Is it acceptable to be a provider husband?

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Hoosier_Daddy said:
Well if the op stays in construction but marries a person with graduate degrees then the statistics become flip flopped don’t they? So maybe your point is don’t marry someone who can make more money than you if you are a guy. 🤷

No more dating out of your caste right?
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I will touch on your other post in a second. I will try to clear up some misunderstandings in what you seem to think I am saying. Because you got a lot of what I am saying absolutely WRONG. You also have a habit of putting words in my mouth.

I have been on dates with women with degrees that I out earn. Even graduate degrees. Teachers do not always make as much as construction workers and I have been on dates with more than one woman who worked in education in my past. I do not see myself clicking with a female scientist. Your point is not relevant to me.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I will touch on your other post in a second. I will try to clear up some misunderstandings in what you seem to think I am saying. Because you got a lot of what I am saying absolutely WRONG. You also have a habit of putting words in my mouth.

I have been on dates with women with degrees that I out earn. Even graduate degrees. Teachers do not always make as much as construction workers and I have been on dates with more than one woman who worked in education in my past. I do not see myself clicking with a female scientist. Your point is not relevant to me.
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So is your point that you would not “click” with someone who would out earn you? Is that a consideration or judgement you make on a woman?
You might want to not lead with that on a date…It is not really flattering when asking that while taking measurements to see if her hips are wide enough for childbirth…:rolleyes:

There is always someone who can earn more than you.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I will touch on your other post in a second. I will try to clear up some misunderstandings in what you seem to think I am saying. Because you got a lot of what I am saying absolutely WRONG. You also have a habit of putting words in my mouth.

I have been on dates with women with degrees that I out earn. Even graduate degrees. Teachers do not always make as much as construction workers and I have been on dates with more than one woman who worked in education in my past. I do not see myself clicking with a female scientist. Your point is not relevant to me.
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Have you been on dates with women that out earn you?

You know women that are dentists or pharmacists for example?

Is a woman out earning you a turn-off?
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
If you feel your answers are offending, then you could work on better expressing your thoughts.
Hopefully you can answer some questions from this post and previous ones.,
Learning from others can help your own growth you know…

What will you do if the woman you marry is better educated and able to earn a substantial amount of money more than you? You seem to place a high value on YOUR earning
potential, so what of hers?
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First of all, I could not care less who is offended by my answers on this particular thread. Sometimes I do care, on this one I do not.

If you say you are comfortable as a stay at home dad, more power to you. I do not know that and your defensiveness makes me question that. But whatever, why should you care? I am sure you don’t.

No, I will not be a stay at home dad if my future wife (God willing) earns more than me. I love my work. Maybe you could handle it but I could not. There are other options that I would check into before being a stay at home dad. If I absolutely had to, I would for a while maybe but not for a extended amount of time. I am a construction worker. It is what I do and what I love.

What do you think my understanding of a wife is? Do you purposely ignore me when I say that a wife can either be a worker or a stay at home mom. I used the word “Provider” even when describing a working mom out of habit. Sorry… I was raised by my Grandparents and my grandmother was a house wife. She always referred to my Grandfather as the provider. So when I said if a wife works and the husband stays at home, it means the wife is the "provider: I am not saying that you do nothing as a stay at home dad or are less important. So calm down about that. You are important too. Wives are important.

I tell myself all the time that if I am blessed with a family I will be a good provider. That takes nothing away from my future wife. YES, the old school way is that the man goes out and works and the wife was more likely to be a stay at home mom. You know this. I already said that now a days that can be reversed sometimes and I said that was okay and I have nothing against that. Just not for me. So, what is your problem with my view? You think I do not value women? That is quite a accusation… for your info I LOVE women and some women have more heart than men when it comes to providing for their children. Now are you offended that I called these women “Providers” because you feel it takes something away from you? You should not feel that way as I already said that a stay at home whatever, man or woman, is no less important. But what is wrong with my wanting to Go out everyday to work and be unselfish with everything I earn for my future family? That is what I mean when I said “Husband and provider go hand in hand” Yes, that is old school and there are more stay at home dads now. But I mean no offense to them though I see I have offended one.

I love construction. Don’t worry about my future es just like I dont worry about yours. Getting a management position in the future can mean MORE hours at work than being just a union grunt so it is not necessarily so that I would have more time for my kids and wife by becoming management and getting a degree. Tough days with tough people do not bother me because I happen to be one of those “Tough” people 😛 Not everyone can hang.

