Is french kissing ok?

[David_Collits]

I have heard directly from a priest that french kissing outside marriage is wrong: it involves bodily fluids and touches the most intimate parts of our souls.

I have also heard of another priest telling someone I know that it is wrong.

So, we should not do it! It hurts ourselves, the persons with we do it and our future spouses.

Pax Christi,
David

 

[tjm190]

I’m going to assume this has been stated about a million times at this point but-

Pre-maritial sex is a sin
Lust is a sin (for everyone)

Since everyone seems to agree that married couples can “french kiss”, then we seem to be in agreement that french kissing does not necessitate lust- otherwise it would be a sin for married couples as well.

I also haven’t heard anyone say that french kissing inevitably leads to sex- it can, but then again so can an innocent dinner date.

 

[Lorrie]

and touches the most intimate parts of our souls.

Laugh, I don’t know about that. I know that sex touches the most intimate parts of our souls, but kissing only? I suppose you would have to be completely in love with someone for it to do that, and by then I think it would be fine.

Bash me all you want, burn me at the stake and scream that I’m a sinner while your doing it, but I’m sorry, I’m not about to marry someone that I haven’t even french kissed. The idea of spending the next 40 years with someone and not even making out beforehand is laughable to me, at best.

 

[Gerard_Nadal]

Is french kissing ok??

OUI :blushing:

 

[Gerard_Nadal]

Laugh, I don’t know about that. I know that sex touches the most intimate parts of our souls, but kissing only? I suppose you would have to be completely in love with someone for it to do that, and by then I think it would be fine.

Bash me all you want, burn me at the stake and scream that I’m a sinner while your doing it, but I’m sorry, I’m not about to marry someone that I haven’t even french kissed. The idea of spending the next 40 years with someone and not even making out beforehand is laughable to me, at best.

Lorrie,

You are a refreshing soul-mate! You took the words right out of my french-kissed mouth. My wife and I had a good chuckle over this. :dancing::extrahappy::tiphat::clapping:

 

[Mattapoisett64]

I’m going to assume this has been stated about a million times at this point but-

Pre-maritial sex is a sin
Lust is a sin (for everyone)

Since everyone seems to agree that married couples can “french kiss”, then we seem to be in agreement that french kissing does not necessitate lust- otherwise it would be a sin for married couples as well.

I also haven’t heard anyone say that french kissing inevitably leads to sex- it can, but then again so can an innocent dinner date.

Actually -and I’m not saying that I agree with this - but there was a thread some time ago that questioned whether “french kissing” was even allowable *within *marriage – the premise being that that particular act involves body parts doing things outside what the Creator designed them to do (eat, speak), unlike genitalia which were clearly designed with procreation in mind.

 

[Gerard_Nadal]

Actually -and I’m not saying that I agree with this - but there was a thread some time ago that questioned whether “french kissing” was even allowable *within *marriage – the premise being that that particular act involves body parts doing things outside what the Creator designed them to do (eat, speak), unlike genitalia which were clearly designed with procreation in mind.

Well then, why even allow kissing at all? Why permit kissing ANY body part during lovemaking? The answer is that these things add to the unitive dimension of sex, which is coequal to the procreative dimension.

Some evidently suffer from scrupulosity, which is not grounded in authentic spirituality, but is a distortion arising from some emotional trauma in the past.

 

[tjm190]

Actually -and I’m not saying that I agree with this - but there was a thread some time ago that questioned whether “french kissing” was even allowable *within *marriage – the premise being that that particular act involves body parts doing things outside what the Creator designed them to do (eat, speak), unlike genitalia which were clearly designed with procreation in mind.

which of course would also condemn rolling ones eyes or clicking ones tounge

 

[Mattapoisett64]

which of course would also condemn rolling ones eyes or clicking ones tounge

Actually, I wouldn’t see either of those as major moral faults, as the eyes are ordered to the act of seeing, and to see one must sometimes produce rapid eye movements in order to see motion. Tongue clicking somewhat mimics noises made while eating. So, I wouldn’t let either of those trouble me too much. Whistling, however . . . . .

 

[JesusFreak84]

Done it, and I’d put it on the list of Top Five Stupidest Things I’ve Ever Done, Ever. IMHO, if someone can french their date and NOT be tempted to go further, they need to see either a shrink or a doctor, because something’s off. God created those things to end in a marital embrace; He didn’t really put any convenient “stopping points” along the way.

