Is it acceptable to be a provider husband?

[Xantippe]

**What I don’t understand is why a woman who doesn’t enjoy staying home doesn’t just start working at a job she enjoys. **It is not morally wrong for a woman to work outside the home. Many women do it and it is best for their family. For me it’s better being home. I have worked as needed throughout my marriage and I make a steady income through sewing and crochet as well as child care. Some people consider that working from home, others consider it a housewife, others say stay at home mom. To me it’s just what works best for my family. I don’t understand how vile discussions turn in regards to the way a woman parents or whether she’s home or away during the day. Find what works and do it. It just doesn’t make sense to complain about what another family decides is best for them or even about how much it isn’t working for yourself unless you take action to fix it. If it’s not working, fix it. But don’t project your unhappiness onto everyone else. Not everyone is alike and I don’t think in the US there is any one thing currently considered the ideal. In some countries it is considered ideal to have a wife at home. In some countries a working wife is considered ideal. In the US both are culturally acceptable and morally equal. Individual families need to decide that themselves and it really is no one else’s place to try to sway them one way or the other.

My mom worked full time days. My dad farmed during the day and worked nights (2nd shift usually, sometimes 3rd) as a police detective. Dad carried us on his back in the fields as babies doing what many men during those days thought was being Mr. Mom. He cooked, did most the cleaning, most the child care, because he was home when it needed done. It worked for them. It would not work for my family. There isn’t just one way to have a catholic family. If it works for you then that is what is best.

OP, don’t rush into marriage. Be choosey and don’t settle for less than what you are comfortable with. Yes, a catholic husband should be the provider but that doesn’t just mean monetarily. Men should beyond all else provide love, support, respect, joy, laughter and peace. As long as those things are provided he has done his job well. If you are also able to be the provider monetarily so be it. A wife should be your partner in life and take care of the things you provide. As caretaker if that means she must work outside the home in order to properly care for the family, than so be it. Find a woman that shares your values and the rest will fall into place.

Well, a lot of mothers can’t actually afford to work, even if they would like to. That was definitely true of me when I was a young mother. Theoretically, I could have made a little as a mother of one, but by the time we had two small children, it would not have worked economically. And even today, with two big kids in school and a 3-year-old at home, I suspect the same is true–I would need to make way more than is currently realistic to cover the cost of putting our youngest in daycare full-time.

thesocietypages.org/socimages/2014/05/22/stay-at-home-mothers-on-the-rise-among-low-income-families/

And, as it happens, I don’t want to put our 3-year-old in full time daycare. I’m pretty comfortable with full-day pre-K for 4-year-olds, but not full-day preschool for 3-year-olds. That’s my particular comfort zone.

So, under those circumstances, it’s not unreasonable to “run out the clock” and just wait until it’s time for pre-K or K.

A lot of women also probably have only the haziest idea of what kind of work they would enjoy.

I agree with the stuff in your last paragraph about how a husband ought to be more (and to see himself as more) than just a paycheck.

 

[St_Francis]

Is crocheting really that economically valuable as a skill? (I’ve seen a lot of UGLY crocheted items over the years.)

Yeah, the 70s were not good for crocheting… I gave it up for decades as a result! But now people are doing prettier and more interesting things, and a person who can do both can chose whichever one works better, because knitting really does work better for some things!

Also, are home sewing and knitting really an economic plus these days? I know that it could be emotionally satisfying to make stuff and you might be able to make things that you can’t find in the store or online, but (purely economically) is there any actual savings involved over buying from the Carter’s clearance rack or Walmart?

There are probably some things which would balance out economically, but not everything is about economics. As Blue-Eyed Lady says, very helpful for gifts But also for little things: you have a plain top, you can spend just a short time sprucing it up and making it really super! For a low-lying v-neck, you can make something which allows you to keep and wear it!

And for people without a lot of money, being able to spend under $5 and be able to have something to do, and something nice to show for it is an important thing to be able to do, because sometimes not having money gives people a feeling of powerlessness and despair.

