Is it a liturgical abuse - or even a sin - to renew your marriage vows?

[buffalo]

My husband and I would like to have a reaffirmation of our marriage vows (maybe for our 10th anniversary, 09/01/11), simply because we weren’t married in the Catholic Church since we were both Protestant at the time. While we know that the Church does recognize our marriage as valid and sacramental, it would be nice to reaffirm our vows within a Catholic context.

And since we do renew our baptismal promises, I don’t see the problem with renewing marriage vows, as long as the intent is to emphasize that marriage is a lifelong covenant that cannot be broken except by death.

Ask your Priest about Convalidation.

 

[Phemie]

Ask your Priest about Convalidation.

They don’t need a convalidation, their marriage is already valid and sacramental.

They want to do a renewal of vows which is a perfectly valid rite in the Catholic Church.

 

[wanner47]

Ask your Priest about Convalidation.

Um, no. At the time my husband and I were married (in the ELCA), we were both lifelong Lutherans and it was the first marriage for both of us. Our marriage is valid and sacramental.

But, it wasn’t in the Catholic Church. Since my husband and I are now confirmed, faithful Catholics, we both would like to reaffirm our vows within the context of the Catholic Church, given that the CC has a different perception of marriage than does the ELCA.

We know it’s not necessary for the validity of our marriage, but it’s something we’d like to do, eventually.

 

[japhy]

is it to renew our Baptism? Every time we enter and leave the church?

Making the Sign of the Cross with Holy Water is a reminder of your baptism, and a reminder that you were baptized “into his death” (Rom. 6:3) and “have put on Christ.” (Gal. 3:27) It ties baptism to the Crucifixion and also to the work of the Holy Trinity.

Here’s a bit about the Sprinkling with Holy Water that can take place during Mass (instead of the Penitential Act):Sprinkling with Holy Water
On Sundays, especially during the Easter season, the Penitential Rite can be replaced by the sprinkling of the congregation with Holy Water as a reminder of our Baptism. As this is being done, an appropriate chant is sung which calls to mind the purifying power which God has given to the waters of Baptism. The traditional chant used during the Easter season is the Vidi aquam (cf. Ezek. 47:1-2); outside of the Easter Season, the chant Asperges Me (cf. Psalm 51:7) is used. Yet another chant comes from the words of God proclaimed through the prophet Ezekiel:

“I will sprinkle clean water upon you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will take out of your flesh the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezek. 36:25-26)
When we are sprinkled with the Holy Water, we make the Sign of the Cross again. The Cross and water are two signs explicitly connected to one another by Jesus Christ at his Crucifixion: after he had breathed his last, a soldier pierced his side with a lance, and water and blood flowed forth from his side. (cf. John 19:34; 1 John 5:6) Just as Eve was fashioned from the side of Adam as he slept (cf. Gen. 2:21-22), so too the Church was born out of the side of Christ as he hung in the sleep of death on the Cross. The “living water” (John 4:10) which came from the side of Christ is a sign of Baptism, as the blood is a sign of the Eucharist.

Praying the Mass: The Prayers of the People, p. 41​

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Ask your Priest about Convalidation.

I would assume that the Marriage is already valid, so it does not need to be convalidated.

Generally what will be said is: that the Marriage which took place on September 1 2001 has endured with the Graces received from God through this Sacrament for the last 10 years… specifying that the Sacrament took place 10 years ago.

It may be possible to ask for a Nuptual Blessing, if one has not yet been received for this Marriage.

 

[Miserissima]

At the risk of sounding juvenile, I’ll try…

With traditional marriage under attack on all sides, I would think the Church would welcome the opportunity to recognize and reinforce long-term sacramentally married couples. I don’t understand why re-commiting ourselves to each other would be taboo.

I know that our diocese celebrates “Julbilee Years,” which is not a recommittal ceremony, but is a recognition for the ‘sticking it out’ as vowed.

“Re-committing” connotates that you were, for a period, not committed. Although we may not always be in love for our next “trăm năm hạnh phúc,” or “hundred years of happiness,” we understand that we are no less committed to each other and our marriage throughout the next 100 years.

If, at 25 years, we were told that we had to (or should) rededicate ourselves to our marriage, renew our vows, or recommit to our relationship, I would like to ask, “What on earth for? What have we already been doing? Can’t we just celebrate how far we’ve come, and not imply that we ‘took a break’ for a little while?”

