Thanks for all of the thoughtful replies. I don’t think I can respond to each one individually, but it seems that what I believe is not that different than what I am reading in this thread. But I’ll pick out a few replies for comment…
It almost sounds like you’re looking for a reason not to convert. What I am gathering from your overall premise is, “why bother, Jesus hooked me and I can do a deathbed confession later”.
I am only seeking the truth, and have spent many sleepless nights asking God to show me what to believe. After all, didn’t Christ promise that he would lead us in all truth? But I have to present as persuasively as possible my current understanding of the gospel to see if it is more persuasively refuted. If I am wrong, I want to be thoroughly convinced. I don’t want to wait for a deathbed confession; I want to know that I am in Christ and Christ is in me – now. Are we new creations in Christ or not? Have not the old things passed away, and all things been made new? “Being confident of this very thing, that he which began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).
If you look at Catholicism, it functions in the same way. The legal/ethical structure is very precise. When I read through the postings on this forum, I see questions again and again, 'Am I sinning when I do this, or when I do that? What are the rules around attending a funeral of non-Catholics? Can I go to a Jewish gay wedding? Is it wrong to watch an R-rated movie? Do I have to confess if I had a dream about something sinful?
These are just examples of a much larger body of rules. Don’t get me wrong; we need these kinds of rules. My life verse is John 14:21: "Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” Yes, we need boundaries. But there are times when I do not love God as I should. There may come a time when I am angry at a brother or sister, and that flows over into anger against God. So I decide not to attend Mass. What happens if I get hit by a truck while I am in that state? According to Catholic theology as I understand it, intentionally missing Mass is a mortal sin, so I would go to Hell.
Can people really live like that? Where is the freedom in Christ if I know that at any point in my life I may commit a mortal sin that would disinherit me as a child of God. He knows that I will fail him, and he knows when and to what extent. But if he is a loving Father, and I believe he is, will he not keep me from falling into eternal damnation? I understand that to live in habitual sin is a sign that we have not really closed with Christ. But even if are saved, we are still in a battle with our old nature, and we will fall at times. Yet if we are God’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:10), if our salvation is rooted in his grace, if he saved us while we were still sinners, why should the prospect of some future sin separate us from his love?