You think I am focused on the money part of it. I am focused on the “Take care of your family” part of it. Regardless if the person makes 100k a year or 20k a year. My grandfather made aboot 35k a year at retirement working 2 jobs. But the point was he was a good provider because he never let us starve, I always had clothes and a roof over my head and was very unselfish when it came to me and my Grandmother. He was a good man and good provider even though christmas presents and b-day gifts were humble, we never once took a family vacation and my clothes were cheap not designer brands. It did not matter how much money he made. He was unselfish and PROVIDED with what he did make. And I want to be like him. That is all. That takes nothing away from my Grandmother who was a house wife. She did a lot at home. I do not undervalue women whether they stay at home or work, though my guess is I wont convince you of that because I have already “offended” you.

I think your wife should do what she is doing if it works out good for your family.

p.s. sorry I could not get your entire last post in the quote. You put your replies in the same quote as my replies so that kind of messed that up and I did not want to copy and paste the whole thing again as I felt that would make this post even harder to read.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
First of all, I could not care less who is offended by my answers on this particular thread. Sometimes I do care, on this one I do not.

If you say you are comfortable as a stay at home dad, more power to you. I do not know that and your defensiveness makes me question that. But whatever, why should you care? I am sure you don’t.

No, I will not be a stay at home dad if my future wife (God willing) earns more than me. I love my work. Maybe you could handle it but I could not. There are other options that I would check into before being a stay at home dad. If I absolutely had to, I would for a while maybe but not for a extended amount of time. I am a construction worker. It is what I do and what I love.

What do you think my understanding of a wife is? Do you purposely ignore me when I say that a wife can either be a worker or a stay at home mom. I used the word “Provider” even when describing a working mom out of habit. Sorry… I was raised by my Grandparents and my grandmother was a house wife. She always referred to my Grandfather as the provider. So when I said if a wife works and the husband stays at home, it means the wife is the "provider: I am not saying that you do nothing as a stay at home dad or are less important. So calm down about that. You are important too. Wives are important.

I tell myself all the time that if I am blessed with a family I will be a good provider. That takes nothing away from my future wife. YES, the old school way is that the man goes out and works and the wife was more likely to be a stay at home mom. You know this. I already said that now a days that can be reversed sometimes and I said that was okay and I have nothing against that. Just not for me. So, what is your problem with my view? You think I do not value women? That is quite a accusation… for your info I LOVE women and some women have more heart than men when it comes to providing for their children. Now are you offended that I called these women “Providers” because you feel it takes something away from you? You should not feel that way as I already said that a stay at home whatever, man or woman, is no less important. But what is wrong with my wanting to Go out everyday to work and be unselfish with everything I earn for my future family? That is what I mean when I said “Husband and provider go hand in hand” Yes, that is old school and there are more stay at home dads now. But I mean no offense to them though I see I have offended one.

I love construction. Don’t worry about my future es just like I dont worry about yours. Getting a management position in the future can mean MORE hours at work than being just a union grunt so it is not necessarily so that I would have more time for my kids and wife by becoming management and getting a degree. Tough days with tough people do not bother me because I happen to be one of those “Tough” people 😛 Not everyone can hang.

You think I am focused on the money part of it. I am focused on the “Take care of your family” part of it. Regardless if the person makes 100k a year or 20k a year. My grandfather made aboot 35k a year at retirement working 2 jobs. But the point was he was a good provider because he never let us starve, I always had clothes and a roof over my head and was very unselfish when it came to me and my Grandmother. He was a good man and good provider even though christmas presents and b-day gifts were humble, we never once took a family vacation and my clothes were cheap not designer brands. It did not matter how much money he made. He was unselfish and PROVIDED with what he did make. And I want to be like him. That is all. That takes nothing away from my Grandmother who was a house wife. She did a lot at home. I do not undervalue women whether they stay at home or work, though my guess is I wont convince you of that because I have already “offended” you.

I think your wife should do what she is doing if it works out good for your family.

p.s. sorry I could not get your entire last post in the quote. You put your replies in the same quote as my replies so that kind of messed that up and I did not want to copy and paste the whole thing again as I felt that would make this post even harder to read.
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I think for the most part you are on the right track. But maturity and experience will probably hone your ideas.
 
Sarcelle said:
Have you been on dates with women that out earn you?