Another thing is that you then have something to work on but easily interrupted while doing something else: watching children at the playground, watching tv, etc.

(I suppose home hemming and curtain making could save a lot.) Families today just don’t spend a lot on clothing, so there isn’t a lot to be saved by the home production of clothing, even if we could count mom’s labor as costing nothing, which I don’t think we should.

Even when it comes to making very basic curtains, one needs to have experience under one’s belt (btdt!).

The particular activities I listed need a fair amount of start-up time: they are not activities you can pick up and do well at. I can figure out how to re-wire a lamp or fix a pipe, and it will work even tho I haven’t spent a lot of time doing either, but crocheting, knitting, and sewing each require a fair amount of time spent practicing and getting good at. Crocheting and knitting can be learned with a ball of yarn (I recommend inexpensive cotton yarn because it feels better than inexpensive acrylic yarn) by doing something over and over, then unraveling it, then learning something else, and unraveling. (This is how I learned to knit, btw.)

Plus, most yarn shops have an afternoon or two when they welcome people to just sit and stitch, which helps meet other women and helps give someone to ask questions of as you learn. However, this can be difficult to do after one starts having children.

I think you can make a much better case for gardening and household repairs (and of course, cooking).

Did I mention preserving food? I meant to…

My list was not meant to be comprehensive, but to be a sample of helpful things which it is much easier to learn before having children

And I know some people are better gardeners than I am, but I don’t think I have really made back the money I’ve spent on seed alone over the years… To me, gardening is a lovely but fairly expensive hobby!

 

[Xantippe]

Yeah, the 70s were not good for crocheting… I gave it up for decades as a result! But now people are doing prettier and more interesting things, and a person who can do both can chose whichever one works better, because knitting really does work better for some things!

There are probably some things which would balance out economically, but not everything is about economics. As Blue-Eyed Lady says, very helpful for gifts But also for little things: you have a plain top, you can spend just a short time sprucing it up and making it really super! For a low-lying v-neck, you can make something which allows you to keep and wear it!

And for people without a lot of money, being able to spend under $5 and be able to have something to do, and something nice to show for it is an important thing to be able to do, because sometimes not having money gives people a feeling of powerlessness and despair.

Another thing is that you then have something to work on but easily interrupted while doing something else: watching children at the playground, watching tv, etc.

Even when it comes to making very basic curtains, one needs to have experience under one’s belt (btdt!).

The particular activities I listed need a fair amount of start-up time: they are not activities you can pick up and do well at. I can figure out how to re-wire a lamp or fix a pipe, and it will work even tho I haven’t spent a lot of time doing either, but crocheting, knitting, and sewing each require a fair amount of time spent practicing and getting good at. Crocheting and knitting can be learned with a ball of yarn (I recommend inexpensive cotton yarn because it feels better than inexpensive acrylic yarn) by doing something over and over, then unraveling it, then learning something else, and unraveling. (This is how I learned to knit, btw.)

Plus, most yarn shops have an afternoon or two when they welcome people to just sit and stitch, which helps meet other women and helps give someone to ask questions of as you learn. However, this can be difficult to do after one starts having children.

Did I mention preserving food? I meant to…

My list was not meant to be comprehensive, but to be a sample of helpful things which it is much easier to learn before having children

And I know some people are better gardeners than I am, but I don’t think I have really made back the money I’ve spent on seed alone over the years… To me, gardening is a lovely but fairly expensive hobby!

There’s a very funny memoir called “The $64 Tomato” where the author tells the story of his very, very expensive organic gardening.

I suspect my grandparents’ gardening was economically a big success, but they had a cattle ranch, and so were able to use a real tractor (!) to till their garden every spring and had access to pretty much unlimited free cow manure. Not to mention lots of free rain.

We’ve done herb gardening in a small way, and I suspect we have done very well, although we probably wouldn’t be buying all that dill, rosemary, mint, cilantro and basil to cook with if we didn’t have it growing in our back yard.

