Is it okay to ghost your parents?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Riman643
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

Riman643

Guest
My parents were born and married Catholic but failed as parents to raise their children in the faith. The aren’t true Catholics but rather phony Christians who believe all religion are equal and all the other mainstream liberal beliefs of the culture (including abortion, contraception, homosexual marriage). They don’t go to mass or worship at all. I am living with them for about another year until I get my degree and then I will be ghosting them. They have no interest in fulfilling their duties as Catholics, so I have no interest in a relationship with them. They would be terrible influences on any children I have as they were a terrible influence on me taking me out of the faith as a child. I can’t help but feel maybe I am bitter and that I am thinking about them in an unjust way but it is how I feel. I guess I’m looking for some thoughts/opinions? I pray for them but I no longer speak about Catholicism with them. They are appalled that I believe Catholicism is the most superior religion or that I call abortion and homosexuality sinful. They fall into the stupid “tolerance” crowd. So talking about the faith is not going to bear any fruit.
 
Riman643 said:
am living with them for about another year until I get my degree and then I will be ghosting them.
Click to expand...
So you are fine with living with them now when you need them, but not when you don’t?

Your tone towards your parents is very judgemental. Live your life according to your faith and lead by example. But Catholicism does not say to abandon anyone that doesn’t follow what you believe.

Why is it all or nothing for you?
 
Riman643 said:
They have no interest in fulfilling their duties as Catholics, so I have no interest in a relationship with them. They would be terrible influences on any children I have as they were a terrible influence on me taking me out of the faith as a child. I can’t help but feel maybe I am bitter and that I am thinking about them in an unjust way but it is how I feel. I guess I’m looking for some thoughts/opinions?
Click to expand...
Uh, yes, you sound bitter.

I understand you’re a recent revert. I think it can be tempting to want to surround yourself with only catholic stuff and people, but I think that’s a mistake. For one thing, that kind of self-isolating can make you burn out on the faith yourself. Second, it doesn’t help the people you might positively influence.

Your parents are flawed human beings. So am I and so are you. If you cut them out of your life because they don’t meet your purity test, you’re eventually going to have to do the same thing to basically every one else. You’re going to end up an extremely lonely, bitter guy.

You should love your parents. Be gracious to them. If you disagree on something, fine, but disagree without being nasty about it. If they see you become a resentful little hermit who refuses to interact with non-Catholics, I think that’s just going to drive them further away from the church.
 
I intend to pay them financially for what they have provided me, even though they won’t accept it. Whatever financially I owe them through the years I will pay them back. They will find it to be insulting but it is the right thing to do. I guess I feel betrayed that they took me away from the faith at a young age. I feel not being in the faith led to a lot of issues in my teens early 20s. If they weren’t Catholic maybe I wouldn’t feel this way. But these are people who took vows to raise their children in the faith and they flat out didn’t. I forgive them for being terrible parents. I haven’t said that to them directly because they would take offense. Until they seek forgiveness I really don’t see what positive influence they provide in my life.
 
Riman643 said:
I forgive them for being terrible parents
Click to expand...
No. No, you haven’t. And quite honestly, your attitude toward them is appalling. You need to get counseling from your priest because what you believe is not what Catholicism teaches. You have created some version of Catholicism in your head that is untrue and doesn’t exist.
 
Riman643 said:
They are appalled that I believe Catholicism is the most superior religion or that I call abortion and homosexuality sinful. They fall into the stupid “tolerance” crowd.
Click to expand...
So to help them see the superiority of Catholicism and how wonderful it is, you’re going to ghost them because they’re not worthy of your company because they’re not Catholic enough?
 
RolandThompsonGunner said:
You should love your parents. Be gracious to them. If you disagree on something, fine, but disagree without being nasty about it. If they see you become a resentful little hermit who refuses to interact with non-Catholics, I think that’s just going to drive them further away from the church.
Click to expand...
I do love them and I feel ghosting them maybe a tough love thing but it also affects me emotionally so I fully admit it may be an irrational thought. I feel thankful for what they provide me but I would think they would disagree I am entirely gracious and they probably would have a point. It’s hard to have any disagreement or discussion because just by having a firm stance on an issue such as abortion causes them offense. It’s not that I only want to be with and interact with inly Catholics, it’s that I want separate myself from people who claim to be Catholic but are no such thing and failed as parents to raise me and my siblings in the faith.
 
Riman643 said:
I do love them and I feel ghosting them maybe a tough love thing but it also affects me emotionally so I fully admit it may be an irrational thought.
Click to expand...
It is. I’d understand wanting some distance if you had an abusive childhood or something, but you’re essentially shutting your parents out for not being part of the Cool Kids Club.
 
The first thing I’ll say to you is that when you move out, you will realise how much your parents have done for you. And I hope that when you do, you will be able to communicate that to them. Take the hardness out of your heart.

How long ago did you revert? I agree with @RolandThompsonGunner, your zeal will eventually burn you out if you suck Catholicism in and radiate anger back out.
Riman643 said:
I feel not being in the faith led to a lot of issues in my teens early 20s.
Click to expand...
I feel you’re displacing this onto your parents. You think if they had raised you Catholic, these issues wouldn’t have occurred. It’s not good to play ‘what if’ - it messes with your mind. I’m guessing they don’t know this is what you’re thinking?

