Is bullying a big problem where your child goes to school?

[Domer90]

Thank you for your reply. My son has suffered from, literally, scorned girls in his school. So, his experiences have mostly been verbal or the occasional tripping, slapping, trying to push his buttons.

My son wants to be in a religious order. God bless him, because I think he doesn’t have the skills to be a priest, unless he chooses to do that later in life and the Holy Spirit continues to shape him.

He’s been blessed and cursed with nice looks and a nice physique. Having Aspergers, he doesn’t even realize how nor does he want to flaunt that. Starting school, he was coming home with panic attacks because the girls were forward. He’s popular with the guys in his class, but he does not know the art of the comeback. He’s too afraid of getting in trouble or hurting the other person. He hates being known as the “tall, ripped freshman.” He doesn’t like being objectified not does he objectify.

Several girls have tried very poor tactics to get him interested in them. This includes taking nudies of themselves and showing them to my son. At lunch, a girl will call out to him, “Hey, so and so wants to play with your beep (male genital).”

He is really a different kid. Most guys would love the attention. He hates it. He wants girls as friends only. One girl who I think likes him too much has started following him around school because we asked the school to remove him from her homeroom. She tries to discourage him talking to anyone else because she says, “He’s all mine.”

So, we’re back to cyber school until he can handle the stress of the unwanted attention.

 

[Domer90]

The bullying in this case is from a girl. The therapist does not want DS to confront her because she is a loose cannon and standing up to her would give her the attention she craves from him. So, he prays for her and just takes the insults and bears the rumors she started.

 

[Domer90]

I should have made it clear that it’s inappropriate touching (he hates to be touched) where this problem comes in),

 

[Theo520]

And that strategy is working out really well, right? ? ?

When what you are doing isn’t working, it’s time to do something different.

I can only comment in general since the specifics escape us, but somehow you can break the cycle of her ‘pressing his buttons’ to get the reaction she enjoys. She’s doing it for his reaction, not attention.

Maybe it’s just as simple as acting like other kids do when they are touched - no big deal. His skin may crawl on the inside, but can he learn to stop giving her the reaction she enjoys.

 

[Domer90]

And there you see the frustrations of a kid on the autism spectrum. A touch to him is not like a touch to you and me. It’s a condition known as Sensory Integration Dysfunction.

I will use this analogy. Asking him to be like any other kid and just take it is the equivalent of asking someone who cannot walk to just get out of your wheelchair and turn on the light switch.

Further, when the anxiety this causes starts affecting other areas of his life, we need to do what is in his best interest.

 

[Domer90]

I side with his therapist that this girl wants his attention any way she can get it. Multiple male classmates help my son, which is great. If you want to message me, I can fill you in. It’s not been a fun year.

 

[Domer90]

I do thank you for your replies, though. I know you’re trying to help.

 

[Theo520]

I side with his therapist that this girl wants his attention any way she can get it. Multiple male classmates help my son, which is great. If you want to message me, I can fill you in. It’s not been a fun year.

So why not get these male friends to quietly video or record the audio of a couple of their interactions, that would give you evidence.

It honestly sounds like she does it to get a reaction from your son, which is different than attention. The attention she get’s is probably coming from her clique who are also enjoying the spectacle.

 

[Domer90]

@allegra We did consider that option very carefully. Given her volatility and the volatility of her dad (who berated me for things my son did not do to his daughter), we wanted to spare the drama. Also, this girl has been using classmates to convince my son to date her, to get information from her (does he have a girlfriend) and a host of other things.

 

[Domer90]

Actually, they are trying to do this, but a lot happens in the hallways, quickly, before there is a good opportunity. They’ve gotten close. She was suspended for the rumor she started about him.

And I do think she likes him in an unhealthy way. When she found out my son was taking a date to a recent dance, she had a huge meltdown and started screaming and crying. Also, her guy friends from grammar school have shown my son their texts about her wanting to go out with my son and trying to convince my son not to leave.

My son has 2 friends he texts.

 

[Domer90]

Once again, thank you for your suggestions. I can’t include all the details, but it’s pretty much been established by the school that this is the first big crush she has had on a boy. She’s 6’2” and so is my son.

 

[dallas_r]

My son has suffered from, literally, scorned girls in his school. So, his experiences have mostly been verbal or the occasional tripping, slapping, trying to push his buttons.

Yeah, this is pretty common. Girls get out of trouble a lot easier than guys for some reason. I’m sure he has also experienced a popular thing called “smack butt (vulgar version) Friday”. It’s basically where girls and guys have a free for all every Friday to slap each other’s bottoms.

My son wants to be in a religious order. God bless him, because I think he doesn’t have the skills to be a priest, unless he chooses to do that later in life and the Holy Spirit continues to shape him.

Praying for his vocation.

Starting school, he was coming home with panic attacks because the girls were forward. He’s popular with the guys in his class, but he does not know the art of the comeback.

I’m sorry. A lot of students are jerks.

This includes taking nudies of themselves and showing them to my son.

This is terrible. I remember this happening in middle school too.

He is really a different kid. Most guys would love the attention. He hates it. He wants girls as friends only.

That’s good. All high school “relationships” are just emotional roller coasters.

So, we’re back to cyber school until he can handle the stress of the unwanted attention.

I’m sorry, your son, you, and your family must be dealing with a lot of stress. Have you ever spoken to the principal? You will remain in my prayers.

 

[Domer90]

Thank you for your kind comments. Sadly, my son’s freshman year has been a stressful disaster startering with me breaking my leg in 7 places on vacation in an ocean accident (I was not able to attend any of his school orientations or teacher conferences) to my mom suddenly dying the day after Thanksgiving (he was very close to her).

We didn’t think the drama would last this long, but it will last until the very last day of school, I’m afraid.