But, as always, YMMV (your mileage may vary).

 

[GodIsGracious]

PLease tell me how do you renew your Baptisimal promises? I thought you could only be baptized once? Can you explain that please? Thank You Nancy

You also do this at Confirmation. I did as an adult. We were asked several questions, I don’t remember them all, to which the response was, “I do.”

One question was, “Do you renounce Satan?” and some others.

 

[Mattapoisett64]

At the risk of sounding juvenile, I’ll try…

I know that our diocese celebrates “Julbilee Years,” which is not a recommittal ceremony, but is a recognition for the ‘sticking it out’ as vowed.

“Re-committing” connotates that you were, for a period, not committed. Although we may not always be in love for our next “trăm năm hạnh phúc,” or “hundred years of happiness,” we understand that we are no less committed to each other and our marriage throughout the next 100 years.

If, at 25 years, we were told that we had to (or should) rededicate ourselves to our marriage, renew our vows, or recommit to our relationship, I would like to ask, “What on earth for? What have we already been doing? Can’t we just celebrate how far we’ve come, and not imply that we ‘took a break’ for a little while?”

But, as always, YMMV (your mileage may vary).

I guess my mileage does indeed vary, because I just can’t agree with the connotation you’ve attached to “re.” The Church invites us in a number of circumstances to renew our Baptismal promises: at the Easter Vigil when the congregation renews their Baptismal promises; when attending a Baptism, where the ritual invites attendees to renew their own Baptismal promises; when a Baptism is celebrated during Mass and the communal sprinkling rite includes the community’s renewal of their Baptismal promises. In none of these is the Church teaching that, for some period of time, those renewing their Baptismal promises “were, for a period, not” Baptized, to quote your line of reasoning.

As I understand the OP, no one is telling them they *should *or had to renew their vows; it was something they wanted to do.

 

[John_Lilburne]

The Book of Blessing has a ceremony with the title “Order of Blessing Within Mass on the Anniversary of Marriage.” It has: “96. Then the celebrant invites the couple to pray in silence and to renew before God their sacred matrimonial commitment to each other.” There is also a ceremony that can take place outside Mass, with the same rubrics, in n. 123.

(Book of Blessings, Liturgical Press, Minnesota, 1989, ISBN 0-8146-1875-8, pages 21 and 30).

This silent renewal seems an appropriate way to do things. I think it is better to call this a “blessing” rather than a “renewal”.

 

[Phemie]

The Book of Blessing has a ceremony with the title “Order of Blessing Within Mass on the Anniversary of Marriage.” It has: “96. Then the celebrant invites the couple to pray in silence and to renew before God their sacred matrimonial commitment to each other.” There is also a ceremony that can take place outside Mass, with the same rubrics, in n. 123.

(Book of Blessings, Liturgical Press, Minnesota, 1989, ISBN 0-8146-1875-8, pages 21 and 30).

This silent renewal seems an appropriate way to do things. I think it is better to call this a “blessing” rather than a “renewal”.

But the Rite of Marriage includes a rite for the renewal of the marriage vows. If our Ritual Books contain these rites nobody should be made to feel that somehow they’re doing something wrong by requesting them. We also shouldn’t read into them things that are clearly not there.

 

[Miserissima]

Well, if it’s in the Book of Blessings, I guess I have to eat my hat.

I just can’t understand how a Sacrament, which leaves an indelible mark upon the soul, a once-in-a-lifetime outward sign of inward grace, can lose its efficacy or need to be renewed. As a PP mentioned, we also renew our Baptismal promises, of which I was unaware. Color me confused:

 

[LilyM]

Well, if it’s in the Book of Blessings, I guess I have to eat my hat.

I just can’t understand how a Sacrament, which leaves an indelible mark upon the soul, a once-in-a-lifetime outward sign of inward grace, can lose its efficacy or need to be renewed. As a PP mentioned, we also renew our Baptismal promises, of which I was unaware. Color me confused:

How long have you been Catholic for, Mis?

Put it this way, each sacrament is a covenant between us and God as well as a gift of graces of various kinds by God to keep that covenant.

