Is it acceptable for a priest to YELL and then HANG up??

[ready]

I too would feel uncomfortable going to such a priest for the sacrament of reconciliation. To me this sacrament is a sacrament about love and forgiveness and I couldn’t get myself to having a priest give me the sacrament who yelled at me and hung up the phone on me without an apology from him or without him making at least some sort of reparation for his actions toward me however small. Even just a sincere Christ-like smile would do. To me he’s supposed to represent Christ and behave Christ-like. If we don’t expect such behavior in our priests, then who should we expect Christ-like behavior from?

I don’t think we should treat those who were offended against as having sinned either. We should be offering this Poster relief from her confusion on how she should respond in her difficult situation…not make things worse for her and put the blame on her. She’s given no indication of being false.

The poster knows if she mentioned the story of the priest yelling and hanging up to her family for selfish reasons or not. I have no indication that she did this for foul reasons. I would be sinning to impute unworthy motives to her.

I hope you, Poster, don’t harbor a grudge against this priest. It will only make things worse. Just seek a new parish…or talk things over with him if you can. God will see you all through.

 

[jp2weloveu]

If we don’t expect such behavior in our priests, then who should we expect Christ-like behavior from?

We should expect it from ourselves first and foremost.

I would be a little more wary about judgement of a priest that hasn’t even had his say. But that’s just me, I’ll let the bandwagon of attack roll on by…

 

[forever_always]

I too would feel uncomfortable going to such a priest for the sacrament of reconciliation. To me this sacrament is a sacrament about love and forgiveness and I couldn’t get myself to having a priest give me the sacrament who yelled at me and hung up the phone on me without an apology from him or without him making at least some sort of reparation for his actions toward me however small. Even just a sincere smile would do. To me he’s supposed to represent Christ and behave Christ-like. If we don’t expect such behavior in our priests, then who should we expect Christ-like behavior from?

I don’t think we should treat those who were offended against as having sinned either. We should be offering this Poster relief from her confusion on how she should respond in her difficult situation…not make things worse for her and put the blame on her. She’s given no indication of being false.

The poster knows if she mentioned the story of the priest yelling and hanging up to her family for selfish reasons or not. I have no indication that she did this for foul reasons. I would be sinning to impute unworthy motives to her.

I hope you, Poster, don’t harbor a grudge against this priest. It will only make things worse. Just seek a new parish…or talk things over with him if you can. God will see you all through.

Thank you. =]
And nope, no grudges really, because you’re right, it does make things worse. Thank you for your thoughts and insight. And I agree with you with what you said about reconciliation =\

 

[forever_always]

Because you said it happened just one time. Which seems, taken singularly, like a trivial thing rather than something that should literally drive someone out of a church. You said that you preferred the subject church because it was more traditional than another. Hence I would reason that there are things about the other church that you may not like or find unpreferable. I think that it’s unlikely for any of us to find anything perfect in the world…

Okay, thanks for clarifying!
We did originally favor this church because it was more traditional. However, there is another church a little further away that is even more traditional! They even have mass in latin once a month! =] We will see what happens though… Josh and I want to attempt to speak to father at least one last time. He hasn’t answered his phone (we wanted to make a sit-down appointment) and before this phone call we had been trying to make a sit-down appointment with him since Oct. sigh

 

[jp2weloveu]

IWe should be offering this Poster relief from her confusion on how she should respond in her difficult situation…not make things worse for her and put the blame on her. She’s given no indication of being false.

Yes, yes, yes. Let us all be compassionate in encouraging you to go forward with your decision and leave the church. By all means leave it immediately. And if something at the other church offends you - well then leave that church too. Go join the LDS or maybe JW’s aything that can - at least temporarily - make you feel good. (I say this sarcastically of course)

Is that compassion? Is that concern for people’s salvation? The church has the fullness of the faith and the sacraments, no matter the disposition or cordiality of the priest. That truth alone is much more important than our own feelings. If I remember correctly, the OP said that this was both out of character for the subject priest and a singular event.

With all of the stones flying around here I guess there are a lot of people around who have no sins of their own…

 

[jp2weloveu]

Josh and I want to attempt to speak to father at least one last time. He hasn’t answered his phone (we wanted to make a sit-down appointment) and before this phone call we had been trying to make a sit-down appointment with him since Oct. sigh

Well God bless you for having some concern. I don’t know if the priest is an intolerable ogre or a misunderstood saint. But I think that it’s wonderful for both you and your fiance to address this with him face to face with charity and love. Then whatever happens, no one gets the wrong idea.

Good Luck! - Check out NFP before the honeymoon… Like NOW

 

[JimR-OCDS]

And again, we are not a “religion of the book” - the priest has the right to make a pastoral decision about this - it is not up to the couple to go through Church law and decide their own case.

The priest has a say in this, and he has made his wishes clear.