But that’s my opinion at 5AM.

 

[Nec5]

I’m going to have to refer back to the old rule of thumb for these things. It goes something like this.

Is the act something you’d want your daughter to do before getting married?
Would you want to hear about your wife doing this act with someone else before your marriage?

If the answer is no to either of those, then forget french kissing.

 

[tjm190]

I’m going to have to refer back to the old rule of thumb for these things. It goes something like this.

Is the act something you’d want your daughter to do before getting married?
Would you want to hear about your wife doing this act with someone else before your marriage?

If the answer is no to either of those, then forget french kissing.

This might disturb you, but these would not bother me.

 

[John92]

OP that is freakin’ GREAT that he wants to rejoin the Church.

Seriously. I know you already know that it’s great but I just wanted to add that in

You have to be gentle with him though. IME converts/reverts often have some sort of sin that they want to find some way around and still do. It’s your responsibility both as his friend and as a Christian to tell him the truth, but remember to be gentle and explain why the Church teaches what she does! If you’re too harsh he might be driven away.

 

[denialtwist91]

Alright all over the internet are sites that say French kissing and intimate kissing are sinful before marriage. I would disagree and want to explain why. If two people are in an intimate relationship that is leading towards marriage and if the passionate kissing shows no signs of leading you down the aisle of sin. Guys you know when it is a serious problem whether you want to admit it or not. so basically if you can kiss someone passionately that you intend to move forward in marriage with then there is no problem with that. If you are becoming heavily sexually aroused yes there is a problem that is the key point. the thing you have to keep in mind is that you have to be sure not to be disrespecting the person you are kissing. if this is not the case then no sexual contact has taken place and therefore no sin and it could be a temptation or even a sin for someone if it proves to much for them and they become sexually aroused or consistently fall into the same sins because of this. This argument does not apply to heavily fondling or petting because what is going on is sexual in nature. another factor to keep in mind is whether or not scandal is being caused.

 

[denialtwist91]

Done it, and I’d put it on the list of Top Five Stupidest Things I’ve Ever Done, Ever. IMHO, if someone can french their date and NOT be tempted to go further, they need to see either a shrink or a doctor, because something’s off. God created those things to end in a marital embrace; He didn’t really put any convenient “stopping points” along the way.

But that’s my opinion at 5AM.

Hey i just want to say that everyone has different limitations and just because some people have a higher level of self control or the like doesn’t necessarily mean there is something wrong with them. some people might not be able to french kiss and i’ve heard of couples who refrained from any type of kissing and others who refrained from hugging to avoid sin. whatever is needed according to their own abilities should be done. there are obviously some things that are over the top for anyone and if they are being done before marriage it is not love it is lust. french kissing is not one of them. there is a line for everyone and all unmarried couples should find this line and do whatever is necessary to keep from breaking that line.

 

[Curious_Seed]

This isn’t for me, but for a friend, he asked. My gut feeling is no.
Just last night he was telling me I was ridiculous for not wanting to do ‘stuff’ with a girl and etc. I showed him a short video of chastity speaker and all around great guy Jason Evert on youtube…and the reaction was not expected…

All of a sudden he wants to embrace catholic values, in his own words, he was raised a catholic, but never followed it. Now he’s having a hard time explaining to his girlfriend why exactly he has a change of heart and why he wants to stop doing ‘stuff’, so she is putting up natural defences and one question he asked me is french kissing ok??

Please . . . please . . . please . . . WWJD: What would Jason do ?

It’s part of the “stuff” that’s not right, and not because thoughts may be pure [hardly], at the time, or in advance of the time, or after the time.

 

[cathoichelp]

I can give you some perspective from someone who is not Catholic - dating someone who is Catholic.

First of all his approach is important because the relationship existed before he decided this and certain things were already the norm so to speak -
I would advice him to tell his girlfriend or show her what he watched and what he thinks about it - and ask her to take a step back from everything physical for awhile so he can figure it out - It doesn’t mean an end all be all to physical contact of all kinds. But they both need to be comfortable with it. So short term goals work better for people… Ask her to give it a month and they can decide together-

Relationships of any kind are about respect. That is very basic. It doesn’t mean forever this is the rule or they can never kiss again - it just means right now in this moment he needs to figure some things out.

