th grade, I was bullied a bit and it was upsetting.

However, I followed the usual advice given at that point in time. I picked the weakest child of the group that was bullying and pearl harbored him in the school driveway. A short tussle, the school security guard and a teacher broke it up, and that was that. Never got bullied again.

Nowadays, they would have made it a federal case, suspended students or worse, filed charges, you didn’t see that in circa 1970.
 
What’s the saying - about the inmates - running the asylum -
I often wonder at school shootings - they obviously blame the shooter -
but I’m sure - there was untold amount of bullying -that the News doesn’t touch or go near.
A 15 year old fat lovable kid - was pushed down the staircase at school -
he’s now in a wheelchair for life - was interviewed on TV …
he tried to sue the school - good lawyer -
but the school system - it was declared - is NOT responsible - that - was the verdict.
 
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Not only do I see it among the children, I see it among the parents. There are the cool parents and the not cool parents.

The issue of bullying is sometimes clear-cut, and sometimes not.

If someone is being called names, their stuff is being messed with, or they are being threatened, those are clear cases of bullying. I take immediate action.

Issues of exclusion are sometimes perceived as bullying, but may or may not be. Is it fair to make everyone be friends? It’s not like that in the real world. There are certain people we like to be with, and others we avoid.

I have seen many cases where a student would like to be included, but others resist. While I certainly encourage and hope that the student will be included, this is a hard thing to legislate. Can a child decide who attends their birthday party? Do they have to invite everyone in the class?

It’s a tough issue. Sometimes parents hear one story from a child, which is true in their perspective, but may not be true of the big picture.

I honestly believe teachers are doing their best to combat bullying. We cannot make general pronouncement of punishments, so sometimes people don’t know what action is being taken.

Charity begins at home. It is modeled by parents and teachers. Parents should teach their children social skill, discuss how to deal with difficult people, and encourage their child to be kind-hearted. We all need to work on it.
 
I’ve heard of schools that try to force inclusion and I’m cynical. I knew a lady whose daughter was being left out at playtime and the teachers assigned all the kids to small groups, it backfired big time when the kids blamed her for this system being introduced.
 
This approach isn’t for everyone obviously but…,.
Our son was bullied. When the bully grabbed him from behind our son turned around and bloodied his nose.
End of problem.
The dean of discipline called me and told me our son had to do Saturday detention.
I said “ok”.
End of problem.

I have to wonder…how did human beings survive for millenia with this problem of bullying?
 
goout said:
The dean of discipline called me and told me our son had to do Saturday detention.

I said “ok”.

End of problem.
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Back in my school days that wouldn’t have happened. The kid with the bloody nose would have never fingered the other kid.- the “no snitching” code of the school yard.

Of course, if an adult saw the confrontation, there would have been consequences, the identified perp would have just been swatted. Teachers reporting on Saturday to supervise miscreants in detention wasn’t something they would want to do.
 
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A child has to learn how to navigate through life with difficult people. If they can’t do it by high school, they are in for a difficult life. When they move into the world of work there is now money at stake, and people behave even more poorly when money and power are at stake.

You can’t rely on institutions to protect you. Institutions should protect you, but we all know that institutional processes frequently fail. A person should develop simple skills to deal with difficult people.

One skill is firm unrelenting eye contact.
Another is firm and confident speech.
These things take some practice for sure, especially if your child is introverted.

We taught both our kids some of this. Our son had taken martial arts so he was fairly confident and carried himself well. And as I noted above he was able to defend himself if it came to that. Verbally not so much.

Our daughter was the more vociferous of the two, and she honed the ability to dissect someone with her mouth when it was necessary. (she honed that skill on her parents oddly enough. I was left speechless more than once trying to argue with her.).

Children will confront these situations all their lives. It’s part of life and they should develop skills to deal with it. (that’s not an excuse for bullying. Its just a fact of life unfortunately that has to be dealt with)
 
Exact same thing with our son. It took one bloody nose, one detention, never happened again.
 
Amen.

Another thing that seems to be lost, thick skin and a sense of humor.
 
Unless there was a predictable string of behaviors prior to the stair incident, why would the school be responsible? If I go to the shopping mall and shoot up Macy’s, is Macy’s responsible for what I did? If I rob a bank and shove a customer down as I escape, is the bank responsible? And frankly, even if there was a known pattern of bullying behavior, does the school have the authority in that state to remove the offending student? Often times, the most they can do is a ten days suspension. If your child is being assaulted or threatened with assault, the best thing to do is deal with it through legal channels. In most states, the school has to protect the “rights” of the bully as much as the victim. A school isn’t a court. Assault and harassment cases belong in court.
 