@Riman643, I think you need to look into counseling. You won’t solve these ‘what ifs’ by cutting off your parents and focusing on your faith. You’ll solve them by working through them, and opening up to your parents.
 
I’m not going to say that I know what you are feeling, but I’ve had issues with resenting my parents and family for not being firmly committed Catholics as well. Kind of like, "maybe my life would have been better with less tragedy and better direction, had they all just been on the same page with God and The Church ". It took some time to get past that for me. What I came to realize is, resentment and anger and dissatisfaction and disappointment with my family is terribly agitating to my heart. I dont think I was closer to God when I felt this way. After gaining some confidence in myself and deepening my faith, I was able to let go of the resentment and feel a deeper love and compassion for my family. I know I’m closer to God when I feel this way, as opposed to before. I didn’t mean to make this about me either, I just felt some familiarity in your question. I hope I was of some help. Thank you for your question and God bless you.
 
OP, you are not obligated to be super-duper close with your parents as an adult, but always keep the door open. I understand the resentment: I resent my parents for a lot of things that they failed to do that would have prevented a lot of the unnecessary struggles I have had growing up. But, they and your parents are not uniquely terrible in that regard. I talk a lot with a friend my age about the various failures of our parents and the various gaps it left in our lives that we had to fill on our own as a result. We concluded that most people don’t have good or bad parents: most just have “meh” parents. They take care of our physical needs and love us unconditionally, but don’t take an active role in our development as well-adjusted individuals. They seem convinced that either the school will raise us for them or, if the conditions are right, we will just turn out okay anyway.

Anyway, I don’t think being lackluster is reason enough to cut off a parent. They are just being the average human being and I wouldn’t really fault someone too much for being. Just resolve to do better for your kids.
 
It’s hardly ever ok to ghost anyone but especially your parents.
You seem very critical of them. Maybe you could talk to your priest about it.
 
Riman643 said:
The aren’t true Catholics but rather phony Christians
Click to expand...
It is not our place to judge someone’s faith.
Riman643 said:
They have no interest in fulfilling their duties as Catholics, so I have no interest in a relationship with them.
Click to expand...
Huh, so that commandment to honor your parents is not part of your “true” Catholicism? What about loving your enemies, doing good to those who treat you badly?

When did Christ tell us to “remind people yours is the superior religion”?

What about being salt and light?

Remember Luke chapter 18:

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector.

He then addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else.

“Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.

The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, ‘O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity—greedy, dishonest, adulterous—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’

But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, ‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner.’

I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
 
Riman643 said:
I forgive them for being terrible parents. I haven’t said that to them directly because they would take offense. Until they seek forgiveness I really don’t see what positive influence they provide in my life.
Click to expand...
Just . . . wow! Yes, I hope they would take offense. Your attitude is appalling. It seems from your posts that it has never even occurred to you that they might have done the best they knew how, has it?
Since you want to present yourself as ever-so-much-more-Catholic than they are, perhaps a little time meditating on the Beatitudes would be appropriate. And researching writing of the saints on pride and arrogance wouldn’t be amiss, either.

Meanwhile, since you think they are such terrible people, you should move out right now. Using them financially certainly isn’t proving to them how much better a person you are.
 
Last edited:
Just . . . wow! Yes, I hope they would take offense. Your attitude is appalling.
Click to expand...
Isn’t breaking a vow in marriage and keeping your kids from the faith appalling? Maybe my attitude isn’t the best but isn’t keeping their kids from God and having a foundation in the faith among the worst things Catholic parents could do.
It seems from your posts that it has never even occurred to you that they might have done the best they knew how, has it?
Click to expand...
They might have, but when I press them to answer some of these questions they refuse to admit they did anything wrong. If they admit their mistakes I cannot fault them as we all make them.
Since you want to present yourself as ever-so-much-more-Catholic than they are, perhaps a little time meditating on the Beatitudes would be appropriate.
Click to expand...
I’m not trying to be “more” Catholic than anyone. I just expect other Catholics to admit they are wrong when provided sources, which I have done many times with my folks. Still they don’t listen. Also, I’m unaware of the beatitudes. Could you inform me on what those are please?
Meanwhile, since you think they are such terrible people, you should move out right now. Using them financially certainly isn’t proving to them how much better a person you are.
Click to expand...
I’m not trying to show them I’m better than them by any means. They just refuse to admit they are in the wrong.
 
Riman643 said:
Isn’t breaking a vow in marriage and keeping your kids from the faith appalling? Maybe my attitude isn’t the best but isn’t keeping their kids from God and having a foundation in the faith among the worst things Catholic parents could do.
Click to expand...
Do you think they did that maliciously? Do you think maybe they just weren’t well catechized themselves? Maybe they find your sudden new religious sensibility bewildering and dont know what to do when you start quoting church documents at them.

I get the sense you want to blame your parents for the sins you commit as an adult. Be more understanding of them. I’m sure you haven’t been a perfect son either.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top