Is it okay to ghost your parents?

[OurLadyofSorrows]

Yet strangely, you are a practicing pious Catholic, how did that happen if your parents failed?

 

[Riman643]

Yet strangely, you are a practicing pious Catholic, how did that happen if your parents failed?

Because after a miserable teenage and early adult life Christ called me back to the Church, all which could have been avoided had my parents fulfilled their vows. They lied before God and did not center their life around him. If I was the bishop of my diocese, I would excommunicate them. It seems like that would be the only action to help them. Giving them no relation with their son seems like the next best thing.

 

[OurLadyofSorrows]

Because after a miserable teenage and early adult life Christ called me back to the Church, all which could have been avoided had my parents fulfilled their vows. They lied before God and did not center their life around him. If I was the bishop of my diocese, I would excommunicate them. It seems like that would be the only action to help them. Giving them no relation with their son seems like the next best thing.

Here is an idea, Stop reflecting inward on how badly you were raised,

Start asking yourself what you can do to bring Christ to your parents and others.

Start praying and studying the Gospels and tuning into Mass until we can again attend.
Christ called you back, at what age?
We are all sinners . Even you, never forget that.

You cannot judge others, that is for God alone. Fulfill your duties with a few of the Commandments you are currently disregarding.
speaking badly of people
dishonouring your parents

Be thankful you found God as a young adult, not bitter about how badly you imagine your parents to be.

 

[Lou2U]

Because after a miserable teenage and early adult life Christ called me back to the Church, all which could have been avoided had my parents fulfilled their vows. They lied before God and did not center their life around him. If I was the bishop of my diocese, I would excommunicate them. It seems like that would be the only action to help them. Giving them no relation with their son seems like the next best thing.

Hurting them will not bring you any kind of closure. It just means all your anger and resentment will fester. It will poison you.

Please talk to a counselor about how you’re feeling.

 

[Riman643]

Start asking yourself what you can do to bring Christ to your parents and others.

I honestly think ghosting them would be the best action to bring them to Christ. It will show them the same pain it did to me by not raising me in the faith.

Start praying and studying the Gospels and tuning into Mass until we can again attend.

I read the Bible daily and watch daily mass.

Christ called you back, at what age?

21

We are all sinners . Even you, never forget that.

Yes. Except I will admit I sinned. My parents won’t

You cannot judge others, that is for God alone. Fulfill your duties with a few of the Commandments you are currently disregarding.

I can judge whether they will be good to be in my life. I won’t dare speak on the state of their souls because that is God’s knowledge but what I do know is that they lie to God and don’t keep their vows.

speaking badly of people
dishonouring your parents

I am speaking of how they neglected raising their children in the Church and lied to God. That isn’t speaking badly, just speaking facts. And it is impossible to dishonor someone who has no honor. And when it comes to the faith they have zero.

I am starting to wonder if people on this forum are even Catholic. I’m getting raked over the coals yet people are defending my parents who broke vows before God and yet somehow I’m the bad guy? I feel very taken aback and disappointed at the reaction I’ve been getting. This forum really helped me out getting back into the faith but are really letting me down with support. I thought this could be one of the only places I could get that but I was greatly mistaken.

 

[LilyM]

Start asking yourself what you can do to bring Christ to your parents and others.

You have literally said here that you want to inflict pain on your parents because they inflicted pain on you.

How does that exactly square with following Christ when you consider how He behaved towards those who beat him, whipped Him, nailed Him to a cross and then mocked Him.while He was dying? Did He murmur a single word against any of them,let alone expeess any wish to inflict pain on them?

 

[dollysro]

I have to say you are a bit of an askhole.
You ask for advice when what you want is validation.

 

[Riman643]

You have literally said here that you want to inflict pain on your parents because they inflicted pain on you.

I don’t want to inflict pain on them, but they haven’t repented and started practicing again. This is an action that will show them the same pain that it brought me. I don’t want to hurt them but they are leaving me little choice. I tried to get them to revert back but they have ignored me.

How does that exactly square with following Christ when you consider how He behaved towards those who beat him, whipped Him, nailed Him to a cross and then mocked Him.while He was dying? Did He murmur a single word against any of them,let alone expeess any wish to inflict pain on them?