The priest has to follow canon law. He can’t tell the person that he’s going to have Joe Schmucatelli as his sponsor, because he’s the priest best friend, and therefore, the catechuman can’t have his own brother, as long as his brother meets the requirements, specified by canon law.

Either way, the priest should be able and willing, to provide reasons for his decision, in a charitable way.

Jim

 

[forever_always]

Yes, yes, yes. Let us all be compassionate in encouraging you to go forward with your decision and leave the church. By all means leave it immediately. And if something at the other church offends you - well then leave that church too. Go join the LDS or maybe JW’s aything that can - at least temporarily - make you feel good. (I say this sarcastically of course)

Is that compassion? Is that concern for people’s salvation? The church has the fullness of the faith and the sacraments, no matter the disposition or cordiality of the priest. That truth alone is much more important than our own feelings. If I remember correctly, the OP said that this was both out of character for the subject priest and a singular event.

With all of the stones flying around here I guess there are a lot of people around who have no sins of their own…

Ahh, because that is the easy answer, right? You think that this is what I want? The easy way? Wow… I really think you have… er… misread my posts… you seem to have a bad opinion of us!!

It did happen once to us. I never said it was out of character for the priest, as I havent had much experience with him…if you looked at my other posts you would see that we don’t attend mass at this parish regularly… and the only other stories that we have heard about him from other parishoners involved women, which is not the topic of this thread. So sure, we don’t know him all that well, but if we are not happy at a parish, is it so wrong to want to find a church we are more comfortable in? Where we feel that the priest would care to listen to us? Care to hear out sins? When he can’t even hold a phone call, why would he care to listen to confessions?

(On a side note: If you have looked up LDS and JW you would know that these are not really feel good religions… try the more modern protestant branches)

 

[forever_always]

Well God bless you for having some concern. I don’t know if the priest is an intolerable ogre or a misunderstood saint. But I think that it’s wonderful for both you and your fiance to address this with him face to face with charity and love. Then whatever happens, no one gets the wrong idea.

Good Luck! - Check out NFP before the honeymoon… Like NOW

HAHAHAHA yes, I have looked into NFP, and have started charting. It is a little confusing at times, but… hehe, that’s a different thread topic =]

 

[forever_always]

The priest has to follow canon law. He can’t tell the person that he’s going to have Joe Schmucatelli as his sponsor, because he’s the priest best friend, and therefore, the catechuman can’t have his own brother, as long as his brother meets the requirements, specified by canon law.

Either way, the priest should be able and willing, to provide reasons for his decision, in a charitable way.

Jim

I agree.

At another parish, I am my brother’s Confirmation sponsor in his CCD class… they had no problem with that. I am a practicing Catholic and in full Communion with the Church.

 

[jp2weloveu]

The priest has to follow canon law. He can’t tell the person that he’s going to have Joe Schmucatelli as his sponsor, because he’s the priest best friend, and therefore, the catechuman can’t have his own brother, as long as his brother meets the requirements, specified by canon law.

Either way, the priest should be able and willing, to provide reasons for his decision, in a charitable way.

Jim

I don’t see where the priest designated Joe Schmucatelli to be the sponsor, but I did see from a link in your previous post that sponsors are to “be a catholic who has been confirmed and has received the blessed Eucharist, and who lives a life of faith which befits the role to be undertaken”. Are you judging what befits the individuals in their rolls (from here?), and suggesting that the pastor was deficient in his pastoral duties?

Do you think it possible that the pastor may be of the mind that sponsors who are engaged to be married do not necessarily “befit the role to be undetaken”?

I agree that it should be discussed, in a charitable way, by all parties.

 

[forever_always]

I agree that it should be discussed, in a charitable way, by all parties.

Agreed… well I think that is obvious! =]

 

[JimR-OCDS]

jp2weloveu;

I don’t see where the priest designated Joe Schmucatelli to be the sponsor, but I did see from a link in your previous post that sponsors are to “be a catholic who has been confirmed and has received the blessed Eucharist, and who lives a life of faith which befits the role to be undertaken”. Are you judging what befits the individuals in their rolls (from here?), and suggesting that the pastor was deficient in his pastoral duties?

Nope, I’m saying the pastor has to follow canon law. He also should’ve explained his reasons for not allowing the fiance to be a sponsor. Maybe he has a really good reason. I can see lots a reasons why this would be a good idea. For one, what if they couple breaks up before they’re married? What sort of sponsor can the fiancé be then?

Do you think it possible that the pastor may be of the mind that sponsors who are engaged to be married do not necessarily “befit the role to be undetaken”?

Might be. But why not just explain it that way?

I agree that it should be discussed, in a charitable way, by all parties.

Well at least we agree on this.