Imagine running at someone screaming the SKY IS FALLING as opposed to saying … I am concerned because I saw something fall from the sky-
that’s extreme lol but its the same principal. People do not do well with sudden change - It makes us insecure. It probably makes her question herself and him.
So you have to take it slowly. And if he wants the relationship to continue while he is figuring it out he probably should make her a part of it rather than giving her directives. Another words its fine to say we need to take a break from the physical and figure this out - as long as THEY are communicating and figuring it out rather than her feeling like she is just having to do whatever he says - when what he is SUDDENLY saying might sound crazy to her.

I am not going to claim it’s easy to have a relationship with someone who’s beliefs are drastically different about certain things. its rather hard at times- But
Truly understanding the teachings of the church - if i should be so bold as to claim I do having not practiced the Faith since I was 20 - chastity is not a selfish thing. You must protect your own chastity but you also protect your partners.
A true Catholic who is waiting for marriage is also respecting his partner. He is doing this out of love - not out of fear.

I would imagine I am much older than him. But in our relationship we are somewhat intimate but I protect his beliefs as well. Because it means so much to him and because I care about him so much. He trusts me. And therefore- we kind of keep each other in check. Not perfectly mind you- but we manage to do ok.
This might be harder for someone who is younger - or someone that jumped into physical before all that trust was there.
I was not at all convinced this was a relationship I wanted to pursue short of friendship so we had months of friendship before anything more ever happened. So love was there - respect was there - mutual understanding was there.
So they need to back track a little and get to that point if they want to stay together.

Everyone doesn’t have to agree on everything but everyone has to be able to respect the boundaries of the other person. It’s possible this is not the best relationship for him if she is truly not ok with it and he is truly set on following these standards.
But tell him to take some deep breathes and take it slow. Talk to her not at her. Asking her to help him figure it out is much different than telling her he has decided this is true and now she can do x and y but never blah blah - that’s unfair. They are both in a relationship. So he needs to be understanding and respectful. And she needs to care about him enough to chill for a little while and figure it out.

Hope that helps… good luck to your friend

 

[brandymmiller]

I really don’t think the church or anyone for that matter has the right to tell us specifically what we can or can’t do in a relationship outside of fornication and other grave sexual acts.

The Church has every right to counsel her charges in godly behavior, and to caution them about behavior that is likely to lead them on a path away from Heaven. My 6th grade RE students once asked me, when learning about the Garden of Eden, “Well, what if you accidentally tripped and stumbled and touched the tree? Would God still kick you out of the garden?” My response to them was the same as I give to you “If you truly love God, and wish to keep your relationship with Him intact, why would you come close enough to the tree that it might be possible for you to trip and fall and touch it?”

The first step to avoiding sin is to know that the tree is there, the second that you are not supposed to eat of it or even touch it lest you die, and the third is to love God so much that you would rather die than go anywhere near that tree on the off chance that you might accidentally touch it. This is not a matter of obeying laws. It is a matter of answering the question, “How much do I love God and what am I willing to forgo in order to show that love to Him?”

Chaste behavior forces you to learn to show affection in completely non-sexual ways, and is the backbone of a long and healthy marriage. You can easily let your girlfriend know how much you care about her by showing an interest in the things she shows interest in, by presenting her with gifts that are thoughtfully and carefully chosen for no other reason than that you were thinking of her, writing her letters throughout the day to let her know she is on your mind, and calling her to ask about her day.

If she has a hard time accepting your lack of physical affection toward her, explain to her that you value her so much that you think she is a prize worth earning and that you want to wait for that until marriage. She may not understand at first, but I promise you she will never forget that kind of consideration. I left my husband when we were first dating because he didn’t get physical with me like the other guys, but I never forgot him and I came back to him because he was the one who valued me enough to treat me with that kind of respect.

 

[Antrim]

The priest will advise you in confession to not do it. It can lead to acts of mortal sin.

Anyrim

 

[LilyM]

The priest will advise you in confession to not do it. It can lead to acts of mortal sin.

Anyrim

For heaven’s sake, so can simply holding hands! So (for some men) can the mere sight of a woman who happens to be wearing high heels. So I suppose we can’t do either of those things either.

People, how on earth are we supposed to know whether or not we’re physically compatible with someone if we never do specifically physical things, possibly including French kissing, with them before marriage?

For that matter, how on earth are couples supposed to have anything approaching a healthy marital life if they go from, to use an analogy, 0 to 100 miles in 10 seconds? From nothing until the priest says ‘I pronounce you man and wife’ to anything-goes-within-reason afterwards?