That’s why baptism involves promises, which promises are repeated at confirmation. That’s why confession involves a resolve (effectively a promise) to refrain from future sin. That’s why the Eucharistic wine is called the ‘blood of the New Covenant’ in Our Lord’s own words. Marriage too is a covenant, between the couple and God. Certain promises are made by the couple to each other and to God.

Now a covenant is only as good as ALL parties to it make it. While it is true that the grace God offers us through each sacrament is infinite and that God for His part doesn’t flag, it is NOT true that our own commitment to OUR side of the sacramental covenant (which is what the marital vows represent) is always as strong as it might be. We periodically break all of them to a greater or lesser degree.

Hence the benefits of periodically renewing our marital vows, baptismal promises, the Eucharistic covenant and the promises we make to God in confession. The benefits are for our sake, as fickle and changeable human beings we DO benefit from these reaffirmations of our sacramental commitments.

 

[Miserissima]

I don’t think I can break down my last post any further than I already have, except I didn’t say “thank you” for the instruction I received here.

Thank you for your answer; I am going to assume this was not meant to be inflammatory:

How long have you been Catholic for, Mis?

 

[Phemie]

I don’t think I can break down my last post any further than I already have, except I didn’t say “thank you” for the instruction I received here.

Thank you for your answer; I am going to assume this was not meant to be inflammatory:

I hope it wasn’t meant to be inflammatory; I took the question be a reasonable one based on your statement that you didn’t know that we renewed our baptismal promises. Considering that we do that every year at the Easter Vigil as well as when we are confirmed and any time there is a baptism during Mass it would seem that a cradle Catholic would be well aware of it. Then again, there are things that I didn’t realize until they were explained to me when I was in my late 40s so anything is possible. I knew why we did the sign of the cross for example, but the use of Holy Water and the Sprinkling Rite, the meaning of the Paschal Candle etc. had to be explained to me: Symbolism is not my strong suit.

 

[stbruno]

Congratulations to you. What better way to honor the sacrament of marriage but at mass. In fact, we renew our covenant of marriage each morning we wake up. So know this, there are only graces given to us when we recognize the sanctity of the vows we professed years ago…and we should mark the milestones as well. Yes, there is prayer for such occasions in the book of blessings of our faith. So Congratulations! You are an example in the world today that believes that marriage is not defined as between one or man and one woman…and that it is better to cohabitate rather than marry in a sacramental tradition. May God grant you another 25 years together as well surrounded by loving family and friends and in good health. Amen.

 

[wanner47]

I don’t think I can break down my last post any further than I already have, except I didn’t say “thank you” for the instruction I received here.

Thank you for your answer; I am going to assume this was not meant to be inflammatory:

Obviously I cannot speak for Lily, but I am sure she meant no offense. There are a large percentage of Catholic converts on this board, so it’s usually not safe to assume that someone who identifies as Catholic is a cradle Catholic. (And sometimes even cradle Catholics weren’t raised in the faith).

 

[JanetF]

In our Archdiocese (St. Louis), there is a recognition of couples on a yearly basis, and then sometimes individually, if we let the priest know we are celebrating and which Mass we are going to, invite family, etc, then he will offer a blessing. However, this is just part of one of the regular masses during Sat/Sunday, not a specially requested Mass (like an actual wedding).

We might have a party honoring the occasion. We better be headed for a honeymoon to Hawaii, since we’ve never had a honeymoon! 25 years in 2011

 

[LilyM]

Obviously I cannot speak for Lily, but I am sure she meant no offense. There are a large percentage of Catholic converts on this board, so it’s usually not safe to assume that someone who identifies as Catholic is a cradle Catholic. (And sometimes even cradle Catholics weren’t raised in the faith).

I certainly meant no offence of any kind. Apologies if I caused any. Quite the contrary, I was, as wanner has said, wanting to know whether or not you were convert or cradle so that I could tailor any future response accordingly.

 

[Among_Strangers]

Why do vows need to be renewed?

Mr. Anderson, your wife complains that you never tell her you love her.

I told my wife I loved her on our wedding day. That was 35 years ago. If I change my mind I’ll let her know.

 

[stbruno]

Mr. Anderson, your wife complains that you never tell her you love her.

I told my wife I loved her on our wedding day. That was 35 years ago. If I change my mind I’ll let her know.

Are you related to Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof??? His wife asked him in a song, do you love me??