Well, I broke it off last night and he said that he was going to propose in December… that “November was going to be the last month for his discernment” Anyway, his mixed signals have really turned me off from marriage now, so I’m standing firm in my decision to not go back together.
Oh puhleeeze!
I’ve met this kind. Dismisses your feelings. Strings you along. When you bring it up he shuts down. Makes vague promises. Makes plans that don’t include you, even though you have a right to know. Is content to take you for granted while he hedges his bets or waits to see if there is something better out there. Then when you finally get fed up with his childish games, he announces that he WAS going to do it next month. (Easy to say because he doesn’t have to prove that statement at all.) So that puts all the guilt on you. You now have no one else to blame for the fact that you aren’t getting the ring you wanted next month.
Passive-aggressive to the max here. You DON’T want a man like this. He won’t make any plans, except when you have other plans and then all of a sudden he has plans.
There isn’t a woman alive hardly who didn’t expect the ring when it came. The guys usually give off a signal of eagerness. Their conversation is full of plans for their life together.
Someone who has to go hat in hand to ask mommy and daddy in person for money for his wedding is NOT ready to get married. Just how tied is he to them anyway? This man is not ready to take on the obligations of fatherhood or the responsibility of a family.
Sweetie, you are old enough to get married. You are old enough to make your own decisions. And you proved it last night. Because you also showed you’re mature enough to resist the tug of the “inevitable” no matter how strong it is, and wait for the “preferable.”
You dodged a bullet. A passive-aggressive man who kept you on a string for over a year, making you promises and plans he really wasn’t “sure” of until you voiced other ideas.
An engagement isn’t a surprise party. It’s a serious step in life that you don’t play games with. He never reallly let you in. You stood outside the door of his head guessing what was going on in there. You never could have been united body and soul with a man like that. With a normal man, you’d be telling all your friends you were engaged and showing your ring, not asking strangers on a messageboard whether this man sounded like he loved you and wanted to be with you. But we’re glad to help. We have no dog in this fight and you got a lot of objective advice.
Be prepared that he may be the kind that doesn’t like to be dumped, but wants all the power in a relationship (like he’s had all along.) He may redouble his efforts and come back with all the things he thinks you want to hear to convince you to get back together. Don’t fall for it. You’ve already seen how he acts when left to his own devices. You took away his powerplay. And if he doesn’t hardly show emotion at all at the idea of losing you, that also indicates he really didn’t care that much to begin with.
That deep sigh of relief is the one you didn’t notice came from yourself. Now you are free to be who you really are with someone who may come along who may fall in love and plan some big CHEESY romantic silly proposal with you on the way to a life of true sharing. And you will wonder why you ever contemplated a life with a man who wasn’t your equal in enthusiasm.
And now that you are not dating this young man, I suspect there will be more than a few people who will now come forward with their real opinions of him. Be prepared for that. It may shock you. And they’ll all say “I figured you wouldn’t listen before because you seemed so in love with him but…”
Ask yourself now… were you in love with HIM? Or were you in love with the IDEA of him and the IDEA of being married.
God bless you. You are brave and responsible.
