Is going camping alone with someone of the opposite sex a bad idea?

[MNathaniel]

he asked me to go camping with him and I am just wondering if you think it could be an occasion of sin? … We both still have strong feelings for each other.

And I am just wondering if this man has not a single male friend in the world.

OP, why do you think this man, who has “strong feelings” for a woman who he knows has “strong feelings” back for him, has invited that woman for a one-on-one camping trip, instead of inviting a male friend?

Like others have mentioned, the problem isn’t that you two are technically a male and female. It’s technically possible for a male and female to go camping together without issue; context matters.

But you’ve added context and shared a problem: you and this man had and have “strong feelings for each other.” Strong enough that you suspect this is a near occasion to sin, enough that you posted here about it.

As you’ve mentioned, responses have popped up here from a couple different views. But they’re almost unanimous that you shouldn’t go.

My suggestion would be to look at the profiles of those advising you should go, and see if you tend to think they give good advice on other threads.

We’re all responsible for the advice we choose to follow. You get to choose what you do in the end. Make sure you choose with the eternal well being of this man and yourself (and others) in mind.

 

[MNathaniel]

I would say that the only real question regarding this situation is, “Do you trust yourself?”

As a woman who has been pressured towards things I didn’t want to do by men I thought were trustworthy (friends or seemingly strongly religious), no that’s not the only question.

It takes two to tango.

Not always. And it doesn’t take two to make a secluded vacation alone in the woods very, very uncomfortable.

If you trust yourself to stop the situation if it starts and you are taking actions to prevent the situation (like sleeping in separate tents) then I don’t see the problem.

I am speaking here as a woman who has had trustworthy male friends and, it turned out, untrustworthy male friends. Just because you don’t see a problem, Brother, respectfully: doesn’t mean there isn’t a potential problem.

 

[AlNg]

You say that in the past it wasn’t an appropriate time to discern marriage? Well, maybe this is an opportunity to actually discern. Not act on it, of course, but rather a time to begin to question if marriage may someday be in God’s true plan for you and he.

Correct. You are both single adults in your 30’s who are good friends. My suggestion is that you start talking about marriage and raising a family. Make a decision one way or the other.

, why do you think this man, who has “strong feelings” for a woman who he knows has “strong feelings” back for him, has invited that woman for a one-on-one camping trip, instead of inviting a male friend?

Because he might be in love with the woman and wants to have a bit of time with her. He might be somewhat indecisive. Who knows?

 

[PennyinCanada]

Go to a local park, make a nice fire, have a picnic, then head home at 11pm.
Over night in the woods? I don’t think so. Come on.

 

[MNathaniel]

MNathaniel:

why do you think this man, who has “strong feelings” for a woman who he knows has “strong feelings” back for him, has invited that woman for a one-on-one camping trip, instead of inviting a male friend?

Because he might be in love with the woman and wants to have a bit of time with her. He might be somewhat indecisive. Who knows?

@AINg, your profile self-identifies as Christian but not Catholic. Could you clarify whether you fully agree with the Catholic Church’s teachings about sexuality and chastity (and avoiding near occasions of sin), or don’t fully agree with them?

This might add context to your suggestion that there’s no problem with a woman going to the woods overnight alone with an “indecisive” man who’s definitely “strongly attracted” to her and may also, you speculate, be “in love” with her.

Also, @PennyinCanada said exactly the right thing: if he just wants to spend “a little time with her,” they can go for a daytime picnic in a park.

Why does it have to be the woods, alone, at night, far from anyone else.

 

[Irishmom2]

Because he might be in love with the woman and wants to have a bit of time with her.

Why go camping then? If he doesn’t know what he feels, that is what dating is for, to find out. Not a camping trip where he is with someone 24/7.

This is not a man trying to figure out whether he wants to marry his longtime girlfriend.

This is an indecisive man asking a woman he is also indecisive about, to spend time with him. No, go out to dinner, go to a show or a concert. Go to mass. Go for a picnic and talk. But cramming all of his idea of getting to know someone better all into a camping trip is wrong at this stage— they don’t have a relationship yet, just “strong feelings.” (Whatever that means.)

