Dear Forever,
Would your fiance and you be more inclined to forgive your pastor for his unfortunate choice of words (“my church” instead of “the parish I shepherd”) and his abruptness, if you knew that he’d been up much of the night at the bedside of a dying parishioner, or that his own sibling is 1000 miles away and suffering and he, your pastor, can’t leave the parish to be a brother, or that 15 seconds before you called he found out the parish can’t make payroll or the overdue insurance payment that week and he has only a few hours to go begging, or that the parish secretary made a huge mistake affecting his ministry and he has five minutes to fix it so as not to hurt a group of people, or that he was suffering from gout or arthritis or hypoglycemia or depression or ulcers, or that his car won’t start and there’s a burial service in 15 minutes ten miles away and two other parishioners are pacing outside the rectory office demanding to talk with him today, or that he skipped lunch because of parishioners’ needs and now has a huge headache … ??? Easier to forgive, if you realize he struggles to be perfect and some days it’s just too hard?
So when you’re a mom and are harried or tired or overburdened, and you snap at a neighbor or friend or daughter or husband unreasonably, would you not want them to forgive you for being unreasonable or simply imperfect now and then, and would you hope they would not “peg” you as an ogre just because you were one for two minutes?
If you and your fiance can only forgive conditionally – that you’ll forgive only if there were extenuating circumstances – then I challenge the two of you to read and reflect on Jesus’ words about loving unconditionally …
And I challenge you and your boyfriend to “let go” of this picayune incident and NOT DEMAND that the priest make time out of his very busy schedule to meet with you, just so you can express your woundedness because he is sooo imperfect, just so you can feel better. It is simply impossible for a priest to “heal” individually with each and every parishioner demanding it. That is a selfish expectation on your part. Please reflect on the last time you were cold or disrespectful or impatient or indifferent (or whatever) to the cashiers in the supermarket. How’d you react if each cashier demanded that you make time for them so they can express their woundedness to you?
Yes – there was also a mistake made about not making the sponsor policy clear. Maybe the RCIA leader didn’t know – or wasn’t paying attention during a particular workshop – or perhaps she’s new and made some assumptions – or that Father made some assumptions she knew the policy. Guess what – people make mistakes. That’s life. The Church is a microcosm of the world – with all its imperfections, mistakes, weaknesses, sins, injustice, misunderstandings, confusion, woundedness, etc. We choose how to respond to the situations we confront – as Christians, we’re called to respond in charity – and we’re called to forgiveness when we don’t. Your pastor has probably already confessed his rudeness to his confessor.
And please stop nurturing the mentality in yourself and in your fiance that our faith is based on our feelings or on attractiveness of personality (priests’ or others’) or on whether or not you feel affirmed or “wronged.” Reflect on St. Paul’s letter to the Philippians – chapter 4:4-9 about looking for the good in your pastor and in others. Demanding a meeting with your pastor won’t bring you peace – and I suspect that’s not what you’re truly seeking. Do as St. Paul instructs – that will help you to know the peace of Christ.
Let go. And thank God your pastor said yes to his vocation, and be grateful to your pastor for the suffering he endures because of it. You don’t have to like him all the time. Just love him.
and has lost many parishners:bigyikes:
.