 

[bitterhope]

I’ve heard other people say that they can’t afford to work but I’ve never really understood that. There are so many ways around the “cost of working” or else me working minimum wage jobs with six littles wouldn’t have been any help to pay off a bill but that’s exactly what I do when needed. You can switch out shifts with your spouse like my parents did, or switch child care days/times with another working mom, or child friendly job. I’ve done both if those where I found another mom needing a break with daycare costs and we just watched each other’s kids. Another job I brought my kids with me. Yes, there are still employers that go for this. It’s very possible to come up with solutions if you think outside the box. And working part time wouldn’t require full time care. Also, people will state that they can’t afford to work while others state they can’t afford to stay home. In truth, just about anyone could find the way to do either if they stopped trying to conform to their perception of “society’s ideal” and instead lived according to their means. It doesn’t take $100,000 to make it worth working or to afford staying home comfortably. All it takes is living within your means and determination to do what’s best for each family member. Deciding to do things differently if need be opens up a world of possibilities and solutions.

I don’t think anyone should allow themselves to feel trapped into staying home. It’s not good for anyone including the kids. It is a labor of love that not everyone is cut out for. It’s not right to paint such ugly and negative pictures of being a housewife or of the women that are called towards that lifestyle. It’s not fair to make staying home seem like an impossible to reach goal that very few people are able to achieve successfully. It’s not any requirement to live one way or the other and it’s not wrong to find your own way in life. If change is needed, make changes and not excuses. Find solutions instead of finding justifications for staying trapped. Working part time while a child is in pre school or even volunteering during that time doesn’t cost anything more than is already being paid. And “paying to work” would be worth every penny if it brought satisfaction to a mom who is not getting that at home. Kids pick up on our emotions and they shouldn’t ever feel they are the cause of mom feeling stuck. They shouldn’t feel like a burden or a problem. I know quite a few people that have experienced that and it’s not a good way to grow up. I’m not saying anyone here is doing that, but it does happen and shouldn’t.

 

[Lorelei12]

Hi everyone, I was wondering, is it Catholically permitted for a man to provide for his wife?

There are a couple of reasons why I’m asking. First, not having been married before, I didn’t know if maybe there is a rule against it. Also, I’d always been taught that the husband should provide for his wife, and if/when the day comes that I am married to someone, I’d expect to (and be happy to) take care of my wife financially.

Also, is it common for women in their 20’s to want their husband to fully provide for them? I ask because it’s not something that typically comes up in normal conversation, so, I was wondering what Catholic women in their 20’s who want to be married one day feel about having their husband as the full provider?

Husbands and wives figure out what works for them. There are no rules about this.

My husband and I have both been through layoffs. Many people don’t have a lot of job security these days. Because of this, I have realized how important it is that I keep my skills up with at least part time work. We need the money I bring in now anyway, but even if we didn’t, it scares me to think that something could happen to him like a layoff, an illness, injury, or worse, and I would have no way to support our family.

I always wanted to be a SAHM. Things change I guess. I think this is something that any family should consider- what would happen in the event of a layoff, illness, injury, death? Do we have enough life insurance? Do we both have necessary skills to run the household? Do we both know how to take care of the kids? Can we both find employment?

It doesn’t matter what anyone here thinks- it will matter what your future spouse thinks. But I think it is important to consider that sometimes what we think we want or what we think is realistic changes when we get married or when we have children, or when we get laid off, or when any number of things happen, so it’s important to marry someone who is willing to just face life in general with you, and do whatever it takes, whether that’s paid employment or not, to do what is best for your family at any given time.