Except I’m not trying to inflict pain. If right now they came and told me “We were wrong. We are reconverting back to the faith and we apologize that we failed to raise you in the faith.” I would forgive them in a heartbeat and pray to God that they never feel the pain I felt as a young adult because of the lack of Christ in my life. Unfortunately, I don’t think they will do that.

 

[Lou2U]

You cannot make them revert, and it isn’t your job to try and make them revert. Knowing them as you do, you know that it’s incredibly unrealistic that they’re suddenly going to change into the parents you think you ought to have had. You need to work to forgiving them and letting go of your pain without any change on their part, because more than likely they are not going to act the way you want.

OP, you said in a previous post on this thread that you may be thinking irrationally about ghosting them. Please, talk to a counselor about these thoughts.

 

[LilyM]

You have literally said here that you want to inflict pain on your parents because they inflicted pain on you.

You didn’t really answer the question. Jesus was brutally tortured and killed. Did He even breathe a single syllable of any sort about “showing pain” to those who were doing so? Even though (apart from the Good Thief and the Centurion) they showed no signs of repentance and many just the opposite?

 

[JulianN]

I don’t want to inflict pain on them, but they haven’t repented and started practicing again. This is an action that will show them the same pain that it brought me. I don’t want to hurt them but they are leaving me little choice. I tried to get them to revert back but they have ignored me.

After reading this, I want to ask you to reflect on something sincerely. Not answer it here in the forum, but really pray about it.

When you say you have “Christ in your life,” what does that really mean? And how does it comport with what you wrote?

As @dollysro said, does this sound like the Christ who suffered and died on the cross while forgiving those who “knew not what they did”?

You are contemplating inflicting unimaginable pain on your parents for something they clearly did not do deliberately to hurt you, and for genuine convictions they still hold. (Whether you agree with those convictions is irrelevant—they are as entitled to them as you are to yours). Does doing this really sound like having Christ in your life?

 

[Peeps]

I honestly think ghosting them would be the best action to bring them to Christ. It will show them the same pain it did to me by not raising me in the faith.

This is so contrary to what Jesus our Lord taught and lived!

He said that if someone asks for your coat, give him your cloak as well. If someone asks you to walk a mile with them, walk two! And turn the other cheek–that means if someone hits you one cheek, allow them to hit you on the other cheek!

Oh, my goodness, is this the way you will choose to handle every injustice that is done to you? If someone commits a violent act against you (e.g., vandalism of your house or car), will you go out and commit the same violent act against them? Do you honestly think that this response will “bring them to Christ?”

It won’t work. Doing evil against others will in all likelihood turn them against Christ and His Church.

Please go to a counselor. Ask the counselor to help you work through your anger and resentment against your parents. There is a good possibility that the counselor may advise you to distance yourself for a little while from your parents, not to convince them to follow Christ, but to allow your mind and heart to heal and get over your anger and bitterness.

If you are still living at home, it’s possible that the cost of the counselor will be covered by your parents insurance (I believe the cut-off age in the U.S. is 26 years old, and I think you are not any older than that).

And I totally agree with others on this board who say that you need to move out and stop depending on your parents, whom you clearly despise. It is just evil for you to smile and accept their help while you are harboring such intense anger and bitterness towards them in your secret heart. At least be honest and tell them how you feel about them and that you plan on never seeing or talking to them again after you are able to move out. Allow them the privilege of hearing and seeing just how much you despise them and hold it against them for your religious past. Give them a chance to face the monster who is living with them, although it sounds to me like they probably already know how much you despise them and yet–they continue to allow you to live with them and they continue to pay your expenses. That’s the way some people express love and caring–by meeting physical needs! Accept them for who they are and stop being resentful that they aren’t your dream parents!

Bitterness is an awful sin that, if you do not rid yourself of, will destroy you and eventually destroy your relationship with Jesus and His Church. You will live through something that you feel Jesus should have fixed (e.g., getting let go from a job, or being diagnosed with a physical ailment) or the Church should have helped you with (e.g., being unemployed, or being sick and lonely), and because you have trained yourself to accept bitterness as a “good response” to your pain, the bitterness will cause you to grow to hate Jesus and the Church, and you will “ghost” Him and His Church.

Please get some help.

 

[Psalm30]

I don’t want to inflict pain on them, but they haven’t repented and started practicing again. This is an action that will show them the same pain that it brought me. I don’t want to hurt them but they are leaving me little choice. I tried to get them to revert back but they have ignored me.