You know women that are dentists or pharmacists for example?

Is a woman out earning you a turn-off?
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I do not think I have been on a date with a woman that earned more than me. I seem to be attracted to teachers and teachers attracted to me and though some teachers have graduate degrees, I guess a lot of the ones around my age do not earn a extremely high amount of money for it. Maybe that will change as they get older, I dont know, I have no experience in the education field.

I would date a woman who out earned me but I admit I would wonder how it would work out if we got married one day lol. The question is would a woman be turned off by the fact that she out earns me?
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I think for the most part you are on the right track. But maturity and experience will probably hone your ideas.
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I told you that you misunderstood me and were putting words in my mouth that I never said.
You believe me now?

It is my experience that maturity and experience always hones my ideas and I hope it is the same for everyone else too.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I do not think I have been on a date with a woman that earned more than me. I seem to be attracted to teachers and teachers attracted to me and though some teachers have graduate degrees, I guess a lot of the ones around my age do not earn a extremely high amount of money for it. Maybe that will change as they get older, I dont know, I have no experience in the education field.

I would date a woman who out earned me but I admit I would wonder how it would work out if we got married one day lol. The question is would a woman be turned off by the fact that she out earns me?
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I highly doubt it.

I know several software engineers who are married to pharmacists and dentists and yes their wives out earn them. My cousin, also a software engineer is married to a pediatrician. This fact does not negatively affect their marriage.

Anyway I used to think that a person’s earnings defined who they were as a person. I got rid of this foolish notion when I underwent a series of job losses. Now I know better. There are times when you earn a lot and tough times where you don’t. You still remain the same person. An ethic for hard work and frugality will serve well especially in today’s dicey economy.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I told you that you misunderstood me and were putting words in my mouth that I never said.
You believe me now?

It is my experience that maturity and experience always hones my ideas and I hope it is the same for everyone else too.
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Slow your roll…:rolleyes:
 
Sarcelle said:
I highly doubt it.

I know several software engineers who are married to pharmacists and dentists and yes their wives out earn them. My cousin, also a software engineer is married to a pediatrician. This fact does not negatively affect their marriage.

Anyway I used to think that a person’s earnings defined who they were as a person. I got rid of this foolish notion when I underwent a series of job losses. Now I know better. There are times when you earn a lot and tough times where you don’t. You still remain the same person. An ethic for hard work and frugality will serve well especially in today’s dicey economy.
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Well said. I never though a persons earning defined who they were. I came from a lower middle class family and we were VERY ghetto. Also, it was not until my late 20’s that I even knew people my age that went to college. College for my friends was when you went to prison for the first time and made it back. I use to do construction labor for $8 a hour. Now I can actually make a living doing the work I love and I am thankful to God for that. Literally, everyday I thank God before going to work and after work for my job. I know I can lose it one day. I know with one economy crash, no more construction work in my county. Surviving depends on a lot more than just earning potential.

I do admit, sometimes it has been a bit intimidating to try to talk to women that I know have advanced degrees and I probably will never ask out a woman that I know is a doctor because I will probably just think “Why would she want to go out with me when she can date another doctor?”
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
So is your point that you would not “click” with someone who would out earn you? Is that a consideration or judgement you make on a woman?
You might want to not lead with that on a date…It is not really flattering when asking that while taking measurements to see if her hips are wide enough for childbirth…:rolleyes:

There is always someone who can earn more than you.
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Just caught this post. Fine… you caught me. I am a sexist, sexist man that expects my wife to be barefoot and pregnant. I will refrain from making any “Stay at home dad” jokes though in retaliation as you seem a bit sensitive 😉

I have not clicked with any yet, I do not know about the future.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Well said. I never though a persons earning defined who they were. I came from a lower middle class family and we were VERY ghetto. Also, it was not until my late 20’s that I even knew people my age that went to college. College for my friends was when you went to prison for the first time and made it back. I use to do construction labor for $8 a hour. Now I can actually make a living doing the work I love and I am thankful to God for that. Literally, everyday I thank God before going to work and after work for my job. I know I can lose it one day. I know with one economy crash, no more construction work in my county. Surviving depends on a lot more than just earning potential.