 

[Xantippe]

I’ve heard other people say that they can’t afford to work but I’ve never really understood that. There are so many ways around the “cost of working” or else me working minimum wage jobs with six littles wouldn’t have been any help to pay off a bill but that’s exactly what I do when needed. You can switch out shifts with your spouse like my parents did, or switch child care days/times with another working mom, or child friendly job. I’ve done both if those where I found another mom needing a break with daycare costs and we just watched each other’s kids. Another job I brought my kids with me. Yes, there are still employers that go for this. It’s very possible to come up with solutions if you think outside the box. And working part time wouldn’t require full time care. Also, people will state that they can’t afford to work while others state they can’t afford to stay home. In truth, just about anyone could find the way to do either if they stopped trying to conform to their perception of “society’s ideal” and instead lived according to their means. It doesn’t take $100,000 to make it worth working or to afford staying home comfortably. All it takes is living within your means and determination to do what’s best for each family member. Deciding to do things differently if need be opens up a world of possibilities and solutions.

I don’t think anyone should allow themselves to feel trapped into staying home. It’s not good for anyone including the kids. It is a labor of love that not everyone is cut out for. It’s not right to paint such ugly and negative pictures of being a housewife or of the women that are called towards that lifestyle. It’s not fair to make staying home seem like an impossible to reach goal that very few people are able to achieve successfully. It’s not any requirement to live one way or the other and it’s not wrong to find your own way in life. If change is needed, make changes and not excuses. Find solutions instead of finding justifications for staying trapped. Working part time while a child is in pre school or even volunteering during that time doesn’t cost anything more than is already being paid. And “paying to work” would be worth every penny if it brought satisfaction to a mom who is not getting that at home. Kids pick up on our emotions and they shouldn’t ever feel they are the cause of mom feeling stuck. They shouldn’t feel like a burden or a problem. I know quite a few people that have experienced that and it’s not a good way to grow up. I’m not saying anyone here is doing that, but it does happen and shouldn’t.

Depending on the circumstances, both sets of people might be right–some can’t afford to work, and some can’t afford to stay home.

You were mentioning earlier that you couldn’t understand why women are SAHMs if they don’t like being SAHMs. I explained that they may not be able to afford to work. In your recent post, you offer a number of solutions (take kids to work, switch shifts with spouse, trade childcare with another mother) but I would like to point out that those are primarily solutions for mothers who just want more income–they aren’t actually very helpful to mothers that find being home with children stressful and/or depressing. In fact, a lot of women (including myself) would find them much more stressful than just being at home with one or two of their own children.

Also, there’s the tax issue. I haven’t done the calculations, but aside from childcare expenses, federal taxes would take a bigger bite out of my hypothetical earnings than from yours, so I need to earn more per hour in order for it to be worthwhile to me. Plus there’s the complicating issue that my husband can earn a much higher hourly wage than me from doing extra work. Conservatively speaking, I would have to work five hours (and gum up my family’s logistics) to earn the same amount that my husband can earn in one hour.

With regard to mothers that say they have to work and can’t afford not to–that could easily be the case under somewhat different circumstances. Here are some examples:

–mom has good health insurance and dad doesn’t
–mom’s job would provide practically free college for the kids
–mom earns more than dad does
–dad’s industry is unstable and prone to mass layoffs

As you were saying, different families are different.

My youngest is in parents’ day out a whole whopping 11 hours a week. That gives me just enough time to catch up school email, check the big kids’ grades online, make important phone calls, catch up laundry, do minor home projects, do a big run to the grocery store, run errands, get a haircut, see the doctor, do a mammogram, see the dentist, have a lunch date with my husband, etc. I’d be nuts to hand those precious hours over to an employer.

 

[Xantippe]

Husbands and wives figure out what works for them. There are no rules about this.

My husband and I have both been through layoffs. Many people don’t have a lot of job security these days. Because of this, I have realized how important it is that I keep my skills up with at least part time work. We need the money I bring in now anyway, but even if we didn’t, it scares me to think that something could happen to him like a layoff, an illness, injury, or worse, and I would have no way to support our family.

I always wanted to be a SAHM. Things change I guess. I think this is something that any family should consider- what would happen in the event of a layoff, illness, injury, death? Do we have enough life insurance? Do we both have necessary skills to run the household? Do we both know how to take care of the kids? Can we both find employment?