This is so incredibly contradictory to Christianity. If you think this is how a Catholic Christian should handle someone who doesn’t practice the Faith, you are so, so far off the mark it’s terrifying, quite frankly. You are as “phony” a Christian as you say your parents are.

They lied before God and did not center their life around him. If I was the bishop of my diocese, I would excommunicate them. It seems like that would be the only action to help them. Giving them no relation with their son seems like the next best thing.

Are you kidding me??? This is so incredibly arrogant! The Church herself doesn’t excommunicate people who don’t raise their kids Catholic after getting married in the Church! Now you’re cutting off contact because it’s akin to the Church excommunicating them when the Church herself wouldn’t do that! You think you know better than the Church. Please, read up on the sin of pride and how it’s the root of all other sins.

Except I’m not trying to inflict pain. If right now they came and told me “We were wrong. We are reconverting back to the faith and we apologize that we failed to raise you in the faith.” I would forgive them in a heartbeat and pray to God that they never feel the pain I felt as a young adult because of the lack of Christ in my life. Unfortunately, I don’t think they will do that.

What you describe is emotional blackmail. “Start going to church or I won’t talk to you.” That’s not the way a Christian behaves toward people who have wronged them or who have lapsed in the Faith. Once again, this attitude and behavior of yours make you like the phony Catholics you think your parents are. If you can’t see that, you need help.

 

[Fauken]

I am starting to wonder if people on this forum are even Catholic. I’m getting raked over the coals yet people are defending my parents who broke vows before God and yet somehow I’m the bad guy?

Are you reading what you’re saying?

No one here has said it was a good thing your parents didn’t get raised Catholic, and no one would say it’s a good thing. You asked us if it’s okay to ghost your parents. So that is the question we’re answering.

You’re getting “raked across the coals” because you are the one claiming to have the moral high ground while simultaneously saying things not indicative of it, and how you’re going to cut them out of your life and inflict tremendous pain upon them because they basically aren’t Catholic enough. Ironically, you’re now questioning our Catholicity because we don’t meet your standards. Do you honestly think that non-Catholics would spend their time on a forum whose primary purpose is to defend the truths of the Catholic faith so they can pretend they’re Catholic? Does that sound rational to you? Of course it’s not. You know it’s not. So why then would you say something this? Since you’d excommunicate your own parents over their behavior, would you going to excommunicate me because I’m not Catholic enough to you?

They lied before God and did not center their life around him. If I was the bishop of my diocese, I would excommunicate them.

Does it not worry you that you know what excommunication is and how it’s the most severe judicial punishment in the Church (because that’s why you picked it), but you didn’t know what the Beatitudes were until this topic?

I’m a convert to the Church. I was received into the Church when I was 22, just a little older than you when you reverted. Only, unlike you, I had zero Sacraments. I got them all on Easter Vigil. I made my baptismal promises as an adult. I made them myself. And let me tell you, I’ve lied before God. I have not made Him the center of my life. I have violated the promises I made to reject sin. But I doubt you’d say I should be excommunicated because of it. You’d say because I’m sorry for it. But how’s that better? Why should I not be held to a higher standard than your parents, and thus be excommunicated in your eyes?

I suggest you go read the story of St. Monica and her son St. Augustine. I’m not recommending her so you can point at her and say, “See! That’s how my parents should have been!” That’s how all parents should be. That misses the point. The point is to demonstrate how St. Monica dealt with her non-Catholic son, who engaged in all sorts of debauchery and heresy. Compare her behavior to yours. And then ask yourself why you’re not being a St. Monica to your parents.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

If I was the bishop of my diocese, I would excommunicate them.

No, you wouldn’t. You don’t seem to know much about this faith you’ve rediscovered other than how it might be used as a stick to beat your parents.

 

[Irishmom2]

I think you need professional help to sort through your feelings of bitterness and entitlement. And I think you need to spend time with a priest, or go through adult Catechism classes, because you have a totally skewed idea of Catholicism and of what it means.

Excommunication for your parents? You clearly have no concept of when that would happen. Please use all of your zealous energy to truly learn what some of the things you say mean before speaking.

Please, make an appointment with your priest and print out this thread. Because he will be shocked by some of the things you have said, not only about your parents, but about how you view Catholicism. I know atheists, agnostics and Jewish people on this site that have a better grasp and understanding of Catholicism than what you have expressed here.