 

[AlNg]

your suggestion that there’s no problem with a woman going to the woods overnight alone with an “indecisive” man who’s definitely “strongly attracted” to her and may also, you speculate, be “in love” with her.

Look. This was my suggestion:

My suggestion is that you start talking about marriage and raising a family. Make a decision one way or the other.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

Yes, it is a bad idea.

And if you really want to go camping, invite 1 or 2 friends to go with you.

 

[MNathaniel]

Look. This was my suggestion:

AlNg:

My suggestion is that you start talking about marriage and raising a family. Make a decision one way or the other.

As the first commenter asked (top of thread), and the OP confirmed (top of thread), this is the same man the OP has mentioned in other threads.

As per those other threads, they’ve already talked about marriage. And the man has expressed disinterest in raising a family. He’s said he can see himself as a husband but not as a father.

This alone is a red flag from a Catholic perspective. Marriage must be open to life, open to children. Not even to mention the other ways (see again other threads) this man has demonstrated potential instability in his own life and journey that suggests he’s in no place right now to discern marriage. And not to mention that his actions across time towards the OP specifically seem potentially dishonouring of her (using her as an emotional crutch without providing for her needs) and not like a good sign of a healthy marriage in their future.

Going from everything we’ve already been told, to “Let’s go camping alone in the woods together,” is setting off alarm bells for people.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

So, here’s the thing that amazes me: no one would seriously suggest that, if a person is seriously discerning a marriage to Sally, he should do so by going out on a date with Jane. On the other hand, there’s this idea out there (maybe it was more prevalent in the 80’s, but it’s still out there today) that a guy who’s discerning to be a priest should date (“just to see what he really wants”). It’s absurd!

I couldn’t agree more. When I was in college, I discerned the priesthood for a couple of years. I did not date. I knew that would just muddy the waters. Two of the best years of my life, with loads of platonic friendships with what they used to call “co-eds”. And I got a fine education on top of that — no distractions. No down side whatsoever.

I have to wonder how many vocations have been lost by being “half-in-half-out” regarding discernment. Contemporary Catholics, even those totally orthodox in the Faith (and that should be everybody), will wax poetic about how “if you are truly called, your vocation will find you regardless”. I think that’s a bit facile. If you’re that strongly attracted to women and the idea of dating and marriage, that’s probably a good indication that you don’t have a vocation after all. That’s how it eventually unfolded with me.

Traditionally, seminarians were told not to date during summer vacations and breaks. Good advice.

 

[CRM_Brother]

I am speaking here as a woman who has had trustworthy male friends and, it turned out, untrustworthy male friends. Just because you don’t see a problem, Brother, respectfully: doesn’t mean there isn’t a potential problem.

I understand there can be a misjudgment of character. However, that was not the OP. The OP was concerned with both of them falling into the temptation of sin. This sin does, indeed, take two to tango. Being uncomfortable after a ‘no’ is not a sin.

As a woman who has been pressured towards things I didn’t want to do by men I thought were trustworthy (friends or seemingly strongly religious), no that’s not the only question.

I am not trying to sound insensitive because I have also been pressured toward things I don’t want to do by both men and women who I also thought trustworthy. However, outside of rape or psychological manipulation in which you do not want to commit the act but are in a psychological state in which you are unable to say no, then external pressure does not constitute nullification of sin.

It does indeed impact the gravity of the sin via the external pressure diminishing the full and free consent of the will. There is a point when the sin ceases to be mortal due to the pressure, but it is still sin unless the free will has been totally removed from the equation.

By “Do you trust yourself?” I am posing this question, “Do you trust yourself in the virtue of fortitude to resist this pressure?”

 

[Beryllos]

Let me add my voice to the chorus. No!