It doesn’t matter what anyone here thinks- it will matter what your future spouse thinks. But I think it is important to consider that sometimes what we think we want or what we think is realistic changes when we get married or when we have children, or when we get laid off, or when any number of things happen, so it’s important to marry someone who is willing to just face life in general with you, and do whatever it takes, whether that’s paid employment or not, to do what is best for your family at any given time.

Right.

 

[1990Domer]

Perhaps I can explain how this concept worked for my family. When I had DS (after a horrible outcome with my first pregnancy), my OB asked if I could afford to quit my job. I enjoyed my job, the people, the challenge, etc. However, I did not want to bury another child. I quit in my fourth month. I was horribly sick from this pregnancy, and my rascal came 6 weeks early, with complications. There was no way I could do my job well and worry about another caring for him given his medical problems. Then, the developmental problems hit. That sealed the deal on my returning to work. Granted, I knew mom’s who had special needs children and worked, but I didn’t love work so much to go back and not help my son.

We gave up every supposed luxury there was. I did therapy with him, took him to appointments, read a lot, learned from his therapists, advocated, etc. When son rested, I was on the phone arguing with insurance providers, the intermediate unit, the school district, you name it. I still do this. DS is now 13. Many ask why I haven’t gone back to work. Well, I used my second major to learn tax prep and financial planning. It’s more a hobby. However, DH said to me this weekend that the money that I have probably saved the family by looking over every bill and explanation of benefits to see if we are getting the coverages and services we deserve is much more than we would put out on my potential take-home pay (talking net income).

There was a couple different articles I read. The first told a story about how a spouse’s career was positively impacted by a spouse that stayed home because he/she could go to work and not use work time to deal with personal issues. The second told about how little items became big expenses when two spouses worked (this being on top of daycare). In this article, the couple was losing money by having two spouses work.

Am I totally content? Far from it. Why don’t I change things around? Honestly, because the work I feel I do now will give me the best way to get my family to Heaven and maintain a calm household, which is something my DH desires (actually, I think we all do).

 

[Xantippe]

Perhaps I can explain how this concept worked for my family. When I had DS (after a horrible outcome with my first pregnancy), my OB asked if I could afford to quit my job. I enjoyed my job, the people, the challenge, etc. However, I did not want to bury another child. I quit in my fourth month. I was horribly sick from this pregnancy, and my rascal came 6 weeks early, with complications. There was no way I could do my job well and worry about another caring for him given his medical problems. Then, the developmental problems hit. That sealed the deal on my returning to work. Granted, I knew mom’s who had special needs children and worked, but I didn’t love work so much to go back and not help my son.

We gave up every supposed luxury there was. I did therapy with him, took him to appointments, read a lot, learned from his therapists, advocated, etc. When son rested, I was on the phone arguing with insurance providers, the intermediate unit, the school district, you name it. I still do this. DS is now 13. Many ask why I haven’t gone back to work. Well, I used my second major to learn tax prep and financial planning. It’s more a hobby. However, DH said to me this weekend that the money that I have probably saved the family by looking over every bill and explanation of benefits to see if we are getting the coverages and services we deserve is much more than we would put out on my potential take-home pay (talking net income).

There was a couple different articles I read. The first told a story about how a spouse’s career was positively impacted by a spouse that stayed home because he/she could go to work and not use work time to deal with personal issues. The second told about how little items became big expenses when two spouses worked (this being on top of daycare). In this article, the couple was losing money by having two spouses work.

Am I totally content? Far from it. Why don’t I change things around? Honestly, because the work I feel I do now will give me the best way to get my family to Heaven and maintain a calm household, which is something my DH desires (actually, I think we all do).

Yes, that’s very important in my calculations, too–keeping chaos at bay as much as possible.