Jim

 

[ready]

To JP2WELOVEYOU:

Are you suggesting that the Poster or her fiance did not possess Christ-like behavior with the priest or with others first throughout this whole mess. If you do, you are being rashly judgmental and un-Christ-like firstly yourself. You are assuming bad motives in this O.P. and her fiance. And as for the band-wagon you speak of, these Posters are not judging the priest but the wrongful behaviour (yelling and hanging up) of this priest. Love demands a just response. The Original Poster wants to know if it acceptable for a priest to yell and then hang up and wanted to know what she should do now that her fiance is in this difficulty. Of course what the priest did is wrong behavior. Under no circumstances are we to vent aggression on an innocent person with an innocent inquiry. It would be wrong in any of us! Am I to assume that the fiance was guilty just because he wasn’t the priest? You are wrongly assuming that people other than the person doing the yelling and hanging up is at fault. Am I to call the fiance a liar? That would make me a rash judge.

You are seeing sin where there is no sin. A big mistake…if not a very sin on your part. We are to defend the defenseless indeed. But where no sin is…we are not to call a sin. And where there is an honest wrongdoing we are called to recognise it as wrongdoing with honesty and fairness. The Poster has not shown any wrongdoing. Just a need for some dire assistance.

 

[fbl9]

When i came back to the Church and my wife joined the church at the same time.I was told by my priest that i couldn’t be her sponsor(for RCIA),i can’t remeber the why but it was explained to me.We had no issue with doing it this way our priest even suggested that i should also attend the classes as well.
Now if what was done in your case was done in mine there might have been a good chance i wouldn’t have stayed in the church. Now with a firmer knowledge and faith it is a certainity that i wouldn’t have left regardless of how rude the priest may have been.
within a forty mile area around where i live the six parishes are served by the one and same priest.So opting for a mass that was further then that away is really out of the question.Especially since my parish church is only 7 miles away.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Foever Always,
I have to ask. Is this parish the parish you will belong to, after your married?

Also, do you know this priest? Is he generally a good priest?

If so, maybe you could give him some slack.

If I left every parish I belonged to, because of a priest with a bad disposition, I would’ve run out of parishes by now.

Jim

 

[ready]

To JP2WELOVEYOU:

Are you suggesting that the Poster or her fiance did not possess Christ-like behavior with the priest in conversation or with others first throughout this whole mess. If you do, you are being rashly judgmental and un-Christ-like firstly yourself. You are assuming bad motives in the O.P. and her fiance. And as for the band-wagon you speak of, these Posters are not judging the priest but the wrongful behaviour (yelling and hanging up) of this priest. Love demands a just response on our part. The Original Poster wants to know if it acceptable for a priest to yell and then hang up and wanted to know what she should do now that her fiance is in this difficulty. Of course what the priest did is wrong behavior. Under no circumstances are we to vent aggression on an innocent person with an innocent inquiry. It would be wrong in any of us! Am I to assume that the fiance was guilty and provoked the priest? You are wrongly assuming that people other than the person doing the yelling and hanging up is at fault. Am I to call the fiance a liar in his retelling of his story? That would make me a rash judge and culpable.

You are seeing sin where there is no sin. A big mistake…if not a very sin on your part. We are to defend the defenseless indeed. But where no sin is…we are not to call a sin. And where there is an honest wrongdoing we are called to recognise it as wrongdoing with honesty and fairness. The Poster has not shown any wrongdoing. Just a need for some assistance.

 

[forever_always]

Foever Always,
I have to ask. Is this parish the parish you will belong to, after your married?

Also, do you know this priest? Is he generally a good priest?

If so, maybe you could give him some slack.

If I left every parish I belonged to, because of a priest with a bad disposition, I would’ve run out of parishes by now.

Jim

It was one that we were considering.

I don’t know him that well, as we have been church hopping trying to find the church that was best for us. He has said some things during a homily that make me question him sometimes, and some of his actions have made me question him. But these actions were never directed at me, so I didn’t feel that I could judge (not knowing the whole story).

I agree with you on that… but I don’t want to be treated poorly. I want to be able to talk with a priest, and be able to go to confession to him and to bring up issues with him WITHOUT the feeling that if I ask a question, I’ll get yelled at.

 

[forever_always]

When i came back to the Church and my wife joined the church at the same time.I was told by my priest that i couldn’t be her sponsor(for RCIA),i can’t remeber the why but it was explained to me.We had no issue with doing it this way our priest even suggested that i should also attend the classes as well.

If that was the priest’s decision, I would have no issue with it either… what made us curious however, was that it was so sudden and that he couldn’t seem to tell us why. =\ Which is why we wanted to talk to him about it all.

 

[fbl9]

If that was the priest’s decision, I would have no issue with it either… what made us curious however, was that it was so sudden and that he couldn’t seem to tell us why. =\ Which is why we wanted to talk to him about it all.

What i wanted to say was basically that this behavior by this priest could been enough of a “scandel” to turn your spouse and you from the church…and btw it is not his (the priest’s) church it is Jesus’s.That part was what sent a red flag up to me in regards to this priest.