Two people camping is a kind of forced intimacy. Things that you normally do privately, as, for example, getting up to pee in the middle of the night, require a companion for safety’s sake. (That rule, the “buddy system,” applies whether you’re camping alone in the woods or at a big campground.) 3:00am “Honey, wake up and come with me. I gotta go…”

If you were camping in a group which includes other women, they would be your bathroom buddies.

 

[PennyinCanada]

And if you really want to go camping, invite 1 or 2 friends to go with you.

Ok, that would be very uncomfortable. lol I wouldn’t want to be that friend that goes along.

 

[MNathaniel]

Margaret_Ann:

And if you really want to go camping, invite 1 or 2 friends to go with you.

Ok, that would be very uncomfortable. lol I wouldn’t want to be that friend that goes along.

I’d love to be that friend. But then I disapprove of this man’s conduct on the basis of previous thread posts from the OP and I’d just be thrilled to be a cheerful fly in the ointment of any bad conduct he may have planned or half-planned for such a trip.

Bring on the awkward. I’m ready to be incredibly annoying to this man.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Bring on the awkward. I’m ready to be incredibly annoying to this man.

LOL ! High five!

 

[MNathaniel]

MNathaniel:

Bring on the awkward. I’m ready to be incredibly annoying to this man.

LOL ! High five!

 

[Margaret_Ann]

When I was in high school we did an Outward Bound camping weekend. My parents had to sign a release form so I could go camping. We had 2 adult supervisors and about a dozen students IIRC (this is 30+ years ago, mind you!). It was lots of fun. (And I was able to carry logs back then too!)

 

[Gorgias]

I have to wonder how many vocations have been lost by being “half-in-half-out” regarding discernment.

Yep. I’ve personally seen many examples of it.

Traditionally, seminarians were told not to date during summer vacations and breaks. Good advice.

The way I hear it, back in the 80’s, there was more than one seminary where the advice “go ahead and date and make sure that’s not what you’re called to” was given. (I forget which book I read it was that made that claim.). In any case, I was well within that “discernment age” range back then, and neither I nor any of my friends were discerning, so I can’t speak from personal experience on that front (although I’ve talked with priests who were in seminary back then, and they just kinda nod and roll their eyes when this subject comes up).

But, to the “personal experience” part? I’ve seen many college-age guys who leave seminary in May, filled with excitement about the priesthood, and who don’t come back in September because they “need some time to think about it” (having, coincidentally, met someone over the summer). I know, because I’ve attended their weddings…

 

[redcatholic]

The op could certainly go camping with someone. The reason that this is a bad idea is because she comes here asking the question. Allowing internet strangers to form your conscience shows an immature conscience and someone with an immature conscience and who is confused should not be doing this at all.

OP. Take a gun and some bear spray.

 

[MNathaniel]

By “Do you trust yourself?” I am posing this question, “Do you trust yourself in the virtue of fortitude to resist this pressure?”

Sincere question, Brother:

How do you square the question you’re telling the OP to prioritize, with the commitment we make every time we leave the confessional to:

“… firmly resolve, with the help of [God’s] grace, to… to avoid the near occasions of sin.”

That’s from the Act of Contrition I’m familiar with. We explicitly commit to avoid near occasions to sin. That is, we firmly resolve to avoid pressures to sin, and not seek them out. We don’t jump off a cliff ‘trusting’ angels will cushion our fall. That’s testing God, and we’re not supposed to do it.

Basically, the Act of Contrition in my local area doesn’t end with:

“… I firmly resolve, with the help of [God’s] grace, to… trust myself in the virtue of fortitude to resist pressures I wilfully expose myself to.”

It is with this in mind that I, and it seems like others, are counselling caution to the OP who, from this and previous posts, seems to have reason for concern that this could be an occasion of sin.

I can only repeat, echoing the Act of Contrition: Dear OP, please avoid this camping trip. Yes, based on several factors including your mutual “strong feelings”, and other posts you’ve made about this man, I think this could be an occasion to sin. If he wants to spend more time with you in a chaste way, why not offer a counter-suggestion of going for a daytime picnic in a park? But no secluded night-times alone in the woods.