Even with just three children and one full time job, our household has a lot of moving parts, a lot of plates in the air, and it’s hard to keep them up. Every so often, I drop a plate.

There’s no way that I would willingly add more chaos to our life right now.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Is it acceptable? Odd question. I knew from since I was a little boy that it is the way it should be. Not that women should not work. If I ever got married and my wife loves her job, I am not going to try to take that away.

What on earth would make you question if it is permitted for a man to provide for his wife in The Catholic Religion? Unless I am missing something…

The words “Husband” and “Provider” should always go hand in hand. I understand sometimes the woman is the provider these days but I am talking about besides the rare exceptions.

What do you mean by husband and provider go hand in hand. Provider of what? Is the wife a provider of something?

 

[Allegra]

Depending on the circumstances, both sets of people might be right–some can’t afford to work, and some can’t afford to stay home.

You were mentioning earlier that you couldn’t understand why women are SAHMs if they don’t like being SAHMs. I explained that they may not be able to afford to work. In your recent post, you offer a number of solutions (take kids to work, switch shifts with spouse, trade childcare with another mother) but I would like to point out that those are primarily solutions for mothers who just want more income–they aren’t actually very helpful to mothers that find being home with children stressful and/or depressing. In fact, a lot of women (including myself) would find them much more stressful than just being at home with one or two of their own children.

Also, there’s the tax issue. I haven’t done the calculations, but aside from childcare expenses, federal taxes would take a bigger bite out of my hypothetical earnings than from yours, so I need to earn more per hour in order for it to be worthwhile to me. Plus there’s the complicating issue that my husband can earn a much higher hourly wage than me from doing extra work. Conservatively speaking, I would have to work five hours (and gum up my family’s logistics) to earn the same amount that my husband can earn in one hour.

With regard to mothers that say they have to work and can’t afford not to–that could easily be the case under somewhat different circumstances. Here are some examples:

–mom has good health insurance and dad doesn’t
–mom’s job would provide practically free college for the kids
–mom earns more than dad does
–dad’s industry is unstable and prone to mass layoffs

As you were saying, different families are different.

My youngest is in parents’ day out a whole whopping 11 hours a week. That gives me just enough time to catch up school email, check the big kids’ grades online, make important phone calls, catch up laundry, do minor home projects, do a big run to the grocery store, run errands, get a haircut, see the doctor, do a mammogram, see the dentist, have a lunch date with my husband, etc. I’d be nuts to hand those precious hours over to an employer.

I know several people for whom both statements are true simultaneously. One of my coworkers found out that she and her husband were getting full custody of his three children and that she was pregnant with twins in the same week! She suddenly has three children under kindergarten age that require full-day care and two that require after hours care at school. She is basically working for free for the next four years, because all of her income is going toward childcare. However, she can’t afford to quit and stay home because she would lose the benefits of the job (health insurance, retirement, life insurance, etc) and there’s no guarantee that she would be able to get back in after the kids are all in school.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

What do you mean by husband and provider go hand in hand. Provider of what? Is the wife a provider of something?

What I mean by “Husband and provider go hand an hand” is that when a man starts a family, he should provide for them. What is complex about that? He works and feeds his family. No good husband does not provide for his family.

Sure the wife provides too. She could work too or be a Stay at home mom. These days there are stay at home dads and some love it. The wife is the provider in those cases.That is not something I would want for myself though but I don’t judge those that do that. Just not for me, not that I even know I wil ever get married one day.

 

[Xantippe]

I know several people for whom both statements are true simultaneously. One of my coworkers found out that she and her husband were getting full custody of his three children and that she was pregnant with twins in the same week! She suddenly has three children under kindergarten age that require full-day care and two that require after hours care at school. She is basically working for free for the next four years, because all of her income is going toward childcare. However, she can’t afford to quit and stay home because she would lose the benefits of the job (health insurance, retirement, life insurance, etc) and there’s no guarantee that she would be able to get back in after the kids are all in school.