I do admit, sometimes it has been a bit intimidating to try to talk to women that I know have advanced degrees and I probably will never ask out a woman that I know is a doctor because I will probably just think “Why would she want to go out with me when she can date another doctor?”
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It can also be intimidating for a woman to try and talk to men with advanced degrees. I have dated men with Ph.D degrees in Physics and Chemistry. I also ask the same question, “Why would he want to go out with me when he can date another scientist and I’m just a mere engineer?”

I actually asked one of them and he mentioned that he liked me for me. He turned out to be a good and humble man. We eventually decided we were best just being friends but we are still good friends to this day.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Well said. I never though a persons earning defined who they were. I came from a lower middle class family and we were VERY ghetto. Also, it was not until my late 20’s that I even knew people my age that went to college. College for my friends was when you went to prison for the first time and made it back. I use to do construction labor for $8 a hour. Now I can actually make a living doing the work I love and I am thankful to God for that. Literally, everyday I thank God before going to work and after work for my job. I know I can lose it one day. I know with one economy crash, no more construction work in my county. Surviving depends on a lot more than just earning potential.

I do admit, sometimes it has been a bit intimidating to try to talk to women that I know have advanced degrees and I probably will never ask out a woman that I know is a doctor because I will probably just think “Why would she want to go out with me when she can date another doctor?”
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I think your priorities are a little skewed. However the self pitying is worrisome as well. That you think a woman who is a doctor would never go out with you shows a few things that you should consider.
  1. You assume everyone who is educated or prestigious is above you and could not find you attractive
  2. That you value these things a lot and you assume others do as well
  3. That the woman you would be interested in would not have qualities you so admire about others or yourself. In terms of the future this is a knock on the woman you will ultimately end up with. She could not be successful in the workforce because that kind of woman might be intimidating to you.
    4 that you undervalue yourself and may have a self esteem issue which can lead to s controlling relationship.
My daughters will probably end up better educated and earn more than the majority of men they will meet. I would hate it if nice holy men were uninterested in them because they were successful and educated and loved thier jobs.
I would hope in finding a mate, they find someone who helps them achieve heaven.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I think your priorities are a little skewed. However the self pitying is worrisome as well. That you think a woman who is a doctor would never go out with you shows a few things that you should consider.
  1. You assume everyone who is educated or prestigious is above you and could not find you attractive
  2. That you value these things a lot and you assume others do as well
  3. That the woman you would be interested in would not have qualities you so admire about others or yourself. In terms of the future this is a knock on the woman you will ultimately end up with. She could not be successful in the workforce because that kind of woman might be intimidating to you.
    4 that you undervalue yourself and may have a self esteem issue which can lead to s controlling relationship.
My daughters will probably end up better educated and earn more than the majority of men they will meet. I would hate it if nice holy men were uninterested in them because they were successful and educated and loved thier jobs.
I would hope in finding a mate, they find someone who helps them achieve heaven.
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If I have low self esteem it is something I have been working on most my life and I have made a lot of improvement. I do not think it is a big deal to say I think a woman doctor would be more likely interested in a higher educated man.

Now I am probably going to be controlling in a relationship? You are just throwing random stuff out there trying to offend me because I offended you. It wont work. Being controlling is not the example my Grandfather gave me growing up. For all your talk about maturity you are not showing me much
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Just caught this post. Fine… you caught me. I am a sexist, sexist man that expects my wife to be barefoot and pregnant. I will refrain from making any “Stay at home dad” jokes though in retaliation as you seem a bit sensitive 😉

I have not clicked with any yet, I do not know about the future.
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If you qualify as sexist for wanting your wife to be able to stay home with your children, and for you to be able to provide for your family on your income, then I am a sexist, too. I believe I have been blessed with the ideal arrangement. My husband goes out to work for a salary, and I get to stay home barefoot, in the kitchen, educating our children, very often pregnant or nursing or both. We could not practice ecological breastfeeding, or be able to parent our children in the way we feel is best for them, if I were to go out to work. So we have always made sacrifices to make it work. We have gone through it all with my husband’s work: job layoff, multiple relocations, unemployment, working two jobs, and him working in a different city from me and the kids. All for the sake of me being able to take care of our children. Some here on CAF have dismissed my contributions to these conversations, because they believe that we are obviously well-off, and therefore can easily make this work. I hesitated to state the real truth of it, that it has always been a challenge, but one worth meeting, because I don’t want to invite more discussion about my priorities. But I saw how you have described your viewpoint, and I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Just look for a woman who shares your values. Good luck!
 
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