Yes. The school was found innocent.

But I’d like to add - Macy’s ?
Schools - have teachers and guidance counselors -
they see these kids every day -
I know their not parents - etc 😂
 
Well, son asked us to leave current school at end of year. His is a strange situation because it is a girl that is, quite literally, obsessed with him. She tries to isolate all other kids from him, claims that “he’s mine,” and verbalizes sexual fantasies. However, she also started a horrible rumor about my son that got back to me from another parent. It got back to my son from several guy friends who are disgusted with this girl. Yet, they won’t cross her because she is a really good volleyball player and taller than most men. My son is tall, so that part of her is not intimidating, but the rumors and her seeing him as a piece of meat was too much for him. Earlier in the year she got disciplined. Now she has others annoy my son by doing small things under the radar (mostly rubbing up against him in the hallway). It’s a blessing and a curse that he is viewed as handsome and muscular. For him, it’s mostly been a curse. But, just got his report card and he has perfect discipline. I can’t ask for better.

Thanks for the replies!
 
Augustinian said:
Bullying is nothing particularly new, there was a enough of it when I was a kid- I graduated high school in 1974 and attended an inner city public school.

When I was in 8th or 9th grade, I was bullied a bit and it was upsetting.

However, I followed the usual advice given at that point in time. I picked the weakest child of the group that was bullying and pearl harbored him in the school driveway. A short tussle, the school security guard and a teacher broke it up, and that was that. Never got bullied again.

Nowadays, they would have made it a federal case, suspended students or worse, filed charges, you didn’t see that in circa 1970.
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Yea, I remember bullying from maybe K4-K9. When you are the target, there is much anxiety. Learning to stand up to bullies is a valuable life lesson. I recall it mostly passed by high school, people had sort of settled into their place in the universe of social heirarchy.

My last fight was 8th grade with a bully who was older but held back. He wouldn’t leave me alone so I finally agreed to meet off school grounds one day. We traded punches, it was a draw, and he never bothered me again.
 
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Monicad, I feel the same about you! Since I am a less social type, I talk with God quite a bit. Any special intentions I write down and are taken to Mass/Adoration. Trust me, I get so much inspiration from my son. God bless you.
 
Interesting. Son’s therapist in this case told him not to stand up to the bully buy rather walk away because it would give him/her satisfaction. Granted, his therapist is very Catholic, and he takes a very Catholic approach. But once again, his advice may come from the fact that my son is overly scrupulous, and he would run to Confession if he defended himself knowing he hurt the other person.
 
Hey, student here. I would say it’s not the kind of “give me your lunch money” or shove-kid-in-locker type bullying. It’s more verbal abuse. Sometimes (maybe 15-20% chance) a bully will threaten to beat you up. I go to a public school so I’m with a mix of kids. I was talking to this one guy from which I was to buy something from and he was like “You better have the money or else you’re going to get hit by it”. I just said ok…I mean I was only buying something worth $3 and he acts like it’s a fortune. In addition, that was a verbal threat. “Get hit by it” typically means that he’s going to shoot you. Do I really think he would shoot me? Of course not. Does he have access to guns? Yeah I know he has a glock. If someone owed him like $20 or something, I’m sure he’d try to fight them easily. In addition to verbal abuse/threats, I think gangs, guns, and edibles need to be cracked down on. I live in a good neighborhood and can easily buy drugs for cheap, buy a gun, and even be recruited into a gang. They are way more kids then you think that have guns and drugs. I have been offered edibles for $2-3 each and a clean unregistered glock for $200. Principles need to have undercover students or something, things are out of hand, it’s been like this ever since I was in middle school and just got worse.
Domer90 said:
Are schools not handling this problem, is it the family not instilling values or both?
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Both. With my experience it’s more of the school’s fault though.
 
Domer90 said:
Interesting. Son’s therapist in this case told him not to stand up to the bully buy rather walk away because it would give him/her satisfaction. Granted, his therapist is very Catholic, and he takes a very Catholic approach. But once again, his advice may come from the fact that my son is overly scrupulous, and he would run to Confession if he defended himself knowing he hurt the other person.
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I don’t think standing up to a bully must equal fighting them, that’s just the option I was cornered into. Boys having a fight also wasn’t a big deal way back then.

Just think through whether there are ways to show resistance without assault involved? The mind and maturity of a bully is what it is. You can’t just wish they were more reasonable and considered.
 
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