Ay yay yay!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

What I mean by “Husband and provider go hand an hand” is that when a man starts a family, he should provide for them. What is complex about that? He works and feeds his family. No good husband does not provide for his family.

Sure the wife provides too. She could work too or be a Stay at home mom. These days there are stay at home dads and some love it. The wife is the provider in those cases.That is not something I would want for myself though but I don’t judge those that do that. Just not for me, not that I even know I wil ever get married one day.

Hmmmm well, since you are not married let me fill you in on what a marriage is from experience. I am a stay at home dad. We have five kids. I homeschool. Prior to marriage and even after it my wife and I both worked. I was an accountant for a while then we both worked in the biotech field as scientists. When our first child was born we knew that one of us should stay home. We knew each other well, we communicated well. We looked at drive, future earning potential, finances, personality type etc and concluded that I should stay home. I have done this for ten years. I love it. I “provide” a safe house for my kids, quality Catholic instruction for my children, support and love to my wife etc. but that is not even the problem with your post anyway. Any stay at home parent of which most are women are “providers”. My wife has a God given talent and so do I. She is more than a child making machine, she offered industry changing science. She is incredibly gifted with intellect.
And love.
Classifying men as providers is disrespectful to the things people who stay home “provide”
You sure can have a healthy marriage with traditional gender roles but you should be in complete agreement. I don’t " work" for money or bring home the bacon. Do you think I am lacking in my providing for my children or wife. They sure don’t.
A marriage is to help each other achieve heaven. It is a team effort. And it is one directed to the happiness if both spouses.
What does your view say if the men, the vast majority of husbands and fathers who provide less than my wife does. As a scientist she was top of her field, as a business woman now she is better and more successful than many of her counterparts.
Your view causes her to have a constant fight for respect and equality in the lab and in the boardroom.
Many of her coworkers share your view. Sure it is buried deep down in this day and age but it is still there. And she will continue to provide better than they do, and I will continue to educate my daughters and son on what it means to be a holy wonderful productive child of God no matter thier vocation

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Hmmmm well, since you are not married let me fill you in on what a marriage is from experience. I am a stay at home dad. We have five kids. I homeschool. Prior to marriage and even after it my wife and I both worked. I was an accountant for a while then we both worked in the biotech field as scientists. When our first child was born we knew that one of us should stay home. We knew each other well, we communicated well. We looked at drive, future earning potential, finances, personality type etc and concluded that I should stay home. I have done this for ten years. I love it. I “provide” a safe house for my kids, quality Catholic instruction for my children, support and love to my wife etc. but that is not even the problem with your post anyway. Any stay at home parent of which most are women are “providers”. My wife has a God given talent and so do I. She is more than a child making machine, she offered industry changing science. She is incredibly gifted with intellect.
And love.
Classifying men as providers is disrespectful to the things people who stay home “provide”
You sure can have a healthy marriage with traditional gender roles but you should be in complete agreement. I don’t " work" for money or bring home the bacon. Do you think I am lacking in my providing for my children or wife. They sure don’t.
A marriage is to help each other achieve heaven. It is a team effort. And it is one directed to the happiness if both spouses.
What does your view say if the men, the vast majority of husbands and fathers who provide less than my wife does. As a scientist she was top of her field, as a business woman now she is better and more successful than many of her counterparts.
Your view causes her to have a constant fight for respect and equality in the lab and in the boardroom.
Many of her coworkers share your view. Sure it is buried deep down in this day and age but it is still there. And she will continue to provide better than they do, and I will continue toiducate my daughters and son on what it means to be a holy wonderful productive child of God no matter thier vocation

Are you really comfortable with being a stay at home dad? I ask because you got all offended for something you only think I said, not something I actually said.

Well, I am most likely going to be The main provider if I ever am blessed enough to start a family. Just like my Grandfather was. So, I will classify myself as Husband/Provider regardless if it offends you or not. Did you also not read the part where I said “Sure a woman can provide either as a worker or stay at home mom?” Did you not read where I said I do not judge stay at home dads? I just cannot imagine it for myself. It is right up some guys alley, but not mine.

I work in construction and there are sometimes women who work in the trenches with us. You do not understand my view so do not accuse me of making anything harder on your wife. I love my union sisters out there in the field with us working hard.

Also I never said you do not provide for your family as a stay at home dad and no I do not think that either. Everything offends everyone these days… sheesh.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Are you really comfortable with being a stay at home dad? I ask because you got all offended for something you only think I said, not something I actually said.I’m quite comfortable with it thanks for your concern. I wouldn’t do something for ten years I wasn’t comfortable with! I enjoyed a few hours of snuggle time this morning and then after homeschool the kids are playing and napping. My life is fulfilling, and extremely blessed.

Well, I am most likely going to be The main provider if I ever am blessed enough to start a family. Just like my Grandfather was. So, I will classify myself as Husband/Provider regardless if it offends you or not. Did you also not read the part where I said “Sure a woman can provide either as a worker or stay at home mom?” Did you not read where I said I do not judge stay at home dads? I just cannot imagine it for myself. It is right up some guys alley, but not mine. I am a provider as well. Your understanding of what a wife is will hoipefully change. As well as your view of women and their worth. This is extremely important if you have daughters someday. But you will have to grow in your understanding of this as you age in life and have the experience of marriage.

I work in construction and there are sometimes women who work in the trenches with us. You do not understand my view so do not accuse me of making anything harder on your wife. I love my union sisters out there in the field with us working hard.Construction is a hard field if you wish to provide for your family financially. It can be done and is done by many good dads who may not get to see thier kids enough or wife enough. Hopefully a manangement position or a degree will be involved in your future endeavors. I worked construction in college. Tough days with tough people… But it can be rewarding and lucrative.

Also I never said you do not provide for your family as a stay at home dad and no I do not think that either. Everything offends everyone these days… sheeshPerhaps you can then better define what you mean by provider husband… I still think you are focusing on the financial aspects of it. In which case the amount of money you earn is your value to your wife and kids. Yikes! Except that makes my wife probably a better “husband” than the vast majority of men… LOL What do you think my wife should do?.

If you feel your answers are offending, then you could work on better expressing your thoughts.
Hopefully you can answer some questions from this post and previous ones.,
Learning from others can help your own growth you know…

What will you do if the woman you marry is better educated and able to earn a substantial amount of money more than you? You seem to place a high value on YOUR earning potential, so what of hers?

 

[ThePCWife]

If you feel your answers are offending, then you could work on better expressing your thoughts.
Hopefully you can answer some questions from this post and previous ones.,
Learning from others can help your own growth you know…

What will you do if the woman you marry is better educated and able to earn a substantial amount of money more than you? You seem to place a high value on YOUR earning potential, so what of hers?

That is incredibly statistically rare, so planning on it is the male version of a young woman expecting her future husband to make a million a year. Most wives that outearn their husbands do so by a few hundred dollars a month, if that. It’s kind of a weird egalitarianism.

 

[PolarGuy]

What exactly is incredibly statistically rare? A woman who outearns her husband by more than a few dollars a month? Tell that to women doctors and lawyers who outearn their husbands.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

That is incredibly statistically rare, so planning on it is the male version of a young woman expecting her future husband to make a million a year. Most wives that outearn their husbands do so by a few hundred dollars a month, if that. It’s kind of a weird egalitarianism.

Well if the op stays in construction but marries a person with graduate degrees then the statistics become flip flopped don’t they? So maybe your point is don’t marry someone who can make more money than you if you are a guy.

No more dating out of your caste right?

 

[Allegra]

Well if the op stays in construction but marries a person with graduate degrees then the statistics become flip flopped don’t they? So maybe your point is don’t marry someone who can make more money than you if you are a guy.

No more dating out of your caste right?

My step-father is a carpenter and makes considerably more than many people with graduate degrees.